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How soon is too soon in love and marriage?

VigaViga
edited December 2008 in Everything Else
In the last few years or so I knew people who met, engaged and married all in the same year. Can someone fully know someone within a year? Can you really gage if this person is right for you/destined/red stringed/blah blah. It might be just the circles around me, but are people rushing off more these days?

Personally, I think a year is not enough time. I like the date for awhile, become GF and BF, live together and then marry sequence. I like my relationships to last a while before jumping the broom. Thoughts?

Comments

  • TheWhaleSharkTheWhaleShark
    edited December 2008
    In the last few years or so I knew people who met, engaged and married all in the same year. Can someone fully know someone withing a year? Can you really gage if this person is right for you/destined/red stringed/blah blah. It might be just the circles around me, but are people rushing off more these days?

    Personally, I think a year is not enough time. I like the date for awhile, become GF and BF, live together and then marry sequence. I like my relationships to last a while before jumping the broom. Thoughts?
    Can you ever truly know if somebody is right for you? I conted that it's impossible, and people who say that they "definitely know" are at least partly lying to themselves. The "what if" game is infinitely regressive, so you just have to find the point at which you're comfortable enough to move forward. I'd like to think that a marriage is going to be a journey of discovery; if I know the outcome before I jump in, why even bother jumping in?

    EDIT: With that said, getting married after like 2 months is way too soon. Personally, I'm a 2 - 3 year kinda guy. That's not to say that I "know" it's right in that span of time; it'll take that long before I'm confident enough that the "grand experiment" could work. Controlled enough variables and so forth.
    Post edited by TheWhaleShark on
  • GreatTeacherMacRossGreatTeacherMacRoss
    I'm of a similar opinion that dating, then living together, then discussing the future is a good way to go. It's different for everyone, but Mrs. MacRoss and I were together for three years (read as "I dragged my ass for one of those years")before we were engaged, and another two before we married.
  • legoboylegoboy
    edited December 2008
    I also think age of the person is important. for example:

    12 to 17 not illegal,
    18 to 24 be young and enjoy life ;)
    25 to 30 good time to settle down
    30 to 40 what are you waiting for?
    41 to 99 ???

    I have no problem with getting married within weeks or 10 years. As long as your happy and doing it for the right reasons.

    Personally I have been married for about 2 years, engaged for about 9 months, and lived with her for 3 years.

    (ps. the 9 months engagement was because my wife was 'with child' and we wanted to be married before he was born)
    Post edited by legoboy on
  • Luke BurrageLuke Burrage
    Before we were together my girlfriend asked me if I wanted to go traveling with her. Up until then we'd spent about 18 hours together. So I flew out to the south of France, and she picked me up and we spent the next four weeks driving round Europe in her camper van. For about two and a half weeks we didn't get more than about 150 meters apart. We got to know each other real well. After about 8 weeks we made plans to find an apartment and move in together, and did so a few months later. Almost four years later we are still together. Ours was very much a love at first sight kind of thing (complicated by the fact that Pola had a boyfriend when we met for the first time, but that is another story).

    One of the main reasons we moved so quick was because neither of us had any interest in a long distance relationship. Being in love helped too. It isn't for everyone, but if you are both intelligent adults who know what you want, the idea of "Too soon" for anything in a relationship is nothing to worry about. We'll get married one day, but have no reason to do so any time soon.
  • YoshoKatanaYoshoKatana
    Wow, luke, that sounds pretty cool.

    As for me, I generally agree with Luke, and would like to make a distinction between the amount of time you have a relationship with someone and how much time you actually spend with them. My last girlfriend and I lived together after knowing each other for just over 1.5 months, but we spent most of the day with each other. On the other hand, I dated a girl for two years and barely got to know her.

    Right now, I'm actually starting a new relationship. We'll see how it goes. She goes to the University of Rochester, and I live right nearby, so we will probably spend a bit of time together. I'm going to go down and stay with her over New Years in NYC, but right now she's busy studying for finals, so I'm giving her some space.

    Again, driving through Europe sounds unbelievably awesome.
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