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Rules for Made-up Sports
Just for fun, I was writing up a set of rules up for the rousing new sport my brother and I seem to have invented last night. Thought that they were mildly amusing, and that it might be fun to both share them and hear rules for other games or sports that you guys might have made up.
So, to kick things off, I present to you the rules for Murdershirtball (aka: Competitive Hot Potato Except With Shirts). Special thanks to NBA.com for providing a rough rules template.
OFFICIAL RULES OF THE NATIONAL MURDERSHIRTBALL ASSOCIATION
Rule No. 1 -- Court Dimensions and Equipment
Section I - Court and Dimensions
a. The court shall consist of Eryn's bedroom, which should measure two-and-a-half Eryns long by two Eryns wide.
b. The court shall be divided into two main zones - On The Bed, and Not On The Bed. On The Bed will have a higher ground advantage, while Not On The Bed will have a not-slowed-down-by-mattress-and-fluffy-down-comforter advantage.
c. Each main zone must contain one Four Point Sub-Zone. For the On The Bed Zone, this is located in the space between the mattress and the wall. For the Not On The Bed Zone, this is located in the blue, canvas laundry hamper. Note: the white, plastic hamper next to the blue, canvas hamper is worth no points except under special circumstances. See Rule No. 4, Section VII for more details.
d. Between the two zones, neither On The Bed nor Not On The Bed, shall be the nebulous limbo zone of The Loose Bedknob That Could Fall Off Any Day Now. For simplicity's sake, this zone will commonly be referred to as the Nebulous Zone.
e. Within the main zones, certain areas shall be considered "out of bounds". For On The Bed, this will be considered underneath the Four Point Zone (under and behind the bed). For Not On The Bed, this will be beyond the laundry hampers where it is impossible to reach.
Section II - Equipment
a. The murdershirtballs shall be officially NMA-approved shirts taken from Eryn's drawers, laundry hampers, wire racks, or bedroom floor.
b. There shall be at least two murdershirtballs in play at all times.
c. Acceptable shirt variations include the standard T-shirt, short-sleeved with collar, long-sleeved, and no-sleeved.
d. Unacceptable shirt variations include the sweater, hoodie, coat, house coat, shawl, pants and other bottomwear, and bra.
Rule No. 2 -- Players, Officials, and the Duties of Both
Section I - The Players
a. There shall be two teams, each consisting of one player and no more. No team may be reduced to less than one player.
b. Duties of the players include Ball Prep (see Rule No. 4, Section I), throwing murdershirtballs at one another while making various excited noises, taunting the opponent during moments of triumph, swearing and/or "aww, rats!"-ing in moments of defeat, and generally keeping up the atmosphere of merriment on the court.
Section II - The Game Officials
a. There shall be two game officials, one for each side. Both officials should also be players for the sake of saving precious space on the court.
b. Duties of the officials include pointing out ties, determining fouls or out of bounds, awarding bonus points, arguing with the opposing official, saying "Ready, Set, Go!" to initiate First Strike, and not keeping score.
Rule No. 4 -- Definitions
Section I - Ball Prep
Ball Prep consists of the act of bunching, rolling, twisting, or otherwise compacting a regulation shirt into a ball-shaped lump - a murdershirtball.
Section II - First Strike
The First Strike is the initial moment after the officials (also the players) say "Ready, Set, Go!" when the players (also the officials) first throw their murdershirtballs at one another.
Section III - Round Wins, Losses and Ties
a. A normal round loss occurs when one player has two murdershirtballs in his/her zone and is touching at least one of them. The player with no shirts left on his/her side is declared the round winner.
b. An automatic round loss can also occur if one player deliberately throws his/her murdershirtball out of bounds or into a bonus point area. This counts as a foul (see Rule No. 5 for more details).
c. A round tie occurs in the following situations: either 1) both shirts land in one zone and neither player is touching either shirt, or 2) a shirt accidentally ends up out of bounds ("accidentally" is the key word; debate over intentionality is encouraged between the officials).
Section IV - Points
See outside reference "Whose Line Is It Anyway?" for details.
