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The Masturbation Episode
Later tonight, we will be publishing the much-awaited episode on masturbation. I merely open the thread now in hopes of heading off an explosion of posts coming about in multiple threads.
Have at, and remember that, on GeekNights, no topic is sacred, (it just might be relegated to Thursdays).
Have at, and remember that, on GeekNights, no topic is sacred, (it just might be relegated to Thursdays).
Comments
In fact, I'm sure there will be plenty of people who would want you both spanked. The monkey trainer who lives next door to me would probably enjoy the 'cast, though.
I've never been caught in the act myself, but the "catalyst" was found. My mom just kind of freaked out, but my dad was pretty cool about it and just said it happens and is natural.
The banana sounds like too much time and effort for something that can be acomplished without violating fruit.
Found it a few years back. It still kicks ass, what are you talkin about?
Don't circumcise. Besides, if you watch P&T, you know it's Bullshit! There really is no difference between cut and uncut when erect, and the women won't notice.
One bit of advice I can give, to males at least, is that it's important to vary your masturbatory routine. Use different techniques, try different locales, use different rhythms, and so forth. The reason I say this is because nerves and sensation receptors can be conditioned to become accustomed to certain stimuli. For example, if you consistently listen to your mp3 player on a volume setting of, say, 7 (out of 10), eventually that volume setting won't sound as loud as it did at one point. You can become accustomed to heat and cold in much the same way.
Thus, if you don't use different forms of stimulation, you will actually become accustomed to said stimulation and it will lose its effect, and cause problems in the rest of your sex life.
Oh, and I've been thinking about trying the banana technique for a couple of years now; perhaps one day, I'll actually try it out and give my report.
Moving on.. On the jackinworld website if you read the "Question of the Week Classic" (first under Interact) there are the funniest stories ever. I can't stop laughing sometimes. Just thinking about some of the stories I've read.... oh man it's a good read. Check it out.
Of course, if I actually do this, I'm going to have to perform a study on it. It takes a scientist to do something to a disturbing level of completion.
Hell, I've even got a lab coat.
I'm thinking I could even write a paper on this. Gather enough data, maybe try microwaving the banana for various lengths of time, and then put ratings into some various categories.
Of course, I would need controls: masturbation via standard method (no banana) and an unmicrowaved banana. Icky, I know, but it's for science.
The general idea would be to masturbate on, say, a Sunday, and not record anything. Then, at 48 hours (+/- 2 hours), I'd do the no banana control. My time interval would remain 48 +/- 2 hours, so after the no banana would come the unmicrowaved banana control. Then, again at my time interval, I'd microwave the banana on high (probably an 800 or 1000 watt microwave) for varying increments of time: 10, 20, 30, 40, 50, and 60 seconds. Possibly, I could also use a thermometer to record the temperature of the peel. I'd probably have to let the bananas ripen a bit if I got them green, and then refrigerate them or otherwise keep them to prevent further ripening, as over-ripeness may affect the experiment. I'd probably have to try to keep the sessions at a set time; I'll shoot for half an hour, as a fairly solid masturbatory session. If time proves a factor, I can rub one out in 10 or 15 minutes easily enough.
I'm thinking of a subjective scale, 1 - 9, 5 being defined as the no banana control. Categories may include General Pleasant Sensation, Warmth, Comfort, and Orgasm. Higher numbers are "better" for each category, and again, we set 5 as the value for each field for typical masturbation. I'd compare the various methods to the no banana control, and provide ratings based on the sensations experienced.
It'd have to be relative values, unfortunately, because I don't have electrodes and thus can't measure actual nerve sensation values. If I got a grant, I could do that. Hell, I could probably afford to hire a couple of technicians to, um, assist me in this endeavor.
Yes, I've put far too much thought into this.
As for women masturbating, it can be easier and usually less clean up for us. Not to mention the fact we can keep going without needing a break in between. ^_^
Zibbelcoot: Informative. Also, outstanding.
http://www.google.com/search?q=banana+site%3Ajackinworld.com&start=0&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&client=firefox-a&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official
The method like he said is interesting. YOu should cut the ends off the banana first. Just chop it off. You want to warm up the banana in the Microwave for about a minute then it should be soft. The peel might feel hot but the inside isn't hot. Getting the banana out of the peel is a little bit difficult. You can use a spoon to get it out but you don't want to rip the sides of the peel. I used a toothpick to get the banana out the first time but the spoon works. You want to try and mush it out of the banana but don't rip the sides of the banana. After you get it mostly out then let the masterbation begin. I had a problem with the banana ripping when I got the penis in there so I had to hold it together. At first you should go slow so it feels like a vagina then after that do whatever. If I was going to make a vagina I would invent the banana. Its the closest thing to a vagina as your going to get for a cheap price. After your done the banana leaves crap on teh penis but it cleans up easy. Problem with the banana method is that once your done it'll leave your penis sticky so I suggest just washing it when your done. Shouldn't have to explain that.
