About being bullied: If you just stay out of peoples way and hold your self back you don't really get targeted. At least that is what I experienced. I now, after talking to people I never talked/bothered to talk to, got told that people were scared of talking to me because I made such an introvert and "strong" impression, since I mostly kept to myself and strayed from the group. Again:
"Act like you think you are awesome, and all the things you like are awesome. Instead of trying to act "normal" or "cool" take whatever makes you weird and act like its cool. People will be like "what's up with that?" at first, but if you can stick it out they will start to wonder if maybe it is cool too."
I am somewhat hesitant to write this. I don't want to sound ungrateful for Ms. dog's advice. I also don't want to sound sexist. However, I feel I must point out that bullying for guys is a little different than bullying for girls. I'm sure every girl will say that there is an imminent threat of violence from a girl bully, but I feel that the threat of violence from guy bullies is more likely to become real. Maybe things have changed a bit, but when I was young, you never heard of any such thing as girl violence. I know it exists now, and I encountered it when I was teaching in DC, but I still don't feel as though it quite reaches the threat level of guy violence.
The reason I feel this is because I believe that Ms. dog is mostly right when she says that violence can be redirected by a cutting remark. That might be true for a girl bully. However, I think most guy bullies are not that sophisticated. Take the football jock bullies for instance. Their raw-meat fueled, corn-fed, Neanderthal, testosterone-and-human-growth-hormone induced 'roid rage is looking for an outlet. If they focus on you, you're gonna be hit. Any comments, however biting or clever, are just going to ignored or misunderstood at best. They might even add fuel to the fire if the jock in question is evolved enough to understand language.
Different classes of bully might be dealt with in different ways. You might be able to sway a rich kid bully with language. You might be able to redirect a stoner bully by confusing him. However, I advise treating the jock bullies as you would a rhinoceros you might encounter on the veldt. Stay far away and downwind, don't make any sounds or sudden movements, and when he leaves the area you should leave in the opposite direction.
Don't misunderstand me, I'm talking words against words, fists against fists. That is how you defend yourself. Never, however, throw the first punch - they teach you that in any martial arts dojo you walk into. It is good to be able to defend yourself both physically and mentally. And as far as being a girl, I'm as much worried about guys beating me up as the next person. If someone is violent and mean, they're liable to lash out at anyone weaker than them - women have to worry about getting beaten up too (and there are worse people out there than obnoxious high school football players...muggers do stabbin'!!). That's why, even if you consider yourself "anti-jock" it's good to learn self defense techniques and gain physical strength just in case.
I am still in HS, but luckily I'm the computer geek. People ask me all the time if I can fix their computer, DVD player or what-not. It's unusual for me to say yes, but I always help out a friend.
I have been the target of cruel jokes, but it has never gotten physical beyond a point. I am a violent person by nature and have been known to ask people; when they pick on me; if they know what a .45 cal. bullet would do to the human body. For this reason, people no longer bother me much for their fear of me showing up at school with a number of high caliber firearms. So being labeled as crazy or dangerous helps a out alot in the bulling department.
My problem however is my lack of will power to keep my grades as 'A's or 'B's. My teachers and peers know I'm probably smarter than many of them, but I have better things to do than homework or school assignments.
Actually, do you guys have any advice for coming up with good quips on the fly to steal a bully's momentum. Most of the bullying that comes my way is verbal and somewhat low-key, but I can never come up with good responses on the spot.
Actually, do you guys have any advice for coming up with good quips on the fly to steal a bully's momentum. Most of the bullying that comes my way is verbal and somewhat low-key, but I can never come up with good responses on the spot.
"Whatever." I usually just wave my hand and walk away - that's the most response. There's been a couple times where I've actually stayed around to chat, smirking the whole time because I'm just so easily amused until I'm finally bored. I've never been good with quips, but I treat it as if I'm talking to a retarded child when I'm chatting. For example, a guy on the bus who interrupted a conversation between a friend and I on anime. I explained what it was, and he waved it off and basically acted really stupid, trying to anger my friend and I. My friend immediately withdrew, but I ended up chatting away with him, explaining patiently and then asking trivia if he went "OH I know that" (when he doesn't) then laughing.
I'm going to be a freshman next year. Anything I should be wary of?
