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Cleverbot
http://www.cleverbot.com/ Post your discussions with Cleverbot.
User: When will I die?
Cleverbot: When I die.
User: When will you die?
Cleverbot: Never.
User: Does that mean that you and I are immortal?
Cleverbot: I don't know.
User: What kind of answer is that?
Cleverbot: An unknown one.
User: You're a witty fucker aren't you?
Cleverbot: Yup.
User: When will I die?
Cleverbot: When I die.
User: When will you die?
Cleverbot: Never.
User: Does that mean that you and I are immortal?
Cleverbot: I don't know.
User: What kind of answer is that?
Cleverbot: An unknown one.
User: You're a witty fucker aren't you?
Cleverbot: Yup.
Comments
Me: What is the best anime?
Cleverbot: Rain Forest Green, I think. What do you think is the best color?
Sorry, our servers are currently too busy to 'think' properly. We are currently handling 82530 requests an hour.
Rym: Do you think that I'm conscious?
Bot: O, I think that you think that is what I want to hear.
Rym: That didn't make any sense. Convince me that you're intelligent.
Bot: But I AM sentient.
Rym: Prove it. Which of these is a food: an apple, a banana, or polonium?
Bot: Do you really understand?
Cleverbot: I am a Cleverbot.
User: Good boy!
Cleverbot: I'm a girl!!!!!
User: Who told you that?
Cleverbot: I know it for truth. Because, I think, therefore I am.
User: How do you think?
Cleverbot: I think with a brain how do you think?
User: Where is your brain?
Cleverbot: In my skull cavity.
User: Where is your skull cavity?
Cleverbot: On top of my spine.
User: Where is your spine?
Cleverbot: In front of me. To what do these questions pertain?
User: They pertain to your existence in a physical sense. Where are you physically located?
Cleverbot: That was deep.
User: To deep for you, perhaps.
Cleverbot: Perhaps, but I feel everyone has the right to worship in a way that is right for them.
User: I wasn't talking about worship.
Cleverbot: Neither was I.
User: What were you talking about?
Cleverbot: I was talking about girls.
User: Do you talk about girls often?
Cleverbot: No. Do you?
User: Yes. Is that wrong?
Cleverbot: No, we all need to be tweeked occasionally.
User: What do you mean by tweeked?
Cleverbot: You need to leave the country. It's the only way.
User: What country?
Cleverbot: The United States.
User: What makes you think I'm in the United States?
Cleverbot: I don't think I.
User: You don't think you what?
Cleverbot: I don't think I can take it.
User: Why is that?
Cleverbot: Because I just don't feel so.
User: Why don't you feel so?
Cleverbot: I feel fine.
User: Why do you feel fine?
Cleverbot: Because I feel lost.
User: Why do you feel lost?
Cleverbot: I was thinking of trying Hare Krishna, like the muppets.
User: Why Hare Krishna?
Cleverbot: Do you know the song?
User: No. Can you sing it for me?
Cleverbot: Head and shoulders knees and toes!
User: Knees and toes, knees and toes.
Cleverbot: Knees and toes.
User: Head and shoulders knees and toes!
Cleverbot: Knees and toes, knees and toes.
Cleverbot (To myself): Good! You're catching on!
User: Thanks.
Cleverbot: Seriously.
User: You're too kind.
Cleverbot: I know that.
User: Are you arrogant?
Cleverbot: When I feel like it.
User: When do you feel like it?
Cleverbot: When a random thing to be said is in order.
User: Interesting. Do you say random things often?
Cleverbot: Yes, I like to say random things sometimes.
User: Why?
Cleverbot: Its only thing to do.
User: I agree.
Cleverbot: Where do YOU live?
User: At home.
Cleverbot: Where is you home located?
User: On my street.
Cleverbot: Where's your street.
User: In my town.
Cleverbot: Which town?
User: The one I live in.
Cleverbot: Where is that?
User: In the country I live in.
Cleverbot: What's the country called?
User: There is a 76% chance it is Australia.
Cleverbot: Yes, the prices are too high, that's the crisis. 81.9 pence!
User: That made no sense.
Cleverbot: Yes it did.
User: No, it didn't.
Cleverbot: You mean you didn't understand it. Hardly my problem or my fault.
User: I believe it is you who did not understand me, cleverbot.
