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This world feels so lonely

edited August 2009 in Everything Else
Through deep thought and self discovery, I have come to many conclusions about myself. I have come closer to becoming true to who I really am, for better and for worse.

But then I realize that a lot of people will think of who I am as a freak. I have to put up a facade, pretend I'm normal. The fact that there is so much ignorance, stereotyping, and hatred doesn't help at all. It's annoying that people seem to follow the hive mind, or perhaps form an opinion based on stereotypes as who I am. I bet I don't have to mention the drawbacks of stereotypes, especially considering that stereotypes hardly hold any weight to anyone that would congregate to this forum (like myself). Well, it's the internet so I can't really expect anything that bright.

Now I understand if I were to be myself at 100%, lots of people would be weirded out and I would turn into a social recluse. There's no way I would do that. We all have our secrets, right? You shouldn't really say that you're an obsessive collector of Hatsune Miku figures during your job interview unless it's somehow appropriate, and you sure as hell don't want to mention that foot fetish.

I must say, a lot of the time I always think "fuck societal norms, fuck 'em all to hell!" That's one thing English class has taught me. I almost never dress up unless my parents tell me to. I've grown my hair long since I was in 5th grade despite everyone teasing me about it. Yet there are times where the said fucking of societal norms will burn too many bridges; I recognize that certain norms shouldn't be fucked with unless you're prepared to face the consequences. When you get with your friends, however, those norms start to vanish. If anything, it is perfectly normal to yell "great, I'll grab my dick" among my friends (don't ask, seriously). Once I've been with my friends for a long time, I feel it's only fair for them to realise who I really am.

If anything, the main problem here and really the most important is that I am at a definite risk of losing some of my closer friends at the trade off of feeling free. If someone is going to be spending a large amount of time around me and with me, I want them to know who I really am, or else it starts to feel like I'm lying for my own gain.

Who I am is a large potential for hostility, and it makes me feel quite lonely. I shiver, not because my body is cold but because there is nothing to warm my heart.
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Comments

  • edited August 2009
    Is this about the Harry Potter porn?

    EDIT: Seriously, though, whatever's going on, good luck with it.
    Post edited by Funfetus on
  • Is this about the Harry Potter porn?
    I was thinking he might be a furry or something... ^_^

    Seriously though, unless your complaining because people will not agree with your love of raping, You can probably find a group of people who will accept you for what you are, just search the internet and move to where ever they will accept you as soon as possible.
  • Welcome to a little thing called "society". You get a lot of benefits from it.
  • Who I am is a large potential for hostility, and it makes me feel quite lonely.
    Do you mean that you are a hostile person? If so, then you need some help.

    If you just mean that people will be hostile towards you because of who you are, then that's nothing to worry about. That's the way of the world. All cool peoples live as their true selves. All the uncool people hide themselves and live as normies in order to fit in. Better off being the weird guy in the office with crazy stuff all over his desk than generic dude discussing reality TV shows by the water cooler.

    And whatever it is, there is no way you are lonely, just look at the Internets.
  • And whatever it is, there is no way you are lonely, just look at the Internets.
    That's the truth. There's nothing in this world that only one person is into.
  • And whatever it is, there is no way you are lonely, just look at the Internets.
    That's the truth. There's nothing in this world that only one person is into.
    No matter what it is, it's someone's fetish - Internet rule.
  • Does this mean the euphoria is over?
  • edited August 2009
    Cowboy up, kid. You're just like everyone else - you live alone and afraid and you'll die alone and afraid. After that, there is only the void.
    Post edited by HungryJoe on
  • edited August 2009
    1) You don't have to put up a facade for other people. Just a filter. And you don't even have to filter a whole lot...just give people warnings when they ask you stupid questions. "Do you REALLY want me to answer that?" goes a long way. You can just not discuss most of your life with the people who don't matter, like coworkers and servicepeople. Save that for your friends. Job stuff and school stuff is not the same as your core social circle. You don't have to put all of yourself out there, and you probably shouldn't. Do you think my coworkers need to know that I'm polyamorous, into BDSM, and an atheist? No, no they don't. I don't have to tell them explicitly that I am NOT those things...I just don't bring it up.

