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Storyline Suggestions?
Hey guys, I'm trying to write a sci-fi adventure novel and I'd like your help with the first story line.
The Premise:
Sam, an IT student in New York, befriends a quantum physicist and is asked if he would like to take part in a revolutionary experiment. Having no family and nothing to lose, Sam takes the leap and ends up becoming the test subject for a gateway to a parallel universe. The problem is no one knows where it leads. Probes have been sent in but they have never returned; He is the first human test subject. He is told that the gateway will only last a week, and is given a wristwatch that can trigger another gateway in case he misses the original one. The catch is there is no guarantee that the new gateway will lead back home.
This story is like a combination between Sliders, Quantum leap, and Stargate.
So what should the first universe he land in be? I was thinking a world of OS-tans, but maybe I'm a bit too much into Moe girls. He will be picking up a female companion in this new world to take with on his adventures so keep that in mind. Also, should one of his friends go with him?
Any input would be greatly appreciated!
-Sonic
The Premise:
Sam, an IT student in New York, befriends a quantum physicist and is asked if he would like to take part in a revolutionary experiment. Having no family and nothing to lose, Sam takes the leap and ends up becoming the test subject for a gateway to a parallel universe. The problem is no one knows where it leads. Probes have been sent in but they have never returned; He is the first human test subject. He is told that the gateway will only last a week, and is given a wristwatch that can trigger another gateway in case he misses the original one. The catch is there is no guarantee that the new gateway will lead back home.
This story is like a combination between Sliders, Quantum leap, and Stargate.
So what should the first universe he land in be? I was thinking a world of OS-tans, but maybe I'm a bit too much into Moe girls. He will be picking up a female companion in this new world to take with on his adventures so keep that in mind. Also, should one of his friends go with him?
Any input would be greatly appreciated!
-Sonic
Comments
One way to flesh out you story and give it a bit more of an emotional punch is to make the central problem around one that people can relate to real life. One thing about Sci Fi that I love is that it provides a way to comment on social problems without directly talking about them. Every story needs conflict, so try theming your work around something that bothers you, an obsession for good or for bad. Gundam thinks about the strife of war - it may involve giant robots in space, but the feelings and problems involved have their roots in the war stories of the past. What about the OS tans appeals to you, thinking on a deeper level? That machines can be anthropomophic, that they have a humanoid "spirit" to represent them? He could fall in love and rescue an AI (which looks like a darling moe girl) who is about to be deleted due to the fact that no-one considers these computers as alive dispite the fact that they think and feel like you or I? Social Inequality, Slavery, Cruelty...Make a bad thing that must be solved by a good thing. What would disturb you about this world (problem) and what would fascinate and excite you(way toward solving the problem).
So this student someone with nothing left to lose? You don't casually walk toward your possible death. Make it a burning desire to escape this world, or sorrow that causes him to throw himself upon the sacrificial alter of science. What would cause a character to take a risk that drastic which may result in his permanant exile from his own dimension. You have to be hard core, and have a hard core emotional motivation. This will also influence his interactions with the other characters and situations as well. Is he looking for a emotional companionship? What is he lacking in this world that makes him want to leave it. This need is his driving force. I say no friends. He picks up friends along the long road back home.
Oh my, its a ramble. Four years of Screenwriting FTW. (I don't write professionally but I like to do it as a hobby - I'm an animator mainly) My advice is to think about the pyschology of the characters and it will probably inspire you. Make a list of hopes and fears, almost like an role playing character sheet for their emotions. Also - before you start, make a thorough outline from start to finish. It should go something like this.
Journey of the Hero
Following this formula won't make it cliched, almost any story you can think of follows the "Hero's Journey."
Write an outline and post it, pleasepleaseprettyplease? I'm interested.
And maybe make three dimensions he goes through. Each one has a separate problem. Each one has a different character. Good Luck.
If it's your first serious work, don't expect it to be perfect. You have to get something wrong a lot of times before you can do it right.
Link to what I've got so far
Link to Story outline
Link to one of my short stories
EDIT: It took me about an hour to finish up this post and then I find Omnutia's post. So rather than double posting, I append. Role reversals? Hm. Didn't they do that in Star Trek: TNG?
RIAA Domination? Haha, I love it! And it would fit nicely with the whole OS-tan thing.
Perfect? Never expected it to be.
1. Little details - flavor text: Say he is going to RIT. What does he notice about his surroundings and the other people? Visuals, smells, sounds; create an environment for him to inhabit and put your reader there. This will become even more important once he leaves this world and comes into the next one. You want to show your reader something.
