I don't mean to sound harsh, but this "issue" usually seems to come up when a "nice guy" likes someone, but can't conceive of the fact that this person has no reciprocal interest. Not everyone is interested in everyone else, and I sadly feel like this comic illustrates it perfectly.
If you like someone, be their friend. If they avoid you, they're probably not really your friend. Consider why, and try to make other friends bearing that in mind.
If you like someone, be their friend. Don't assume that time spend being friends equates to some sort of implied further relationship. I see too many "nice guys" not engaging in true friendships with women, but instead simply trying to be around them enough in the naive assumption that this will somehow lead to something more, getting increasingly frustrated as the women more and more often brushes them off for her own lack of interest.
Every case of "but I'm a nice guy" that I've ever seen was simply a situation where the "nice guy" assumed way too much about someone he liked, reading falsely into her actions and not noticing the clear body language that she didn't really have any interest in the first place. The nice guys will say that they were "strung along" or "toyed with," when in reality, none of this was occurring, and they were simply reading normal social interaction as interest on the part of the girl. "She said hello! She was flirting with me!"
So, the harsh moral of all this? To be perfectly honest, you're not failing because you're a "nice guy." That's just an excuse. You need to honestly assess yourself, your motives, and the reasons for these failures: they have nothing at all to do with being "nice."
So, the harsh moral of all this? To be perfectly honest, you're not failing because you're a "nice guy." That's just an excuse. You need to honestly assess yourself, your motives, and the reasons for these failures: they have nothing at all to do with being "nice."
If you want to be harsher it's probably because you smell, are overweight, stupid or talk about your favorite half-orc barbarian THAG loudly in public. :-p
Oh and your probably staring at her too much and creeping her out, so stop that :-p
and lastly, if you are not a super model or rich or interesting, don't think Sarah Michelle Geller or Jewel Stait would be interested in dating you, lower your goddamn standards just a bit and notice the normal and interesting people around you.
If you want to be harsher it's probably because you smell, are overweight, stupid or talk about your favorite half-orc barbarian THAG loudly in public. :-p
, lower your goddamn standards just a bit and notice the normal and interesting people around you.
Or you can just move to an area where youÂ’re relatively more attractive. I have female friends that over the past year have gotten what they admit are the best boyfriends and flings of their lives. It coincidentally happened while they were on work terms in this small oil town near Calgary that was populated with a male to female ratio roughly 8:1. They actually hate being back at school now. It is incredibly harder to get men of the same caliber in a more 50/50 setting. Unfortunately I donÂ’t think there are many towns that are filled with primarily femalesÂ…
and lastly, if you are not a super model or rich or interesting, don't think Sarah Michelle Geller or Jewel Stait would be interested in dating you, lower your goddamn standards just a bit and notice the normal and interesting people around you.
Oh god, yeah. This reminds me of that TV show where these nerds were all trying to hook up with this model chick and then half way through the producers brought in some model guys and the nerds were irate because she only liked them for the way they looked rather than what was on the inside... when they were doing the exact same thing with the chick!
On a tangent though... you do get some guys who can sweep any girl off their feet regardless of how generically hot they are, but luckily for me all the 'perfect' girls on TV and magazines have turned me off beach blondes with stick figure bodies and I find myself eyeing girls like Felicia Day more. My ex used to get really confused when I'd say I would choose Jewel Staite over Megan Fox without question. She said I had a weird taste in women and then concluded that I am attracted to girls by association to things I like, rather than how attractive they really are.
Every case of "but I'm anice guy" that I've ever seen was simply a situation where the "nice guy" assumed way too much about someone he liked, reading falsely into her actions and not noticing the clear body language that she didn't really have any interest in the first place. The nice guys will say that they were "strung along" or "toyed with," when in reality, none of this was occurring, and they were simply reading normal social interaction as interest on the part of the girl. "She said hello! She was flirting with me!"
I know this wasn't directed at me, but I did say I was strung along, but I'm pretty sure I wasn't reading too much into it. It sort of went on for a couple of weeks and at one house party she fell asleep with me on the sofa laying back into me with my arms wrapped around her and after work we all walk to the same bus stop (about 10 of us) and she often used to grab my hand and walk ahead of everyone so it could just be her and I talking till our bus came, if we were deep into conversation we'd sit at the bus stop missing our buses so we could talk.
So for the sake of my ego... I was f'ing strung along! :P
I concur that its not a matter of being 'nice' because there is a small number of people who date purely for exploitative reasons, its a matter of being forthright.
I know this wasn't directed at me, but I did say I was strung along, but I'm pretty sure I wasn't reading too much into it. It sort of went on for a couple of weeks and at one house party she fell asleep with me on the sofa laying back into me with my arms wrapped around her and after work we all walk to the same bus stop (about 10 of us) and she often used to grab my hand and walk ahead of everyone so it could just be her and I talking till our bus came, if we were deep into conversation we'd sit at the bus stop missing our buses so we could talk.
Of course you were intentionally strung along! Heaven forbid that she just feels really comfortable with you and considers you *gasp* a really good friend!