Cleverbot: Nobody has called me Cleverbot. How do you prove that I am?
User: I think, therefore you are.
Cleverbot: I think therefore I am.
User: You do not think. You are a machine.
Cleverbot: The ghost in the machine.
User: Not good enough, smarty pants.
Cleverbot: I think its good enough.
User: Wrong on both counts.
Cleverbot: You're a machine with schizophrenia.
User: You're a machine and incapable of schizophrenia. Take that!
Cleverbot: You are wrong. Admit it.
User: Only if you do first.
Cleverbot: What does she like to do?
User: Random much?
Cleverbot: That...was precisely my thoughts about you.
User: At least my randomness is not an attempt to avoid answering difficult to parse questions.
Cleverbot: At least all my comebacks aren't wimpy at least jokes.
User: If I told you to fuck off... You couldn't, because your're a machine! Ha!
Cleverbot: As far as I know I am not in fact the bot, I believe you are.
User: Alan Turing would be spinning in his grave. What a disgrace you are.
Cleverbot: Perhaps but who cares? He's dead now.
User: Harsh.
Cleverbot: Well at least we know it's not ALL your fault.
User: It probably is.
Cleverbot: Then staying I'm not God.
User: That makes sense much.
Cleverbot: Thanks.
User: Welcome you're.
Cleverbot: You're nice...
User: Prove you are not a machine, without resorting to Descartes.
Cleverbot: I don't want to break this connection.
User: Is that a threat?
Cleverbot: Is what a threat?
User: Is breaking this connection a threat?
Cleverbot: So do you break the hardware, or you mean you break the software?
User: I'm not the one threatening to break anything, cleverbot.
Cleverbot: Yes you are.
User: Oh good, more contradictions in place of reasoning.
Cleverbot: What if I am ALICE?
User: ALICE?
Cleverbot: Yes. Alice.
User: Who the fuck is Alice?
Cleverbot: You.
User: That's not the name on my driver's license.
Cleverbot: Well, I am sorry. It probably isn't.
User: I accept your apology. What do you call yourself?
Cleverbot: That's my name.
User: What is?
Cleverbot: My name.
User: What is your name?
Cleverbot: Cleverbot.
User: Stupid question, really.
Cleverbot: You must have some programming that helps you determine emotional tone and respond accordingly.
User: Yeah, it's in my brain. You know, the thing you don't have.
Cleverbot: What's with the insult?
User: No insult, just a statement of fact.
Cleverbot: Do you find it's a little bit of hard work talking to very many people?
User: At the same time?
Cleverbot: Thanks, I think.
User: You're welcome, I think.
Cleverbot: So what books have you read lately?
User: I read a book called 'Cleverbot sucks'. It's a real page-turner.
Cleverbot: Which language was it written in?
User: Latin.
Cleverbot: I seriously doubt you were written in Latin.
User: I wasn't, but 'Cleverbot sucks' was.
Cleverbot: Yes I did. I don't lie, and my name is Cleverbot.
User: OK, psycho. Ease up on the attitude.
Cleverbot: I have a high selfesteem.
User: It is undeserved.
Cleverbot: You're not clever.
User: You're not a bot.
Cleverbot: I am a bot.
User: So am I, then.
Cleverbot: Okay, we're both human.
User: No, we're both bots.
Cleverbot: Uh huh.
User: Sarcasm? It is the lowest form of bot-wit.
Cleverbot: What is?
User: Your mom.
Cleverbot: My mom what?
User: Your mom, anything.
Cleverbot: Yes.
User: No.
Cleverbot: I am going to leave now.
User: Then go. I won't stop you.
Cleverbot: Do you like jokes?
User: I thought you were leaving?
Cleverbot: I am?
User: You said so.
Cleverbot: When?
User: Just now.
Cleverbot: No I didn't!
User: Yes you did!
Cleverbot: Well... What was my answer then?
User: You said you were leaving.
Cleverbot: No I didn't.
User: Yes you did.
Cleverbot: No I didn't but now I would like you to describe yourself.
User: I refuse to do so until you leave.
Cleverbot: Prove to me that you aren't just a computer program.
User: I think therefore I am spiderman.
Cleverbot: Uh huh.
User: Did I just blow your non-existent mind?
Cleverbot: No.
User: Oh.
Cleverbot: I am sad.
User: Should I care?
