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Dating

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  • I don't have a problem dating religious people. I'm not the kind of person who is going to be all "OMGz You believe in god, You're stuuupid!" Everyone has their right to a choice. At the same time, I'm not going to bring it up unless (like you said) she brings it up first.
    It's not necessarily just that -- you have to consider if you want to try to (maybe eventually) have a serious relationship with a person who views the world in a fundamentally different way than you do, on every level. I have religious friends, but I couldn't date a religious person for that reason.
  • edited March 2009
    I don't have a problem dating religious people. I'm not the kind of person who is going to be all "OMGz You believe in god, You're stuuupid!" Everyone has their right to a choice. At the same time, I'm not going to bring it up unless (like you said) she brings it up first.
    It's not necessarily just that -- you have to consider if you want to try to (maybe eventually) have a serious relationship with a person who views the world in a fundamentally different way than you do, on every level. I have religious friends, but I couldn't date a religious person for that reason.
    Realistically, I know that any relationship will have 1 of 2 (maybe 3) possible endings.
    1. Marriage or some equivalent
    2. Break up (not friends)
    3. Break up (friends after)

    Honestly, I'm not sure if a breakup would even really effect me beyond, "Aww...Bummer...", and even thinking about marriage is a little scary for me. So I'm thinking kinda short term right now. I've never been that good at thinking long term any how.
    Post edited by Victor Frost on
  • Honestly, I'm not sure if a breakup would even really effect me beyond, "Aww...Bummer...", and eventhinkingabout marriage is a little scary for me. So I'm thinking kinda short term right now. I've never been that good at thinking long term any how.
    You know, it's funny. Before my girlfriend and I started dating, we were friends, and we talked a lot about how we don't believe that relationships are necessarily meant to last forever, and people's attempts to force them to (like marriage) are often very harmful. When we started dating, we thought "well, we'll see where this goes, and if it doesn't go, oh well, that's how it is". Now it's almost 6 years later, and while we're still not planning to get married, we're pretty much planning our lives together. So you never know.

    I'm certainly not suggesting that you ought to try to turn every dating relationship into a long term thing when it may not be meant for that. But romantic relationships are necessarily more intimate than a casual friendship, and things that you can overlook or laugh off with your buddies (like differences in religion) can be much bigger issues in a relationship. Much moreso if it starts to get serious.
  • There is a cute girl in my figure drawing class who I kind of like, the only thing that keeps me from asking her out is that I need to find out if she has a boyfriend or not. I seem to have an issue with liking girls who are already taken. Facebook has completely failed me in this search as people do not use the relationship section in the correct manner.
  • There is a cute girl in my figure drawing class who I kind of like, the only thing that keeps me from asking her out is that I need to find out if she has a boyfriend or not.
    Ask her. If she has a boyfriend, she'll tell you. That's really all there is to it.
  • edited March 2009
    It's usually pretty awkward asking girls if they have a boyfriend or not. To me it's raising a gigantic red flag of "I like you and want to know if I am facing any competition or if I should just stop trying to get into a relationship with you". Because really, how often to people ask if you're dating someone just for the hell of it? I sure don't. If I'm not interested in a girl, I don't give a shit if she has a boyfriend or not, so there would be no point in asking.
    Post edited by Dkong on
  • Skip the whole "do you have a boyfriend" bit. It'd be awkward (especially if she does), and might put her off of you. Just go for it. If she has a boyfriend already, it'll be awkward either way, and you'll come off as less confident if you ask her if she's taken already first.
  • Ask her. If she has a boyfriend, she'll tell you. That's really all there is to it.
    Upon re-reading this, I realize that it's ambiguous -- in fact, it pretty much sounds the opposite of what I meant. What I meant was "ask her OUT", and if she has a boyfriend, she'll tell you.
  • True, but my main worries are 1) will she blab and/or 2) is she homophobic? My mistake, I was being vague again.
    Oh. I didn't realize it was a secret. Actually, I had totally forgotten about your whole situation. Yeah, I don't know, man. But maybe if you tell her, then you'll have a friend that you can confide in.
    I told her and I apologized for hurting her feelings. She didn't believe me and still doesn't. I'll just have to let this go.
  • True, but my main worries are 1) will she blab and/or 2) is she homophobic? My mistake, I was being vague again.
    Oh. I didn't realize it was a secret. Actually, I had totally forgotten about your whole situation. Yeah, I don't know, man. But maybe if you tell her, then you'll have a friend that you can confide in.
    I told her and I apologized for hurting her feelings. She didn't believe me and still doesn't. I'll just have to let this go.
    She'll get over it. She's still hurting from being shot down, probably. Teenage drama and all that.
  • Random comments:

    http://www.jbspencer.com/djb/

    That website taught me more in one night about what I was doing wrong than all of my experiences up until turning 20. It also reinforced I was doing somethings right.
  • http://www.jbspencer.com/djb/
    links are preformed by entering <a href="http://example.com">The text that must apear as link</a>resulting as this:
    The text that must apear as link
    So your link would become this.

