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Covering the Windows
Of all the things in the world that make moving difficult, who would have expected that the most difficult thing would be finding something to cover the god damned windows?
The apartment I'm moving into has two sets of windows. One set of windows in the living room, and one in the bedroom. The thing is, they aren't normal windows like you find in a house. They are big windows. The window sill is about a foot deep, you can sit on it. The bedroom window is about 77"-80" wide and the living room is about 94"-99" wide or so. They're both about 67" tall"
It's fucking impossible to find anything to put in these fucking windows. Blinds, curtains, drapes, panels, whatever the fuck. I go to Bed Bath and Beyond. They have a million choices of window coverings. Many look nice. They'are all either 63" long or 83" long. 63 is too short, I could have just gotten the 83 and dealt with the extra length. BUT NO. Directly below the window sill in both rooms of my apartment are the heaters and air conditioners. I can't get something that goes all the way to the floor. It has to be the exact right length, or it won't work.
The width is an issue as well. Most of the things I'm seeing are 40"-50" wide. The thing is, everyone says to get enough to cover double the width of the window. That means I have to buy fucking 8 of these things to cover the excessively wide windows. I can't afford that. Some of these are $50 per panel. $400 WTF! that doesn't even include the bar to hang it on.
The thing is, everything I have found fails utterly in some way or another. Most of them will not be effectively at insulating the room or making it sufficiently dark. Many are excessively expensive. Most look like they only belong in old people's houses. Almost none of them will actually fit my windows.
There are some options out there to get custom-sized things. Of course, they are excessively expensive. I'm not going to spend more money on window treatments than I am on an HD television. That's just insane.
Even shopping on the Internet doesn't help. This shouldn't be that hard. I think I'm just going to use trash bags and duct tape. Fuck it.
The apartment I'm moving into has two sets of windows. One set of windows in the living room, and one in the bedroom. The thing is, they aren't normal windows like you find in a house. They are big windows. The window sill is about a foot deep, you can sit on it. The bedroom window is about 77"-80" wide and the living room is about 94"-99" wide or so. They're both about 67" tall"
It's fucking impossible to find anything to put in these fucking windows. Blinds, curtains, drapes, panels, whatever the fuck. I go to Bed Bath and Beyond. They have a million choices of window coverings. Many look nice. They'are all either 63" long or 83" long. 63 is too short, I could have just gotten the 83 and dealt with the extra length. BUT NO. Directly below the window sill in both rooms of my apartment are the heaters and air conditioners. I can't get something that goes all the way to the floor. It has to be the exact right length, or it won't work.
The width is an issue as well. Most of the things I'm seeing are 40"-50" wide. The thing is, everyone says to get enough to cover double the width of the window. That means I have to buy fucking 8 of these things to cover the excessively wide windows. I can't afford that. Some of these are $50 per panel. $400 WTF! that doesn't even include the bar to hang it on.
The thing is, everything I have found fails utterly in some way or another. Most of them will not be effectively at insulating the room or making it sufficiently dark. Many are excessively expensive. Most look like they only belong in old people's houses. Almost none of them will actually fit my windows.
There are some options out there to get custom-sized things. Of course, they are excessively expensive. I'm not going to spend more money on window treatments than I am on an HD television. That's just insane.
Even shopping on the Internet doesn't help. This shouldn't be that hard. I think I'm just going to use trash bags and duct tape. Fuck it.
Comments
You may have to get 3 panels to cover some of those larger windows. Don't forget that most drapes are often left somewhat folded, so the total width may actually be too short. A good rule is to get 50% more curtain width than the width of your windows.
Also, where are you taking your measurements?
EDIT: Missed the part where you mentioned the width issue. Go with 50% larger; you won't really notice it. 80" window width = 120" of curtain = 3 panels.
And to conclude, yes, I'm not a moron. I've done all the research on Google. Don't tell me anything that Google tells me, I already know it.
EDIT: Your best bet is probably to go with 50 x 63" panels (trivially found at Target) and deal with shorted coverings. For the larger window, you can get away with 40-ish inch panels.
Nobody's windows are ever a perfect match for drapes. You just sort of have to deal with it.
Also, my goal here is insulation from light, heat, and cold. The opaque curtains that have insulating properties were all sold individually, and ones that look nice are even more money.
