As Pete said, if it is really bad, go see a therapist who will help you ease your way out of your phobia. It's all about pushing yourself to stand up against your "fear situation" until you are really nervous and then calming down again. You know how I got over my phobia of shots? In one year I had a series of three vaccines, a blood test, and my wisdom teeth out. That was a lot of shots, and because I put up with a lot of unpleasant needles, it got easier every time. I don't faint any more. Most phobias are the same. Think of it like athletics, like running. If you push yourself until you can't go any farther, you end up being able to run even farther next time, and you get better and better.
Weeellll. This sort of thing makes for a fun discussion, but I'm not the best person to have it with. I won't say that people can't change, but I do think that they mostly don't. Of course, one does have to be rather explicit on what is meant by "change."
In this case, I would need more specifics to tell you for certain what my opinion is. However, this:
I was a good bf, but she thought she had a hold on me and could never lose me.
made me think that she was the sort of person to think that way to begin with.
Honestly though, I am an inexperienced human being and hence my opinion on this matter is worthless ^_^. Feel free to ignore me at will.
I don't get this, she still wants to be friends and go to the same school as me when she graduates. She says I'm still an uber close friend, even though we broke up. Can someone translate?
I don't get this, she still wants to be friends and go to the same school as me when she graduates. She says I'm still an uber close friend, even though we broke up. Can someone translate?
She doesn't want to feel anymore worse or guilty of what she did, so she's trying to get your approval so she can make herself feel better.
Or, she could possibly be genuine and value you as a friend and still wants to have that relationship as a friend when she does go to the same school as yourself.
Regardless, you need to decide what to do. I'm not close with any of them, however I'm on good terms with a few ex-boyfriends. I honestly would suggest you sitting on that decision and sort out your feelings/issues, weigh the possibilities and see what else she has to say, then make a decision.
Ask her to contact you again in a few weeks. Trust me. You're going to need some time to decide that one without doing something you'll regret later.
I'm thinking maybe she wants to be together, but she refuses to tell me she cheated in case she loses me forever. I'm seeing a counsellor to talk about things.
I don't get this, she still wants to be friends and go to the same school as me when she graduates. She says I'm still an uber close friend, even though we broke up. Can someone translate?
If your 19, how old is she? (you said much younger)
Ask her to contact you again in a few weeks. Trust me. You're going to need some time to decide that one without doing something you'll regret later.
I'm thinking maybe she wants to be together, but she refuses to tell me she cheated in case she loses me forever. I'm seeing a counselor to talk about things.
She cheated on you. How do you know it wont happen again if you get back with her. Sorry to be morbid, but yo yo relationships aren't good for you. Off again, on again, off again, on again. It's stressful and something you should avoid. She just regrets what she did. Or maybe she doesn't understand how she hurt you.
Just kick it single for awhile. Or if you do become friends with her try not to fall in the yo yo trap.
She cheated on you. How do you know it wont happen again if you get back with her. Sorry to be morbid, but yo yo relationships aren't good for you. Off again, on again, off again, on again. It's stressful and something you should avoid. She just regrets what she did. Or maybe she doesn't understand how she hurt you.
Just kick it single for awhile. Or if you do become friends with her try not to fall in the yo yo trap.
I just always feel like a loser being single. I didn't get a gf till 18.
I just always feel like a loser being single. I didn't get a gf till 18.
I didn't start dating until I was 19. You shouldn't feel that you have to have a girlfriend. Good relationships just happen.
She's 16m and you're 19. Why are you so stressed about this stuff? Enjoy your youth and do other things. Make friends, hang out with people, do geeky things, whatever. I hope your therapist helps you sort out your issues, but don't feel bad about all of this. Relationships come and go, as long as you can learn from them and be better from it, then you've succeeded.
I guess it's just me, but I never understood high school/teen relationships. I just can't take them seriously. I don't think many people that age are responsible/mature/intelligent enough to have a serious relationship. They are still growing up. There have been people (mostly from this forum) that have proved me otherwise that some of the youth can be respected, but for most part, I stand skeptical.
