Consuming great works while struggling with depression. (New thoughts edit-2/27/09)

Loganator456

I've got a new question, and it is somewhat personal, and I'd like to have some of your opinions.

I want to watch Neon Genesis Evangelion. I know it is a very heavy show, and so forth. I only have one thing keeping me from seeing the show. I am 15, but I consider myself to be more mature than I otherwise might be at my age (and that is not just my own opinion), so please keep that into consideration. For the past 6 months, I have been struggling with clinical depression and moderate anxiety. It has made me more sensitive to things in general, and I find myself weeping and in that sort of in-awe, quiet, and sensitive mood (I hope you know what I am talking about, I'm %100 sure that you all have experienced it) after you have finish consuming a great work even after something that would otherwise be touching, but not tear-inducing (like the ending of Steel Angel Kurumi and Ai Yori Aoshi). Before I watch the series though, I want to make sure that I will be able to deal with it.

Watching a great show (especially a very heavy show) is bound to make some people emotional at the end. Of course, anyone who is struggling with depression, anxiety, or other emotional problems is going to be more emotional and more sensitive at those times. So I have a question:

Should I watch this show? What do you think? How were you able to handle it? Do you think I will be able to deal with it?

Thanks, and I hope to have some support and support other here in this forum who may be going (or have gone through) through a similar situation.

WindUpBird

I read/watched/listened to a lot of stuff like that last school year, a period during which I was extremely depressed. I would say that NGE has enough going for it at the end to not crush your spirit. Make you a little uncomfortable, maybe, but it won't make you weep.

Oh, I recommend staying away from Neutral Milk Hotel's album "In the Aeroplane Over the Sea." That messed me up for a few days when I first listened to it.

Loganator456

Yeah, I hope so. I'm just so unsure because I've become extremely sensitive to things. I've lost my taste for metal, and a lot of other things. Things that might make someone a little uncomfortable would probably make a really uncomfortable, but only in the cases of plots/stories like Eva and others. I could still watch the most horrible hentai/2girls1cup/goatse all day long and it wouldn't phase me. Just the kinda stuff that tugs on the heartstrings or the brain affect me more. I guess it's just stories with characters that I become emotionally attached to (like I'm sure Eva does).

EDIT: That album doesn't really seem all that bad, and I've took a small peek at some of the lyrics...

Sail

One of my best friends had to miss an entire semester last year because she was having depression problems. I remember I had lent her some Jhonen Vasquez comics right before she first attempted suicide and worried that I had set it all into motion by having her read them.

But things simply do not work that way. Evangelion will not make you suicidal. It's a cerebral action show with comedic elements. Just like how talking about your depression with a friend doesn't make you suicidal, watching depressing anime won't make you suicidal. Depression comes internally, not externally.

You should listen to In The Aeroplane Over The Sea, too. It's stunning.

[Edit] It should also be noted all the movies my friend watched while she was stuck at home with nothing to do. Everything from Silence of the Lambs to Grave of the Fireflies. Seriously. You're gonna be fine. It might even be a good escape from your problems.

Loganator456

I'm not afraid it will make me suicidal. I'm sure that there is no doubt that I will enjoy Eva. I enjoy most anime that I watch. I become attached to it while I watch it. My only concern is that with Eva being the great but heavy show it is, that it will be harder to deal with my emotions during it.

Walker

Just like how talking about your depression with a friend doesn't make you suicidal, watching depressing anime won't make you suicidal.

I think he's just worried that certain things might affect him more than they're worth, as he didn't really mention suicide. Depression just puts you in a very fragile state, emotionally speaking.

Omnutia

Simple solution: One episode of Eva, two chapters of Yotsuba. You may get some odd plot mix-ups in your mind.

Loganator456

Just like how talking about your depression with a friend doesn't make you suicidal, watching depressing anime won't make you suicidal.

I think he's just worried that certain things might affect him more than they're worth, as he didn't really mention suicide. Depression just puts you in a very fragile state, emotionally speaking.

Exactly. Thanks, another problem that I have is trying to put my feelings and thoughts into words.

Should I watch it now or should I wait until I sort things out both mentally and emotionally?

Sail

I'm not afraid it will make me suicidal. I'm sure that there is no doubt that I will enjoy Eva. I enjoy most anime that I watch. I become attached to it while I watch it. My only concern is that with Eva being the great but heavy show it is, that it will be harder to deal with my emotions during it.

Then watch it! Sorry if this sounds insensitive, but what's to deal with? If you're sure you'll enjoy it, then it can't even ruin your day. So what if you cry? So what if you feel down for the characters? What are you going to lose? You only have the experience of watching the show to gain, and feeling for characters is part of that experience.

Seriously, you're going to watch the first few episodes and feel silly for even worrying.

Apreche

It should be interesting to experience a work while depressed, then experience it again when you are not. Being able to compare the differences in the experience would be pretty awesome.

Loganator456

I'm not afraid it will make me suicidal. I'm sure that there is no doubt that I will enjoy Eva. I enjoy most anime that I watch. I become attached to it while I watch it. My only concern is that with Eva being the great but heavy show it is, that it will be harder to deal with my emotions during it.

