In ten years? I'll probably have a family by then, I'm sure, and I'll more than likely be pursuing some form of higher education (Master's or Ph.D). The rest is all details; I'm pretty much done with the Maslow's hierarchy, so now it's really just working on furthering my aims in a few directions.
Of course, my life has also taught me not to count on the future, so I'm not making any bets. I'm just shooting for some things and seeing what happens.
I know my way, but I like to let the path develop on its own.
I also am of the philosophy that two people in a serious relationship should support each other in life decisions, even if they don't exactly match up.
I don't know, I think that's partly why a lot of people are miserable in life. They find someone they want to be with, but their goals are incompatible, so they are forced to make compromises. My philosophy is to never settle. There's got to be a better match.
Some of you guys have such depressing goals. In ten years, you'll guys know me as a famous amerimanga artist and a voice actor more famous than Vic! My books will be on the shelves and in high demand, all the animes I voice and have inspired will be hits, and I'll be invited to a whole bunch of cons as a special guest.
Or at least, that's what I hope. I'm not sure what I'll be exactly - whether a comic book artist (working solo or on a team), a voice actor, or in fashion, but I know for sure I'll be doing something art related. Probably out of college, probably in debt, maybe with a nice girl.. I hope it's good!
Ten years ago I was 7, and thought I never would leave that small town I lived in - thought I would become a vet, with tons of dogs and cats and a husband. Damn, do goals change....
I don't know, I think that's partly why a lot of people are miserable in life. They find someone they want to be with, but their goals are incompatible, so they are forced to make compromises. My philosophy is to never settle. There's got to be a better match.
Spoken like someone who's never experienced it. You're never going to find someone who matches perfectly, and you're always going to have to compromise. That's the nature of a relationship, and even the most perfect girl who likes stupid cartoons and vidjergames and has a 17th level Cleric in D&D; is going to have some separate wants/needs than you do. If you plan to never compromise, you're going to lead a very lonely life.
Well if by "it" you mean love, then yeah, I've been there, done that. I've been in two long-term relationships and every time I met half way, I've felt like it was holding me back. Of course, I'm only 20, so I haven't had to make any decisions that were too life altering, but I guess I'll find out how life "really works" (as I'm so often told) down the road.
Well if by "it" you mean love, then yeah, I've been there, done that. I've been in two long-term relationships and every time I met half way, I've felt like it was holding me back. Of course, I'm only 20, so I haven't had to make any decisions that were too life altering, but I guess I'll find out how life "really works" (as I'm so often told) down the road.
You were in bad relationships, which makes sense given your youth. Compromise isn't about being held back, or being forced to give up something you love in exchange for nothing; a compromise is give-and-take, the realization that you can't both always have everything you want all the time.
A good partner will never ask you to do something that they themselves wouldn't. If you have a relationship where someone is simply making demands of you and not giving anything back, you're in a bad relationship.
My girlfriend isn't really into the vijigames, or the D&D;, or many of my other very geeky pursuits. She's into weird films and such, and a tiny bit of anime, but otherwise, she doesn't share my hobbies. She doesn't ask me to give them up, or not do the stuff when she's around; all she asks is that I give her as much attention as I do anything else, and possibly just slightly more. I very willingly sometimes give up some game playing time to be with her. If you're not willing to do that, then you're not really relationship material.
That's the nature of a relationship, and even the most perfect girl who likes stupid cartoons and vidjergames and has a 17th level Cleric in D&D is going to have some separate wants/needs than you do.
There's a difference between liking/wanting different things and forcing your partner to give up things they care about. Some things really are mutually exclusive, such as having or not having kids. You can't often compromise on something like that and still be happy.
Well yeah, but I think our boy is more ambivalent about having kids that outright against it. I'd hope he'd be smart enough to get out a relationship that would saddle him with an 18+ year responsibility he'd resent for the rest of his life.
Forcing is a strong word, but I watched a significant amount of Grey's Anatomy episodes for the sake of compromise that I would not have otherwise watched. If I had to quantify some of the worst things about my most recent failed relationship, that'd be right up there.
Forcing is a strong word, but I watched a significant amount of Grey's Anatomy episodes for the sake of compromise that I would not have otherwise watched.
Perhaps I should elucidate. It's not that you have to like the things your lover likes: you just have to respect their liking of them. I'd say that's the most important factor. Compromise is one thing, but if someone cannot or will not respect your interests, even if they do not themselves share them, then it's a short step to not respecting you.
