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How to best deal with homophobia.

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  • I'm still in the closet, but I have good news, at least. Recently, my brother's girlfriend of about five months happened to be at our house when my parents and brother were out. She told me she wanted to talk. Apparently, my brother had told her about me (I don't know when this was), and that he was going to out me to Mom and Dad. She apparently told him that she would dump him if he did, and was an idiot. Then she asked him how he knew. Apparently, he just "guessed" because I don't date, and "don't act straight." (All this time, I thought he had been "tipped off" by someone I trusted.) He didn't elaborate beyond that, according to her. She did tell me that if anything happened, to let her know and she would take care of it.

    Now what I need to do is figure out what "acting straight" means. Funnily enough, the few people who I am out to didn't believe me at first "because you act straight." In addition, things here at home have calmed down, and if everything works out, I will graduate from college this winter. It will be difficult to leave right away, because I have had no luck in getting a job, but as soon as I can afford it, I'm considering moving to either Houston or Austin.
  • Well I'm glad your situation has a ray of hope Diagoras!

    It's probably going to be rough staying at home for another year and a half, especially since your brother is now the one being threatened (*irony noted). If he tries to give you shit about being gay, as bad as it sounds, I say just take it. It seems like you've got enough good connections to help you out if there's a problem, and I'm sure you'll find a job soon.

    Just know we're rooting for you! Hang in there, bud.
  • Well, that's one good thing at least. If I were your brother's girlfriend, I'd dump him straight away for being such an asshole, but I guess then you wouldn't have any backup. :) Oh, and Austin, 100%.
  • Well, that's one good thing at least. If I were your brother's girlfriend, I'd dump him straight away for being such an asshole, but I guess then you wouldn't have any backup. :) Oh, and Austin, 100%.
    Stubbs Barbecue FTW.
  • edited April 2010
    Stubbs Barbecue FTW.
    I don't know shit about Austin except that it's the one tiny pocket of sanity in Texas. :) Also, they're supposed to have a great live music scene.
    Post edited by Funfetus on
  • edited April 2010
    If by "great live music scene" you mean "so many hipsters with iPhones converging in one place during SXSW that it causes so much strain on AT&T Wireless that they have trouble maintaining service in the area", then yes, it's thriving :) And yes, that actually happened.

    But that's great, man. At least you have something to work with now.
    Post edited by Sail on
  • Now what I need to do is figure out what "acting straight" means according to my brother.
    FTFY. I'm betting that in this situation it means something along the lines of grinding your stiffening dick against every (hot) girl you see. It's hilarious to see that "not dating" equals "homosexual" to your brother. Am I too kind and wrong in thinking too highly of his intelligence when I assume he knows the word 'asexual' and what it means? (yes that doesn't necessarily exclude dating, but hey)
  • edited April 2010
    Am I too kind and wrong in thinking too highly of his intelligence when I assume he knows the word 'asexual' and what it means?
    Yes. He has a fondness for stating why "big words are stupid." Because using the word "redundant" properly in a cogent sentence is such a terrible thing.
    I don't know shit about Austin except that it's the one tiny pocket of sanity in Texas.
    Houston just elected a gay mayor. I think I'll be okay if I end up there.
    Post edited by Diagoras on
  • Houston just elected a gay mayor. I think I'll be okay if I end up there.
    Huh. How bout that. Never would've guessed.
  • Yes. He has a fondness for stating why "big words are stupid." Because using the word "redundant" properly in a cogent sentence is such a terrible thing.
    I'm currently stuck between insulting him, and thinking "that's a guy's brother, keep your mouth shut."

    I'm very tempted to seriously suggest framing him up so that people start questioning if he's gay or not, but questioning the the way of "Are you sure he's not gay? I'm really supicious of this." because it sounds that he'd only dig his hole deeper by reacting so strongly that it would make people think even more so that he was not only gay, but trying very hard to cover it up, and as a side bonus, even if he does out you, it'd just look like he was trying to move the focus away from himself and onto you in an attempt to make people stop questioning his sexuality.