I got a lot of strange looks from people as I was walking down the main shopping street in Oslo listening to the masturbation episode on my mp3 player (yes, I know this was many weeks ago, but this topic never goes out of fashion). My face must have flashed a rapid sequence of astonishment, giggling, horror, laughter, puzzlement and flushing. Great! :-D
Norway, like the other Nordic countries, does not have a lot of the Christian taboos left. Well actually, until a few months ago Norway was the only country in the world apart from Iran that had a priest as it's leader, but still I think a lot of foreigners will be shocked when they see the lack of traditional sexual morals and taboos that you find in official politics and institutions. For example: each Sunday afternoon the national broadcasting company has a two hour long radio program with sex education for young people. This is not the dry, boring stuff full of morals. Sexologists, health personnel, psychologists and other experienced people answer all questions from the curious kids, and give straight forward advice on everything (yes, everything, including anal sex and and how to pleasure yourself and your partner(s) in different situations). It is all done in a “sex is fun, even contraception can be fun!†kind of way. I believe that is quite unique on a world scale. I'm 35 and way past the target age, but I still find the program very entertaining (lots of funny and embarrassing flashbacks from a time when I was far less experienced!), and I sometimes learn something new and useful. I have spoken with even older people who revealed that they listen too.
Most Norwegians does not live in dorms during their education, and your stories about how to get the necessary alone-time was a fascinating look into a slightly different culture. I guess your high school system makes it more natural to talk openly about masturbation. I have almost never heard my friends here in Norway talk about it. Maybe masturbation is actually a little bit more taboo here because we usually don't need to discuss this private and embarrassing subject. I have been told it is quite common to talk openly on masturbation in the military, but I have no personal experience of that as I refused to do my military duty (I'm a pacifist).
I guess I should mention that despite the liberal politics on sex, there is still a lot of controversy. We have religious people here too, and unlike Sweden and Denmark we have a lot of restrictions on porn. It is loosening up a bit these days, but it is very slow compared to how easily available any kind of porn is on the Internet.
End of the subject cultural differences.
The only practical advice I have on masturbation is: Keep your foreskin! ;-) The foreskin is a very useful tool when you want to masturbate in a place where you cannot risk sticky stains. Just close your foreskin with your hand as you ejaculate and the foreskin will contain the load until you can dispose of it in a controlled manner. Stiff, stinking socks are not necessary. I love my foreskin!
You still find many people here in the States that will make crude jokes all day long, but if someone asked them an open question about their sexual preferences, styles of love making, sexual histories, and what have you, they clam up. Is it like that in Norway? It doesn't sound like it. I am not saying that it isn't healthy to have fantaies, kinks, or make jokes about sex, but when it excludes other realms of sex and sexual understanding, it seems to be quite damaging.
I think the main goal here is to avoid unwanted pregnacies and sexually transmitted deseases, and therefore it is important to give a lot of information to make sure the hormone filled teens know what they are doing. Also, the christianity and the institution of marriage is less and less popular. I believe only a 3rd of couples with children are married in the church (though often substituted by a non-religious marriage that give the same tax advantages), and the 'no sex before marriage' activists are few and only powerful in some regions.
But that doesn't mean you won't get in trouble with your parents or other authorative figures if you are sexually active, and most people won't talk openly about their sex life. It's a personal thing, and I think people still feel shameful about sex. You can't get rid of 1000 years of christian tradition and philosophy in just a 3 or 4 decades.
I really think the religious underpinning is the issue with America's portrayal of sexuality; everyone feels particular sexual urges, but the religious underpinning says those urges are wrong, so the country is constantly at war with itself.
Think, for example, of Britney Spears. Nominally, record labels market her "talent," but realistically, her entire career was built off of her being eye candy. The country has a tendency to make sexual idols, and yet when, say, Janet Jackson's nipple is sort-of exposed on national TV, people freak out. It's like you're allowed to dance around and hint at the topic all you want, even without any real subtlety, but the instant you're frank about sexuality, you're an evil pervert that's out to corrupt the children or some such bullshit.
It sounds like Norway has a pretty good handle on it though. Of course people are still going to be a little antsy about being frank with their sexuality, partly because it's very private and partly because most of the world has been taught to be ashamed of it for so long. However, it sounds like the education is what it needs to be. In America, most kids in high school are taught abstinence and abstinence only; there's no real useful information about sex, only fear mongering and such to try to keep kids celibate. That, of course, generally results in even more dangerous behavior, because it's all taboo and shit, sort of how prohibition and now the War on Drugs created problems rather than solving them.
It still seems that most people aren't terribly open about their sexuality, and it's a shame, because if people were just more honest about these things, there'd be a good bit less hardship to social interaction. Plus, it'd make for more interesting conversations.
I must admit I knew very little about the subject being an only child of a single mother, who went to a small Christian all girls school.
The banana freaked me out.