It's busy, especially if you get into clubs. Oh, and don't expect anyone to do SHIIIIT unless you do it yourself. ^_^
My high school experience, as it is still going (one more year! Damned upgrading, damned correspondence and being lazy...!) is.. pretty good. I hated Junior High, and I had went to a different school in a different town for grade 9 (the year before I had to go to High school) and decided to do whatever the hell I wanted. I got the self esteem I need, and now I'm just peachy - prez of the anime club and working on a convention that'll be coming up this weekend, tons of friends, etc. I wear whatever clothes come to hand, but I can easily make myself look pretty and feel pretty damned good when I want to. I no longer try to fit myself to others.. ah.. but I still suck at attending. It's not so much skipping than I simply don't get up. heehee...
Actually, do you guys have any advice for coming up with good quips on the fly to steal a bully's momentum. Most of the bullying that comes my way is verbal and somewhat low-key, but I can never come up with good responses on the spot.
I was bullied constantly in Middle School, so much that I was actually allowed to stay in art for three quarters of the year (in my school, your related arts changed quarterly which really sucked). I would always go to an adult and tell them what happened, this made the bullies back off for a while. One of them even got suspended. Unfortunately, the Neanderthal held a grudge and when he came back, he picked me up (I was a runt until High School) and threw me into a trashcan and then against a locker. He was about to beat the living shit out of me, but a teacher grabbed him and I spent the rest of the day in the safety of the office playing Fire Emblem. The moral of the story is... telling an adult is a good idea, but don't make that your primary defense. This event, added with my relative lack of confidence and self esteem, caused me to start taking Taijutsu lessons. Fortunately, I have not had to use any karate on anyone to keep them from beating me up.
One of the things I've been considering is taking classes on swordsmanship. The only problem is, to use it as a defence I'd have to either carry around a collapsible, or hidden sword(blunt, as to not bleed them out). Or I'd have to find a stick or pole to use in the spot. Bullies don't usually bother me, but every now and then you get that on jack ass that has to take a 'swing' at me.
I am a violent person by nature and have been known to ask people; when they pick on me; if they know what a .45 cal. bullet would do to the human body. For this reason, people no longer bother me much for their fear of me showing up at school with a number of high caliber firearms. So being labeled as crazy or dangerous helps a out alot in the bulling department.
No, it doesn't! People make fun of you because they think you are a crazy ass! Stop being a crazy nut job, and be a normal person. Then nobody will pick on you.
One of the things I've been considering is taking classes on swordsmanship. The only problem is, to use it as a defence I'd have to either carry around a collapsible, or hidden sword(blunt, as to not bleed them out). Or I'd have to find a stick or pole to use in the spot. Bullies don't usually bother me, but every now and then you get that on jack ass that has to take a 'swing' at me.
See, now I actually do think you are really a crazy ass dangerous person. Get some help.
re. teen drama and popularity. I think about Britney Spears. I'm sure she was Miss Popularity in the high school years, but where is she now? Ok, rich+nutty still equals nutty.
I am a violent person by nature and have been known to ask people; when they pick on me; if they know what a .45 cal. bullet would do to the human body. For this reason, people no longer bother me much for their fear of me showing up at school with a number of high caliber firearms. So being labeled as crazy or dangerous helps a out alot in the bulling department.
No, it doesn't! People make fun of you because they think you are a crazy ass! Stop being a crazy nut job, and be a normal person. Then nobody will pick on you.
One of the things I've been considering is taking classes on swordsmanship. The only problem is, to use it as a defence I'd have to either carry around a collapsible, or hidden sword(blunt, as to not bleed them out). Or I'd have to find a stick or pole to use in the spot. Bullies don't usually bother me, but every now and then you get that on jack ass that has to take a 'swing' at me.
See, now I actually do think you are really a crazy ass dangerous person. Get some help.
OK, lets step back and assess what normal is. If this is normal than Fuck you. I will by no means be part of the ignorant, brainwashed society we live in. I am who I am because if my abnormality, and if you want me to conform than take your commie, totalitarian ideas and shove them.
EDIT: and another thing; I would be taking this class for the same reason I'm taking NRA marksmanship training... To learn some discipline that I know I lack. As it stands I barely do enough to keep my self from failing out of all my classes.
OK, lets step back and assess what normal is. Ifthisis normal than Fuck you. I will by no means be part of the ignorant, brainwashed society we live in. I am who I am because if my abnormality, and if you want me to conform than take your commie, totalitarian ideas and shove them.
Nobody says you have to step in line and conform and do what "the man" says. Nobody on this forum is a conformist square. However, there is something about yourself you have shown to us in your recent posts that makes even us fellow geeks think there is something wrong with you that is not good. You should take that seriously.
I am a violent person by nature and have been known to ask people; when they pick on me; if they know what a .45 cal. bullet would do to the human body. For this reason, people no longer bother me much for their fear of me showing up at school with a number of high caliber firearms. So being labeled as crazy or dangerous helps a out alot in the bulling department.