Section V - Bonus Points
a. Four Point SubZones grant four bonus points and a round victory to any player who accidentally lands his/her murdershirtball in them. Again, keyword is "accidentally" (see Rule No. 4, Section IIIc).
b. One million bonus points are granted to both players in the event that a Matrix Revolution (see Section VII) occurs.
c. One billion bonus points are granted to whichever player can accidentally land his/her murdershirtball on the Nebulous Zone.
d. Other bonus points may be awarded in special circumstances determined at the whims of the officials.
Section VI - Matrix
A Matrix refers to a semi-common occurrence when both murdershirtballs collide in mid-air, wrap around one other and fall to the ground, resembling the famous scene from 1999's The Matrix where Neo and Agent Smith fly at one another in a subway and complete a similar maneuver (only in their case, they had guns on hand as well). This occurrence often ends in a tie.
Section VII - Matrix Revolution
A Matrix Revolution refers to a semi-rare occurrence when both shirts are flying slightly toward the Not On The Bed out of bounds area, end up in a Matrix, and spin together downward to land perfectly in the white, plastic laundry hamper. See Rule No. 4, Section Vb for notes on points.
Section VIII - Smoosh
Similar to a spike in volleyball or a smash in tennis/badminton, a smoosh is a technique where a player throws his/her murdershirtball down toward the opponent's feet as fast and hard as possible, hoping to catch his/her opponent off-guard.
Section IX - Smother
A smother is a technique where a player attempts to throw his/her murdershirtball in such a way that it will land across his/her opponent's face, hopefully obscuring the opponent's vision long enough for the player to win the round. A foul is committed if the murdershirtball is still in ball form when it hits a player; the NMA doesn't want to encourage anyone losing an eye, now, do they?
Rule No. 5 -- Fouls and Penalties
The initial penalty for committing a foul is the automatic loss of the current round. The game continues as normal, with the further penalty being that the foul-committing player has had their pride bruised slightly.
Rule No. 6 -- End of Game and Ultimate Winner
Section I - End of Game
The game is over when one player utters the official endgame statement of the NMA: "Okay, that's enough of this shit for tonight."
Section II - Ultimate Winner
The ultimate winner of the game is whoever had the most fun. Officials are free to debate this point as they see fit until they reach a conclusion.
So, to kick things off, I present to you the rules for Murdershirtball (aka: Competitive Hot Potato Except With Shirts). Special thanks to NBA.com for providing a rough rules template.
OFFICIAL RULES OF THE NATIONAL MURDERSHIRTBALL ASSOCIATION
Rule No. 1 -- Court Dimensions and Equipment
Section I - Court and Dimensions
a. The court shall consist of Eryn's bedroom, which should measure two-and-a-half Eryns long by two Eryns wide.
b. The court shall be divided into two main zones - On The Bed, and Not On The Bed. On The Bed will have a higher ground advantage, while Not On The Bed will have a not-slowed-down-by-mattress-and-fluffy-down-comforter advantage.
c. Each main zone must contain one Four Point Sub-Zone. For the On The Bed Zone, this is located in the space between the mattress and the wall. For the Not On The Bed Zone, this is located in the blue, canvas laundry hamper. Note: the white, plastic hamper next to the blue, canvas hamper is worth no points except under special circumstances. See Rule No. 4, Section VII for more details.
d. Between the two zones, neither On The Bed nor Not On The Bed, shall be the nebulous limbo zone of The Loose Bedknob That Could Fall Off Any Day Now. For simplicity's sake, this zone will commonly be referred to as the Nebulous Zone.
e. Within the main zones, certain areas shall be considered "out of bounds". For On The Bed, this will be considered underneath the Four Point Zone (under and behind the bed). For Not On The Bed, this will be beyond the laundry hampers where it is impossible to reach.
Section II - Equipment
a. The murdershirtballs shall be officially NMA-approved shirts taken from Eryn's drawers, laundry hampers, wire racks, or bedroom floor.
b. There shall be at least two murdershirtballs in play at all times.
c. Acceptable shirt variations include the standard T-shirt, short-sleeved with collar, long-sleeved, and no-sleeved.
d. Unacceptable shirt variations include the sweater, hoodie, coat, house coat, shawl, pants and other bottomwear, and bra.