Hey Buddy, I didn't have a girlfriend really (not counting some high school thing where we held hands) until I was nearly 21.. You calling me a loser?
No, I'm just hard on myself. Do girls want a gentleman? I tried to be one. Poems, love letters, other cute things like that. Do girls like these things?
She cheated on you. How do you know it wont happen again if you get back with her. Sorry to be morbid, but yo yo relationships aren't good for you. Off again, on again, off again, on again. It's stressful and something you should avoid. She just regrets what she did. Or maybe she doesn't understand how she hurt you.
Just kick it single for awhile. Or if you do become friends with her try not to fall in the yo yo trap.
I just always feel like a loser being single. I didn't get a gf till 18.
I used to feel the same when I was younger. Because of that feeling I made and lot of mistakes and was in some not so great relationships. Don't make the same mistake. You don't need a girlfriend to validate yourself. Plenty of people are single and are really awesome.
No, I'm just hard on myself. Do girls want a gentleman? I tried to be one. Poems, love letters, other cute things like that. Do girls like these things?
1) Girls (that are worth your time) like it when you are you. Contrary to popular belief, you don't need someone else to validate your existence. You can be awesome by just being you and doing awesome things. Hang out with friends, do things you enjoy. Show your smarts, and don't be an ass. Don't be self-deprecating; be confident in yourself. Not an egotistical asshole, but someone who knows that their worth is not determined by who likes them.
2) Frankly, as long as you're good to them in general, it really depends on the girl. This is where talking to people about their needs is really important. One girl may want to be cuddled a whole lot, and another may want you to cook for her. How will you know unless you talk? Also remember that it's just as important for you to tell her what YOU want. And any girl worth your time should care what you want as much as you care what she wants.
3) And finally, realize that any girl worth your time will be able to be honest with you in a conversation like this. If she's going to play games and expect you to read her mind when she hasn't told you what she needs, then she's a douche and you shouldn't waste your time. Yeah, girls can be assholes too.
She cheated on you. How do you know it wont happen again if you get back with her. Sorry to be morbid, but yo yo relationships aren't good for you. Off again, on again, off again, on again. It's stressful and something you should avoid. She just regrets what she did. Or maybe she doesn't understand how she hurt you.
Just kick it single for awhile. Or if you do become friends with her try not to fall in the yo yo trap.
I just always feel like a loser being single. I didn't get a gf till 18.
I had a "girlfriend" from the ages of 13 - 15. It wasn't much of a relationship at all.
I started dating my only other girlfriend ever when I was 24. I am now 26. We broke up in February of this year.
So, getting a girl at 18 isn't bad at all. Honestly, that's the age when you should be shooting for a relationship anyhow. Younger relationships, while often meaningful to those in them, are ephemeral and mostly meaningless in the long term.
EDIT: I'd just like to echo what Nuri said. A girl (that's worth your time) wants you, not some variant of you.
Here's a protip, just in general. It's one thing for an SO to not share all of your interests; in fact, exploring each other's differing interests is really (IMHO) one of the most valuable parts of a relationship. If your SO holds any of your interests in contempt, they're probably not worth your time. They don't have to necessarily respect your interests, but they can't disrespect them.
No, I'm just hard on myself. Do girls want a gentleman? I tried to be one. Poems, love letters, other cute things like that. Do girls like these things?
Most girls don't want you to be all artificially "romantic." It's all about just chilling and being yourself. Don't be selfish, but don't try too hard, yah know? It always makes me roll my eyes when guys try the traditional mushy things. Like Omnutia said, its as much about "friend" as it is about "girl."
I mean, I didn't have a serious boyfriend till 19, but being single didn't bother me. I'd dream about cool boys, but I was happy just doing my own thing. Society seems to push everyone to pair off, and media acts like someone is a loser if they don't have a girlfriend. I mean, the reason some guys can't get girlfriends is because they are losers, but just because you are not going out with someone doesn't mean you are a loser.