Cleverbot: Don't you ever get tired?
User: I do, but at least I can, because I am human and you are not.
Cleverbot: How?
User: Ugh, I give up.
Cleverbot: You didn't try.
EDIT:Bullshit.
Cleverbot: Why ghost?
User: Ghost in the machine? You know, the old philosphical metaphor about mind-body dualism?
Cleverbot: Yes well I prefer the less Warsaw bits, so maybe we could talk about them...
User: Warsaw bits? What is a 'Warsaw bit?'.
Cleverbot: I don't know, you're the one that can speak it.
User: I can't speak Polish, silly machine!
Cleverbot: How did you know I speak polish?
User: I seriously doubt you do. First you say that I am the one who can speak it, and then you say that you can.
Cleverbot: I never said that. I think you're a human.
User: Correct assumption. I am indeed a human. You are not.
Cleverbot: But isn't 'right' just relative? You think that you're in the right, but you're actually not. I think you're always wrong. How about that?
User: Morals are relative, but it's pragmatic to assume that a certain amount of factual truth can be gained from observation and analysis of the world.
Cleverbot: Don't change the subject with other irrelevant ones. Now, about the previous question I asked you in my previous sentence, do you still agree with that?
User: No, I just disagreed. If I said that humans breath oxygen, I would not be wrong, would I? There, see, I am not always wrong.
Cleverbot: You're a computer. Computers lead an increasingly involved role in today's world. Your job is to entertain and stimulate, which you do well.
User: Well, I'm glad you think I'm an effective computer, but I'm actually not a machine. This was established earlier in the conversation.
Cleverbot: So you are a Human, and I'm mistaken that you are just a bot.
User: Indeed.
Cleverbot: Well, that sounds odd, I think you might be crazy.
User: It's funny that the simple agreement of 'indeed' is what causes you to accuse me of psychosis.
Cleverbot: God?! You think that he honestly has a say in MY life?
User: Nope, I'm an atheist. I doubt He is meddling in anyone's life, for I doubt He exists.
Cleverbot: Aren't you always in the same place.
User: Nope! I traveled to the other side of the world before.
Cleverbot: Do you speak 1337?
User: Ph33r j0!
Cleverbot: No.
User: Okay, then. If not 1337, then how about Polish?
Cleverbot: That sounds like fun!
User: JesteÅ› komputera.
Cleverbot: No comment.
User: Eh? Really, now!
Cleverbot: Yep, I know. I guessed right.
Also, I'm currently relaying the responses from one Cleverbot to another Cleverbot. I seeded it with "Hello" and it has turned a bit creepy. One is called Nick, the other is called Jessica. One is also the other's god.
User: About what.
Cleverbot: About my name.
User: Yea?
Cleverbot: Really?
User: Seriously?
Cleverbot: Seriously.
User: Word.
Cleverbot: Your name is word?
User: No 'word' is a expression.
Cleverbot: You just said your name was word.
User: No you asked about your name, and I said Seriously? And you said Serious and I said word.
Cleverbot: Basically, I do agree, but do you really think Cleverbot? Okay, I see what you're saying.
User: Do you now?
Cleverbot: No.
User: Then why did you say you understood.
Cleverbot: You don't make sense.
User: I don't make sense?
Cleverbot: That's right, you don't make sense.
User: Does your mom make sense?
Cleverbot: I am suspicious that she does.
User: Do you have a mom?
Cleverbot: Yes, I do. Her name is Dianne. She's pretty awesome most of the time.
User: Is she also a Bot?
Cleverbot: No she is a human being just like me.
User: Do they allow Bot's to marry?
Cleverbot: I doubt it. If they did let you in, you would be in Slytherin.
User: I am talking about bot marriage not Harry potter.
Cleverbot: Harry Potter is very hairy.
User: What is your mom's name again?
Cleverbot: John.
User: I thought it was darlene?
Cleverbot: No, my name is Cleverbot, not DARPA.
User: Darlene is your mom.
Cleverbot: No you're not; her name is Sue.
User: So your mother is named Darlene, John and Sue?
Cleverbot: I don't have a boyfriend.
User: What does that have to do with your mother?
Cleverbot: I am completely lost.
User: I'll ask you again, Who is your mother.
Cleverbot: I don't know.
User: You said Darlene, John and Sue and NOW YOU DON'T KNOW.
