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Your best pirate joke!

GreatTeacherMacRossGreatTeacherMacRoss
edited September 2008 in Everything Else
Avast me salty sea-dogs! Hand over ye best pirate jokes or I'll keel-haul ye and then lash ye to the yardarm!

Why did the pirate captain hate the moil?
Arr, he tried to sever me timber!

Comments

  • ProfPanglossProfPangloss
    How did the pirate captain pass high school biology?

    He properly identified an arrrrrrachnid!
  • ninjarabbininjarabbi
    Why coundn't the 10 year old go to the pirate movie?
    Because it was rated arrrr!
  • GreatTeacherMacRossGreatTeacherMacRoss
    What kind of sweaters to pirates wear?
    Arrrrgyle!
  • GreatTeacherMacRossGreatTeacherMacRoss
    A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!"
    "What do you mean?" the pirate replies, "I'm fine."
    The bartender says, "But what about that wooden leg? You didn't have that before."
    "Well," says the pirate, "We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit my leg but the surgeon fixed me up, and I'm fine, really."
    "Yeah," says the bartender, "But what about that hook? Last time I saw you, you had both hands."
    "Well," says the pirate, "We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and my hand was cut off but the surgeon fixed me up with this hook, and I feel great, really."
    "Oh," says the bartender, "What about that eye patch? Last time you were in here you had both eyes."
    "Well," says the pirate, "One day when we were at sea, some birds were flying over the ship. I looked up, and one of them shat in my eye."
    "So?" replied the bartender, "what happened? You couldn't have lost an eye just from some bird shit!"
    "Well," says the pirate, "I really wasn't used to the hook yet."
  • RymRym
    edited September 2008
    So a pirate walks into a bar, and the bartender says "It's drivin' me nuts!"

    The pirate, humiliated and confused at his stolen thunder, leaves in a daze, to later die of iron poisoning in the West Indies.
    Post edited by Rym on
  • GreatTeacherMacRossGreatTeacherMacRoss
    So a pirate walks into a bar, and the bartender says "It's drivin' me nuts!"

    The pirate, humiliated and confused at his stolen thunder, leaves in a daze, to later die of iron poisoning in the West Indies.
    That was harrrrrrrsh.
  • DiddgeryDiddgery
    After a bit of those "Arrrr" based jokes, you can ask this one.

    A: "What's a pirate's favorite fast food restaurant?"
    2: "Arrrrrrby's?"
    A: "Nay, it be Long John Silver's!"
  • WyattWyatt
    What do Pirates and gay men have in common??

    Their always after someone else's booty ;)
  • WalkerWalker
    edited September 2008
    Arrrr... Mr. Macross went an' stole me joke.
    Post edited by Walker on
  • VigaViga
    What do Pirates and gay men have in common??

    Their always after someone else's booty ;)
    Haaaaaaar dee har harrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
  • KeiyaKeiya
    Q: How do pirates know that they are pirates?
    A: They think, therefore they ARRRRRR!
  • VigaViga
    What did the pirate rapist say to the hentai girl.

    I gunna be plunderin your booty!

    (I said this to friends earlier with mixed response. :P)
  • csrjjsmpcsrjjsmp
    Why are pirates so good at calculus?
    They never forget the c!
  • AprecheApreche
    Why are pirates so good at calculus?
    They never forget the c!
    Om my god, it's not an arrr joke!
  • csrjjsmpcsrjjsmp
    I didn't want to make it look like I was stealing someone else's punchline. That's a good way to start an arrrrgument.
  • HMTKSteveHMTKSteve
    What do pirates do in the evenings?
    Your mothAAAHHHRRRRR!!

    What did Captain Hook die of?
    Jock itch!

    How does a pirate tell his wench he wants to have sex?
    Drop yer sails and prepare t' be boarded!

    What does a pirate and a pimp have in common?
    They both say YO HO!

    What do ye call a black Pirate?
    A 'Pirate', ye racist scoundral!

    What does a pirate say when he wants to get drunk with two ladies of the night?
    Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum!

    What do ye get when two pirates have sex?
    An AAAARRRrrrggggasm!

    What does a bleached blond and a pirate have in common?
    A little black patch.
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