    Hey, It's worked for me before - a particularly testosterone fueled and religious ex-friend of my fathers tried to out me as gay (I'm bisexual, but I was dating a guy at the time, so you can figure out where he made the assumption) and so, instead, I slowly built up and built up a house of cards around him that made people start to suspect, and every move he made just convinced people more, because he was reacting extremely strongly, and even, indeed, violently to the accusations.
    The final straw was when a (subtly and very well done photoshop job) pictures of him holding hands while walking, and deeply kissing another man came to light via a rather obfuscated and twisty route, along with some rather kinky rumors of being a BDSM slave to said fellow, and he started claiming that someone was blackmailing him with pictures of him kissing another man and other such rumors, but that they must be fake because he's OBVIOUSLY not gay, because he's "A real man, not a fucking fairy."

    That pretty much got him absolutely banned from his particularly strict evanglical church and a half dozen besides, His long-term girlfriend(again, part of the church) left him and moved out of their shared house, and apparently, he was fired from his job working with the church (though I did ensure he was employed again in short order, as he was a very competent painter and decorator, and I won't see the man starve because of me). And, of course, my father stopped talking to him, because he was "so deep in the closet that he's finding fuckin' christmas presents, and he's just so crazy about denying it that I can't stand him any more."

    However, Considering this is your brother, I can't entirely reccomend any such scorch-the-earth-and-salt-the-ground plans, but still, something milder might be the go. Enough to sew doubt, but not enough to actually harm him, just enough that people won't take him entirely seriously till after you're gone.
  • And, of course, my father stopped talking to him, because he was "so deep in the closet that he's finding fuckin' christmas presents, and he's just so crazy about denying it that I can't stand him any more."
    Your father sounds like a card.
  • He has a fondness for stating why "big words are stupid."
    Man, I'm sure it's not funny at all to you, having lived with that your entire life, but that statement is so inane that I actually laughed. I'm sorry, really. I wish your brother wasn't a giant meathead.

    I've heard that Houston is a pretty hip town, so I'm sure your quality of life will improve dramatically once you're there. Try to limit the number of orgies you engage in per week, though; if there's one thing you need to know in life, it's how to pace yourself.
  • edited April 2010
    Your father sounds like a card.
    He's a great guy, just a little odd around gay men or crazy people. He doesn't hate gay people, they just make him somewhat uncomfortable, particularly "gay" men who are not out and out about it. Combine that with how crazy the guy was acting, and it was pretty much a sure bet he would get rid of him. He can't help it, he's a product of the age that he grew up in. I don't condone it, or think it's acceptable, but I don't ascribe malice to it.
    Post edited by Churba on
  • TALES OF JUSTIFIED DICKISHNESS
    Churba you make for a strange Light Yagami.
  • Beat him to the punch and tell them he's gay. They'll never believe him then.
    I'm very tempted to seriously suggest framing him up so that people start questioning if he's gay or not, but questioning the the way of "Are you sure he's not gay? I'm really supicious of this." because it sounds that he'd only dig his hole deeper by reacting so strongly that it would make people think even more so that he was not only gay, but trying very hard to cover it up, and as a side bonus, even if he does out you, it'd just look like he was trying to move the focus away from himself and onto you in an attempt to make people stop questioning his sexuality.
    image
  • Do eet. Jus' do eet.
  • Yes. He has a fondness for stating why "big words are stupid." Because using the word "redundant" properly in a cogent sentence is such a terrible thing.
    QOUI?
    giant meathead.
    "What do they think with?"
    "Meat."
    "You expect me to believe in thinking meat?!"
    "Yes."
    Churba you make for a strange Light Yagami.
    He would deliver the Death Note to Lost & Found and then proceed to kill people by talking to them.
  • "What do they think with?"
    "Meat."
    "You expect me to believe in thinking meat?!"
    "Yes."
    Oh wow! I remember this!
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