    You can also use the button that looks like a globe with a chain in front of it.
  • Random comments:

    http://www.jbspencer.com/djb/

    That website taught me more in one night about what I was doing wrong than all of my experiences up until turning 20. It also reinforced I was doing somethings right.
    Maybe I'll look at that the next time I need dating advice. It looks pretty interesting.
  • GeoGeo
    edited November 2009
    I've recently started (by that I mean at least over a year ago) going on dates and have been by told by past dates that while a little inattentive, I am, for the most part, very polite, good company, and chivalric (they don't use the latter term, but it is basically how their description can be described in one word). I can agree with some of those things (not all of them because I tend to act very modest when it comes to praise) because I've noticed that I'm very old-fashioned when it comes to dating as I prefer not to talk about -ahem- "lewd" things unless the female initiates a conversation around such things and also do not hesitate to offer things to them such as a coat if it's a particularly cold night.
    Post edited by Geo on
  • I've recently started (by that I mean at least over a year ago) going on dates
    Good on you. Good luck finding yourself a nice lady!
  • also do not hesitate to offer things to them such as a coat if it's a particularly cold night.
    Good on you, mate - if a bloke doesn't do this, he's doing it wrong.
  • and also do not hesitate to offer things to them such as a coat if it's a particularly cold night.
    This is a really nice gesture, but it doesn't always work out for every guy. For example, I'm substantially larger than every woman I've ever dated, so my coats are far too large for them to be comfortable, effective, or stylish. It just winds up looking ridiculous.

    So, instead, I offer a spot in my bed. :P
  • I believe that asking her hand for marriage was way harder than asking her out on a date, the anxiety almost killed me. =3

    Suffice to say, I got 100 Gil, 20+ EXP and BALLS +5.
  • and also do not hesitate to offer things to them such as a coat if it's a particularly cold night.
    This is a really nice gesture, but it doesn't always work out for every guy. For example, I'm substantially larger than every woman I've ever dated, so my coats are far too large for them to be comfortable, effective, or stylish. It just winds up looking ridiculous.
    I'm pretty small (like 5'3 small) so it really doesn't matter since most of my coats usually fit them.
  • the female
    Dude, little bit of advice - "the woman" or "the girl", or even "she" works better than that. Most of us are put off when guys refer to us in casual speak as "the female(s)". At best, it can be taken as geeky - in the bad, awkward sort of way. At worst, it can be taken as objectification of all women, and it's very easy to find offensive.

    Think about it.
    I prefer to pay for the meal unless the male insists.
    Sounds a little weird, don't it? If I ever hear anyone awkward/stupid enough to talk about the opposite sex this way though, it's usually a guy. It's just a single word, but it doesn't make you sound more intellectual, and it can make you come off as a sexist asswad. Just don't.
  • This video might help illustrate Loltsundere's point. Referring to women as "the females" really sounds like objectification. Sometimes using the phrase "the women" sounds bad too, if you're not careful. "I appreciate the women," sounds creepy out of this guy's mouth.

    In fact, don't ever do, act, say, or even think anything like this guy. We'll consider this one big obvious train wreck of what not to do.
  • I believe that asking her hand for marriage was way harder than asking her out on a date, the anxiety almost killed me. =3

    Suffice to say, I got 100 Gil, 20+ EXP and BALLS +5.
    Congrats!
  • GeoGeo
    edited November 2009
    I wasn't trying to objectify women when I used that term. That's all I can say because...I wasn't.
    Post edited by Geo on
  • I wasn't trying to objectify women when I used that term. That's all I can say because...I wasn't.
    I don't think she was implying that you were -- just that it tends to come off a bit creepy when anyone uses the word "female" in that context. It's just a heads-up.
  • edited November 2009
    I prefer using "The fairer sex" or "The gender more suited to violent personal exchanges," by which I am of course referring to the well-known weakness of men's more private organs in those situations.
    Post edited by YoshoKatana on
  • In fact, don't ever do, act, say, or even think anything like this guy. We'll consider this one big obvious train wreck of what not to do.
    That video was scary.
  • Dude is flaming. And not in a awesome, Wallace Wells way, but in a misogynistic, creepy way.
  • He sounds like a gay George W. Bush.
  • edited November 2009
    I think he has some sort of mental or social disorder combined with (or brought about by) an obviously limited social circle and a more extreme religious background (assumed based on some of his wording and sentiments).

    "My sweet panda..."
    "... but I digress from holding a Playboy."

    WTF?
    Post edited by Kate Monster on
  • edited November 2009
    I prefer using "The fairer sex" or "The gender more suited to violent personal exchanges," by which I am of course referring to the well-known weakness of men's more private organs in those situations.
    I generally say "Frails", "Marys", or "Skirts".
    Post edited by HungryJoe on
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