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BLAZING SPIRITS by Li_Akahi

Li_AkahiLi_Akahi
edited September 2008 in Art!
I am not a shit-talker, here is chapter 1-page 1 of the comic I have been trying to start for around 5 years:
image

I will try to have at least one more page posted on my DeviantArt within the week. I am in college so I have a fairly busy schedule. Please give me some feedback (if possible from only one page)!

Comments

  • SailSail
    Interesting page layout.
  • CHOIS CHOIS CHOISCHOIS CHOIS CHOIS
    That looks like crap. Oh sorry, just being a jerk, like you.
  • VigaViga
    That looks like crap. Oh sorry, just being a jerk,like you.
    Now now, Morio-kun. Be the bigger one. Calling it crap isn't going to make people respect you. *pat you on head*

    Anyway, the guy running looks kinda akward. I really like this 1st page layout. The costumes are cool! Work on the bodies a bit more. Try some inking and toning, but in practice first.

    MORE PAGES ARRGGHG! YAY! <-- That means I like it.
  • YoshoKatanaYoshoKatana
    I was looking at a very similar revolver not ten minutes ago, in fact.
  • GeoGeo
    edited October 2008
    That looks like crap. Oh sorry, just being a jerk,like you.
    Just get over it dude, it's not that big of a deal. If you take things personally to this degree on the forums, my question for you is the following: why are you here? It's like the Wild West out here, anything goes. You either gotta get hit by the bullet or dodge out of it's path. But Li has a point though, you do kinda post before you think. My advice to you would be to consider what you are about to post and whether or not it will leave you open to criticism.
    Post edited by Geo on
  • GeoGeo
    edited September 2008
    I am not a shit-talker, here is chapter 1-page 1 of the comic I have been trying to start for around 5 years:
    image

    I will try to have at least one more page posted on myDeviantArtwithin the week. I am in college so I have a fairly busy schedule. Please give me some feedback (if possible from only one page)!
    Dude, this looks fucking awesome! You should try and make a portfolio and show it to some underground or indie comic magazines because I think this is quality material you got here.
    Post edited by Geo on
  • CHOIS CHOIS CHOISCHOIS CHOIS CHOIS
    It looks cool. It's a lot better than what I could draw in my prime.
  • Li_AkahiLi_Akahi
    Try some inking and toning, but in practice first.
    I was actually thinking about not inking the comic. I like the fact that I can get texture with my pencils and I also feel that my lines have a bit more character in pencil than they do when they're inked.
  • MrRobotoMrRoboto
    edited October 2008
    Your pencil lines lack confidence, so it really doesn't help, instead of character it looks kinda muddy.

    Ugly white space in corner is ugly. If you intend to put text there, think it over, everything in the page reads to the right, placing text in that corner would just blend and disappear with the BG.

    If you are sticking with pencil, you have to learn to shade better and learn how to use contrast in your advantage, case in point, the character on the right, even though his suit has all this detail, nothing pops out, and just looks like a gray mass.

    I'll add some more comments later, when I get home.
    Post edited by MrRoboto on
  • Nine BoomerNine Boomer
    It looks cool, but I agree with more contrast. Really, the only thing that I notice about the body is the belt buckle.
  • Johannes Uglyfred IIJohannes Uglyfred II
    I'd say for an amateur artist, this is a good start. I really like the costumes and the gun. Keep drawing more - the more you do, the better and better your stuff will get. After five years of incubating, I'd say this idea deserves to be born. :)
  • Li_AkahiLi_Akahi
    I think I am going to go back and solidify the lines more. I am going to try to not ink, though.
  • FunfetusFunfetus
    I hope you don't mind critiques.

    Pretty solid drawing overall, though I think you need to work on your drapery and folds. One thing that really sticks out to me is the fold behind his knee in panel 1. Those lines should basically be flipped upside down. It's really defining the form incorrectly as it is.

    As for the page layout, it's a big confusing. You can't tell at a glance that these are separate panels. Additionally, it's difficult to tell what's happening. We just have two guys facing the same direction, with no context. A larger establishing shot would be really useful here.

    I also agree with the others who said that the pencil work is muddy. If you're going to leave it in pencil, I'd suggest going a lot darker with your lines, and lighter with your gray tones, except for dark accents, like where you might spot blacks if you were inking. It does all kinda blend together into a gray mass.

    I hope it doesn't seem like I'm picking on you. I'd really like to see you improve these things. Good luck.
  • GreatTeacherMacRossGreatTeacherMacRoss
    I'd say you need a thicker boarder between the edge of the wall running down the middle of the image. A think holding line along the larger character's back and the wall there would help separate it.
  • Li_AkahiLi_Akahi
    edited October 2008
    image
    Better? Worse?
    I redrew the lines on the characters and made them thicker and darker. I also cleaned up some stray lines and redrew the character on the right's face as it displeased me. I also made some changes that were suggested above. If this doesn't work out I might redraw the entire page and actually ink it instead of leaving it in pencil.
    Post edited by Li_Akahi on
  • MrRobotoMrRoboto
    Don't be afraid of ze black and white.
    Also, check the anatomy on the guy on the left, his right arm is bending weird, rotate the chest a bit and add the left hand so he looks balanced.
    image
    It kinda looks crappy, but burn and dodge kinda suck, its just to get the idea across.
  • GeoGeo
    Don't you think you guys are a little too hard on Li? He's still trying to find his voice in the sea of comic-style artists. My advice: keep on trying and sooner or later you'll succeed.
  • MrRobotoMrRoboto
    edited October 2008
    No, conformism is not good, specially when starting, if he doesn't correct them, he will learn bad habits. He has to push, push, then push some more, don't be discouraged.

    Draw from life, start to draw what surrounds you, you'll learn perspective, anatomy, balance, etc.
    Post edited by MrRoboto on
  • ErwinErwin
    The face of the dude holding the hand looks creepier in the second one :S
  • FunfetusFunfetus
    Don't you think you guys are a little too hard on Li? He's still trying to find his voice in the sea of comic-style artists. My advice: keep on trying and sooner or later you'll succeed.
    It's not about style, it's about fundamentals. There's a place for style, and he'll find it, but everyone needs to learn the basics of anatomy, composition, perspective, etc.
    Draw from life, start to draw what surrounds you, you'll learn perspective, anatomy, balance, etc.
    Yes. Drawing from life is essential, and will make you improve faster than ANYTHING else.
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