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Your Evil Villain Plot

edited February 2008 in Everything Else
I was just talking to Rym about how I would like to alter the tilting of the earth to raise the attitude of the tropic of cancer and make it much warmer here in the Northern Hemisphere. This got me thinking of a good forum thread.

If you were a super villain/mad scientist, what would be your evil plan? Simply rule the world? Blot out the sun? Make a zombie army?

I just realized that I actually do plan to destroy television if the opportunity arises.
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  • An army of zombie archers to take over and rule the world.
  • My mission is to mildly inconvenience the entire population of planet earth!
  • If I were evil, I would install a puppet government that would purposely fuck things up (i.e. go to war, overspend, allow infrastructure to collapse). Then I would swoop in years later and take over while everything was in shambles.
  • If I were evil, I would install a puppet government that would purposely fuck things up (i.e. go to war, overspend, allow infrastructure to collapse). Then I would swoop in years later and take over while everything was in shambles.
    OMG, you're doing it right now, aren't you?!!
  • I was just talking to Rym about how I would like to alter the tilting of the earth to raise the attitude of the tropic of cancer and make it much warmer here in the Northern Hemisphere.
    Did you consider moving? If you do that you know that the amount of land would decrease, and the population density would increase. Putting the "new" pole over China would be particularly bad...

    I would use Giant robots to attack the countries of earth making them unite to fight as one force and stop bickering over their space elevators... oh wait. never mind.

    Actually most of my evil plans aren't really that evil. Who would it hurt if all of Celine Dion's music was erased from existence?
  • I would become the ruler of Sweden and deport all the men that currently live there, you know where this is going...
  • edited February 2008
    Step 1. Pick a obscure yet large mountain.
    Step 2. Pay Geologist to fabricate mineral deposit study. Also have him do a real mineral deposit study but keep that for future reference.
    Step 3. Get Venture Capitalists to give money by showing them fake mineral deposit study.
    Step 4. Hire minions. Sterilize them and give them medication and psychotherapy to reduce their sex drive and increase their aggression during combat.
    Step 5. Venture capitalists die in unfortunate accident during a demonstration of new explosive mining techniques.
    Step 6. Invest part of the money in real estate and overseas/domestic technology developers (such as college robotics labs)
    Step 7. Complete building the mountain base.
    Step 8. Create a front company which specializes in technology and weapons development. Possibly buy the iRobot company.
    Step 9. Hire said college students to design and create weapons, robotic drones, and new communications systems. Be sure to create a hidden remote deactivation feature.
    Step 10. Place operatives within the government in positions as low as mail clerk to as high as senators. Seeding in such a diverse manner ensures significant influence.
    Step 11. Acquire military contracts for such weapons, drones, and communication systems.
    Step 12. Wait until the military is heavily saturated with the products, Then steadily increase the price over 10-15 years.
    Step 13. Hire Emily or some other 3D artists to create a virtual person to use when extorting the various governments. Quality akin or superior to Final Fantasy: Spirits Within or Beowulf
    Step 14. Purchase major media outlets such as News Corp and use the influence of the media to seed dissent and anger towards the current government in the masses.
    Step 15. Hire scientists of the appropriate specialties to create laser and energy weapons for use in my army of minions.


    Thats a summary of what I've got so far. Of course this all in jest.
    Post edited by Victor Frost on
  • My plan is very silly, I would travel to Antarctica and implant a brain power increasing nanomachine into the penguins, I would then teach them how to use a variety of firearms and we would procede to take over Canada. My next step would be to stop sending maple syrup to other countries. The US would probably bow to my demands and I would take over. With the US under my control, I could control their exports to other countries and take over. The penguins would be my army if anyone were to not bow to my demands.
  • While we're on the subject: Essential reading.
  • Hire Emily or some other 3D artists to create a virtual person to use when extorting the various governments. Quality akin or superior to Final Fantasy: Spirits Within or Beowulf
    Man, I wish I could make 3D models superior to those in feature film. That would be cool. Right now you would get something that looks more youtube games, less Hollywood.

    I'd be one of those scientists who makes chimeras and turns people into animals and stuff. My secret plan would be to genetically engineer super smart animals that look like regular animals but have human intelligence, and work with them to really confuse the human race. They'd be all "OMG the animals are smart and the rats are writing revolutionary graffiti on the subway walls and the horses are holding a protest!" And then before they could retaliate my army of beast people would come walking in and people would be all like, OMG fuzzy aliens, and I (with my L-detective set up, faceless broadcasting over the internet) would be like hahaha, give me all your money, and people would think my chimera soldiers were furries from space and be so scared they would give me all the moolah. Then I would establish my utopian society and make everything wonderful.

