I live in southern Alabama. I don't think there's anywhere more Christian in the United States. Anyway, I wanted to tell you all about my experiences.
I felt that I needed to go ahead and let everyone that doesn't know know, I'm an agnostic. I have grown up around the bible belt here, so when I let people know this, I got tons of shocked looks and comments abound. So, for everyone that reads this, here's my story. I wrote this a month or two after everything happened, but I never posted it here. So anyway, enjoy!
I first decided that I was agnostic (although I'm really close to atheist, but I'll explain that later) when I was in College Prep Biology. Everyone was doing busy work, and I was talking to my friends as usual. Then the topic was brought up that Jordan doesn't believe in the moon landing, and thinks it was faked. Everyone in class of course thought this was a riot. They laughed at that for a minute and then I commented that I didn't believe in God. You can guess how well that went over. The whole class didn't hear me at first, but it traveled like lightning through the room. Within 30 seconds the whole class knew. The laughing stopped fast. Everyone kinda stared at me as Mrs. Bedsole tried to figure out what was going on. She just told everyone to be quiet and continued with grading or whatever she was doing. Meanwhile, nobody really got quiet, as the whole room was shocked at the fact that someone could NOT believe in God. No-one else there was agnostic. Of course, this is the bible belt, and most of these people had never even heard of being agnostic. Most people here just live in their strange "Go to church to gossip and praise God, then go home or go to school and have sex and curse, because I go to church, and that makes me a Christian". Keep in mind of course that not near all the people here are like that, just most of them. Some people keep clean lives, and pray every night, and act as a "Good Christian". Anyway, the point I'm trying to get to is that everyone here has lived in this somewhat sheltered life where all they know is God and church, and know nothing of people that don't believe.
If I haven't gotten the point across yet, from that day on, for the next few weeks, and even for the rest of the semester I had religious discussions with my teachers and friends in class. So much so that numerous times we spent an entire hour and a half arguing over religious facts, and never really got to the classwork. All I had to do if I didn't want to do work was say God a few times, loud enough that someone in the class said it, and it spread till we argued about it. I really didn't use this to get out of work though, because it's me against the class when we argue over religion, so it turns out as more work than the classwork we are assigned.
I thought it had cooled down after a month or so, but then I happened to carry a copy of "The DaVinci Code" into my Health Class and lost hours of work over the next week from arguments about that, although that's another blog. Even last week I got a phone call from one of my friends in Band who had just found out I was atheist, although I didn't realize this. Here's how the conversation went.
Me: Hello?
Friend: You going straight to Hell!!!
Me: What?
Friend: You atheist bastard!
This conversation kept going for a few minutes until he calmed down and I hung up. A couple things I want to point out. In this phone call he said that he was going to heaven and I was going to hell, because he knew God and went to church, while I don't believe. This is well and good, and he can believe what he wants, but he said Bastard, dammit, and numerous other cuss words while claiming that he was a Christian in the same sentence. Somethings wrong here. Maybe I'm the only one that can see it because I am the only one that isn't put under this, dare I say spell, called Christianity. It scares me sometimes. I'm going to show you how I see Christianity, and you can take it however you like.
This massive group of people believe the following as far as I can tell. A strange heavenly being has been here since before time, he is just there, and has created the Universe as we know it out of thin air. He then magically populated the Earth with Humans and created heaven and hell, for the bad people and the good people to go. He sends all people who don't believe in Him to hell, and lets all that do enter heaven.
Now, I know that many of you are going to complain about how many things I missed and got wrong and such, but broken down and leaving out lots of stuff, this is how Christians see life. I'm sorry, but it looks like the general masses have been living in fear since the beginning of time, because they are afraid of being sent to Hell, so they pray for this God, because he has a supposed power over us, and can keep them from going to hell. Better yet, he can send you to heaven, so you can see all the good believers you once knew again, and live happily ever after. Again, something seems wrong here.
I have explained as best I know how I view Christianity, and why I don't believe. I also want to clear a few things up.
First, I am agnostic, meaning I believe there may be a God, I am just unsure. I take this stance because I feel that Christianity has no solid evidence for God, and I have no evidence against it. I would be no different than Christians if I was an Atheist. So I remain Agnostic, until I see something that changes that.
Second, I do not hate Christians, nor hate God. I feel that some people think I hate God and/or worship the Devil. I just don't believe in God, or the Devil for that matter.
Third, I dislike being Agnostic. I don't it, because it gives me the challenge every day of explaining myself to all the other people, and it helps me meet people. But I would absolutely love to be a part of the masses, to beleive in something I can't see, to feel this warmth inside and know when I die, I will go somewhere better. I think it would be the greatest feeling anyone could ever feel, but sadly, I can't feel this way without some kind of proof, and hopefully something will change that. It would be so nice. Soooo nice.
So, there you have the story of an Agnostic. Growing up in this part of the country is pretty hard as an agnostic, but I think I'll make it through, especially after writing this. Leave comments or whatever you please, and please, tell you friends to read this, it might do them some good.
Comments
Even as a little kid, before I even heard of Marx or Engels, I was very suspicious that this was just a way to try and make the common people happy with their lot. Don't worry that the Board of Trade just slashed corn prices. Don't worry that the bank foreclosed on your mortgage and the farm is gonna be sold at a sherriff's auction. Don't worry that you're trying to support a wife and four kids on minimum wage. You're gonna get to go to heaven! (And it'd probably help if you beat the crap out of a few fags and remember to vote Republican.)
I've never had someone react in any way other than silent shock.
Your writing is good though; and I'd certainly read a blog about being an atheist in the bible belt.
I've never had someone react in any way other than silent shock.
What is the definition of "religious people"? Is there a degree of how religious can you be?
I do not consider myself religious but I would say that scenario would look like an awesome war, like the episode of South Park in which Kenny gets the psp and command the troops from heaven :P
Blah blah blah.
Give the kid a goddamn break already.
Vhdblood: welcome to the world of Agnostic Atheism; I hope you survive the experience.
I've always thought of starting a blog, just for my writing and things, but I had never thought about writing a blog about my religious views and experiences. I think that would be a great idea. So, can you guys recommend somewhere to host it? I don't feel like spending any money until I get the blog going, but I'm not sure which free choice is the best.
Edit: Also, what do I call it? I've been thinking, and I have no idea about a good name.
This is probably your best bet. Free and easy.
Btw, I'll do a more in-depth blog about this tomorrow, thanks for the idea.
As you gain more confidence try confronting the "Burn in hell" people about their belief's. Not that there is no god but try and get them away from religious intolerance.
VhdBlood, I suggest you read The End of Faith and even better, Letter to a Christian Nation (the follow up essay). However, I strongly suggest that you read Carl Sagan's Demon Haunted World initially, so you get a better feel for where Sam Harris will be coming from. Demon Haunted is a really good starter book for jumping into the skeptic world (which you're nearly apart of, welcome to the party).
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Myself? I'm not part of a religion anymore. I was christian at one point only because of my family which isn't a good example at all. I gave it up because according to everything I'm an abomination. Most religions classify myself as that. If found out I would have been banned or punished from the church and family. So I just stopped going. I believe there's a God but aren't part of any religion or practice any faith. If anyone ever asked what religion am I, I just say I'm Victoria. The closest thing is my own belief pattern. It wasn't until recently I was compared to being an agnostic. I always just assumed that it was just a person who believes in God or a higher power of the universe but doesn't worship anything. Am I in that category or am I just one of those question marked people? Maybe I should just keep saying I'm Victoria as my religion.