Then watch it! Sorry if this sounds insensitive, but what's to deal with? If you're sure you'll enjoy it, then it can't even ruin your day. So what if you cry? So what if you feel down for the characters? What are you going to lose? You only have the experience of watching the show to gain, and feeling for characters is part of that experience.

Seriously, you're going to watch the first few episodes and feel silly for even worrying.

Thanks. That put some of it in perspective. I really feel somewhat better about it.

All I've watched of the series is episode 9, the kiss scene with Shinji and Asuka, and the first minute or so of End of Evangelion. I don't think I've spoiled too much. I did listen to the Geeknights episode about it, but I can't remember it at all nor do I think I paid enough attention to it, other then "Eva is great. Watch it. Also, awesome plot with lots of psychological stuff."

Apreche

Also, the guy direct Eva had mental problems a lot worse than yours while he was making it. He's alive today, so...

Loganator456

Well, I'm about to start episode 10 tommorow, and *possible spoilers*

"I've really enjoyed it so far. The part at the end of episode 6 where Rei smiles made me smile, and so did the upbeat beginning of episode 7."

WindUpBird

You should listen to InThe Aeroplane Over The Sea, too. It's stunning.

Oh no, I don't debate that, and I think he should listen to it; it's one of my favorite albums. I just remember listening to "Two-Headed Boy" and "King of Carrot Flowers" for the first time while miserably depressed and sleep-deprived, sobbing, falling asleep, and being fucked up for a week. I recommend savoring it in small servings.

Watch some Cromartie as a chaser if an episode really gets you down.

Loganator456

Thanks everyone, I'll give it a listen.

kiwi_bird

I've honestly never heard of any one under 30 having a depression. My friends are all pretty weird, yet none of them have ever had a depression.

Is it really that common?

gomidog

Fairly, yes.

Omnutia

As far as I here, depression is pretty common around late teens, early twenties.

YoshoKatana

In the whole innocence vs. experience business, I say always vie for experience. If you become attached to the characters in some media, that's a good thing. The only thing to worry about with regards to emotions is dealing with other people. When you're alone, you don't have to even think about that.

So, yes. Watch, read, experience. If something tugs at your heart, all the better. Also, that Yotsuba suggestion is golden.

Loganator456

I finished it this morning, and I enjoyed it. I really liked where the show went, although I didn't like it was much as I expected (more like wanted) to. The show itself, aside from any of my opinions on it, was indeed fantastic and a high quality show. Surprisingly, I didn't cry, although a few moments in the show were tough. The ending was ok in my opinion, but this is definitely something that I will need to rewatch later on. I also saw End of Evangelion, and I don't know whether I liked it or the original ending better. I felt sometimes like I accidentally skipped a couple of things here and there, and some of the tougher moments of the show might now have carried the same impact to me had I been paying %100 attention. It was worth watching, though.

What's weird is that I've noticed a trend in the kind of anime I like. When an anime has a very open-ended ending (like Eva), I tend not to be as satisfied (or satisfied at all) as I would if it were something like happily ever after. Of course, Eva did a good enough job that I didn't feel let down, but in a lot of lesser-quality anime, open-endedness could really kill the show for me. I don't know if its just my depression that tends to make me feel that way, either. It's like I get a bad feeling something happened when I didn't really imagine any depressing scenario in-particular. As cliche as it is, in most anime I would prefer a "happily ever after" scenario, or just an absolute scenario at the end. Hmm. It's almost like being jaded when you really aren't.

I'm glad I got introduced me to such a great and interesting show.

EDIT: Now on to some happy shows, because Eva definitely wasn't something to lift your spirits if you were having a bad day. I think I'm gonna start watching Ah! My Goddess next.

EDIT #2: I don't want to bump the thread any, but I feel as if anyone looking at this thread later on should know my true feelings about it having viewed it longer than a month or two ago.

As earlier stated, I'm suffering from clinical depression, so I tend to avoid anime that would make me depressed. This also will make my reasoning sound pretty irrational, but I can't help it. Lots of meta-physical/phycological/introspective stuff are some of the many things that make me depressed.

Now, I can appreciate Eva in the way of 'That anime influenced anime even today and was a deep and well thought-out and produced anime'. However, there is a fine difference between something being a good anime and something being an anime that you like. Eva, for me, falls into the category of "I didn't like it.". The reason is simple: It made me extremely depressed. I didn't even cry, I just felt like shit, and so depressed I didn't know what to do. Now, a lot of Eva stuff I try to avoid because I know it will make me depressed. Now, I'm not saying that Eva was bad- Eva was a very well-produced, interesting and good anime; it just made me depressed, I just personally didn't like it and I have a lot of negative associations with it because of that reason. Now, will I like it come a time when I am not suffering from depression? Who knows. But I sure don't now, and I would want somebody in a similar situation as me watching it.

Kate Monster

I think that "consuming media" or appreciating/experiencing a work - as I like to call it - can be therapeutic, even if it is "heavier". In fact, super up-beat shows always rang hallow with me, particularly in my harder times. I have always found that true, lasting, deep joy comes with a tincture of pain, hardship, etc.
Having known darkness, I can now truly know light.
If you are so unstable and sensitive at the moment that you could be triggered to harm yourself or others, then you may need to be taken out of the general population for a bit to heal.