    2) Although many of my friends and acquaintances do not share my particular choices of lifestyle, I've never had a problem with people looking down on me or being unaccepting. You know why? Anyone who takes that attitude very quickly gets out of my life, because I don't need their crap and won't take it. There are plenty of people worth spending time with in this world. There is no reason to waste your time caring about the ones who aren't.

    If your friends are worth being friends with, then not faking things around them won't be a problem. If you have to fake anything to hang out with these people, then they aren't worth being friends with.

    3) Lighten up. Do the things you enjoy doing, and people with similar interests will naturally come into your life. This is, of course, assuming that you like to do soemthing other than sit in a room alone.
    Post edited by Nuri on
  • *standing ovation for Nuri*
  • I'm saying this totally un-ironically and un-sarcastically. I can tend to be melancholy. I know, I know, "Say it ain't so!", but it's true.

    However, listening to the podcast is at the top of my list for cheering myself up. The lads can sometimes be infuriating in their continual optimism and arrogance; but if you listen, and aspire to that level of arrogant optimism, it really can be infectious. I've listened to podcast episodes on some of my worst days and I find in them the strength to get up and do what needs to be done.
  • 2) Although many of my friends and acquaintances do not share my particular choices of lifestyle, I've never had a problem with people looking down on me or being unaccepting. You know why? Anyone who takes that attitude very quickly gets out of my life, because I don't need their crap and won't take it. There are plenty of people worth spending time with in this world. There is no reason to waste your time caring about the ones who aren't.
    One of my best friends from high school is now a pot head. He smokes multiple times a day and desperately wants me to join him, but I have many issues with the thought of smoking and drinking (mostly stemming from my family's history of substance abuse). I keep telling him that I don't want to smoke with him and he won't listen, so I think that I may be losing someone close to me in the near future. If he can't understand that I don't want to partake in smoking pot with him, than it might be better for me to sever ties, no matter how hard it will be.
  • RymRym
    edited August 2009
    One of my best friends from high school is now [lame for whatever reason]... it might be better for me to sever ties, no matter how hard it will be.
    This story repeats over and over for every generation that leaves high school. My advice, based on all of the stories exactly like this that I have heard, and my own personal experience, is that rarely are the friends you make in high school true friends. You're in a group of peers determined by simple, random geography, and you'll usually end up simply spending time with the people who just happen to be closest to your interests from that limited pool. There are exceptions, sure, but they are rare.

    University is a different matter. It's largely a self-selected peer group. You'll likely find that the friends you make in college (or the army, or whatever) teach you what friendship truly means. High school is the practice round. Many of the people you met there will go on to be losers of various stripes, or else will follow paths that are, at least from your perspective, patently uninteresting. (They will likely think the same if your path).

    When it comes to high school friends, unless they are that rare exception, the same adage for food left in the fridge during a power outage applies:

    When in doubt, throw it out.
    Post edited by Rym on
  • edited August 2009
    Totally happened to me, Li_Akahi, right down to the stoner best friend. I was like the only one from my gamer geek guy friend group who got out of town, finished school, and is enjoying life, because they all became lame and into too many drugs.
    Post edited by gomidog on
  • You know what, y'all are right. I guess I was just being melodramatic. It happens when you're a teenager, lacking social interaction (friends in different timezones), and having 5 hours to think about yourself. If a friend doesn't like me after all the years we've been socializing, he can fuck right off. My friends should be supportive. My friends should believe in sharing and caring. My friends should be able to accept others for there differences. Now I can find out who is awesome, and who isn't.
    just give people warnings when they ask you stupid questions. "Do you REALLY want me to answer that?" goes a long way.
    I've been doing that lately. One of my internet friends who I've known for 3 years asked me if I am into the same things that another guy he knows is into. After saying yes, he proceeded to flip out, went offline, back online, and then acted normal. Eventually, he asked what porn I was currently looking at. My answer made him flip out again, making him barely coherent even when typing. Good times! ^_^
    If you just mean that people will be hostile towards you because of who you are, then that's nothing to worry about. That's the way of the world. All cool peoples live as their true selves. All the uncool people hide themselves and live as normies in order to fit in. Better off being the weird guy in the office with crazy stuff all over his desk than generic dude discussing reality TV shows by the water cooler.

