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Thinking About Going Offline From Dec. 1 to Jan. 1
I just read this article on Cracked and I see a lot of parallels in my own life. I have a lot of people whom I call friends, but a good 90% of them are online and despite how many I have, I still walk around each day with this feeling of loneliness. And there's this feeling of disconnection; like the real me is in my computer, on the 'net, and my body is just my mouse for the real world. I love the world (boom de yada and all that), but I feel that I have very little connection to it beyond needing it to keep on existing.
And then there's social life. Every time I hear someone talking about how they went to an "awesome party last weekend and how it was totally kickass", I realize they are probably exaggerating a bit, but I can't help but think "Why don't I have stories like that?" My "exciting" weekends are sniping a banshee on Halo PC multiplayer with one shot or at most exploring the campus at night. I stopped going to anime club because doing my homework takes me forever, despite that only a couple of my subjects give me homework. Now I don't even interact with one of the few types of people I can sit down and have a lengthy conversation with. I used to talk with people at my job, but since I've moved here, I haven't gotten a new one nor can I due to my class schedule and studying. I'm gonna be making a better schedule for next semester, but I think the problem goes deeper than that.
Any where I go, I'm connected to the internet. If I'm not in front of a computer, my new phone has a constant 3G connection and can hop on WiFi if need be. No matter where I am, the internet is there with me, which can be a powerful tool, but it's dulled my real-time social skills. On a forum, I can respond at my leisure, taking time to write a post if I want to. But in the real world, I'm horrible at conversations, especially small talk. The only time I'm comfortable is during a conversation that have a certain amount of skill in, like computers or something.
I don't do anything useful online, not really. And in light of that and the sudden moment of self reflection that article gave me, I'm thinking of either going offline completely (or at the very least removing myself from forums, IM, and other messaging systems) for about a month. It would either be from December to January, or from January to February. I chose a month because they say it takes a month to make or break a habit.
It's hard posting this here, not because I don't trust you guys, but because nothing can ever be truly deleted off the internet. But I feel like I need some help with this one. It's bothering me and I don't have enough experience to know what to do. What do you guys think? Has anyone else here felt like this? Is this just part of moving to someplace new, part of starting college, or should I see a shrink?
And then there's social life. Every time I hear someone talking about how they went to an "awesome party last weekend and how it was totally kickass", I realize they are probably exaggerating a bit, but I can't help but think "Why don't I have stories like that?" My "exciting" weekends are sniping a banshee on Halo PC multiplayer with one shot or at most exploring the campus at night. I stopped going to anime club because doing my homework takes me forever, despite that only a couple of my subjects give me homework. Now I don't even interact with one of the few types of people I can sit down and have a lengthy conversation with. I used to talk with people at my job, but since I've moved here, I haven't gotten a new one nor can I due to my class schedule and studying. I'm gonna be making a better schedule for next semester, but I think the problem goes deeper than that.
Any where I go, I'm connected to the internet. If I'm not in front of a computer, my new phone has a constant 3G connection and can hop on WiFi if need be. No matter where I am, the internet is there with me, which can be a powerful tool, but it's dulled my real-time social skills. On a forum, I can respond at my leisure, taking time to write a post if I want to. But in the real world, I'm horrible at conversations, especially small talk. The only time I'm comfortable is during a conversation that have a certain amount of skill in, like computers or something.
I don't do anything useful online, not really. And in light of that and the sudden moment of self reflection that article gave me, I'm thinking of either going offline completely (or at the very least removing myself from forums, IM, and other messaging systems) for about a month. It would either be from December to January, or from January to February. I chose a month because they say it takes a month to make or break a habit.
It's hard posting this here, not because I don't trust you guys, but because nothing can ever be truly deleted off the internet. But I feel like I need some help with this one. It's bothering me and I don't have enough experience to know what to do. What do you guys think? Has anyone else here felt like this? Is this just part of moving to someplace new, part of starting college, or should I see a shrink?
Comments
Don't blame the Internet, but if you're determined to try your plan, December to January would be a good time to avoid the Internet. You won't miss anything.
The sole fact that you're concerned is a good first step. Now, just go out there and do something about it, and you'll be fine in no time.
I used to be the same way. I pretty much just walked around on my own, even though I had friends. And even though I spent breaks with these friends I never really spent much time with them outside of school. Eventually I just learned to always ask what everyone was doing on the weekends and now I hardly ever spend a Friday or Saturday night at home. Your situation might be different, but I'm similarly hooked into the internet all the time and learned to be social. Start asking what that other 10% of friends are doing this weekend and tag along.
