Tales from the real-life Office Space
Ro and I were talking about this last night: We need a thread where we can share stories about dumbfucking co-workers. I will start.
Yesterday, a fellow reporter showed up to work an hour late and drenched in not just a sheen, but what appeared to a full blanket of his own sweat, mud, rainwater, and more sweat. Apparently, his car broke down the day before, so he decided to bicycle seven miles to work without a change of clothes or any kind of cosmetic remedy, rather than a) calling a taxi, b) taking a bus, c) calling me (I live six blocks from him), or any other common sense approach. Here's the kicker: His wife refused to drive him to work in her car, because keeping their home school schedule was far more important.
So he came to work a disgusting mess smelling like a wet dog. I gagged when he walked in the office. After an hour in the newsroom with him, I finally begged some hand lotion off of my boss and rubbed in on my upper lip to try to mask the stench.
Later in the day, my boss asked if I'd be willing to drive this guy and his bike home. First, I have a coup and the bike would not fit. Second, this guy and his griminess were not going in my nice car. I made up an appointment that I COULD NOT MISS in another part of the county and declined to give the ride.
Comments
They are all great.
"A as in apple
B as in boy
C as in secret..."
Argh. >_
I'm currently in training. My job is (or rather is going to be) basically developing web tools to enhance the ticketing system that is also managed by my department. The ticketing system and the web tools are later supposed to be used by the Service Desk. My boss had the idea that some hands on experience with the job of our "customers" a.k.a the service desk would be good for me and the other guy that started at the same time to gain some insight on their needs.
Well, one of the first things I heard while I was sitting in with one of the guys at the service desk was the words "Read the fucking manual" shouted across the room, describing the advice someone should give to one of the people that called the service desk..
EDIT: It's also important to note that this man was at least 24 while asking the question.
When people screw it up it makes me rage.
As for my current work place, we have a really good team of competent people, so I won't have any stories to tell.
Well, one day I'm working and from around the corner I hear loud yelling and screaming. I get up to look out there is a woman in a full length fur coat in a fight with one of the girls. And I mean fighting, there was blood all over the walls, a computer and a larger printer had been knocked off the desk, coffee was all over the floor. It was really bad. One of the guys I worked with managed to grab one of them (ending up with blood all over himself). Well, it turns out the woman in the fur coat was the Company's owners wife and the other woman was his mistress. I managed to talk her into calming down a bit but shit was really bad. The police should have really been called. In the end the guy walked his wife out saying they would talk about it later. So yeah, best advice ever: If you have a mistress, don't have her work for you, especially if your wife has access to the office.
- Nyan Cat was played incessantly yesterday from various computers, and at one point, from the big TV that one of the devs had hooked a laptop to.
- Due to the lack of people checking the documentation, there is a big sign of the Y U guy on the wall. Muse Games, Y U no read docs?!
edit: Also, we share the floor with this Devil Wears Prada fashion lady. One time the fridge coil burned out in the kitchen and made a stink. She FREAKED out (this was after the office had caught fire once) and started yelling at anyone plugging anything in, because she smelled Ozone. We were making tea our office and she came in and called us all "a bunch of crackheads," and we were like, "Ummm, the fridge over in the kitchen is broken. Our tea and computers has nothing to do with it."
She also is really mean in her gossiping. She eats fancy lunch that smells really good in the common area and talks all about who has horrible hair and who she wants to horsewhip. She's like a high school bitch turned pro.
Anyways, when a big boss was leaving everyone signed a card wishing her good luck. Let's see if you can find the special message this dumb woman left the big boss.
I'm the only person here.
Also, I finished all of my work for the week on Wednesday, and have been repeatedly asking for more bugs to fix, but to no avail.
"Oh woe is me, being paid bullshittingly high amounts of money to sit around and do nothing!"
EDIT: I can print to any printer in the company except the printer on my floor. Geneva, Tokyo, London, Paris, any office in the world. Except the pinter that is literally ten feet away from me. I've been sneaking down to the trading floor, because they have the closest printers.
Yesterday I had an hour-long mandatory conference call with HR, where they explained to all of the contractors that INSIDER TRADING WAS BAD. Thanks, I didn't get the memo (I actually did).
While talking shop with one of my coworkers a few weeks ago, I mentioned SCRUM meetings (a quick, 15 minute stand-up meeting every day). He went to the boss and suggested it, claiming credit. While I don't really care about that, it really showed me how the office culture is like here. So, we start having these meetings every day, but they're hour-long, sit-down bitchfests. Sigh.