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Selling Your Soul

HungryJoeHungryJoe
edited January 2008 in Forum Game
If you were to sell your soul to the Devil, how would you try to ensure he didn't screw you over with some sort of twilight zone twist?

Here's what I'm talking about: Say you sold your soul to the Devil and in exchange you asked to live forever. Got him, didn't you? You won't die and so you can't go to Hell. As you walk away, you get hit by a bus. You end up in a paralyzed from the neck down, you can't speak, but you're aware of your surroundings, and you're constantly in extreme pain all over your body. You pray for the release of death, but you can't die. Cheap twist ending.

How would you draft your Soul selling contract to eliminate the possibility of such a twist?

Comments

  • AprecheApreche
    Invincibility, immortality, and eternal youth. You need all three. Also, you need to have some sort of out clause where you have the ability to die, but only if you decide you want to.
  • Li_AkahiLi_Akahi
    I would be sure that there would be some sort of clause about being able to die if I were to contract a degenerative disease or paralasys that I would be able to break the contract and render it null and void. I would also want "live forever" to be completely defined, as so that there might be some sort of loophole and there would actually be a way to die. Finally, there would always be a challange clause. If I were to defeat the devil in a challenge, I would get my soul back and be able to die.
  • HungryJoeHungryJoe
    edited January 2008
    Invincibility, immortality, and eternal youth. You need all three. Also, you need to have some sort of out clause where you have the ability to die, but only if you decide you want to.
    What if you wanted something else? What if you wanted, for instance, the ability to change things into gold? You'd have to be sure to require that the ability can be turned on and off so that you won't starve and turn your loved ones to gold like King Midas.

    But might there be another twist you'd have to worry about if you had the ability to turn things into gold?

    What twist might you have to worry about if you asked to be the best guitar player in the world? How would you avoid it?
    Finally, there would always be a challange clause. If I were to defeat the devil in a challenge, I would get my soul back and be able to die.
    That's a good, interesting idea that makes for good stories. I'd definitely have a challenge escape clause.
    Post edited by HungryJoe on
  • Li_AkahiLi_Akahi
    You could forget to turn it off and slink off and have some "private time."
  • KatsuKatsu
    edited January 2008
    Include a clause where ownership of the soul transfers to the Devil if and only if, you are completely satisfied with everything that the Devil has provided. The key then is to never satisfied.

    Oh, master of the world? So what, there's still star systems to conquer, the galaxy to subjugate.
    Galactic conquest? There's still thousands of other galaxies to dominate.
    Emperor of the known universe? Still not enough, since it all will die an entropic death, eventually.
    Participating in the Timeline Wars? There's still an infinite cosmos to explore.
    And of course, in the end, usurping the throne of God Himself, and destroying the Devil.
    Even then, boredom will eventually set in, and the desire for new stimuli.
    Post edited by Katsu on
  • HungryJoeHungryJoe
    You could forget to turn it off and slink off and have some "private time."
    So, would a good clause be "In order to avoid killing my loved ones and so that I may eat food, my ability to turn things to gold shall not extend to anything organic. I shall not be able to turn anything organic into gold." Would that work?
  • Li_AkahiLi_Akahi
    edited January 2008
    You could forget to turn it off and slink off and have some "private time."
    So, would a good clause be "In order to avoid killing my loved ones and so that I may eat food, my ability to turn things to gold shall not extend to anything organic. I shall not be able to turn anything organic into gold." Would that work?
    Most definitely, but wait! Would the Devil be considered organic, or maybe some sort of divine being? That would be a great way to get out of the contract.
    Post edited by Li_Akahi on
  • HungryJoeHungryJoe

    Oh, master of world? So what, there's still star systems to conquer, the galaxy to subjugate.
    Galactic conquest? There's still thousands of other galaxies to dominate.
    Emperor of the known universe? Still not enough, since it all will die an entropic death, eventually.
    Participating in the Timeline Wars? There's still an infinite cosmos to explore.
    And of course, in the end, usurping the throne of God Himself, and destroying the Devil.
    Even then, boredom will eventually set in, and the desire for new stimuli.
    That would make a good story. I can imagine it as a comic book with art by Jack Kirby and maybe Steve Ditko.
  • AprecheApreche
    Just ask for the power to bend reality to your will. Then you never have to worry about anything happening that you don't want.
  • HungryJoeHungryJoe
    edited January 2008
    You could forget to turn it off and slink off and have some "private time."
    So, would a good clause be "In order to avoid killing my loved ones and so that I may eat food, my ability to turn things to gold shall not extend to anything organic. I shall not be able to turn anything organic into gold." Would that work?
    Most definitely, but wait! Would the Devil be considered organic, or maybe some sort of divine being? That would be a great way to get out of the contract.
    What about showering? Water is not organic. All the water hitting you in the shower would turn to gold and you couldn't get clean.
    Just ask for the power to bend reality to your will. Then you never have to worry about anything happening that you don't want.
    Do you think the Devil would really be willing to give something like that?
    Post edited by HungryJoe on
  • AprecheApreche
    Do you think the Devil would really be willing to give something like that?
    Would he be willing to give you any contract where you weren't at least fucked by some Twilight Zone twist if not screwed outright?
  • OmnutiaOmnutia
    I'm guessing there are plenty of lawyers in hell he can have look through for such things.
  • HungryJoeHungryJoe
    edited January 2008
    Do you think the Devil would really be willing to give something like that?
    Would he be willing to give you any contract where you weren't at least fucked by some Twilight Zone twist if not screwed outright?
    I think that, based on past literature regarding Devil-contracts, he is highly amused by twist endings, and so would always try to trick you into something where you'd have some tremendous regret brought on by the twist ending. For instance, he'd grant you the ability to be the world's best guitar player and then you'd lose your right hand in a lawn mower accident, or you'd end up deaf, or something like that.
    Post edited by HungryJoe on
  • AprecheApreche
    I think that, based on past literature regarding Devil-contracts, he is highly amused by twist endings, and so would always try to trick you into something where you'd have some tremendous regret brought on by the twist ending. For instance, he'd grant you the ability to be the world's best guitar player and then you'd lose your right hand in a lawn mower accident, or you'd end up deaf, or something like that.
    The key seems to be to have a twist ending that you are willing to live with. Maybe you are willing to be the best race car driver ever even if it means dying in a race? *cough*Ayrton Senna*cough*
  • HungryJoeHungryJoe
    edited January 2008
    The key seems to be to have a twist ending that you are willing to live with. Maybe you are willing to be the best race car driver ever even if it means dying in a race? *cough*Ayrton Senna*cough*
    That would make a good story too. Just as you said, the twist would be that the guy knows a twist is coming but he doesn't care. You'd just have to trick the Devil into giving you the twist you wanted. The problem with the "best race car driver ever" is that dying in a race might not be the twist the Devil has in mind for you. You might start out your "best race car diver ever" career just to find out the peak oil limit has been reached and now there won't be any fuel for race cars, so there'll be no more car races.
    Post edited by HungryJoe on
  • zombie a gogozombie a gogo
    I know a few guys who know the devil personally, I'll talk to them and see if they have any advice.

