What a difference a day will make.

am_dragon

Today my boss announced he was leaving our group to move to another group in the company. Later he let me know there was a position available that I might interest me. It's a promotion, it seems like a job I would very much enjoy. So what's the problem? I'm very comfortable in a smaller town, and the new position would require a move to Dallas, TX.

I know I should just jump on it, but it scares the hell out of me. It seems like a dream job for me, but what if it's not? What if we can't sell our house? What's it going to be like living in a city like Dallas?

My wife and I have been talking it over all day. I'm going to speak with one of the team members tomorrow to verify some of the job details about the job. What do you think? What would you do? Any thoughts or ideas about making a big move (500 miles)?

Thaed

Definitely do some soul searching. If the house is the only thing that's stopping you, you might be able to ask the company for a year's mortgage payments to give you some time to sell it or something like that. If you have kids, it makes it tougher because there are school issues to consider.

Apreche

Get it in writing. If it's a step up, you should definitely go for it. However, you need to get guarantees in writing that you won't just be screwed over. Make sure it's a lock, then make it happen.

am_dragon

- My parents are 8 miles away now, my wifes parents are 30 miles away.
- The house is a slight concern, we've made big improvements and we have some equity I would hope the house goes quickly.
+ We have two boys but our oldest won't start school for another year and a half.

I wouldn't sell the house without having the job in place.

kage_rod

If the job will go through, I say do so. The extra money will be worth it.

I'm surprised your concern is the selling of the house; I'd be worried about what I could find... And with two little boys, I'd want another house rather than an apartment..

Unknown

From what I've seen, usually the best way to make more money significantly is finding a new job. You can usually start off with better pay rather than staying with your current company and eventually matching your new pay with raises. The downside of doing this is the newer company may be worse work-wise than your old company... so there's a lot more chance of things of going south with a new job someplace else.

If you boss is a trustworthy guy, and you're getting a decent jump in pay, i'd consider it. Since you're familiar with the company and the boss, there's less chance of things going badly at your new position. Also, there's probably not going to be that many opportunities within your current company for better pay and position -- the only way would be to find another job.

Selling your house then moving will be a real pain in the ass, but the main downside would be moving away from family. For me, it would have to be a real bump in pay. Also, you have to consider cost of living in Dallas. Does it cost more to live there than where you're at now? Property taxes, car insurance, entertainment, etc. Your raise in pay might not be worth it then if you're still in the same situation expense-wise.

Dr. Timo

Watch this, and think about whether this knowledge will affect your decision. Most Importantly, ask yourself which decision you'll most likely regret and then think about that video again (better yet, decide on which is the worse choice before watching the video).

Kilarney

Is money more important than having your kids grow up with their grandparents? Do you need the extra money?

Unknown

Is money more important than having your kids grow up with their grandparents? Do you need the extra money?

It's not uncommon for families to be spread out across the country. It's not like your kids will never see their grandparents again. You have to keep your core family interest first. Will extra money help my family and kids in the future? With more money, you can go on better vacations, send kids to better schools/college, able to save money for rainy day fund or retirement, etc.

Personally, it would have to be at least a 20k raise for me to consider it (if it were me... not sure what your situation is) Also, if my living expenses were comparable or better in the new area. I wouldn't do it for only a few thousand.

Kilarney

It's not uncommon for families to be spread out across the country. It's not like your kids will never see their grandparents again.

I didn't say it was uncommon. I also don't know what the correct answer is. I just suggested that it's something that ought to be factored into the equation. It's really a matter of personal preference, and I wouldn't tell anyone what they should do - even though I know where my sentiments lie.

HungryJoe

We moved from Louisville, KY to Gaithersburg, MD (just outside of Washington, DC) because of jobs and money. It was a move of about 600 miles. It was rough the first couple of months, but the money made it worth it.

Recently we moved from Gaithersburg to Baltimore because of an even better job with better money. This time it was a LOT easier, because we used a moving company. So that's my biggest piece of advice: If you can afford a moving company (even if it hurts), use the moving company. They make it so much easier.

Also, don't stay in a small town for quality-of-life or some such hippy bullshit. Fuck quality-of-life. Life sucks anyway, and having a better quality-of-life just means having a better quality of suck. Go for the money while you still can.

Apreche

Recently we moved from Gaithersburg to Baltimore because of an even better job with better money. This time it was a LOT easier, because we used a moving company. So that's my biggest piece of advice: If you can afford a moving company (even if it hurts), use the moving company. They make itsomuch easier.

