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For those preparing for the rapture...

Kate MonsterKate Monster
edited June 2008 in Everything Else
A new service is available for the lunnies that think the rapture is upon them: You Have Been Left Behind will e-mail loved ones and friends left behind after the rapture. What is the trigger event that will cause the post-rapture e-mails to be sent out, one might ask? Well, obviously, the e-mails will be sent out when the companies' employees (all Christian) do not show up to the office for five days. (This assumes that all of them will be the right kind of Christian to get into heaven... a little egotistical, if you ask me.) Now all the nut-job Christians will be able to say one last "nanner-nanner" to all of us that are not worthy of "God's" love.

Are there really enough people that believe this shit to keep even a small company in business? How has our species survived with such a high level of defectives among us?
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Comments

  • HungryJoeHungryJoe
    It's that scary, scary fundamentalist creep. They won't be satisfied until they've reproduced the society in The Handmaid's Tale.
  • VigaViga
    When I was a kid they taught us that it would be worldwide panic if suddenly a lot people just disappeared. Like people driving or doing important things or whatever. It was used as a tactic to scare me into Christianity. It worked for a while. I was dumb back then.

    Yes there are many who believe this. I knew really smart ones who succeed in their professions but are equally nut jobish.
  • HMTKSteveHMTKSteve
    You mean I have to wait five days for my rapture notices to get delivered? What kind of bunk is that?
  • ladyobsoleteladyobsolete
    edited June 2008
    Oh manz, you know, there possibly is. It requires a good marketing scheme but doable. After all, churches are big social networks. So, if the admin (the pastor) thinks the information is worth spreading he or she can mention it in the sermon that Sunday or put it in the weekly newsletter. Best of all, that lends the business a voice of authority, arguably a mediated celebrity endorsement. If I were running this scheme, I would try to work a deal where I was able to promote my business at one of those conferences for church leaders. I don't know how hard it would be to manage but it is a faith based enterprise, so I'm sure some conferences would be receptive.

    I grew up in a heavily born again christian community and I definitely know a few spiteful believers who would pay a bit for the pleasure of having the last laugh.
    Post edited by ladyobsolete on
  • HungryJoeHungryJoe
    edited June 2008
    If I were running this scheme, I would try to work a deal where I was able to promote my business at one of those conferences for church leaders. I don't know how hard it would be to manage but it is a faith based enterprise, so I'm sure some conferences would be receptive.
    As a purely money-making scheme, this is not all that bad. You wouldn't actually NEED to do anything except give assurance the emails would be sent. There would never be any way to check and see if you actually did what you said you were going to do.

    So, you wouldn't need any real equipment and you wouldn't need any real employees. Your advertising could be word of mouth through the churchey community. Your overhead would be essentially zero.

    SSSSAAAAAYYYYYY - maybe we could do something along the same lines. How about "Rapture Insurance" - Buy and insurance policy for in case you're not raptured, or in case you family members are not raptured. How about "Rapture Pet Sitting" - They don't think their pets have souls, do they? Are they heartless enough to just let them die? How about livestock left behind? Give me a few hundred dollars and I'll make sure your horses and cattle are seen to after the rapture. Are you at all concerned about what will happen to your house after the Rapture? Sign this lease and I'll make sure it's will be maintained. Don't read that small print. Don't you trust me?
    Post edited by HungryJoe on
  • Kate MonsterKate Monster
    What happens if everyone in the company get the flu for a week? Or when the rapture doesn't come in the customers' (or any-one's) life-time, if there a refund for the heirs?
  • lackofcheeselackofcheese
    Here's an article on it.