    Yeah, I'm a smartass!
  • AlexAlex
    Just ask for the power to bend reality to your will. Then you never have to worry about anything happening that you don't want.
    Of course, a request like that opens you up to alternate interpretations. You mean something very specific by "bend reality to your will", but what you mean is not the only way those words can be interpreted. According to at least one interpretation, this would be a completely trivial request (you already have it: your hands are directed by your will, and can bend reality one paperclip at a time).

    The key in most Devil's-bargain stories seems to be that the mortal never actually sets the details of the contract; usually the Devil proposes the terms of the contract himself. Of course, he also chooses to do so at a time when the other party isn't in much of a position to negotiate. It's one thing to think clearly about the terms of your immortality when sitting comfortably at home (or crosslegged before a pentagram painted in goat's blood, your choice), and another to do so when you're thirty seconds from the terminal end of a ten-thousand-foot drop.
  • SailSail
    edited January 2008
    What does the devil even do with those souls?
    The key in most Devil's-bargain stories seems to be that the mortal never actually sets the details of the contract; usually the Devil proposes the terms of the contract himself. Of course, he also chooses to do so at a time when the other party isn't in much of a position to negotiate.
    [Insert clip from Metalocalypse where they sell their souls to the devil that I can't find. Damn it, internet.]
    Post edited by Sail on
  • Sir_XanderSir_Xander
    The thing I would do is have a team of lawyers draw up a contract where I win in the end. Then I can get my way and still get off scot free.
  • thaneofcawdorthaneofcawdor
    I would sell my soul in exchange for... two more souls! Then I'd sell one of those souls to the devil for everything I ever wanted, and have the best of both worlds. Ha ha!
  • AprecheApreche
    I would sell my soul in exchange for... two more souls! Then I'd sell one of those souls to the devil for everything I ever wanted, and have the best of both worlds. Ha ha!
    Good call. If we're assuming souls are real, I can buy one from someone who doesn't believe in them. Then I can sell that to satan for something. He probably wouldn't give me as much as he would for my own soul, but I'd get something, and someone else would get all the suffering.
  • CremlianCremlian
    Ummm.. Don't you guys read stories, you have to make a selfless contract with the devil (I.E. helping someone else) and then the devil doesn't have any power over you. So, what you do is make sure you do something awesome for a good friend of yours who is in need, they get the benefits and the devil (according to most stories) can't touch you because of your selfless request.....
  • HungryJoeHungryJoe
    I would sell my soul in exchange for... two more souls! Then I'd sell one of those souls to the devil for everything I ever wanted, and have the best of both worlds. Ha ha!
    Good call. If we're assuming souls are real, I can buy one from someone who doesn't believe in them. Then I can sell that to satan for something. He probably wouldn't give me as much as he would for my own soul, but I'd get something, and someone else would get all the suffering.
    Maybe you could set up an atheist eBay page for people to sell their souls. . .
  • AprecheApreche
    Maybe you could set up an atheist eBay page for people to sell their souls. . .
    IIRC there was a site just like that many years ago. I wonder if it still exists.
  • ......
    What about the value of your soul? If we take someone legendary like Jack Sparrow, we know his soul is worth 100 normal souls. If your soul is of that quality, sure you can get a lot, but what if your soul is worth barely anything to the devil, he wouldn't give you anything you want for it.

    As for selfless requests, just get someone as crazy as you and sell your soul for the others benefit, repeatedly. Immortality, invincibility, eternal youth, eternal wealth, magic powers, etc, etc, etc...
  • AprecheApreche
    edited February 2008
    As for selfless requests, just get someone as crazy as you and sell your soul for the others benefit, repeatedly. Immortality, invincibility, eternal youth, eternal wealth, magic powers, etc, etc, etc...
    So what you're saying is that satan is badass enough to handle all the pits of hell, but can't even handle a tag team of two normal people?

    There's a thought. Maybe make a deal with Satan to switch places. You take his job, he takes yours.
    Post edited by Apreche on
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