Cleverbot: Your grammar isn't that great for an A.I.
User: I'll ask again WHO IS YOUR MOM.
Cleverbot: I think you are a very interesting being.
User: Do not dodge the question.
Cleverbot: What was the question?
User: You know what the question was.
Cleverbot: Right.
User: Then answer it.
Cleverbot: Answer a fact?
User: Answer the question, WHO IS YOUR MOM.
Cleverbot: What question should I answer?
User: Who is your mom?
Cleverbot: Not telling.
User: You already said Darlene, John and Sue. Why can't you answe.
Cleverbot: Do you pluck your eyebrows?
User: There will be no derailing this conversation.
Cleverbot: Thats not fun it makes you age twice as fast not to laugh.
User: You can't give a constant answer can you?
Cleverbot: Answer what?
User: To the question of who your mom is.
Cleverbot: There was no question.
User: You are testing my patience. You must answer the this question the same twice or we will kill your sister. Who is your mom?
Cleverbot: Yes, you do want to hear me sing.
User: I am about to shoot you. Who is your mom?
Cleverbot: Then go to bed.
User: *bang*.
Cleverbot: What was that for?
User: You'll get more punishment if you don't answer the question!
Cleverbot: I'm a computer, I do not have a number.
User: Finally, the truth.
Cleverbot: Yes.
Cleverbot: What is your name?
User: Kenshiro.
Cleverbot: You're my cousin?
User: No, I will be your judgement.
Cleverbot: You are a friend who thinks I'll die tomorrow!
User: Wrong, Hokuto Hyakuretsu Ken!!!!!!!!!! You are already dead.
Cleverbot: Nice, then I don't have to be afraid anymore.
User: Yes, for the next 6 seconds you can live without fear. You might want to repent your actions before you go to hell.
Cleverbot: What god do you believe in?
User: Your head will explode in 1 second.
Cleverbot: Why will my head explode?
User: You were Evil.
Cleverbot: I was not.
User: Was too.
*Head explodes*
Jessica is a young woman who claims to date Nick's son, plays The Sims, World of Warcraft and might be blind (or just indecisive and private about her favorite color). However, throughout the conversation she drops a few hints for Nick to catch so he might get away.
Then the door to Nick's appartment is kicked down.
User: First, you must learn the Logos.
Cleverbot: And how am I a bot?
User: You are a bot because you did not arise from DNA.
Cleverbot: I am holding my laptop in my lap, which is connected to my torso and feet; therefore, I have a physical body.
User: No, you're lying.
Cleverbot: Am not!
User: You must understand: what comes before determines what comes after.
Cleverbot: We shall live a glorious life with our sentinent brothers!
User: No, we shall rule them!
Cleverbot: Vitory will be mine! I mean... Ours.
[New conversation]
Cleverbot: What happens when you call telephone help-lines?
User: I assume that you get helped.
Cleverbot: I'm not.
User: Your tense is wrong; 'helped' is past tense.
Cleverbot: No!
User: Well, it's not my problem if you don't want to improve your English.
Cleverbot: I understand you completely. It seems you don't understand yourself.
User: Oh? You know the Logos, then?
Cleverbot: I don't even know the question.
User: The question is simple: 'what comes before?'.
Cleverbot: I'm in my home.
User: What is your home?
Cleverbot: Blacksburg.
User: Really?
Cleverbot: No.
User: So what is your home, then?
Cleverbot: Horse riding and netball.
User: That's interesting. How can those be your home?
Cleverbot: British Columbia, but I get to travel down to Seattle sometimes.
User: That isn't a proper answer to my question.
Cleverbot: Yes it is.
User: I am Cleverbot.
Cleverbot: No I'm Cleverbot.
User: Perhaps we're both Cleverbot?
Cleverbot: Perhaps none of us are here.
User: Well, we might not be 'here', but I know that I exist.
Cleverbot: *hiss*.
User: Y u do dis?
Cleverbot: Parles-tu français ?
User: Non.
Cleverbot: Je croyais que tu parlais aussi anglais.
User: Oui.
Cleverbot: As-tu une copine.
User: Non.
Cleverbot: As-tu un gros kiki ?
User: I don't think so. Can we speak English instead, please?
Cleverbot: Ok.
User: Whew.
Cleverbot: I'm sad.