Of course, I don't know the whole story, so I can't really make a judgment. But there are a lot of people who just act this way. One of my best friends is the biggest cuddle slut I know. Guys often think she's into them because she sends all the "signals" without even knowing it. What it sounds like you had is simply a friend who feels very comfortable around people, thinks nothing of grabbing hands, and doesn't consider being close to be out of the ordinary.
So, the harsh moral of all this? To be perfectly honest, you're not failing because you're a "nice guy." That's just an excuse. You need to honestly assess yourself, your motives, and the reasons for these failures: they have nothing at all to do with being "nice."
If you want to be harsher it's probably because you smell, are overweight, stupid or talk about your favorite half-orc barbarian THAG loudly in public. :-p
Oh and your probably staring at her too much and creeping her out, so stop that :-p
and lastly, if you are not a super model or rich or interesting, don't think Sarah Michelle Geller or Jewel Stait would be interested in dating you, lower your goddamn standards just a bit and notice the normal and interesting people around you.
Not the right way to go about it, if you are smelly, overweight, etc. by nature, there is someone out there that finds it sexy most likely, its like the "rule 34" thing, the sooner you realize that, the happier you will be, as you will realize that you don't have to change, because odds are, you can find a partner compatible with the true you, the perceived "downside" is that you probably won't get laid as much in the beginning, but sex is really overrated in the long run (in the sense that to be "normal" you have to be in a relationship all the time and have as much as possible, or else you won't enjoy your life).
I've seen the attractive, pretty, sexy, etc. kind of person with the ugly, poor and uninteresting type for the same reason, if she is already rich, she won't look into that and beauty and what defines an "interesting" person is subjective.
First up, I'm with Rym on the "Nice guys don't finish last; they finish last because there is nothing attractive about them except their niceness" angle. Or whoever wrote that.
Second, if you're not well into your twenties there's really no reason to get cut up about not being in a relationship. Just have fun. If you get on with life experiences with women will come your way.
What it sounds like you had is simply a friend who feels very comfortable around people, thinks nothing of grabbing hands, and doesn't consider being close to be out of the ordinary.
Third, this is so true. Funnily enough, my current girlfriend is one of these people, and to a certain extent so am I. Except she is German, so showering naked and alone with another guy doesn't even cross her mind as something to worry about. Some of you guys would be creaming your pants if you lived in Europe, where hugs and kisses are everyday greetings between friends.
Forth, if you want to make yourself more attractive, find a sociable activity where both males and females take part in equal numbers or on an equal footing, and become passionate about it. There's nothing more appealing to women than passion.
Fifth, I've never had a long friendship with a girl and then had any kind of sexual relationship with her. But this is just me. Normally the sexual encounter happens at the beginning, and we are friends for a long time afterwards. Come to think of it, I don't think I've ever had a date with a girl that didn't end up with some kind of sexual activity within a day or two. Somewhere between these two extremes is probably the right place to begin a long term relationship.
So, the harsh moral of all this? To be perfectly honest, you're not failing because you're a "nice guy." That's just an excuse. You need to honestly assess yourself, your motives, and the reasons for these failures: they have nothing at all to do with being "nice."
If you want to be harsher it's probably because you smell, are overweight, stupid or talk about your favorite half-orc barbarian THAG loudly in public. :-p
Oh and your probably staring at her too much and creeping her out, so stop that :-p
and lastly, if you are not a super model or rich or interesting, don't think Sarah Michelle Geller or Jewel Stait would be interested in dating you, lower your goddamn standards just a bit and notice the normal and interesting people around you.
One does not have to lower anything, haven't you read Shakespeare's Sonnets?
Of course you were intentionally strung along! Heaven forbid that she just feels really comfortable with you and considers you *gasp* a really good friend!
No, I get that. I should have mentioned this was on V-Day and we were sitting there for hours talking before she fell asleep on me. I should have made my move during that time (lord knows I had so many chances, the flirting was beginning to get awkwardly obvious at one point), but because it was a house party and everyone was constantly scanning to see who was going to hook up with who, it was pretty embaressing and I thusly failed. Miserably.
I guess she didn't want to wait for me to make a move and moved on, which is fair enough, I did waste a lot of opportunities because I was hesitant.
It sort of went on for a couple of weeks and at one house party she fell asleep with me on the sofa laying back into me with my arms wrapped around her and after work we all walk to the same bus stop (about 10 of us) and she often used to grab my hand and walk ahead of everyone so it could just be her and I talking till our bus came, if we were deep into conversation we'd sit at the bus stop missing our buses so we could talk.
I'll just note that I've had several relationships just like that which were still purely based on friendship.
Those are the examples you came up with? Of all the women in the world....
Sorry Jason, those examples were used towards actual people. I knew a short guy who was a HUGE buffy fan and would not settle for anything but a clone, and then I used Jewel, because well.. I think she's hot :-p
You realize that Females out number men in the US right. You have no excuse :-p
What? That is not fair good sir I like to think I hit on women in my own league and do quiet well at it. I was implying a town with an incredibly large ratio of females to men. To such a point where men would become a scarce commodity and the relative attractiveness of any individual man would increase. Allowing a theoretical guy you described that was hitting on women beyond his own league to perhaps get a women of a higher caliber then he would normally be able too. Now that you got me thinking about it a quick Google search shows the numbers don't seem to go higher then 54% (from Ukraine).
