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Over confident geeks vs. Under confident geeks
Browsing these forums, I've noticed a natural disparity between two types of geeks. I've found myself encountering many more of the first kind, and less and less of the second kind. I weigh far more into the second kind, and I think a few others on these forums know what that feels like. But I've noticed more people on these forums showing extreme confidence, and therefore having trouble relating to those of us who are under confident. I find it strange that people with such similar interests, backgrounds, and intelligence can have such disparities in their confidence level, and that it hinders us from having successful understanding of one another at times.
I'm not really sure how to approach this, or what exactly I'm asking for...But it does seem like an idea worth confronting.
I'm not really sure how to approach this, or what exactly I'm asking for...But it does seem like an idea worth confronting.
Comments
And the main problem I notice is the over confident criticizing the under confident as "emo." I'm sure the under confident have also made similar generalizations about the over confident.
It's not that we don't understand, it's that we've already been over all that, and it's sometimes frustrating when someone else is still going through it. I try to remember compassion as often as possible, but sometimes, I forget.
EDIT: Here's the take-home message. You're under-confident because you're young, inexperienced, and unsure of yourself. Grab the world by the balls and learn how to live, and you'll grow a steel spine.
The negative consequence of being under-confident is that you will miss opportunities do to lack of attempt.
One of these results in fulfillment of potential, the other does not.
John Wooden was the UCLA basketball coach. He is considered one of, if not the, greatest coach ever, period. Not just basketball coach, anything coach. He says that the definition of success is not winning or losing, but fulfilling your potential. If you do the best that you can do, then you have succeeded. Everyone is different, and has different levels of ability. Even though only one can win, in a tournament at least, it is still possible for everyone to succeed.
Lack of confidence is a direct impediment to success. Even if your maximum potential is low, having low confidence will simply result in you doing and being less than what you could be. Where are the successful people who were not confident? The few that exists were simply lucky. That's not something you want to bet on.
If your confidence is low, step it up.
Here is Jon Wooden's TED Talk.
But the problem doesn't seem to be that cut and dry. I've seen over confident teens on this forum, as well, people who clearly never grew out of under confidence, or are simply hiding behind a veil like loltsundere pointed out.
I understand that being under confident has plenty bad effects. That's not really what I'm getting at here. The fact is, some people are naturally under confident, and this won't change. I am probably one of those people, although only time will tell. My point is that there is a real separation in communication between the under confident and over confident. That's what I find interesting.
Nevertheless, what you say about confidence is true, so thanks for that, even though it doesn't really help me individually.
What Pete said is true. I was also extremely low on confidence once. It's still a battle for me in some areas. Yet still, when I see someone closer to my age who's perceived as being wimpy about an issue I struggled to overcome, impatience usually overtakes compassion.
Also, as I've told many people, the idea of being confident is illogical. You say that I have control, and that I should just be confident. But in order to be confident, I have to have confidence. They're almost two separate things. Needless to say, I don't have confidence in myself, and therefore I can't be confident. It's not a matter of just being confident, because that would be false. I don't believe in myself most of the time, not by choice, but by nature.
Edit: Also, being under confident doesn't stop me from striving towards my goals. I still work towards them, I'm just doubtful that I'll succeed like I want to a lot of the time. For some things this isn't the case, but...Yeah...
But I do think you're right about the faking confidence part, and I don't see how that can help. I feel it's more healthy to live honestly, but still try to do things even if you think you're going to fail. I suppose I'm a contradiction by putting a lot of effort into things that I'm not confident about. Like I said, I still try, I'm just never sure that I'll make it through, and am usually pretty convinced of the opposite. It's under confident pessimism.
You're wrong. It is a choice. It might be a deep subconscious choice, but it's a choice nonetheless. It's easier to defeat yourself before you even try something. Trust me, I know.
Honestly, you need to get more experience in the world. Meet more people. Listen to their stories. Try to get inside their heads. You'll find that everyone, at some point or another, suffered from a lack of confidence. It's a universal human trait. Perseverance is the key to overcoming it.
EDIT: You're perfectly showing the single over-arching characteristic of all low self-confidence people: self-centering. It's good to be self-centered in some respects, don't get me wrong; however, you're making it out like you're the only person who's ever suffered a lack of confidence.
It's all about getting perspectives that aren't your own. Do that, learn a lot about how other people are, and try to figure it out in that context. You'll be surprised just how many people you peg as being over-confident are really under-confident people. The douchebag who starts a fight at a concert? He's far less confident than the guy who's breaking up the fight, and less confident than the guy who brushes him off.
I didn't really want to argue about my under confidence, because there's almost no argument to be had. It's a fundamental difference in the way we view things, only changeable by experience.
Anyways...
For me confidence is a constant battle. I have to keep remembering to avoid thinking about myself too much (a tough thing when I'm stuck in the boonies) and to avoid holding people above myself (which is what the first post seems to be about). I'm always re-evaluating my abilities and improving myself, and no matter what the situation I drive into it head on without entertaining the idea of holding back. I'm hardly ever confident about it; I'm scared of almost everything, and I tear myself apart about every decision. I'm just hoping I can brute force that until that goes away.
You see, you gotta understand that Bruce Wayne isn't your secret Identity, Batman is. Just get rid of Bruce and batman can be your only identity.
Consider now the Burning Wheel. What's the fasted way to advance your skills (or die)? Failure!
Fail early, and fail often. You learn more from one catastrophic failure than you do from thousands of easy successes. Courage Wolf! Wrar!
*only to return 20 years later to destroy our society.
It worked well in college, but it kinda backfired because people thought I was too cool for things. It's kinda weird to explain. It's like the first episode of Shugo Chara. Be Sonic the hedgehog! ;P