    Also, wouldn't it be absolutely hilarious if someone caused it to trigger, e.g. by keeping their server down for 6 days?
  • AprecheApreche
    People die all the time. Occasionally people also "disappear" like Hans Reiser's wife. There are billions of people on earth. How do these crazies know that the rapture didn't already happen, and 99.99999% of everyone got left behind?
  • NeitoNeito
    People die all the time. Occasionally people also "disappear" like Hans Reiser's wife. There are billions of people on earth. How do these crazies know that the rapture didn't already happen, and 99.99999% of everyone got left behind?
    Because they follow the One True Religion. Duh.
  • LyddiLyddi
    Would people be checking their email during the rapture? I guess it depends on whether you believe the old school Revelations Bible version, or the "Left Behind" book series version. I would be running away from the giant scorpions and things, not checking my email.
  • Kate MonsterKate Monster
    I hope that these whack-jobs morph the rapture idea into a suicide pact. That way they stop doing things like voting and teaching.
  • RailithRailith
    Wouldn't having an automated email program to send emails to people not holy informing them they are not holy enough to be rapture'd be grounds for not being rapture'd?
  • Kate MonsterKate Monster
    edited June 2008
    Wouldn't having an automated email program to send emails to people not holy informing them they are not holy enough to be rapture'd be grounds for not being rapture'd?
    No, to be a dick is apparently one of the tennant of their version of Christianity.
    Post edited by Kate Monster on
  • rhinocerorhinocero
    God damn, that's a beautiful thing, just in terms of a scam. By the very nature of the thing, none of your customers can ever complain about a lack of service.