Watching a show you might not otherwise like isn't really a force action, and is barely a compromise. I'd consider it an attempt to enjoy their interest or hobby. If, after trying, you still didn't like Grey's Anatomy, that's fine. If you wanted to do something else while she watched it, that's fine too. If you agreed to watch it, if in return she watched Black Lagoon with you, consider it a fun battle of trying to get eachother into your respective things.
But, if she demanded that you watch it, or you constantly ridiculed her for watching it, not cool. ^_~
On the rare occasion my wife wants to watch something I don't, I play my DS. We have the home-built TiVo so we usually don't have this problem but sometimes she has to watch her reality TV on the day it airs. She gets me next to her on the couch and I get the Mudkips.
But, if she demanded that you watch it, or you constantly ridiculed her for watching it, not cool.
My wife is one of those people that like to have the TV on for background noise. But she likes specific kinds of noise. History Channel noise will not do. Music Channel noise will not do. Video Game noise is straight out. She needs Lifetime Channel noise, or any channel that's playing an 80s chick movie. I don't know how many times I've had to suffer through Terms of Endearment or Steel Magnolias. I've seen just about every Hugh Grant and Julia Roberts chick movie. I seriously don't know what I'll do if I see Four Weddings and A Funeral again. I can recite dialogue from Pretty Woman (unwillingly). There's one called Notting Hill that has BOTH Hugh Grant and Julia Roberts, God help us.
The really weird thing is that she never actually sits and watches anything. She'll be doing some unnecessary housework or something on the computer (she LOVES to say she's multitasking), and I'll turn the channel because it seems like she's not watching. She'll say, "Hey! I was watching that!", and I'll meekly return to whatever chick cancer movie she was not really watching.
Back in Louisville, I could just go downstairs and play a video game. Here, we've been living in a one bedroom apartment (whose rent is more than twice as much as our house's mortgage in L'ville), and I can't get away from the TV sounds. Now Carole has a new job in Baltimore and we'll be moving into . . . a TWO bedroom apartment (that costs nearly three times as much as the mortgage on our house) where I might be able to get away if I need to.
Get a DS and some nice noise canceling headphones!
Honey, may I have some money to buy a DS and some noise cancelling headphones?
What?!!
I'd like a DS and some noise cancelling headphones.
What's a DS? And why do you need noise cancelling headphones?
Umm . . . it's a video game system . . .
What?!! You've spent enough money on video games already. We're moving into a pricier apartment and money will be tight. You don't need any stupid earphones either. You already have earphones. Those will have to do for now.
What?!! Why are you looking at that forum anyway? You know you don't have time for that! Now start packing your crap up in boxes so we can donate it to Goodwill. Those games? They can go. Those books - why do you have so many books? They can all be donated. I'm not moving with them again. Now: Why do you need so many clothes? Most of them can go. Come away from that stupid computer and start working. I'll turn on Fried Green Tomatoes so you'll have something to listen to . . .
Perhaps I should elucidate. It's not that you have to like the things your lover likes: you just have to respect their liking of them. I'd say that's the most important factor. Compromise is one thing, but if someone cannot or will not respect your interests, even if they do not themselves share them, then it's a short step to not respectingyou
I exagerate my point, as is my wont. Nobody held a gun to my head, nor was that actually the worst part of a pretty terrible overall relationships, but it's indicative of the general tone of our relationship. I sat through countless hours of Grey's Anatomy, America's Next Top Model, Project Runway, Top Chef, Hell's Kitchen, and a whole host of other ungodly shows because I agree with you Rym: you should respect what your partner likes, and indulge them in it, and they should do the same with you. Like Dan Savage says: GGG. Problem was that I was doing 100% give and 0% take. Maybe -50% for my side, considering I would be no more than 15 minutes into a rousing Valkyrie Profile 2 or Ninja Gaiden session before she'd say was bored and could I please turn on something more interesting. My favorite part was I'd always politely state that it was my $2500 TV and if SHE didn't mind I'd like to play an hour or two of games and be at peace and then SHE'D get all ingidnant, like I had no right to use my stuff. Should've known then, not six months later, to dump that bitch. Some people are perfectly willing to TAKE on compromise, but very few are willing to give.
But that's all in the past. I got a new girl now. She likes stupid things like Black Lagoon and Resident Evil 4. We have dispirate tastes, sure, she likes Lord of the Rings and Buffy and I don't really get it, but that's just what happens. I watch her shows, and she indulges me my Robocop and Commando. That's what compromise is all about: ED-209 shooting people in a board room while you play World of Warcaft.
I watch her shows, and she indulges me my Robocop and Commando. That's what compromise is all about: ED-209 shooting people in a board room while you play World of Warcaft.