No, it doesn't! People make fun of you because they think you are a crazy ass! Stop being a crazy nut job, and be a normal person. Then nobody will pick on you.
One of the things I've been considering is taking classes on swordsmanship. The only problem is, to use it as a defence I'd have to either carry around a collapsible, or hidden sword(blunt, as to not bleed them out). Or I'd have to find a stick or pole to use in the spot. Bullies don't usually bother me, but every now and then you get that on jack ass that has to take a 'swing' at me.
See, now I actually do think you are really a crazy ass dangerous person. Get some help.
Okay I do agree that you need help except I wouldn't of said it so...Scott like. Anyway I have been there. When I was younger I made this mistake and did the same things. Being the crazy girl and labeled as dangerous only made it worst for me. Being on the list of potential shooter students didn't make anyone lay off of me. That type of stuff and comments only egg them on harder. They want you to do something. They want to see if you snap. Being a violent person making threats to get people of you only backfires in the end. I know that first hand. So, Xenoc, please just stop. Don't go there.
OK, lets step back and assess what normal is. Ifthisis normal than Fuck you. I will by no means be part of the ignorant, brainwashed society we live in.
Aside from Scott's somewhat abrubt comment, I'll note two important things.
1. Being "normal" isn't the goal. Normal varies. Be yourself.
BUT:
2.
[I] have been known to ask people; when they pick on me; if they know what a .45 cal. bullet would do to the human body.
That is NOT what you should be doing. Making veiled threats of extreme violence has never been cool, and will only serve to further distance you both from those who dislike you AND those who would otherwise want to be your friends.
Stand up for yourself and be yourself, but don't make creepy threats. If you honestly (seriously) believe that these threats are part of you on a fundamental level, then get psychological help.
I was an uber geek in high school. I'm still an uber geek. I always associated a great deal with other uber geeks. But if someone had said something like that and I'd overheard it, I highly doubt I would have sought out their company in the future, and I may have reported it to someone if I'd seen a consistent pattern of related behavior.
OK, I never said I wasn't extreme; But I will tone in down some. Perhaps my behavior was and probably still is extreme But I wont let anyone treat me like I'm less than who I am. Mostly comments like this are done in joking way with my close friends but I see where you are coming from.
OK, I never said I wasn't extreme; But I will tone in down some. Perhaps my behavior was and probably still is extreme But I wont let anyone treat me like I'm less than who I am. Mostly comments like this are done in joking way with my close friends but I see where you are coming from.
Standing up for yourself is one thing, and it's probably the most important thing you need to learn how to do. It's hard, very often, but it's something you'll figure out as you mature. Everyone continues to figure it out throughout their life; that's why "growing up" is sort of a continual process.
Standing up for yourself does not mean making veiled threats. In fact, that's quite often the OPPOSITE of standing up for yourself. If you, for example, ask someone "Do you know what a .45 does to a human body," without actually intending to ever follow through on it, you're making a lot of noise without any substance. If you WOULD follow through on that threat, GET YOURSELF SOME HELP. Having a homicidal urge because someone called you a freak is a sign of an actual, physiological problem.
The idea is to make sure that people understand that you ARE who you ARE, and nobody else. If they like it great; if not, oh well. That's the idea here. When you exhibit an extreme reaction, like the things you've posted, you're either 1. faking it or 2. actually troubled. "Faking it" might not necessarily be a conscious action, by the way; you may be unconsciously taking your behavior to extremes in order to garner any attention. That is, in fact, what you'd be doing here; by being extreme to the point that bullies don't want to even mess with you, you're effectively getting attention from their non-attention. You're AWARE that they're avoiding you, which, psychologically, brings as much validation as positive attention. Sort of a "I'd rather be hated than forgotten" kind of thing.
So, basically, you need to take stock of your behaviors and figure out what you consider extreme and not. Odds are, if it's extreme, it's probably not what you REALLY want to be doing, it's just how it's manifested thus far. Try to figure out if you can modify the output that you're giving to more closely match what it is you want to achieve. Also, while it might seem like you're copping out, don't be afraid to ask someone for advice; I don't know, maybe SOMEONE on this forum full of geeks, someone may have some things to say about their experiences as a social outcast in high school. Maybe.
Otherwise, keep on truckin' and so forth. Be more assertive and less overtly aggressive, and you'll get a lot more respect.
In high school I was the geek who got hassled by other geeks. ^^; I feel for ya, Xenoc.
I wonder if geekdom was always schismed like that, or if it's a recent thing...
