Your Hang Out People

JukeBoxJosh

Who do you hang out with?
Who do you consider your friends? Best friend(s)?

I seem to hang out with a lot of girls. Most of my friends are girls, and my best friend is a girl. I get semi-nervous around dudes, so I don't hang around them much.

But, recently, I've noticed my group of friends go at anyone "with me."* And, it's starting to get really annoying. I almost lost a friend because of the others and how she "had me."* So, instead of hanging out with them (starting on Monday), I'll probably be off by myself reading some DragonBall or some Library books.

Also, has something like this happened to you?

* = A BF+GF relationship of Middle School level.

kenjura

You, my friend, have encountered one life's fun little challenges.

Is it possible for a girl to break up a social circle? I'd say yes, especially if that circle otherwise consists of guys.

It is important to realize that men socialize with women in an entirely different way than they do with other men. Whether geeks or jocks, we male-folk like to pick on each other, argue, and generally get rambunctious in groups. However, we have an innate urge to change that behavior in the presence of a woman. Obviously, we don't immediately transmute into perfect gentlemen, especially if the woman in question doesn't want to be treated any differently. Sadly, it is more or less impossible to truly treat a woman like "one of the guys", and, in my experience, impossible for a woman to truly assume the role.

Is that so wrong? We're fighting something hard-coded in our brains by our very genetic makeup. Of course, like any such thing, it is best countered by acknowledging that it exists, and accepting it.

In terms of general advice, irrespective of the gender of those involved: if you feel some of your friends are costing you other friends, its on you to do something about it. Someone's got to stick up for your side. Confront people and try to level with them on what you think is happening, and give them a chance to do the same. If you don't, then things will just unfold without you, and your life will be at the mercy of others.

If you can manage to keep things together long enough, then everyone involved should eventually be fine with it. If you've got two friends with irreconcilable differences, that's a different story altogether, but I wouldn't blame it on gender. If that's what it is truly about, then I personally wouldn't want to hang out with anyone quite that sexist. It's all right to acknowledge the realities of sex, but it isn't all right to dislike anyone because of them.

Anyway, I'm extrapolating a lot here, but that's what comes to mind.

JukeBoxJosh

I'm the only dude part of the "original social circle" we created (we being me + my friends from 6th grade).

I think you would be surprised at how many arguments and pick-on-ings and all around craziness brakes out, even when I'm not there. And so, sometimes I'll get a bit wild, a bit argumentative, and stupid, and it's all cool. The girls act weird if not weirder than the dudes (all 2 of them, now). But the thing is, I really don't want a girl to be "one of the guys," because I just don't acre for them much (although I do miss the lack of gossip).

We have. My latest ex (that sounds a bit bad, doesn't it?) and I confronted her, but nothing seemed to stop her. She denies to me that she says anything, when I have seen with my own eyes, and heard from behind what she says. It just seems fruitless to do anything anymore, so doing nothing seems to be the route.

And, the worst part is, they'll trash talk each other. Best friends turned enemies in front of my eyes. And over some dude that really has nothing special to him. I hang on the Internet, update the MySpace/LiveJournal. Not much to me. But girls go crazy over me, and then turn against each other. It really confuses me and makes me sick.

I really think I hit only a few of your points, and then just rambled on, but it felt good to let out.

HungryJoe

It is important to realize that men socialize with women in an entirely different way than they do with other men. Whether geeks or jocks, we male-folk like to pick on each other, argue, and generally get rambunctious in groups. However, we have an innate urge to change that behavior in the presence of a woman. Obviously, we don't immediately transmute into perfect gentlemen, especially if the woman in question doesn't want to be treated any differently.

Compare the "Shaving" episode to any other episode. Emily was there for the "Shaving" episode and the guys were extremely subdued.

Li_Akahi

My friends are an even ratio of boys to girls. Some of the girls, though, want to be treated like the guys. We obviously don't want to roughhouse with them, because they are women, but we can talk like guys to them. Most of the guys who know them do. When I hang out with the girls, thought, I try to tone down the perverted dialog the geek speak, and the cursing just to be slightly more like a gentleman.

Zeehat

What are these friends you talk about?

Viga

I hang out with my 5 best friends. 3 girls and 2 guys. One of which since high school. We call ourselves the Unadults. It was more of us but then we kinda filtered the crap drama starting holes and concertrated into a ball of awesome. Who knew once being a Yugioh duelist at the same comic shop would result in a friendships who are family for years.

If an arguement does break out on the serious we handle it pretty well and alls okay by the next day. Then again we mostly act like a bunch of geek guys supposedly. I never run into chick like probs with them. Mostly just comments like "Stop cheesing with the rocklauncher/plasma sword/shotgun!" or "I want to use Marth this time!"

Its good that you're venting Prox. Sometimes you feel better let it all out.

JukeBoxJosh

Well, I didn't hang out with them today, which wasn't hard. I only saw them in the Large Gym, but I decided to sit somewhere else. And... I liked it. Nt much fighting/complaining about random shit. It was a bit peacful... 'til more kids showed up.

whatever

I hang out generally with only two other kids at school, and both are male and share most of my interests. I know everyone, more or less, in all of the advanced classes I'm in, but very few of them are into the same geeky things as I am aside from the aforementioned kids. I went to this Summer Institute for the Gifted thing a while back, and I keep in touch with all the kids I met there through emails, calls, etc. but I don't really "hang out" with many people.

Viga

Well, I didn't hang out with them today, which wasn't hard. I only saw them in the Large Gym, but I decided to sit somewhere else. And... I liked it. Nt much fighting/complaining about random shit. It was a bit peacful... 'til more kids showed up.

Maybe its a sign that you're just growing apart from them and you're tired of it all. There's no problem with that and it happens a lot in life.

JukeBoxJosh

Maybe... although today I felt like I didn't belong, but it won't matter tomorrow! I'll have some more mangaz then!

JukeBoxJosh

Ok, a bump sorta, but I am done listening to all the teen drama shit.
I'm gonna go which way makes me happy, and if that means ignoring whatever you had to say about whatever "he/she said about him/her," then so be it. Your problems are stupid, and you can solve them yourself.

I'm going back to my friends, where I belong. We've created a semi-stable group, and it usually doesn't fail except for whenever I start to question things. Maybe I'm the problem? Oh well...

And sorry guys and gals, dumped things on you for answers, when I shoulda figured things out for myself. I feel like a stupid little kid.

Viga

You're definitely not a stupid little kid. You're actually more mature than most 13 yr olds or even college students I know.