I agree with this 100%. Unless you have an incredibly small amount of light furniture, a moving company is a must. The cost might be high, but it's worth every penny. In fact, it's a bargain.

spiritfiend

One of the IT guys at my old job had a similar situation happen to him. He was actually given the option of taking a promotion in Texas, or accepting severance, since his branch was closing down. He didn't go because his wife didn't want to leave her family. Every so often he would complain about how much less the cost of living was over there, and how much he hated his new job, and how much less he was making compared to his old job.

When his wife eventually realized that the family had less money two years later, she told him that she regretted her decision. I don't think he spoke to her for a week afterwards.

I wouldn't begin to give you any advice on what to do, but I don't think it's worth the discord of having regrets later.

Apreche

Every so often he would complain about how much less the cost of living was over there, and how much he hated his new job, and how much less he was making compared to his old job.

Man, that's another good point. AFAIK the cost of living in Texas is pretty low. It's actually a haven for people who are bankrupt from what I hear. If you make more money and also move to someplace where it is cheaper to live, your standard of living might go way up.

am_dragon

Also, there's probably not going to be that many opportunities within your current company for better pay and position

I work for a fortune 100 company the chances for advancement in my current location are nil. In Dallas there would be many options for advancement. That is 90% (to give and arbitrary number) of the reason I would want to move.

One of the IT guys at my old job had a similar situation happen to him. He was actually given the option of taking a promotion in Texas, or accepting severance, since his branch was closing down.

This happened to me 2 years ago. I didn't move because my current boss didn't require me to move. I got lucky, I'm not sure that would happen again.

The cost of living in my current location is the same as the Dallas area. Leaving the grandparents is a big concern, family is very important to us. The current job offer pays up to $5K for relocation.

Thanks everyone for the input. My wife and I are going to Dallas in 2 weeks to look at houses. Any advice on other things to look at? I've talked to my boss about what areas we should be looking at, home and school wise.

Apreche

Thanks everyone for the input. My wife and I are going to Dallas in 2 weeks to look at houses. Any advice on other things to look at?

Check how close the houses are to the nearest grocery store, airport, highway, etc. That's a part of the country where driving is your primary means of transportation, you want to live in a house that is relatively close to places that you will drive to often.

Rym

Leaving the grandparents is a big concern, family is very important to us.

I want to qualify the following by stating very clearly up front that I am not advocating either going or staying, and that I intend this to be purely some anecdotal evidence of dubious and un-scientific nature. Your situation may vary. Void in Idaho.

I've known more than a few people throughout my life who have had a similar situation in regards to "moving away from family." Every one of these people was trying to move up in the world in some way. Every one of them was given an opportunity to do exactly that, with the caveat that said opportunity required a significant change in geography. Most of them had the reservation of not wanting to move away from family.

Without exception, every one of them who took the opportunity was better off and happier for it, while most of those who turned it down were worse-off later (in terms of both money AND happiness).

Granted, I should note that many (but not all) of these people were already somewhat dissatisfied with their lives and situations, or were clearly on a long-term road to nowhere. Your situation isn't necessarily analogous.

Kilarney

Without exception, every one of them who took the opportunity was better off and happier for it, while most of those who turned it down were worse-off later (in terms of both money AND happiness).

How many of them had kids?

We live 2-3.5 hours from our families. Let me tell you, it makes it tough. We're always on the road, we never have anyone to watch the kids for just a couple of hours, etc.

If I didn't have kids, I wouldn't think twice about moving. But with kids you really do have to think harder.

The major thing for me is the opportunity for promotion. Living in a rural area, it's a problem that I really struggle with.

HungryJoe

Years ago, my wife Carole made a pretty big move. She moved from Dover, NH to Lexington, KY. It was mostly because she liked horses so much and she wanted to work as a vet tech. She ended up going to law school at the University of Louisville and she stayed in KY for about twenty years before we moved to MD.

She often visited her family, but we're both of the opinion that family relations are tremendously improved if there's about 500 miles of buffer space.

Any advice on other things to look at?

Check for libraries, art house movie theaters, art/cult movie rental stores, comic book stores, used book stores, cemeteries, and sanatoriums. Check on crime statistics and research your neighborhood's frequency of poltergeist activity. They usually have that information at the local Chamber of Commerce. Have there been any unexplained disappearances lately? Are the cows still giving fresh milk or has it gone sour? Have there been any problems with livestock mutilations? Is your home in the path of the fire ant or killer bee migration?