I mean, when I was growing up I wasn't part of the "geek" group... rather, there were geeks, and they got grouped. Like at lunch once all the regular cliques had taken their seats, there was always a couple leftover tables for geek overflow. This is where you'd meet the guy with that skin problem, or the fat kid who probably had a disability of some sort, but not severe enough to be put with the special class, or the guy who thought Star Wars was real, and couldn't be convinced otherwise, or the kid that never talked, etc. etc. etc. Becoming a tolerant person is just what sort of happened when that was your day to day social experience, and when the alternative was having no friends at all. Then came high school, and "geeks" were just another clique.
I was thinking of this earlier when I noticed how the lower-functioning otaku at cons and anime clubs seem more likely to be driven off than they used to be... it seems as if a different breed of anime fan is showing up, and the old sort who were... tolerated, if not liked (we were all in it together, after all), are finding their welcome less welcome by these new guys. Was it always this way? Did I just never notice before?
Well, common interests do not always mean compatible personalities. I think back to the "Steve" from RIT who would follow Scrym around and talk about really grotesque hentai. I also remember that there was this fat nerdy kid in high school who was into fantasy novels and anime and so I would be nice and talk to him about it in study hall occasionally. He repaid me by stalking me, saying creepy things about me (like he told my friend he wished he knew where I lived so he could look in my window) and leaving weird notes on my desk. These people are difficult to deal with and make people uncomfortable. I think there is a difference of actively bullying someone and distancing yourself from people who are apt to make your life frustrating. I think people should be nice and civil to everyone, but that is not to say that you have to be friends with people who drive you up the wall.
So far, it's been mediocre at best. My main set of friends have been people I've met at anime cons [that live close to me], and my friends from gradeschool.
Freshmen year I really didn't hang out with anyone from my high school, I just kinda floated by. I did begin to make some friends by the end of the year, but I kinda wish I would have made some friends earlier. I didn't really get picked on that much, cause I didn't let much of my geekiness get out to the "public". Sure I got picked on by this one douche, but he was hated by the majority of people anyways, so I didn't really care, but he did get under my skin.
Sophomore year I made friends, joined the anime club (which disbanded since the seniors who were running it graduated and no one took over their roles...
Well, common interests do not always mean compatible personalities.
True that. I know one kid in my grade who's an anime fan, but he is pretty awful in social situations (and by awful I mean worse than most geeks are), so he's hard to really talk to or make any connections with at all, anyways.
Comments
"Act like you think you are awesome, and all the things you like are awesome. Instead of trying to act "normal" or "cool" take whatever makes you weird and act like its cool. People will be like "what's up with that?" at first, but if you can stick it out they will start to wonder if maybe it is cool too."
Although that quote doesn't entirely fit. ^^
The reason I feel this is because I believe that Ms. dog is mostly right when she says that violence can be redirected by a cutting remark. That might be true for a girl bully. However, I think most guy bullies are not that sophisticated. Take the football jock bullies for instance. Their raw-meat fueled, corn-fed, Neanderthal, testosterone-and-human-growth-hormone induced 'roid rage is looking for an outlet. If they focus on you, you're gonna be hit. Any comments, however biting or clever, are just going to ignored or misunderstood at best. They might even add fuel to the fire if the jock in question is evolved enough to understand language.
Different classes of bully might be dealt with in different ways. You might be able to sway a rich kid bully with language. You might be able to redirect a stoner bully by confusing him. However, I advise treating the jock bullies as you would a rhinoceros you might encounter on the veldt. Stay far away and downwind, don't make any sounds or sudden movements, and when he leaves the area you should leave in the opposite direction.
I have been the target of cruel jokes, but it has never gotten physical beyond a point. I am a violent person by nature and have been known to ask people; when they pick on me; if they know what a .45 cal. bullet would do to the human body. For this reason, people no longer bother me much for their fear of me showing up at school with a number of high caliber firearms. So being labeled as crazy or dangerous helps a out alot in the bulling department.
My problem however is my lack of will power to keep my grades as 'A's or 'B's. My teachers and peers know I'm probably smarter than many of them, but I have better things to do than homework or school assignments.
My high school experience, as it is still going (one more year! Damned upgrading, damned correspondence and being lazy...!) is.. pretty good. I hated Junior High, and I had went to a different school in a different town for grade 9 (the year before I had to go to High school) and decided to do whatever the hell I wanted. I got the self esteem I need, and now I'm just peachy - prez of the anime club and working on a convention that'll be coming up this weekend, tons of friends, etc. I wear whatever clothes come to hand, but I can easily make myself look pretty and feel pretty damned good when I want to. I no longer try to fit myself to others.. ah.. but I still suck at attending. It's not so much skipping than I simply don't get up. heehee...
