Communication solves problems. Intervention should be a last resort.

Sail

Why have people become so afraid of communicating their issues to other people? It seems like people have lost the ability to to just talk about and resolve their problems without the need of a third party intervening. People bring their gripes straight to the top without even letting the lower level know there is a problem.

To use an analogy, in sailing if you want to protest someone else for a foul it is required that you yell your protest to them out on the water. This gives them a chance to resolve their foul immediately by doing a penalty turn. If you do not inform the other boat of your protest your case will be thrown out. This is based on the philosophy that races should be won on the water and not in the room. If the person does not do their penalty turn and it goes to a judge's call in the protest room, it is usually because one party or the other had a misunderstanding of the rules and it becomes a learning experience for all.

I've encountered people bringing their problems to a third party in lieu of bringing them to who they actually involve at school, at work, and right now I'm encountering it with my team. If there is an issue, should it not be brought to who it actually concerns so that it can be resolved immediately? It's extremely frustrating to me that someone would need another person to fight for them and hold their hand and tell them everything will be ok. If someone went into the room with a protest based on hearsay and one which the protested boat knows nothing about, they would be told off. Why isn't it like this in life? Why do third parties get involved without making those who are really involved try to work it out first? Why do third parties just take someone's word as truth without any probing? Win your races on the water, not in the room.

Walker

Nobody likes being taken out of their comfort zone, and most will opt to stay in it without any thought given the choice. I think it's especially prevalent among young people these days thanks to parenting styles becoming more and more coddling. Since there's no fights, no bullies, no competition, and no pain, kids don't learn how to be comfortable when confronting people. Instead they're taught to rely on third parties, and will rely on them heavily later in life as a result.

Then again, being a 16 year old kid myself, I could be blowing this out my ass. What do you guys think?

Starfox

I've encountered people bringing their problems to a third party in lieu of bringing them to who they actually involve

Says the kid posting on the internet. ^_~

Sail

Says the kid posting on the internet. ^_~

Have I asked you to intervene on my situation?

Omnutia

It could be because people assume that the second party is probably not a reasonable person, often they are right.

Σπεκωσποκ

I think if everyone gets their nose broken (when they deserve it) once in high school by some other kid, the world would be a place without pansy passive-aggressiveness like third party intervention. Unless it's Celestial Being, in which case I'm all for intervention.

Apreche

People don't like confrontation.

Rym

Unless you have actual power over the person you're confronting, you often need a third party to exert authority if you do not expect to come to an agreement. There are also often dangers in acting directly. Both direct and indirect action have their place and time.

misakyra

It could be because people assume that the second party is probably not a reasonable person, often they are right.

Actually, I find that they're often wrong. If I have a problem with someone, I usually try to bring it to them first. A lot of times, it turns out that they weren't aware that they were doing anything that was upsetting anyone else. They either explain themselves or apologize, and we move on. Going to a 3rd party first can cause more problems than just confronting the person head-on, because you'll find that most people want to be told to their face if someone has a problem with them. At this point, being confronted by the offended party is so rare, it's kind of refreshing. It's like, 'wow, you actually had the guts to say it to my face. That's pretty awsome.'

TheWhaleShark

People don't like confrontation.

Unless you have actual power over the person you're confronting, you often need a third party to exert authority if you do not expect to come to an agreement. There are also often dangers in acting directly. Both direct and indirect action have their place and time.

These are both very true statements. However, you can get people to agree with you, as long as you don't frame it in a confrontational fashion. Sit down and have a discussion in a non-confrontational fashion; if the other person is at all reasonable, they should be willing to communicate in the comfortable environment that you've created. If they won't discuss in those circumstances, they're obviously an unreasonable person, and that's when you need to appeal to the third party.

Diplomacy first, then go to outside intervention. Personally, I try to be as reasonable and accommodating as I can be in a situation. That way, if it doesn't work, you've done everything you can do, and it's on the other person. That gives you some leverage when appealing to the third party.

Rym

Direct confrontation is often a bad idea if it is with an unknown quantity, and can open you up to unintended liability. Confronting an unknown without an impartial witness is dangerous in many senses of the word.

For example, say you are involved in a traffic collision. The safest thing to do is to call the police and not in any way interact with the other driver. This maximizes the possibility of a favorable outcome and shields you from all sorts of possible problems.

Sail

For example, say you are involved in a traffic collision.

If two cars hit, it means that one person or the other is unreasonable.

Diplomacy first, then go to outside intervention.

This is what I'm getting at. Let's say I have a parking spot that's designated for me and one day someone in my workplace starts parking in it. Why would I not just start by politely asking them if they know that they're parking in my spot before bringing it to my boss? Your higherups have more important things to do regarding the buisness while, in your scenario, it is the police's ONLY job is to intervene.

Shaun

If two cars hit, it means that one person or the other is unreasonable.

Not necessarily. There is such a thing as a mistake. Reasonable people are perfectly capable of making mistakes.

Sail

If two cars hit, it means that one person or the other is unreasonable.

Not necessarily. There is such a thing as a mistake. Reasonable people are perfectly capable of making mistakes.

If this is true, then what reason would a person possibly have for not at least asking the other person if they were alright before calling the police?

Shaun

If this is true, then what reason would a person possibly have for not at least asking the other person if they were alright before calling the police?

Because it's very easy to make a mistake that could screw you in the end. If you check on the person and say something to the effect of, "I'm so sorry I hit you," then you've just admitted that you're at fault for the accident. And you certainly don't want to go and accuse the other guy of hitting you, because that could potentially cause unnecessary conflict. So, like Rym said, the safest thing for both parties is to call in a neutral third party - in this case, the cops - to arbitrate.

kage_rod

Speaking from the prospective of being the problem-causer... I would much prefer it if they talked to me directly.

At camp, I didn't mean cause a problem. I let my tone get bossy, when I never meant to. Instead of telling me themselves, the person told the camp co-ordinator who in turn spoke to me. So instead of being able to tell them myself that I would try my hardest, and to show I was really damned sorry for doing that even if I didn't know, I ended up feeling like shit. I didn't even know who it was that saw me as bossy, and it really hurt me because suddenly I didn't know if anyone actually liked me. Not the best of situations.

misakyra

Speaking from the prospective of being the problem-causer... I would much prefer it if they talked to me directly.

At camp, I didn't mean cause a problem. I let my tone get bossy, when I never meant to. Instead of telling me themselves, the person told the camp co-ordinator who in turn spoke to me. So instead of being able to tell them myself that I would try my hardest, and to show I was really damned sorry for doing that even if I didn't know, I ended up feeling like shit. I didn't even know who it was that saw me as bossy, and it really hurt me because suddenly I didn't know if anyone actually liked me. Not the best of situations.

A similar thing happened to me at work. Some people thought I was telling them how to do their jobs and told their boss rather than telling me. If they'd told me first, I could have just apologized and let them know what I'd been thinking. Instead it just made the whole thing really awkward until they moved me back to my regular department.