    I wish I'd come up with that one.
  • JasonJason
    People die all the time. Occasionally people also "disappear" like Hans Reiser's wife. There are billions of people on earth. How do these crazies know that the rapture didn't already happen, and 99.99999% of everyone got left behind?
    Well, the bible says heaven is being built for 144,000 people, so I don't see that making much of a dent. With nearly 2 billion Christians currently worldwide, and untold more already dead, I think playing at Christianity is even more stupid than playing at the lottery, if God's supposedly inerrant words are to be believed.
  • Kate MonsterKate Monster
    People die all the time. Occasionally people also "disappear" like Hans Reiser's wife. There are billions of people on earth. How do these crazies know that the rapture didn't already happen, and 99.99999% of everyone got left behind?
    Well, the bible says heaven is being built for 144,000 people, so I don't see that making much of a dent. With nearly 2 billion Christians currently worldwide, and untold more already dead, I think playing at Christianity is even more stupid than playing at the lottery, if God's supposedly inerrant words are to be believed.
    If heaven is only for 144,000 like the Seventh-day Adventists (amongst others) say, then God is certainly taking his time on it. It'd better be super-fancy! ^_~
  • HMTKSteveHMTKSteve
    Maybe he's selling timeshares?
  • JasonJason
    If heaven is only for 144,000 like the Seventh-day Adventists (amongst others) say,
    It's written in Revelation chapters 7 and 14. If you're a Christian, you have to believe it all or not at all, no matter what cult... er, denomination... you belong to.
  • Kate MonsterKate Monster
    If heaven is only for 144,000 like the Seventh-day Adventists (amongst others) say,
    It's written in Revelation chapters 7 and 14. If you're a Christian, you have to believe it all or not at all, no matter what cult... er, denomination... you belong to.
    Nah, there are saner Christians that take the spirit/gist of the Bible and ignore the details (reasoning that God/Christ was the inspiration for the text, but that it has been muddied by the humans that passed on/wrote/edited/omitted/re-edited the story).
  • AndrewAndrew
    Nah, there are saner Christians that take the spirit/gist of the Bible and ignore the details (reasoning that God/Christ was the inspiration for the text, but that it has been muddied by the humans that passed on/wrote/edited/omitted/re-edited the story).
    Sigh. But then how do you know what details are true and what are not? What are your heuristics on filtering the Bible? Who are you to say THE WORD OF GOD is just a metaphor or a detail to be skipped over?
  • Kate MonsterKate Monster
    edited June 2008
    Nah, there are saner Christians that take the spirit/gist of the Bible and ignore the details (reasoning that God/Christ was the inspiration for the text, but that it has been muddied by the humans that passed on/wrote/edited/omitted/re-edited the story).
    Sigh. But then how do you know what details are true and what are not? What are your heuristics on filtering the Bible? Who are you to say THE WORD OF GOD is just a metaphor or a detail to be skipped over?
    I am no one to say that, as I am an Atheist. But who is anyone to tell anyone else what the word of god is or isn't? People pick and choose what serves them, they always have. Doesn't make it right, just makes it a fact.
    Post edited by Kate Monster on
  • AndrewAndrew
    People pick and choose what serves them, they always have. Doesn't make it right, just makes it a fact.
    Doesn't make them any more sane than the others. In fact, I would argue it makes them less sane. If they honestly believe their religion, why not follow it 100%? If you are going to do something, do it fucking right, especially if your eternal soul hangs in the balance. At least the fundamentalists know how to play the fucking game.
  • Kate MonsterKate Monster
    People pick and choose what serves them, they always have. Doesn't make it right, just makes it a fact.
    Doesn't make them any more sane than the others. In fact, I would argue it makes them less sane. If they honestly believe their religion, why not follow it 100%? If you are going to do something, do it fucking right, especially if your eternal soul hangs in the balance. At least the fundamentalists know how to play the fucking game.
    I disagree about the sanity point. At least they are rational enough to know that the book is not the "word of God" literally. They accept the fact that man has tainted it, and that a lot of the rules, ideas, and concepts are outdated in a modern society. I think the fact that they don't just accept it all at face value makes them more rational.
  • JasonJason
    If you can pick and choose, then what's the point in believing any of it?
  • AndrewAndrew
    edited June 2008
    I disagree about the sanity point. At least they are rational enough to know that the book is not the "word of God" literally. They accept the fact that man has tainted it, and that a lot of the rules, ideas, and concepts are outdated in a modern society. I think the fact that they don't just accept it all at face value makes them more rational.
    I can't say that I agree with you. These people choose to believe, but only nominally. If they honestly think that is has been tainted by man, why believe any of it? There must be some other reason why they believe. I think that Hitchens put it best when he said that people want to be controlled. Belief in a religion is almost sadomasochistic; people want big brother to tell them what to do and how to think. It makes them feel more comfortable and less alone I suppose.
    Post edited by Andrew on
  • Kate MonsterKate Monster
    If you can pick and choose, then what's the point in believing any of it?
    Because the overall message speaks to you? Because your parents/local society taught you to and you have never broken away from that mentality? Because you want to believe in something? Because you need a reward/punishment to keep you moral? I don't know. Like I said - big old atheist over here! ^_^
  • HMTKSteveHMTKSteve
    I disagree about the sanity point. At least they are rational enough to know that the book is not the "word of God" literally. They accept the fact that man has tainted it, and that a lot of the rules, ideas, and concepts are outdated in a modern society. I think the fact that they don't just accept it all at face value makes them more rational.
    I can say that I agree with you. These people choose to believe, but only nominally. If they honestly think that is has been tainted by man, why believe any of it? There must be some other reason why they believe. I think that Hitchens put it best when he said that people want to be controlled. Belief in a religion is almost sadomasochistic; people want big brother to tell them what to do and how to think. It makes them feel more comfortable and less alone I suppose.
    It also frees them from having to take responsibility for themselves and their actions.
  • LyddiLyddi
    Why not interpret the Bible however you want? What's the point of following something that isn't exactly how you want it? Why not change the meaning of things to get your way? Maybe that's why the Bible is so popular, because so many people can do that with it. Don't many religions originate from people that make stuff up to trick masses of people for their own personal benefit?
  • Victor FrostVictor Frost
    Man, this is a beautiful scam. I should set one up to get some extra money.
  • HungryJoeHungryJoe
    Posted earlier:
    SSSSAAAAAYYYYYY - maybe we could do something along the same lines. How about "Rapture Insurance" - Buy and insurance policy for in case you're not raptured, or in case you family members are not raptured. How about "Rapture Pet Sitting" - They don't think their pets have souls, do they? Are they heartless enough to just let them die? How about livestock left behind? Give me a few hundred dollars and I'll make sure your horses and cattle are seen to after the rapture. Are you at all concerned about what will happen to your house after the Rapture? Sign this lease and I'll make sure it's will be maintained. Don't read that small print. Don't you trust me?
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