How many of them had kids?

That's one of the many reasons you shouldn't have kids. Kids limit your mobility and slow you down. They're only gonna cause you heartache and dismay when the apocalypse comes.

Apreche

comic book stores

If you're in Dallas, Lone Star Comics is the way to go. That is, of course, only if you don't do the mail-order action.

Rym

How many of them had kids?

None of them. Hence, the disclaimers. ;^)

I can say, however, that we moved pretty far from our relatives when I was very young. We only visited the nearest ones (grandparents) once or twice a month, and the others less. My parents got local babysitters for cheap until we were old enough to stay home alone (12 or so).

We also moved a few times while I was growing up. I changed schools each time, and it was nothing but a good experience. Of course, it helped that we were moving to better and better areas with better and better school districts.

I do agree that children complicate matters, though. My family very purposefully moved only during the summer so as to not disrupt our schooling too badly, which did limit our house purchasing options.

Unknown

Any advice on other things to look at? I've talked to my boss about what areas we should be looking at, home and school wise

Since you have kids, check the registered sex offenders website for areas you're interested in. If that area is lit up like a Christmas tree with pedos, it's probably not a great area to move to.

Rym

If that area is lit up like a Christmas tree with pedos, it's probably not a great area to move to.

I'll note that looking on that site is like looking through fecal-vision. They're everywhere, including my raccoon wounds.

Thaed

In my view, if you plan on sending your kids to public schools, you should spend much of your time looking at houses in districts where the schools are the strongest. Stay in the top 3 - 5 if possible. To me, that is the number one consideration.

am_dragon

Granted, I should note that many (but not all) of these people were already somewhat dissatisfied with their lives and situations, or were clearly on a long-term road to nowhere. Your situation isn't necessarily analogous.

I go to work every day knowing that my current situation, however stable won't last forever. Looking around this area shows me people with my skill set making what I make now are few and far between.

I'm starting to get a little excited about the adventure. Selling our house is still going to be a major pain in the ass. Housing there seems very comparable. I've never lived in a major metropolitan area. I'm just starting to realize some of the benefits. There is a Pro Team for every major sport in the US, and soccer too. There are several lakes in the area. Music, conventions, theaters, and even amusement parks... right there.

Talked to a Realtor my boss recommended My current boss is great his exit from our group spurred my interest in moving, so I trust the referral. The Realtor asked what I as worried about, we said schools, short commute, and price. He's sent some interesting stuff so far, I guess we'll see in a couple weeks.

Rym

I've never lived in a major metropolitan area. I'm just starting to realize some of the benefits. There is a Pro Team for every major sport in the US, and soccer too. There are several lakes in the area. Music, conventions, theaters, and even amusement parks... right there.

Yeah, that's why I've never strayed from major cities. In fact, I've lived in or near major cities for my entire life without exception: Detroit, Rochester, and New York City have been my three "homes," and I've only ever moved in orbits around them.

kenjura

When it comes to big moves, do everything you can to reduce clutter beforehand.

I moved from NY to CA (2500 miles), and prefaced the move by selling or giving away as much junk as I could, with the intent of replacing what I needed on the other end. I sold my bed, some furniture, and a whole lot of computer junk. I gave away books (including 100s of d&d and related books) and tossed bags of clothes to the Salvation Army.

My roommates did the same. All estimates for our modest 3-bedroom apartment were for 60 boxes. We ended up shipping 22.

And after shopping around with dozens of movers for the best deal...we still paid $3500.

I doubt the contents of that moving truck would have cost $3500 to replace.

Add the costs of driving 4000 miles in 2 cars (it wasn't a direct trip) for a week, the first-month costs for rent, utilities, insurance, groceries, and all that jazz, and it got expensive FAST.

I urge you to consider your options for a very lightweight, frugal move. Many heavy items have a high resale value, which, when you consider the cost of shipping, may end up paying for themselves. Old clothes, books, and whatnot can be replaced.

As for whether or not you should move, I think others have covered it, but if you and your family are willing, it can be a very fun and refreshing change in your life. Dallas is a very fast-growing city, so it's going to have a lot to offer. It will also be kind of hot, but, well, that's Texas.

Good luck, whatever you decide.