And thus all is well in the world. ^_~ That, and now I suddenly have the urge to watch Robocop again. It's been a decade since I've seen that movie.
Get the X-Rated version so you can be horrified to the point of tears. I watched the R Rated version recently and it's like a baby movie. After watching Peter Weller getting riddled with shotgun shells for like 45 seconds, you can really never go back.
Comments
Of course, my life has also taught me not to count on the future, so I'm not making any bets. I'm just shooting for some things and seeing what happens.
I know my way, but I like to let the path develop on its own.
Or at least, that's what I hope. I'm not sure what I'll be exactly - whether a comic book artist (working solo or on a team), a voice actor, or in fashion, but I know for sure I'll be doing something art related. Probably out of college, probably in debt, maybe with a nice girl.. I hope it's good!
Ten years ago I was 7, and thought I never would leave that small town I lived in - thought I would become a vet, with tons of dogs and cats and a husband. Damn, do goals change....
A good partner will never ask you to do something that they themselves wouldn't. If you have a relationship where someone is simply making demands of you and not giving anything back, you're in a bad relationship.
My girlfriend isn't really into the vijigames, or the D&D;, or many of my other very geeky pursuits. She's into weird films and such, and a tiny bit of anime, but otherwise, she doesn't share my hobbies. She doesn't ask me to give them up, or not do the stuff when she's around; all she asks is that I give her as much attention as I do anything else, and possibly just slightly more. I very willingly sometimes give up some game playing time to be with her. If you're not willing to do that, then you're not really relationship material.
There's a difference between liking/wanting different things and forcing your partner to give up things they care about. Some things really are mutually exclusive, such as having or not having kids. You can't often compromise on something like that and still be happy.
Forcing is a strong word, but I watched a significant amount of Grey's Anatomy episodes for the sake of compromise that I would not have otherwise watched. If I had to quantify some of the worst things about my most recent failed relationship, that'd be right up there.
I both hate and love music.
Perhaps I should elucidate. It's not that you have to like the things your lover likes: you just have to respect their liking of them. I'd say that's the most important factor. Compromise is one thing, but if someone cannot or will not respect your interests, even if they do not themselves share them, then it's a short step to not respecting you.
Watching a show you might not otherwise like isn't really a force action, and is barely a compromise. I'd consider it an attempt to enjoy their interest or hobby. If, after trying, you still didn't like Grey's Anatomy, that's fine. If you wanted to do something else while she watched it, that's fine too. If you agreed to watch it, if in return she watched Black Lagoon with you, consider it a fun battle of trying to get eachother into your respective things.
But, if she demanded that you watch it, or you constantly ridiculed her for watching it, not cool. ^_~
The really weird thing is that she never actually sits and watches anything. She'll be doing some unnecessary housework or something on the computer (she LOVES to say she's multitasking), and I'll turn the channel because it seems like she's not watching. She'll say, "Hey! I was watching that!", and I'll meekly return to whatever chick cancer movie she was not really watching.
Back in Louisville, I could just go downstairs and play a video game. Here, we've been living in a one bedroom apartment (whose rent is more than twice as much as our house's mortgage in L'ville), and I can't get away from the TV sounds. Now Carole has a new job in Baltimore and we'll be moving into . . . a TWO bedroom apartment (that costs nearly three times as much as the mortgage on our house) where I might be able to get away if I need to.
What?!!
I'd like a DS and some noise cancelling headphones.
What's a DS? And why do you need noise cancelling headphones?
Umm . . . it's a video game system . . .
What?!! You've spent enough money on video games already. We're moving into a pricier apartment and money will be tight. You don't need any stupid earphones either. You already have earphones. Those will have to do for now.
Yes, dear.
What?!! Why are you looking at that forum anyway? You know you don't have time for that! Now start packing your crap up in boxes so we can donate it to Goodwill. Those games? They can go. Those books - why do you have so many books? They can all be donated. I'm not moving with them again. Now: Why do you need so many clothes? Most of them can go. Come away from that stupid computer and start working. I'll turn on Fried Green Tomatoes so you'll have something to listen to . . .
But that's all in the past. I got a new girl now. She likes stupid things like Black Lagoon and Resident Evil 4. We have dispirate tastes, sure, she likes Lord of the Rings and Buffy and I don't really get it, but that's just what happens. I watch her shows, and she indulges me my Robocop and Commando. That's what compromise is all about: ED-209 shooting people in a board room while you play World of Warcaft.
And thus all is well in the world. ^_~ That, and now I suddenly have the urge to watch Robocop again. It's been a decade since I've seen that movie.