This event, added with my relative lack of confidence and self esteem, caused me to start taking Taijutsu lessons. Fortunately, I have not had to use any karate on anyone to keep them from beating me up.
EDIT: and another thing; I would be taking this class for the same reason I'm taking NRA marksmanship training... To learn some discipline that I know I lack. As it stands I barely do enough to keep my self from failing out of all my classes.
[Submitted before Xenoc edited some of the crazy out of his post]
1. Being "normal" isn't the goal. Normal varies. Be yourself.
BUT:
2. That is NOT what you should be doing. Making veiled threats of extreme violence has never been cool, and will only serve to further distance you both from those who dislike you AND those who would otherwise want to be your friends.
Stand up for yourself and be yourself, but don't make creepy threats. If you honestly (seriously) believe that these threats are part of you on a fundamental level, then get psychological help.
I was an uber geek in high school. I'm still an uber geek. I always associated a great deal with other uber geeks. But if someone had said something like that and I'd overheard it, I highly doubt I would have sought out their company in the future, and I may have reported it to someone if I'd seen a consistent pattern of related behavior.
Standing up for yourself does not mean making veiled threats. In fact, that's quite often the OPPOSITE of standing up for yourself. If you, for example, ask someone "Do you know what a .45 does to a human body," without actually intending to ever follow through on it, you're making a lot of noise without any substance. If you WOULD follow through on that threat, GET YOURSELF SOME HELP. Having a homicidal urge because someone called you a freak is a sign of an actual, physiological problem.
The idea is to make sure that people understand that you ARE who you ARE, and nobody else. If they like it great; if not, oh well. That's the idea here. When you exhibit an extreme reaction, like the things you've posted, you're either 1. faking it or 2. actually troubled. "Faking it" might not necessarily be a conscious action, by the way; you may be unconsciously taking your behavior to extremes in order to garner any attention. That is, in fact, what you'd be doing here; by being extreme to the point that bullies don't want to even mess with you, you're effectively getting attention from their non-attention. You're AWARE that they're avoiding you, which, psychologically, brings as much validation as positive attention. Sort of a "I'd rather be hated than forgotten" kind of thing.
So, basically, you need to take stock of your behaviors and figure out what you consider extreme and not. Odds are, if it's extreme, it's probably not what you REALLY want to be doing, it's just how it's manifested thus far. Try to figure out if you can modify the output that you're giving to more closely match what it is you want to achieve. Also, while it might seem like you're copping out, don't be afraid to ask someone for advice; I don't know, maybe SOMEONE on this forum full of geeks, someone may have some things to say about their experiences as a social outcast in high school. Maybe.
Otherwise, keep on truckin' and so forth. Be more assertive and less overtly aggressive, and you'll get a lot more respect.
I wonder if geekdom was always schismed like that, or if it's a recent thing...
I mean, when I was growing up I wasn't part of the "geek" group... rather, there were geeks, and they got grouped. Like at lunch once all the regular cliques had taken their seats, there was always a couple leftover tables for geek overflow. This is where you'd meet the guy with that skin problem, or the fat kid who probably had a disability of some sort, but not severe enough to be put with the special class, or the guy who thought Star Wars was real, and couldn't be convinced otherwise, or the kid that never talked, etc. etc. etc. Becoming a tolerant person is just what sort of happened when that was your day to day social experience, and when the alternative was having no friends at all. Then came high school, and "geeks" were just another clique.
I was thinking of this earlier when I noticed how the lower-functioning otaku at cons and anime clubs seem more likely to be driven off than they used to be... it seems as if a different breed of anime fan is showing up, and the old sort who were... tolerated, if not liked (we were all in it together, after all), are finding their welcome less welcome by these new guys. Was it always this way? Did I just never notice before?
Freshmen year I really didn't hang out with anyone from my high school, I just kinda floated by. I did begin to make some friends by the end of the year, but I kinda wish I would have made some friends earlier. I didn't really get picked on that much, cause I didn't let much of my geekiness get out to the "public". Sure I got picked on by this one douche, but he was hated by the majority of people anyways, so I didn't really care, but he did get under my skin.
Sophomore year I made friends, joined the anime club (which disbanded since the seniors who were running it graduated and no one took over their roles...True that. I know one kid in my grade who's an anime fan, but he is pretty awful in social situations (and by awful I mean worse than most geeks are), so he's hard to really talk to or make any connections with at all, anyways.