Also, I could get blinds or shades. I would need three in the living room and two in the bedroom, though the bedroom ones would be wider. However, remember that the window cavity is like a foot deep. Usually these things mount on the wall above the window and them come down in front of it. That's not going to work with a blind or shade here. If I don't do curtains, I need a blind or shade that mounts on the "ceiling" of the window cavity. I have not seen even one such product so far. If I could find one, I would proably be set, and length is not as much of an issue with blinds/shades since adjusting in length is sort of how they work.
EDIT: Please post the measurements and some detailed pictures for any reasonable recommendations including the ceiling to heater measurements and the "depth" the wall to the window pane.
If you're looking for insulated drapes, they will cost more, but you should still find them reasonably priced. Seriously, fuck BB&B.; Target is definitely the way to go. You'll want the Energy Efficient coverings; they'll provide good insulation and light blocking.
Failing that idea. Check out this pair from IKEA.
Length: 118 "
Width: 55 "
Heavy Duty Material.
Basic but functional.
EDIT: See, Kate is even volunteering!
1. Start dating a nice girl.
2. When you inevitably have the sexies with her at your house, wait for her to notice that you have nothing on your windows.
3. Tell her that you would like to have something covering the windows, but you don't know how to do it. She will offer to do it for you. Graciously accept her offer.
4. Enjoy your new window treatments. Dump her and move on.
It works. This is how I accomplished the majority of my domestic house chores/tomfooleries during bachelor life.
Also, any girl that gives you sexy time when you have nothing covering the windows in NYC is kind of kinky, and therefore* a keeper.
*Edited for Rym.
Also for getting a room significantly darker than with blinds / loose drapes, you will need to spend some money. The $400 you mention earlier is really not that much for quality drapes.
Edit: US slat cutter
1. The Shear
This is a white, translucent gauzy layer hanging between the curtains. It lets a great deal of diffuse light in when closed, but otherwise obscures vision.
2. The Curtain
This is the dark curtain, providing insulation and a good deal of (but not total) light stoppage.
3. The Blind
This is an opaque plastic sheet that rolls down over the window, blocking ALL light.
Between these three components, you can use them in various combinations to provide all of your desired lighting options. Fuck Venetian blinds.
I ended up just getting some from JC Penney's just now. They are too long at 84", but everything else about them was good. The price was also just right. Buy one for $50 get one for $0.88. So about $25.50 each before tax. I'm going to take them to a tailor or something to have them shortened. Of course, they had shit selection for bars, so I'm going to have to get those elsewhere.
I think the real problem here is that most of what I buy is electronics and books. Look at the book shopping experience on Amazon. It's a beautful thing. You know exactly what you are getting, and you have very powerful searches. Look even better at the electronics shopping experience at Newegg. The searching abilities are so powerful, you can't fail to find exactly what you need. The same goes for Zappos and shoes.
Compare that to the curtain shopping experience. There isn't a specialist curtain site out there like Newegg. It's just a a bunch of stores that sell all kinds of shit that also happen to sell curtains. The result is that the online shopping experience is extremely weak sauce.
If I had enough money, I would buy a curtain store. Then I would make a Newegg-like site just for curtains. Then I could rinse and repeat with other product categories. I mean, I could make the site now, but I need the curtain supplier and a curtain expert.
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Mankind invented these things called tape measures, they allow you to measure exactly how tall and wide your windows are. If you have windows that vary 3 to 5 inches between places you either are very sloppy at measuring, or you just have abstract art for windows. Like any panel.In general you open curtains by sliding them to a side.That would look stupid, but if you want that, nobody is stopping you. Though you could also make it look artistic.You could also opt to use a rail, these don't have obstacles in the path of the curtains. Rails also do not look like they belong in an old person's house.They don't have to slide past the bracket. You could be creative, buy 3 panels, cut one in half and hang the two halves on either side of the offending bracket.I'm surprised you thought buying ready made curtains was cheap. I'll enjoy seeing the next thread coming into existence when you want to put a new floor in a house.
I realize you'd have to perform a little bit of handiwork in my suggestions, but that never killed anyone.
If you are unhappy with that, go to Home Depot, get some tar paper, and tape it to your windows. Ghetto-fab.
Rym, since we are calling people out, it's sheer. Shear is what you do to sheep. As amusing as it would be, I don't think that's what Scott is going for on his windows.