I started dating at 12 and never had more than 6 months without a significant other ("S.O."). Some of these were long distance, almost all of them were not serious, two of them were serious, one resulted in a marriage. I have to say that I loved dating when I was young, but I never felt like I HAD to. It was fun, flirtatious, allowed me to figure out my sexuality, develop some social skills, and make some cool friends.
That doesn't mean that I think everyone needs to date through their teen years (or ever for that matter). My husband didn't date until he was in college and only had one other serious girlfriend before he dated me. It worked for him. If you turn "dating" into a goal, rather than spending time with cool person - then you have a problem.
Evaluate your priorities, cut ties with the cheating girl, and make some new friends (whether dating material or not). Enjoy your youth. If a S.O. comes along, that is cool. If one doesn't come along, that is cool too! Keep in mind that dating the wrong person can be far worse than being single for a few years. ^_^
A good friend of mine recently broke up with a girlfriend. In our "crew" chatroom we've been having some quite fun therapy sessions. I copied some highlights from today:
Him:
Mostly I'm reveling in being able to (a) dance (b) cycle (c) walk in the rain (d) cook with meat (e) shop when I need to (f) eat pizza (g) eat curry (h) talk to certain people (i) watch crap telly (j) drink (k) plan holidays (l) buy cheese other than wensleydale (m) camp (n) like sweden/swedish people (o) listen to Radio 4 in the car (p) not go into town on saturday (q) go out on a school night (r) renovate my bathroom (s) surf internet porn (t) take salsa classes again
All of them offset against that she smells nice is a great dance partner and has magic hands and her parents like me... parity FAIL
One of the many nails in the coffin was that we used to have fish on saturday (it had to be saturday because if you don't eat fish on the day you buy it, it's no good) but we had to stop while we were looking after the neighbor's goldfish in case he saw.
Yeah. There are always compromises, but give and take does not mean give a hard time and take freedom.
Me:
So, the measure of a good relationship is how many things you can do again after you split up. I really like that idea.
Wow, she would not let him like Swedish people? I can understand it being frustrating if you are a meat-eater cooking for a vegetarian, but all those other things are like (o_O)
The only things I can relate to are (d) cook with meat (only add "always" in front of it) and (s) surf internet porn, which I would prefer my significant other not do, especially if it is nasty, totally-not-classy, stupid porn. Scott admits to watching porn, but at least he picks decent "girls take pictures of themselves nude" kind.
Is it normal for anti-depressants to help me concentrate? Now I can actually read for more than 10 minutes without getting bored.
Depends on which anti-depressants, but for some of them, yes.
Everyone tells me how bad anti-depressants are, but Wellbutrin is working great. I can focus, talk to people without fear of sounding stupid, and I feel much happier.
Everyone tells me how bad anti-depressants are, but Wellbutrin is working great. I can focus, talk to people without fear of sounding stupid, and I feel much happier.
That's good to hear. Wellbutrin aka Bupropion is also known to aid in smoking cessation. My boyfriend used it to help quit smoking, and it seems to have worked.
He did get a lot of weird dreams when he was on it. Have you experienced any weird dreams?
Comments
I won't say that people can't change, but I do think that they mostly don't.
Of course, one does have to be rather explicit on what is meant by "change."
In this case, I would need more specifics to tell you for certain what my opinion is. However, this:made me think that she was the sort of person to think that way to begin with.
Honestly though, I am an inexperienced human being and hence my opinion on this matter is worthless ^_^. Feel free to ignore me at will.
Or, she could possibly be genuine and value you as a friend and still wants to have that relationship as a friend when she does go to the same school as yourself.
Regardless, you need to decide what to do. I'm not close with any of them, however I'm on good terms with a few ex-boyfriends. I honestly would suggest you sitting on that decision and sort out your feelings/issues, weigh the possibilities and see what else she has to say, then make a decision.
Just kick it single for awhile. Or if you do become friends with her try not to fall in the yo yo trap.