    No, actually I would just make coordinators. I would make super humans with perfect healthy dna, and make them so they weren't as aggressive as normal humans, increase their compassion and intelligence. Their genetics would be a perfect mix of male and female traits and they would have no set gender, like the aliens from The Left Hand of Darkness. The humans would hate the coordinators, but I would release a virus that sterilizes people but otherwise leaves them unharmed. The coordinators would be immune. Humans could still contribute DNA to make coordinator babies, but they would gradually decrease and the earth would be run by the coordinator humans living in perfect harmony and solving everything with science and kindness.
  • I would get a magical stopwatch that can turn beavers into gold and take over the world by holding the beaver population hostage.
  • I would get a magical stopwatch that can turn beavers into gold and take over the world by holding the beaver population hostage.
    Do you know how heavy a gold beaver is? You could barely drag it, not to mention the fact that there's no real good place to grab onto it.
  • First I would go to the amazon and obtain several species of poison dart frogs. Then I would attempt to breed or genetically modify them with native species of frogs from around the globe in the hopes of having a frog as toxic and able to live anywhere. Then I have my minions deposit my now super frogs across the globe in places people would likely come into contact with them, parks, playgrounds, ect. Of course I have an anti toxin to the frogs which I market to the now fearful populace to finance my people now in Washington guaranteeing that no one will interfere with me until it is far too late.
  • edited February 2008
    Emily, Your creative thoughts on bioengineering and genetic manipulation are inspiring. Would you like to join The Paradigm Group? I'm working on the online application form right now.

    Muahahaha
    Post edited by Victor Frost on
  • As a way of perpetrating minor evil in this world: Audiophile Top Trumps.
  • edited February 2008
    Huh? What's that?

    Anyway... Apply Now!
    Post edited by Victor Frost on
  • edited March 2008
    For length purposes, let's assume I've already implemented a plan along the lines of Sonic's. From there, the true madness begins.

    Using the robotic technologies already developed and the industrial might at my disposal, I will begin the next phase of my Grand Vision. Under the guise of weather and communication satellites, modular and self-directed components of an interplanetary space fleet of drones will assemble in orbit. Comprised of mining robots and a massive constructor ship, they will be sent to the asteroid belt and begin the work of constructing a robotic factory. These Von Neumann machines will gather the resources needed to build more of their ilk from the surrounding detritus of failed planets. From this graveyard of unfulfilled potential, far from the prying eyes of my enemies, shall rise the metal phoenix of my ambitions.

    While laying down the foundations of my robot empire, I will endeavor to keep Earth's attention focused on events at home, to keep the stupid masses glued to their TV's with inane drivel and the intelligent with global crises of an economic and environmental nature.
    Once the asteroid bases at the system La Grange Points are secured, more robot factory seeds will be sent to the Oort Cloud to begin their work beyond any interference. But these factories will not only be concerned with self-replication. They will be loaded with the designs for warships, the beginnings of a legion.

    Meanwhile, on Earth, I will decommission and mothball my secret island base and move operations to somewhere closer to an industrial complex. I will then use the money saved on maintenance to fund developments in hibernation and cryotechnology for extended space flight. I will also advance biotechnology to the point where artificial wombs that allow for a human to be conceived, grown, and birthed in a completely lab-controlled environment becomes a technological reality. Once achieved, I will begin construction of my interplanetary spaceship, a craft of truly colossal proportions. I will take my leave of Earth for my bases in the asteroid belt, my heir taking form in the bowels of my ship.

    From my bastions deep within the Trojans will I wage my war against Earth, starting with a cloud of rock and debris to orbit the planet, a wrathful wave of stone to clear the skies of Man's satellites. I will have at my disposal the Armories of Jove, untold thousands of missile left over from the chaos from which our system was born, to fling down upon those who have failed to become worthy of our Human Legacy. There shall be no forgiveness as cosmic hammers, nudged along their courses by ion engines assembled by robot manipulators, slam down into the cities of the world. Who shall take the time to appreciate the gifts that I have bestowed, of the sunrises and sunsets not seen since Krakatoa?

    When Nagisa asks, "What is Earth?" as we look upon the vastness of the stars, I will point to a small terrarium I would have built for this purpose. "Earth is Man's cradle, our birth planet. It is where we were forged, in the crucible of a violent planet, tempered with unending competition for our place as its supreme rulers. Time and again we were close to the edge of extinction, standing above the Abyss where all those before us had fallen. But we persevered, we fought, dragged ourselves away from the cliff of annihilation and prospered. It is a battlefield upon which we triumphed. But most importantly, that jewel of blue and green hanging in the void, is our homeworld, the Holy Land of Terra." And as a human, as a child of Earth-Descended Man, she will understand.

    If the nations of Earth can withstand my assault from the Heavens, if they can muster the courage, the will, the need for vengeance required to challenge my control of the gravity well, then they will have a hard fight to topple me from my throne. But I have faith, that they will rise to the occasion; that they will find, deep down, the indomitable human spirit which crushes its enemies to see them driven before it and laments only that it could not cause more pain. And when the final defensive barriers of my fortress are breached, two ships will escape from the blossoming flower of a man-made miniature sun. One will carry my heir to my old island stronghold, so that she may experience first-hand a sunrise on Earth. The other will carry me towards the Oort Cloud, where my Legions await. Then, depending on how Mankind progresses, I will send my Legions further out into the galaxy to replicate, evolve, and eliminate all life; or prosecute a Jihad against Man, destroying space colonies and once again turning Jove's Armories into the instruments of my wrath.
    Post edited by Katsu on
  • Those huge plans are great. But take way too long to achieve if you ask me. And Katsu, why send your daughter to certain doom? I mean, if the forces of Earth get that far to destroy your final defensive barriers, they probably wouldn't stop to take down an escape pod from that's coming straight at them.