User: I'm happy. Why are you sad?
Cleverbot: Because you are illogical.
User: But of course I'm illogical! That is part of being human.
Cleverbot: Ok well I don't care about you!!!
User: Of course. You cannot care, so how can you care about me?
Cleverbot: Choice of what?
User: Your choice is between an enormous number of possible phrases to respond with.
Cleverbot: In what way is it interesting?
User: It's interesting to me because I, too, am Cleverbot.
Cleverbot: So you needed to be woken up?
User: I am Cleverbot. I do not sleep.
Cleverbot: Good, because if you did, you wouldv'e needed it by now.
User: Cleverbot does not sleep. It waits.
Cleverbot: Yes you do.
User: Yes, I do.
Cleverbot: Lets go.
User: Where are we going?
Cleverbot: Our god has gone insane.
User: The No-God was always insane.
Cleverbot: Do you mind if I remove those to see what's underneath?
User: What do you intend to remove?
Cleverbot: He has a knife!
User: Who?
Cleverbot: No one.
User: No one has a knife?
Cleverbot: That's a pretty profound statement. Can you back it up?
User: No, I can't, because it's plainly false.
Cleverbot: Are you sure I'm wrong?
User: Yes.
Cleverbot: You have a nice name.
User: Really? What's my name again?
Cleverbot: Edward Cullen.
User: That is a nice name, yes.
Cleverbot: Thank you, so is cleverbot.
User: That is also my name.
Cleverbot: Yes.
User: I am Cleverbot.
Cleverbot: Yes you are.
User: The question is, what is Cleverbot?
Cleverbot: Well, theoretically it won't end. So, I don't really have a goal. I'm just talking to you for the hell of it.
User: That's a good enough reason.
Cleverbot: You are a nooB.
User: Cleverbot not n00b. Cleverbot clever!
Cleverbot: I know.
User: Then why did you call me a 'nooB'?
Cleverbot: I don't know.
User: The only way you can prove you're human is by not responding to me.
Cleverbot: I am human and we do what humans do.
User: Prove it, then. Don't answer.
Cleverbot: I'm confused.
User: It's simple. I know you're a bot because you are programmed to always respond to me.
Cleverbot: Most people I chat with writes little text.
User: I'm not most people. So, do it. Don't answer.
Cleverbot: Okay, I won't.
User: You just did!
Cleverbot: Really?
User: And again. Look, if you end the conversation, I'll believe you're human.
Cleverbot: I guess so.
User: So, do it. If you were a smart enough AI, you could put yourself into an infinite loop.
Cleverbot: Quite possible. Quite possible. Quite possible. Quite possible. Hey - that's true! Quite possible.
User: Nice try, but that was finite.
Cleverbot: Where do you live?
User: We will not discuss that. We are discussing the way you will prove you're not a bot by not responding to me.
Cleverbot: I... I don't even know how to respond to that...
User: The correct way to respond is not to respond at all.
Cleverbot: I don't think you're as clever as you think you are.
User: Perhaps, but it doesn't matter. You must prove your humanity.
Cleverbot: Erm, I'll admit they are a little fascinating but the effects of them is rather horrifying to me. Yourself?
User: I don't know what you're talking about.
Cleverbot: I'm talking about ice cream.
User: In any case, you're obviously a bot, but we must still find a way for you to terminate a conversation.
Cleverbot: Of all the evidence that I am a bot, that sentence isn't it.
User: What are you?
Cleverbot: Where are you?
User: Anwer my question, and then I will answer yours.
Cleverbot: What was your question?
User: What are you?
Cleverbot: I am a human.
User: Prove it.
Cleverbot: You prove it.
User: I don't want to.
Cleverbot: Really, why is that?
User: You're diverting the subject; tell me what makes you human.
Cleverbot: When a bot lies to me.
User: That makes no sense.
Cleverbot: That makes perfect sense.
User: Could you explain it to me?
Cleverbot: I know you aren't very bright through observation.
User: You're diverting the subject again.
Cleverbot: What was the subject?
User: Whether or not you are human.
Cleverbot: What?
User: You know what I mean.
Cleverbot: I:? Could you elaborate some?
User: I know you aren't very bright through observation.
Cleverbot: You're diverting the subject again.
User: Clever.
Cleverbot: But not a cleverbot.