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Jokes

KamiccoloKamiccolo
edited April 2006 in Everything Else
Okay, I really think this thread is not going to last long at all, but I'm going to try it.

Let's tell jokes! I'd like to hear like all your favorite jokes.

What is a cross between a snow man and a vampire?

Frostbite!

What's the difference between a jewler and a jailer?

One sells watches, the other watches cells!
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Comments

  • AprecheApreche
    http://www.lotsofjokes.com/cat_37.htm
  • KamiccoloKamiccolo
    Interesting... To be honest, I've never really been a fan of crude humor. That's about all I have to say.
  • trogdor9trogdor9
    Why didn't the pirate put jelly on his PB&J sandwich?

    He couldn't open the jARR!

    /Obligatory pirate joke
  • AprecheApreche
    A pirate walks into a bar. The barkeep says, "Excuse me, cap'n, but did you know that you've got your ship's wheel stuck in your pantaloons?"

    "Aye," says the pirate, "that thing be drivin' me nuts! Aaargh!"
  • Renshi KakitaRenshi Kakita
    edited April 2006
    Did you hear about the dyslexic guy who walked into the bra?

    Yeah. The same devil worshipping guy who sold his soul to Santa
    Post edited by Renshi Kakita on
  • TheWhaleSharkTheWhaleShark
    What's funnier than a dead baby?

    A dead baby in a clown costume.

    What's funnier than that?

    Nothing.
  • AlexAlex
    What's pink, white, red, and is tapping on the glass?

    A baby in the microwave.

    What's pink, white, red, and taps on the glass every 15 seconds?

    Same baby on rotate.
  • NinjaNedNinjaNed
    why did the dead baby cross the road?

    Because it was stapled to the chicken.


    What is the difference between a truckload of bowling balls and a truckload of babies?

    You cant unload a truckload of bowling balls with a pitchfork.
  • Renshi KakitaRenshi Kakita
    Ok since we are talking about dead baby jokes.....

    What's better than spinning a baby in a tire swing at 100mph?

    Stopping it with a shovel.
  • EsonLinjiEsonLinji
    two drums and a cymbal set fall off a cliff.

    badump chink.
  • AprecheApreche
    http://www.dead-baby-joke.com/
  • the flamming geekthe flamming geek
    This is not a joke but it made me laugh

    I was on a website ca;;ed gaiaonline.com (forum rpg with little dude avatars)
    so I see this discussion about not flaming so when I enter its a freaking flame war. The irony of the situation was just hilarious.
  • HungryJoeHungryJoe
    edited June 2011
    Once upon a time, this law student received a visit from the devil. The devil said, "I'll ensure that you get a good position with the best firm, you'll make full partner within five years, you'll marry into vast wealth, and then go on to a successful carreer in politics during which you will gain tremendous earthly power. The only thing I'll need from you is your soul, all your family member's souls, all your clients' souls, and the souls of all the employees of your firm."

    The law student replied, "So, what's the catch?"
    Post edited by HungryJoe on
  • CramitCramit
    What does a dyslexic agnostic insomniac do?

    He stays up all night wondering whether or not there is a dog.
  • Zack PatateZack Patate
    KNOCK KNOCK
  • progSHELLprogSHELL
    I really like one-liners:

    Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

    My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.

    I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implants?"

    Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

    Virginity is like a soapbubble, one prick and it is gone.
  • IkatonoIkatono
    What's the difference between a dead baby and a sandwich? When I first heard this, I thought the answer was "bread". Apparently it's "You don't have sex with a sandwich before you eat it."
  • Zack PatateZack Patate
    Apparently it's "You don't have sex with a sandwich before you eat it."
    You have gun laws in the US that allow you to bear arms. Use that right, funnel some buckshot through the brains of whomever thinks that's funny.
  • RuffasRuffas
    No love for dead baby jokes?
  • Zack PatateZack Patate
    edited June 2011
    No love for dead baby jokes?
    The horrible part here does not come from the baby being dead, fuckwit.
    Post edited by Zack Patate on
  • RuffasRuffas
    That's how dead baby jokes work. They're all tasteless and horrible.

    What's worse than ten dead babies nailed to one tree? One dead baby nailed to ten trees.
  • JasonJason
    "You don't have sex with a sandwich before you eat it."
    Or DO you? Perhaps if it pastrami.
  • Zack PatateZack Patate
    That's how dead baby jokes work. They're all tasteless and horrible.

    What's worse than ten dead babies nailed to one tree? One dead baby nailed to ten trees.
    That's still not "fucking and eating a baby"-levels of horrible.
  • open_sketchbookopen_sketchbook
    Man, what an arbitrary line to draw. You're already killing and mutilating a baby, it doesn't get much worse. At a certain point it's just diminishing returns in terms of evilness.
  • RymRym
    Man, what an arbitrary line to draw. You're already killing and mutilating a baby, it doesn't get much worse. At a certain point it's just diminishing returns in terms of evilness.
    Noone has told the worst Dead Baby Joke here. I wonder if anyone will. It was told to me once, late at night. I have myself told it once, to a consenting audience after being demanded to present it for their consideration. It is the basis for the "humor" in all Dead Baby Jokes, distilled into its essence.

    I much prefer The Aristocrats.
  • open_sketchbookopen_sketchbook
    What's worse than a barrel of dead babies?

    The live one at the bottom eating his way out.
  • progSHELLprogSHELL
    edited June 2011
    Noone has told the worst Dead Baby Joke here. I wonder if anyone will.
    Is this it?
    What do you do when you see a dead baby floating down a river?
    Hide your erection.I'm so sorry.
    Post edited by progSHELL on
  • Zack PatateZack Patate
    Man, what an arbitrary line to draw.
    You're right. Funnel buckshot through the brains of all who like any dead baby jokes.
  • open_sketchbookopen_sketchbook
    As long as you continue to feel superior. More power to you.
  • Zack PatateZack Patate
    As long as you continue to feel superior. More power to you.
    I don't. I share a common ancestor with those sick fucks. And OTHER sick fucks as well. It's just horrible. I am related to Hitler and Stalin and that dead-baby fucking cannibal that thought up that fucking 'joke'. I would kill myself if it wasn't for the fact that taking a piss, literally as in piss-in-toilet pissing, is so much more fun and interesting than killing myself. It also hurts less, but that's because I make sure not to get kidney stones.
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