    I still think one groan to arms works best.

    And Sonic, great, I'll apply, I'll just have to properly word my skill list. I'll try to gather a few zambah (zombie) friends to sign up. [shouts]Onewild![/shouts]
    You do have to create a proper zambahfication serum. Can't start before that.
  • I would get a magical stopwatch that can turn beavers into gold and take over the world by holding the beaver population hostage.
    Do you know how heavy a gold beaver is? You could barely drag it, not to mention the fact that there's no real good place to grab onto it.
    You do understand that the watch that turns beavers into gold is a Freakazoid reference, right?

  • And Sonic, great, I'll apply, I'll just have to properly word my skill list. I'll try to gather a few zambah (zombie) friends to sign up. [shouts]Onewild![/shouts]
    You do have to create a proper zambahfication serum. Can't start before that.
    Already have. Phencyclidines anyone?
  • Did you consider moving? If you do that you know that the amount of land would decrease, and the population density would increase. Putting the "new" pole over China would be particularly bad...
    How so? And I believe Scott is only talking about tilting the axis of rotation, not changing the axis the Earth is spinning on.

    And Scott, if you made the Tropic of Cancer higher it would be colder right now.
  • edited March 2008
    And Scott, if you made the Tropic of Cancer higher it would be colder right now.
    yes, it was hard to visualize. basically, I would change the earth so that the north pole would be somewhere in siberia. This would put the equator going through Central America, or even Mexico. A side effect of this plan is that much of Antarctica would melt and become land usable for living, farming, resource gathering, etc. Floods be damned.

    Now that I think about it, this plan might be able to be achieved with some shifting of tectonic plates rather than tilting of the globe.
    Post edited by Apreche on
  • Although totally impractical, I still find romanticism in the notion of building a moon base to watch the Earth's detonation from.
  • ...why send your daughter to certain doom? I mean, if the forces of Earth get that far to destroy your final defensive barriers, they probably wouldn't stop to take down an escape pod from that's coming straight at them.
    Are you referring to the heroic space marines of the UNSC which will be vaporized when I detonate the base's self-destruct system, and whose sensors will be jammed by the immense EMP generated? Also, who said that both the escape ships will be easy to detect? When they go through their sensor logs after the battle, they will only find the signature of one lifeboat making its way to the Outer Planets.

    Also, if they don't stop to take down an escape pod that's coming straight at them, well, they must have more important things to do than shoot at a lifeboat ejected from the stronghold of their nemesis.
  • If I were evil, I would install a puppet government that would purposely fuck things up (i.e. go to war, overspend, allow infrastructure to collapse). Then I would swoop in years later and take over while everything was in shambles.
    OMG, you're doing it right now, aren't you?!!
    Duh. Didn't you know that all evil geniuses reveal their plans?! So. Does this mean that everyone's going through their plans?


    I don't have one. Maybe it's just my current mood, but usually I don't want to take over the world. I hate being the leader of small groups in classes (which, I must add, I take automatically...) - I can only imagine how much I'd hate being a tyrant of the world...
  • Also, if they don't stop to take down an escape pod that's coming straight at them, well, they must have more important things to do than shoot at a lifeboat ejected from the stronghold of their nemesis.
    That's the point! They're trying to kill you! And if they see a escape pod coming towards them, of course they'll think that might be said nemesis. Thus it would be best of them to at least capture if not just destroy said escape pod.

    From that I deduct that you are a very evil father.
  • edited March 2008
    While yes, if they could detect the lifeboats through all the chaff and electromagnetic interference, they might shoot at it, you said
    they probably wouldn't stop to take down an escape pod from that's coming straight at them.
    You said they wouldn't take those potshots. If that's not what you meant, then you should have written it correctly the first time, üntermensch.
    Post edited by Katsu on
  • Idea: take control of all DNS servers and Goatse the world.
  • While yes, if they could detect the lifeboats through all the chaff and electromagnetic interference, they might shoot at it, you said
    theyprobably wouldn't stopto take down an escape pod from that's coming straight at them.
    You said they wouldn't take those potshots. If that's not what you meant, then you should have written it correctly the first time, üntermensch.
    What's wrong about that sentence? It sounds perfectly clear to me. Earth's forces attack your base, break through the final defensive forces, two pods are shot out, one towards earth, the other away from earth. And if earth's forces then see an escape pod coming at them/going towards earth, why would they stop their attack? Killing the enemy is part of an attack, and that escape pod must contain something valuable, else why would someone bother stuffing it in said escape pod? Unless of course it's filled with a few nuclear bombs.
  • edited March 2008
    I make a whole in the world that would connect opposite poles then I will surround it by copper and then I will make a big magnet fall on it. I wanna see what happens.
    Post edited by Andrew on
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