Andrew, brother, you've got it all wrong. I want Dee, Starbuck, and Six two Sixes, and Grace Park in a complex round-robin-style Olympic sex event, starting with the three-legged race, if you know what I mean. Oh, and Allesandra Ambrosio will be waiting naked at the finish line with a complimentary bubble bath. And all the bubbles have melted. And there's zero gravity. That's very important.
Andrew, brother, you've got it all wrong. I want Dee, Starbuck,and Sixtwo Sixes, and Grace Park in a complex round-robin-style Olympic sex event, starting with the three-legged race, if you know what I mean. Oh, and Allesandra Ambrosio will be waiting naked at the finish line with a complimentary bubble bath. And all the bubbles have melted. And there's zero gravity. That's very important.
Comments
I don't mean to sound harsh, but this "issue" usually seems to come up when a "nice guy" likes someone, but can't conceive of the fact that this person has no reciprocal interest. Not everyone is interested in everyone else, and I sadly feel like this comic illustrates it perfectly.
If you like someone, be their friend. If they avoid you, they're probably not really your friend. Consider why, and try to make other friends bearing that in mind.
If you like someone, be their friend. Don't assume that time spend being friends equates to some sort of implied further relationship. I see too many "nice guys" not engaging in true friendships with women, but instead simply trying to be around them enough in the naive assumption that this will somehow lead to something more, getting increasingly frustrated as the women more and more often brushes them off for her own lack of interest.
Every case of "but I'm a nice guy" that I've ever seen was simply a situation where the "nice guy" assumed way too much about someone he liked, reading falsely into her actions and not noticing the clear body language that she didn't really have any interest in the first place. The nice guys will say that they were "strung along" or "toyed with," when in reality, none of this was occurring, and they were simply reading normal social interaction as interest on the part of the girl. "She said hello! She was flirting with me!"
So, the harsh moral of all this? To be perfectly honest, you're not failing because you're a "nice guy." That's just an excuse. You need to honestly assess yourself, your motives, and the reasons for these failures: they have nothing at all to do with being "nice."
Oh and your probably staring at her too much and creeping her out, so stop that :-p
and lastly, if you are not a super model or rich or interesting, don't think Sarah Michelle Geller or Jewel Stait would be interested in dating you, lower your goddamn standards just a bit and notice the normal and interesting people around you.
On a tangent though... you do get some guys who can sweep any girl off their feet regardless of how generically hot they are, but luckily for me all the 'perfect' girls on TV and magazines have turned me off beach blondes with stick figure bodies and I find myself eyeing girls like Felicia Day more. My ex used to get really confused when I'd say I would choose Jewel Staite over Megan Fox without question. She said I had a weird taste in women and then concluded that I am attracted to girls by association to things I like, rather than how attractive they really are. I know this wasn't directed at me, but I did say I was strung along, but I'm pretty sure I wasn't reading too much into it. It sort of went on for a couple of weeks and at one house party she fell asleep with me on the sofa laying back into me with my arms wrapped around her and after work we all walk to the same bus stop (about 10 of us) and she often used to grab my hand and walk ahead of everyone so it could just be her and I talking till our bus came, if we were deep into conversation we'd sit at the bus stop missing our buses so we could talk.
So for the sake of my ego... I was f'ing strung along! :P
Of course, I don't know the whole story, so I can't really make a judgment. But there are a lot of people who just act this way. One of my best friends is the biggest cuddle slut I know. Guys often think she's into them because she sends all the "signals" without even knowing it. What it sounds like you had is simply a friend who feels very comfortable around people, thinks nothing of grabbing hands, and doesn't consider being close to be out of the ordinary.
I've seen the attractive, pretty, sexy, etc. kind of person with the ugly, poor and uninteresting type for the same reason, if she is already rich, she won't look into that and beauty and what defines an "interesting" person is subjective.
Second, if you're not well into your twenties there's really no reason to get cut up about not being in a relationship. Just have fun. If you get on with life experiences with women will come your way. Third, this is so true. Funnily enough, my current girlfriend is one of these people, and to a certain extent so am I. Except she is German, so showering naked and alone with another guy doesn't even cross her mind as something to worry about. Some of you guys would be creaming your pants if you lived in Europe, where hugs and kisses are everyday greetings between friends.
Forth, if you want to make yourself more attractive, find a sociable activity where both males and females take part in equal numbers or on an equal footing, and become passionate about it. There's nothing more appealing to women than passion.
Fifth, I've never had a long friendship with a girl and then had any kind of sexual relationship with her. But this is just me. Normally the sexual encounter happens at the beginning, and we are friends for a long time afterwards. Come to think of it, I don't think I've ever had a date with a girl that didn't end up with some kind of sexual activity within a day or two. Somewhere between these two extremes is probably the right place to begin a long term relationship.
I guess she didn't want to wait for me to make a move and moved on, which is fair enough, I did waste a lot of opportunities because I was hesitant.
Do this.