She's 16m and you're 19. Why are you so stressed about this stuff? Enjoy your youth and do other things. Make friends, hang out with people, do geeky things, whatever. I hope your therapist helps you sort out your issues, but don't feel bad about all of this. Relationships come and go, as long as you can learn from them and be better from it, then you've succeeded.
I guess it's just me, but I never understood high school/teen relationships. I just can't take them seriously. I don't think many people that age are responsible/mature/intelligent enough to have a serious relationship. They are still growing up. There have been people (mostly from this forum) that have proved me otherwise that some of the youth can be respected, but for most part, I stand skeptical.
2) Frankly, as long as you're good to them in general, it really depends on the girl. This is where talking to people about their needs is really important. One girl may want to be cuddled a whole lot, and another may want you to cook for her. How will you know unless you talk? Also remember that it's just as important for you to tell her what YOU want. And any girl worth your time should care what you want as much as you care what she wants.
3) And finally, realize that any girl worth your time will be able to be honest with you in a conversation like this. If she's going to play games and expect you to read her mind when she hasn't told you what she needs, then she's a douche and you shouldn't waste your time. Yeah, girls can be assholes too.
I started dating my only other girlfriend ever when I was 24. I am now 26. We broke up in February of this year.
So, getting a girl at 18 isn't bad at all. Honestly, that's the age when you should be shooting for a relationship anyhow. Younger relationships, while often meaningful to those in them, are ephemeral and mostly meaningless in the long term.
EDIT: I'd just like to echo what Nuri said. A girl (that's worth your time) wants you, not some variant of you.
Here's a protip, just in general. It's one thing for an SO to not share all of your interests; in fact, exploring each other's differing interests is really (IMHO) one of the most valuable parts of a relationship. If your SO holds any of your interests in contempt, they're probably not worth your time. They don't have to necessarily respect your interests, but they can't disrespect them.
Took me a little while to figure that one out.
I mean, I didn't have a serious boyfriend till 19, but being single didn't bother me. I'd dream about cool boys, but I was happy just doing my own thing. Society seems to push everyone to pair off, and media acts like someone is a loser if they don't have a girlfriend. I mean, the reason some guys can't get girlfriends is because they are losers, but just because you are not going out with someone doesn't mean you are a loser.
That doesn't mean that I think everyone needs to date through their teen years (or ever for that matter). My husband didn't date until he was in college and only had one other serious girlfriend before he dated me. It worked for him. If you turn "dating" into a goal, rather than spending time with cool person - then you have a problem.
Evaluate your priorities, cut ties with the cheating girl, and make some new friends (whether dating material or not). Enjoy your youth. If a S.O. comes along, that is cool. If one doesn't come along, that is cool too! Keep in mind that dating the wrong person can be far worse than being single for a few years. ^_^
Him:
Mostly I'm reveling in being able to (a) dance (b) cycle (c) walk in the rain (d) cook with meat (e) shop when I need to (f) eat pizza (g) eat curry (h) talk to certain people (i) watch crap telly (j) drink (k) plan holidays (l) buy cheese other than wensleydale (m) camp (n) like sweden/swedish people (o) listen to Radio 4 in the car (p) not go into town on saturday (q) go out on a school night (r) renovate my bathroom (s) surf internet porn (t) take salsa classes again
All of them offset against that she smells nice is a great dance partner and has magic hands and her parents like me... parity FAIL
One of the many nails in the coffin was that we used to have fish on saturday (it had to be saturday because if you don't eat fish on the day you buy it, it's no good) but we had to stop while we were looking after the neighbor's goldfish in case he saw.
Yeah. There are always compromises, but give and take does not mean give a hard time and take freedom.
Me:
So, the measure of a good relationship is how many things you can do again after you split up. I really like that idea.
The only things I can relate to are (d) cook with meat (only add "always" in front of it) and (s) surf internet porn, which I would prefer my significant other not do, especially if it is nasty, totally-not-classy, stupid porn. Scott admits to watching porn, but at least he picks decent "girls take pictures of themselves nude" kind.
He did get a lot of weird dreams when he was on it. Have you experienced any weird dreams?