2. Feelings: Get up in his head. What is he feeling physically, emotionally, and mentally? Tired? Irritated? Does his heart start to beat fast when he thinks about the possibility of other worlds? Just like you want to put the reader in the setting, put them inside the body of the character. Since this is first person and you are telling the story from in his head, you need more than just what comes out of his mouth. Elaborate. Next time you are sitting bored in class don't just think about what is happening, think about the experience - hard chairs, stinky fanboy B.O. (it is RIT after all) flourescent lighting. Describe the old man, not just his age but his mannerisms, voice, and physical imperfections.
3. You need to build up more of a bond between the professor and the protagonist. It still seems a little thin right now for friendship, especially the life risking kind. Maybe they are not so much friends as each one sees the other as a golden opportunity to achieve their goals. (Proving a theory and escaping lousy life on earth) Motivate go! Sci Fi role reversals reminds me of the episode of Red Dwarf where Rimmer and Lister meet their female selves from another dimension...heh.
For those of you who went/are going to RIT, What's it like? Any info would be great!
Think about all of your characters like Burning Wheel characters, in the sense that they all have nontrivial motivations and desires. Even "minor" characters should, for as long as they're in the scene, be strong and engaging. What do they want? How will the get it? Why do they care? Without all of that, the side characters will appear hollow, which will reflect on your main ones. Again, be careful. What we've said over the years will give you a very superficial understanding of RIT which, I warn you, would be painfully obvious to anyone who's actually attended.
Maybe we'll do a show on RIT itself sometime soon.
I say nix the friend. Make him go it alone. The harder for him it is, the better. Torment your protagonist, muwahahah. Maybe his last remaining friend in the world leaves or somehow betrays him, causing him to choose dimensional exile. Not having a friend makes his meeting with the AI all the more meaningful. If you put a friend in there, it might sink into the realm of "buddies on a wacky adventure" territory.
I agree with Rym, that making any character a just a "means to an end" to move the plot along is asking for trouble. You need to think about what they want, why they do what they do and the plot will develop more naturally. Make the professor a stern mentor type, not really a friend but more like the "teacher/wise old man" that often accompanies the hero following the "call to adventure." In the Matrix, this character is Morpheus, offering Neo the Red Pill/Blue Pill choice. He intructs Neo in the beginning until Neo becomes strong enough to make it alone. Partway through the movie Morpheus is captured by Agent Smith and Neo cannot rely on his support any more. Like so. Perhaps allow the watch to be a communication device, so the professor can gather data by talking to Sam, so that in case Sam can't return he still proves his theory and advances his research. He guides Sam in the very beginning, but the connection is lost at a critical point (when Sam gets stranded, perhaps) and Sam is isolated, wondering if he can make it on his own. This is the same as "killing the mentor."
Like I said before, make a list of all the characters, their flaws, beliefs, problems, and desires. You'll find out things about them you didn't even know and it will inspire you when you are writing their actions in the story.
I've decided how things are going to play out and I'm hoping I can get some more free time to write the next chapter soon.
Also, think about having themes, and motifs. Symbols. Ideas you want to convey, apart from telling a story.
The form of writing, as opposed to watching a story - real life, or animated - seems to be something which you're grappling with. You have to slip right into the character of Sam. You're writing in first person. Each moment which he's about to do an action, pause and think about why, and what he's feeling. Not just emotionally, but physically. Reel off each sense, and write about the ones which reflect on what he's feeling.
Editing also seems to be something you need to work on. I don't just mean spelling, or grammatically. I understand that you're just mostly fleshing out the story right now, writing the beginning to see where it will take you, but the thing about writing is that it has to flow. You can sacrifice grammar to stylize the voice you use when writing. You can structure the writing, the story, whatever, as long as it flows. And how to check that it flows? Read it out loud. That will help you feel out what's missing. If the narrative suddenly jumps - he's getting annoyed by something, but then he's responding chirpily to someone (don't worry, I don't think he did that) then something's missing. Fill in that gap. Make the experience real. Suck in the reader. Make them care about the characters. Even if you're just writing for enjoyment, you want to enjoy writing it, and the way to do that is to create characters which you like and can feel for.
I'm sorry if this seems like a lot of criticism, or if I'm repeating what other people say. I have to write a lot for school, and I lot of what I've said here is just repeated from what they've told me - except they tended to take red pens and scribble all over my work, and then look at me stonily when we have meetings. I just figured, since you asked for some input, I would try to oblige. Keep on going with the writing. Read some more, see how other people do it.
Obviously, since this is my first attempt at a longer story, I'm certainly not expecting it to be a work of literary awesome. This is more like my way of leveling up in writing skill.