    And whatever it is, there is no way you are lonely, just look at the Internets.
    Of course, there are people who enjoy gay Harry Potter scat porn the same things that I do on the internet. It's incredibly easy to find open-minded groups because of the clusters of websites devoted to catering to those people. Meanwhile, real life is much more random, especially as I'm in school. While there may be anime fans, music lovers, rabies-infected firefly fans, shoe collectors, democrats, conservatives, liberals, and everything under the sun, the amount of contact you have with other people means that you can't stay hidden without your little group of friends. Now excuse me while I become a cool dude.
    Does this mean the euphoria is over?
    Not now, it isn't! ^_^
  • Maybe a bit late, but this should help:
    image
  • Seriously though, unless your complaining because people will not agree with your love of raping, You can probably find a group of people who will accept you for what you are, just search the internet and move to where ever they will accept you as soon as possible.
    It is called 4chan
  • Seriously though, unless your complaining because people will not agree with your love of raping, You can probably find a group of people who will accept you for what you are, just search the internet and move to where ever they will accept you as soon as possible.
    It is called Detroit Metal City
  • GO TO DMC
  • Maybe a bit late, but this should help:
    [insert epic here]
    Whoa! That is awesome and more relevant than you think. I'm going to have to replace my balls of steel motto with one of these, and the rest of my favorites will be for snarling out at the appropriate times.

    My sins are not accidental, but a trade. >:)
  • That is awesome and more relevant than you think.
    Actually, I figured it would be very relevant. Courage Wolf is amazing! I can look at them all day, and just get more and more pumped.

    Actually, I think this one is a lot better than the first one. More pure motivation:
    image
  • Those pics are epic. I'm glad someone made a whole collage of them!

    Joe, I've been through the same thing when I was younger. Basically I realized myself that it shouldn't be this way.
    One of my best friends from high school is now [lame for whatever reason]... it might be better for me to sever ties, no matter how hard it will be.
    This story repeats over and over for every generation that leaves high school. My advice, based on all of the stories exactly like this that I have heard, and my own personal experience, is that rarely are the friends you make in high school true friends. You're in a group of peers determined by simple, random geography, and you'll usually end up simply spending time with the people who just happen to be closest to your interests from that limited pool. There are exceptions, sure, but they are rare.
    (Insert Viga's similar story here) And as it turns out my friends were that rare exception. It was a strange long road though.
  • Got-damn, those are some awesome pictures. I've been dealing with depression and similar what-not for a while, and all I can really say is find shit that will cheer you up. Nuri speaks the truth, also. There are bound to be people who are exactly the same as you.
  • ......
    edited August 2009
    It is called 4chan
    And it brought us Courage Wolf. Blach, this is what I get for taking Courage Wolf for granted, I forget that not all memes get the wide-spread attention they deserve. Encyclopedia Dramatica has some more awesome versions, though some suck. Also, NSFW as ED always is.

    EDIT: Easymodo...
    Post edited by ... on
  • Encyclopedia Dramaticahas some more awesome versions
    What the....what the fuck?
    image
  • What the....what the fuck?
    Welcome to /b/
  • It feels so strange walking amongst other humans. I've been holed up in this apartment for a week now, so I decided to go outside and watch District 9. I was walking around the theater which was quite crowded, and I was just wondering, "how many are here that are like me?". It will take some time getting used.
  • It feels so strange walking amongst other humans. I've been holed up in this apartment for a week now, so I decided to go outside and watch District 9. I was walking around the theater which was quite crowded, and I was just wondering, "how many are here that are like me?". It will take some time getting used.
    I was the same way after I stopped being home schooled. But you know what, Being with people is awesome.

    Also, after reading all those courage wolfs and watching that video, I feel like punching a hole through the wall! I can't, though; we rent...
  • edited August 2009
    I was the same way after I stopped being home schooled.
    How long were you homeschooled? I was only homeschooled for two years, but it destroyed my social skills to a point that took me a good 4 or 5 years to come back from.
    Also, after reading all those courage wolfs and watching that video, I feel like punching a hole through the wall! I can't, though; we rent...
    image
    Post edited by Funfetus on
  • edited August 2009
    Also, after reading all those courage wolfs and watching that video, I feel like punching a hole through the wall! I can't, though; we rent...
    I know. I feel the same way; I'm definitely calling this girl tonight, after all:

    Post edited by WindUpBird on
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