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Episode 34 - Food Stories

AprecheApreche
edited January 2006 in GeekNights
How was your New Years? Ours was full of food. If you got a funny story involving food, here is your chance to tell it.

Comments

  • RymRym
    I guess no one had a funny story involving food.
  • CremlianCremlian
    Bored Rym?
  • RymRym
    Well, I've been waiting for stories for over six years at this point...
  • NeitoNeito
    I once laughed so hard a piece of hamburger went up the back of my nose.
  • George PatchesGeorge Patches
    The funniest food story I can think of is when Pete and I ate a cheese fat soaked paper towel.
  • open_sketchbookopen_sketchbook
    I had a friend who actually had a nacho chip cut the inside of his mouth and he had to get stitches.
  • RymRym
    The funniest food story I can think of is when Pete and I ate a cheese fat soaked paper towel.
    I consider Pete one of my closest friends, yet I was unaware of this incident.

    Was, perhaps, alcohol involved in some way?
  • George PatchesGeorge Patches
    The funniest food story I can think of is when Pete and I ate a cheese fat soaked paper towel.
    I consider Pete one of my closest friends, yet I was unaware of this incident.

    Was, perhaps, alcohol involved in some way?
    It honestly wasn't that funny, just delicious.
  • Josh BytesJosh Bytes
    A couple of weeks ago I was having dinner with my cousin and his wife. The potato salad he bought tasted funny. Nobody laughed about it. True story.
  • SailSail
    edited June 2012
    Maybe this is why no one had food stories. They're all fairly mundane and can be summed up in two or three sentences.
    Post edited by Sail on
  • RymRym
    Maybe this is why no one had food stories. They're all fairly mundane and can be summed up in two or three sentences.
    http://forum.frontrowcrew.com/index.php?p=/discussion/680/deep-fried-pizza/p1
  • AndrewAndrew
    Pete got me super drunk last new years and I discovered I'm insanely good at puzzles when inebriated and had, so I heard, a fairly intelligent talk with Emily while I was shit faced. I think it ended when I passed out on the rooftop during the fireworks.
  • SailSail
    edited June 2012
    Maybe this is why no one had food stories. They're all fairly mundane and can be summed up in two or three sentences.
    http://forum.frontrowcrew.com/index.php?p=/discussion/680/deep-fried-pizza/p1
    You paid a funnel cake guy to deep-dry a piece of pizza and it tasted like a sugary hot pocket.

    One sentence.
    Post edited by Sail on
  • Victor FrostVictor Frost
    You'd be hard pressed to find any story that couldn't be summed up in one sentence.
    Dude named Ishmael decides to go whaling but ends up on a boat where the captain is crazy obsessed with one whale and nearly kills the whole crew because of it.
  • RymRym
    Maybe this is why no one had food stories. They're all fairly mundane and can be summed up in two or three sentences.
    http://forum.frontrowcrew.com/index.php?p=/discussion/680/deep-fried-pizza/p1
    You paid a funnel cake guy to deep-dry a piece of pizza and it tasted like a sugary hot pocket.

    One sentence.
    Mopey dude wanted revenge for his dad's death, but was too much of a baby to actually follow through and ruined everything.
  • George PatchesGeorge Patches
    edited June 2012
    Pete got me super drunk last new years and I discovered I'm insanely good at puzzles when inebriated and had, so I heard, a fairly intelligent talk with Emily while I was shit faced. I think it ended when I passed out on the rooftop during the fireworks.
    See all I remember from that is you saying, "I can't find my shoes" with a look on your face like your dog had just be run over. Also, Pete merely suggested you to get super drunk.
    Post edited by George Patches on
  • SailSail
    Maybe this is why no one had food stories. They're all fairly mundane and can be summed up in two or three sentences.
    http://forum.frontrowcrew.com/index.php?p=/discussion/680/deep-fried-pizza/p1
    You paid a funnel cake guy to deep-dry a piece of pizza and it tasted like a sugary hot pocket.

    One sentence.
    Mopey dude wanted revenge for his dad's death, but was too much of a baby to actually follow through and ruined everything.
    You've forgotten "mundane" ^_~
  • NeitoNeito
    Kid puts hole in heaven, literally.

    Six words. Beat that.
  • RymRym
    You've forgotten "mundane" ^_~
    Fine. Dude tried to kill himself with a sled and fails.

  • SailSail
    http://www.southparkstudios.com/clips/155575/writing-eses
  • AndrewAndrew
    Also, Pete merely suggested you to get super drunk.
    Sure he did, while handing me drink after drink...

  • TheWhaleSharkTheWhaleShark
    Also, Pete merely suggested you to get super drunk.
    Sure he did, while handing me drink after drink...

    To be fair, I felt bad about that, and proceeded to catch up by individually toasting everyone at the party with shared shots of aquavit. I have no idea how much I drank, but it was a significant fraction of the bottle.

    As for my food stories, I realized that Rym isn't on Facebook, so he doesn't know about this one:

    So there was this SCA camping event over Memorial Day weekend: The Wars of the Roses Something like 580 people showed up to be medieval nerds. It was cool.

    I decided that I would organize my camp's meal plan this year. We had 36 people in our encampment, and I was responsible for 1) arranging the cooking of two full meals, 2) providing breakfast, 3) running a lunch buffet, and 4) collecting all the money.

    In order to prepare for the event, I decided to make some pork. Specifically, 22 pounds of bacon and 42 pounds of country ham. Y'know, a light snack.

    Now, my bullet smoker (a small affair from Char-Broil) had been a stalwart ally through my baconing times, so I again employed his services. I crammed 65 pounds of pork into that little bastard - the smoker was virtually overflowing with meat. But I proceeded undaunted!

    After about 3 hours (over hickory, cherry, and applewood), I went to check on the meat. It looked delicious, but the smoker still had a rather healthy output, so I elected to give it another half hour or so.

    I went outside about twenty minutes later, implements ready to receive meat...

    To find my smoker engulfed in flames.

    I mean, ENGULFED in flames. Flames shooting out of the lid, out of the door of the smoker, peeking out through newly-formed holes in the walls of the smoker...

    I stood motionless for a solid 15 seconds, staring in awe at the porcine conflagration. My brain slowly turned: "Wow, I'm really unprepared for this. Do I hear boiling fat? Wow, it's hot enough to perforate the walls of the smoker?"

    And then, one thought broke through the walls and dominated my brain:

    "OH GOD MY HAMS!"

    I managed to knock the lid off the smoker - the handle had melted from the heat - and rescue one of the hams, just in time to watch the grates in the smoker fail, and the other ham and the bacon fall into the fire.

    I managed to eventually pull out the rest of the charred meat and get something in there to smother the fire. Apparently, one of the slabs of bacon had slid off of its rack, landed in the smoker bowl, and caught fire.

    Let me tell you something, pork belly burns HOT.

    I managed to salvage a large majority of the meat - and the bacon had a delicious campfire smokiness! So in the end, it all worked out.
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