And.. I think that would be a good idea for myself. ._. How often has my computer basically screwed me over because I decided to play on DRP instead of doing homework..? Either way, I wish you so much luck, my dear Sonic. : 3
As if you guys could get in.
I use a chat room every day to talk with friends, friends I made "in real life" over the course of the last 10 years. I also use email and skype to chat with other friends, but again all of those I've met in real life too. This forum is the only place on the internet where I am part of a community where I don't know everyone in real life.
When starting the NaNoWriMo challenge I decided I needed more time so I took the FRC forums out of my home pages, and bookmarked the NaNoWriMo to keep track. It turned out that what was really taking up my online time wasn't this forum, which is actually quite easy to ignore for a day and still catch up with interesting threads, but leaving Google Reader open and being drip fed pointless videos and useless news stories.
So maybe all you need to do is find that one thing to cut back on. In your case you can connect to the internet at any time to check forums, so that shouldn't be getting in the way of an evening social life. Instead of cutting out on all internet, why put your modem on a timer? Every evening it turns off and you are disconnected until after midnight. No gaming, no mindless surfing, no checking IM because it is just so easy. If you REALLY need something important you can use your phone. And then just get out there and join clubs/societies/bands/etc. That is the reason they exist, to help people like you make friends. Those with better friend making skills will form groups anyway... but sometimes geeks on the edge of being nerds need a push in the right direction.
At university I was in a small group of friends who formed very quickly. Unfortunately, out of the six of use, four decided they'd made a mistake in coming to university and dropped out within two months. And us two who were left never were never really close, so we quickly drifted apart. This left me in a similar position... time to make new friends, but everyone else was already part of an semi-established "crew" and me trying to join in later felt really weird. But sticking with it and making time and going out and getting drunk and playing music and making films with people meant it only took a few months before I had more friends than before. But I had to make the time. At the same time I still chatted online, and even met up with quite a few "internet friends", though most of those meetings were mainly for sexual encounters (or attempted sexual encounters).
You just have to take time. And, to be honest, if you don't have a full time job along with your studies there is no reason except bad planning for you not to have time.
Anyway, sounds like a plan. You should go out and try new things and meet new people. You're in a new climate and an awesome city. A vacation from the internet will do you good. You will build new memories and learn some things. It might be hard to just jump in, but anime club is a good start. Getting a bite at lunch with someone is a good start. Study groups are a good start. ^_^
I think it is a good plan, Sonic. Maybe I will try to do it too, only go on the internet when I need to do something business related. It was kinda nice when my laptop was getting fixed. I got a lot done.
Everything in Moderation.
Sonic, your college experience won't be complete until the day you wake up half naked and face down in a puddle of someone else's sick on the cold, gritty floor of a county jail at least fifty miles from where you live covered in bruises, scratches, and lacerations that you can't explain. At that point, when you pull out your Zippo, light a Lucky, and suck down that sweet, sweet smoke, you'll know what I mean.
Ever since you moved to that west-coast-ma-bob-thing-place.
It makes me feel so empty and sick,
I-BARGLE-BARGLE-BARGLE, I broke the streak for you man.
How can you be so heartless man? Leaving me alone in this race.
Alone... with Viga!
[/Nine dealing with the announced temporary leave of an internet friend]
You'd better be more awesome when you return to these forums, or else.
EDIT: Wait, crap, that means I'll have to prepare something for when you come back not more awesome.
Now there are no pages that I reload throughout the day. The only tabs I keep open are Gmail and Remember the Milk. I read web-comics once each morning, which usually means I read many the day after they come out. I only go looking around video sites when I'm in the living room. I subscribe to very few podcasts, and only listen to them while I'm doing something else, or when I can't do anything else.
It's really a weird thing, when I think about it. There was a time when I had a twitter window open all the time. I'd be tweeting and responding to tweets throughout the day. I did enjoy it, and I did get something out of it. One day I just stopped opening that window. I don't miss it, and I don't even remember or have an urge to go back there. If I don't miss it, then it obviously wasn't that important. A lot of the problems are that you develop habits, and you start to do things without thinking. Just stop doing things out of habit, and only do things intentionally.
My next step is to stop reading every forum thread, and only read ones I care about. Starting now. Once I do that, the next step will be to only read the forum once a day when I get home.
(For real, be safe. Don't do anything stupid.)
The article you cited and what you said about your life is very interesting. If that's how you feel, it might be best to unplug for a little while and do some soul searching. Online friends are nice, but I still cherish my real-life friends more than anyone I've never met in person.
Just a thought.