Rule No. 2 -- Players, Officials, and the Duties of Both
Section I - The Players
a. There shall be two teams, each consisting of one player and no more. No team may be reduced to less than one player.
b. Duties of the players include Ball Prep (see Rule No. 4, Section I), throwing murdershirtballs at one another while making various excited noises, taunting the opponent during moments of triumph, swearing and/or "aww, rats!"-ing in moments of defeat, and generally keeping up the atmosphere of merriment on the court.
Section II - The Game Officials
a. There shall be two game officials, one for each side. Both officials should also be players for the sake of saving precious space on the court.
b. Duties of the officials include pointing out ties, determining fouls or out of bounds, awarding bonus points, arguing with the opposing official, saying "Ready, Set, Go!" to initiate First Strike, and not keeping score.
Rule No. 4 -- Definitions
Section I - Ball Prep
Ball Prep consists of the act of bunching, rolling, twisting, or otherwise compacting a regulation shirt into a ball-shaped lump - a murdershirtball.
Section II - First Strike
The First Strike is the initial moment after the officials (also the players) say "Ready, Set, Go!" when the players (also the officials) first throw their murdershirtballs at one another.
Section III - Round Wins, Losses and Ties
a. A normal round loss occurs when one player has two murdershirtballs in his/her zone and is touching at least one of them. The player with no shirts left on his/her side is declared the round winner.
b. An automatic round loss can also occur if one player deliberately throws his/her murdershirtball out of bounds or into a bonus point area. This counts as a foul (see Rule No. 5 for more details).
c. A round tie occurs in the following situations: either 1) both shirts land in one zone and neither player is touching either shirt, or 2) a shirt accidentally ends up out of bounds ("accidentally" is the key word; debate over intentionality is encouraged between the officials).
Section IV - Points
See outside reference "Whose Line Is It Anyway?" for details.
Section V - Bonus Points
a. Four Point SubZones grant four bonus points and a round victory to any player who accidentally lands his/her murdershirtball in them. Again, keyword is "accidentally" (see Rule No. 4, Section IIIc).
b. One million bonus points are granted to both players in the event that a Matrix Revolution (see Section VII) occurs.
c. One billion bonus points are granted to whichever player can accidentally land his/her murdershirtball on the Nebulous Zone.
d. Other bonus points may be awarded in special circumstances determined at the whims of the officials.
Section VI - Matrix
A Matrix refers to a semi-common occurrence when both murdershirtballs collide in mid-air, wrap around one other and fall to the ground, resembling the famous scene from 1999's The Matrix where Neo and Agent Smith fly at one another in a subway and complete a similar maneuver (only in their case, they had guns on hand as well). This occurrence often ends in a tie.
Section VII - Matrix Revolution
A Matrix Revolution refers to a semi-rare occurrence when both shirts are flying slightly toward the Not On The Bed out of bounds area, end up in a Matrix, and spin together downward to land perfectly in the white, plastic laundry hamper. See Rule No. 4, Section Vb for notes on points.
Section VIII - Smoosh
Similar to a spike in volleyball or a smash in tennis/badminton, a smoosh is a technique where a player throws his/her murdershirtball down toward the opponent's feet as fast and hard as possible, hoping to catch his/her opponent off-guard.
Section IX - Smother
A smother is a technique where a player attempts to throw his/her murdershirtball in such a way that it will land across his/her opponent's face, hopefully obscuring the opponent's vision long enough for the player to win the round. A foul is committed if the murdershirtball is still in ball form when it hits a player; the NMA doesn't want to encourage anyone losing an eye, now, do they?
Rule No. 5 -- Fouls and Penalties
The initial penalty for committing a foul is the automatic loss of the current round. The game continues as normal, with the further penalty being that the foul-committing player has had their pride bruised slightly.
Rule No. 6 -- End of Game and Ultimate Winner
Section I - End of Game
The game is over when one player utters the official endgame statement of the NMA: "Okay, that's enough of this shit for tonight."
Section II - Ultimate Winner
The ultimate winner of the game is whoever had the most fun. Officials are free to debate this point as they see fit until they reach a conclusion.
Comments
She has been logged off for 54 minutes and your already making fun of her. You are jerks... you... you big old meenie heads.