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Things You Never Expected to Hear Yourself Say

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  • IT'S NAKED TIME!
    Being naked is a privilege, not a right.
  • Being a privilege is not a right, it's naked.
  • "I am a big fan of My Little Pony, I think you should check it out. Trust me."
  • "I'mma find more Nyan Cat videos."
  • I only have 40 GB, so I have to be selective.
    "Steam's using up half a terabyte, so I better get a terabyte external. Just in case."
  • "EVE is worth a second look."
  • "EVE is worth a second look."
    I demand context!
  • "Damn, this DSL connection is so slow."
  • "Hey, Rove actually did a really good Job, and was rather funny on the Nerdist podcast."
  • "EVE is worth a second look."
    I demand context!
    I was talking to my mom about Star Trek and GURPS, and my mind went to EVE.
    "Mom, you remember watching me play that game where I had a spaceship and I spent all my time flying around?"
    "Yeah, why?"
    "I want to play it now."
    "Didn't you not like it?"
    "Looking at these pictures [of EVE spaceships] is slowly making me forget that."
    "Well, do they have a free trial?"
    "[beat] EVE is worth a second look."

    The End.
  • "Aaaarrrgh, the lip of that pan just got under my fingernail and burned me. God, I think it's blistering under there."

    "Fuck! Don't talk about it! Go put some fucking ointment on it or something, what the fuck is wrong with you?"

    "I have to say it out loud first so I can post it in a thread on an internet forum I frequent."
  • "EVE is worth a second look."
    I demand context!
    I was talking to my mom about Star Trek and GURPS, and my mind went to EVE.
    ...
    "Didn't you not like it?"
    "Looking at these pictures [of EVE spaceships] is slowly making me forget that."
    "Well, do they have a free trial?"
    "[beat] EVE is worth a second look."
    Oh, I wasn't sure if there was a significant addition to gameplay that changed your mind or something. Incarna is slowly being released, I guess they now have 3D captain's quarters you can walk around in or something. Right now, it has no effect on gameplay. I really love the idea of that game, but the execution ends up making me agree with the people who call it a massively multiplayer spreadsheet. Even spec'ing out a ship was an exercise in advanced mathematics, which I do enough of outside of playing games.
  • "That is a bowl of antlers over there."
  • "EVE is worth a second look."
    I demand context!
    I was talking to my mom about Star Trek and GURPS, and my mind went to EVE.
    ...
    "Didn't you not like it?"
    "Looking at these pictures [of EVE spaceships] is slowly making me forget that."
    "Well, do they have a free trial?"
    "[beat] EVE is worth a second look."
    Oh, I wasn't sure if there was a significant addition to gameplay that changed your mind or something. Incarna is slowly being released, I guess they now have 3D captain's quarters you can walk around in or something. Right now, it has no effect on gameplay. I really love the idea of that game, but the execution ends up making me agree with the people who call it a massively multiplayer spreadsheet. Even spec'ing out a ship was an exercise in advanced mathematics, which I do enough of outside of playing games.
    To be fair, I've always loved the idea of committing massive corporate crimes with no repercussions.
  • "I kind of boned your mom."
  • "Does he feel comfortable browsing a file directory?"
  • "I kind of boned your mom."
    Story. Now.
  • "I will need to leave the meeting early because at exactly noon I need to be ordering a book."
  • edited July 2011

    Story. Now.
    I did not want to tell it since it makes me look like a douche but I guess I did make the comment so I should explain it.

    Well it is not that long of a story. I was helping an ex's mom move some things while she was going through with her divorce. I had told her I would help before I broke up with her daughter so I decided to still help after since she did not have anyone else.

    After we had finished moving she asked if I wanted a drink so I took her up since I cannot turn down free alcohol. Well after drinking for a while she let is slip she was always jealous of her daughter for snagging me, or some line to that affect, and it went from there.

    It probably would not have happened if she had not felt alone due to the divorce she was going through and I probably should have turned it down. Also, she was around 30 so there was not as much of a difference in our ages as there could have been. She had her daughter when she was 13 (they start early here in the south).

    Now the super douche part. Her daughter and I had a bad break up so I took it upon myself to let the daughter know about what had happened. I also sort of told her in from of her friends at a mall. I tried making it as public as possible. I got the shit kicked out of me by one of her friends but it was worth it.
    Post edited by canine224 on
  • This story is either awesome or horrific, on many different levels. Either way, it made me giggle.
  • edited July 2011
    While I'm fine with the milfing, screwing over the mother to get back at your ex so publicly was a bad thing to.
    Post edited by Omnutia on
  • Black people love my t-shirt.
  • Personally, I subscribe to a philosophy in which banging someone's mom and then telling them about it is the apex of virtue. Every "I fucked your mom" joke on the internet is a prayer to our secretive milf-gods.
  • +1 for MILFing, -30 for being a bastard to your ex about it.
  • +1 for MILFing, -30 for being a bastard to your ex about it.
    I want to point out that the reason that ex and I split up was my fault completely, so I would up that to a -60. I was mad at her for being mad a me and she was mad at me for being a major douche. In retrospect I really should have handled that a little better. It is not something I am proud of.
  • As the opening theme to Sonic Adventure 2 says: Live and Learn.
  • HANGIN ON THE EDGE OF TOMORROW
  • FROM THE WORKS OF YESTERDAY
  • "Apparently I have no moves."
  • "I could see myself paying for EVE"

    EVE Y UR SPACE LOOK SO NICE
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