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Six Months

HMTKSteveHMTKSteve
edited March 2012 in Everything Else
This event recently came up and I'm looking for some input. Event may be the wrong word but here goes.

I recently started dating an amazing woman. We hit it off great on every level and find ourselves acting like a couple of kids no matter where we go.

We hit a short rough patch that was exasperated by a secret she kept from me. She has a terminal illnesses and is not expected to see 2013.

I don't have a lot of time and emotion invested in the relationship but we just click. I don't know how to proceed.

She has a carpe diem attitude about life while I have to plan for the future. When the relationship ends she'll be dead and I'll be devestated.
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Comments

  • MattMatt
    Wow that is crazy. Since you're looking for input, I say enjoy it to the fullest. If you have as much fun together as it sounds you do, then live it up! Life is too short to turn down any stretch of time where you can be truly happy, especially if it's two people truly happy together.

    The only thing I would try to consciously do here is to not treat the relationship any differently than you did prior to the news, and that has got to be incredibly hard to do. I know you can't really let yourself have any hope for some out-of-nowhere recovery, but should that highly unlikely event occur, you don't want to wind up having put yourself in a situation (such as being married) that you might do only b/c of the terminal illness.

    Also, I don't know anything about the condition, but know that if it's one where her health may deteriorate prior to death, she may need your help. If she's given you a year of awesomeness, she deserves it and you should make yourself available.

    As for you being left devastated, I don't even know step 1 on how to deal with something like that. Just know that you can be mentally strong enough to move past anything.
  • RymRym
    edited March 2012
    Go for it. No regrets. You'll regret not enjoying your time with her, cutting it off without knowing what it would have been, more than anything you could ever regret, compared to the loss of regretting nothing but losing her.

    That's my uninformed opinion, at least.

    No one truly regrets a kiss that happened. What they regret are those that didn't.
    Post edited by Rym on
  • Dr. TimoDr. Timo
    Be Butters and know that really wonderfull things can make you feel sad. Don't be a faggy little goth who cynically does not enjoy anything because it will lead to "teh sorrow".

    For serious though, we are all attached to people that will die. Ignorance of the time of death is not what makes those relationships work.
  • AmpAmp
    Do it. Do all the crazy things you want to do and damn the consequences.
  • TheWhaleSharkTheWhaleShark
    Heavy.

    I say do it. The two of you will have an amazing time - and you'll make her last six months special - and then you'll get your heart broken.

    We get over heartbreak. We never get over regret.
  • JasonJason
    Don't be Newt Gingrich.
  • MattMatt
    we are all attached to people that will die. Ignorance of the time of death is not what makes those relationships work.
    Best point.

  • George PatchesGeorge Patches
    Don't be Newt Gingrich.
    Truth
  • highdefinitionhighdefinition
    everything ends anyway no reason to treat this any differently
  • HMTKSteveHMTKSteve
    It's a genetic heart problem. I asked about a transplant and she said it had only a 50/50 shot at working. She then told me she only goes for 90/10 odds.
  • AprecheApreche
    It's a genetic heart problem. I asked about a transplant and she said it had only a 50/50 shot at working. She then told me she only goes for 90/10 odds.
    That makes no sense. There is nothing to lose! If it doesn't work, you are no worse off than when you started. It's like you have a lottery ticket with a 0% chance of winning. You trade it in for a different ticket with a 50% chance of winning.
  • George PatchesGeorge Patches
    It's a genetic heart problem. I asked about a transplant and she said it had only a 50/50 shot at working. She then told me she only goes for 90/10 odds.
    Interesting logic...good luck with that.
  • SquadronROESquadronROE
    It's a genetic heart problem. I asked about a transplant and she said it had only a 50/50 shot at working. She then told me she only goes for 90/10 odds.
    That makes no sense. There is nothing to lose! If it doesn't work, you are no worse off than when you started. It's like you have a lottery ticket with a 0% chance of winning. You trade it in for a different ticket with a 50% chance of winning.
    Well, it could be horribly expensive or otherwise very risky. What if the heart gets stapled in and she rejects it? That'd be terrible. Plus, what if the recovery process would take a precious month or two?
  • AprecheApreche
    It's a genetic heart problem. I asked about a transplant and she said it had only a 50/50 shot at working. She then told me she only goes for 90/10 odds.
    That makes no sense. There is nothing to lose! If it doesn't work, you are no worse off than when you started. It's like you have a lottery ticket with a 0% chance of winning. You trade it in for a different ticket with a 50% chance of winning.
    Well, it could be horribly expensive or otherwise very risky. What if the heart gets stapled in and she rejects it? That'd be terrible. Plus, what if the recovery process would take a precious month or two?
    Who cares about money? If I'm about to die, you can have ALL the moneys.

    As for the other concerns, consider this. Pretend there is a doctor who has the same condition. What would the doctor do?
  • SquadronROESquadronROE
    It's a genetic heart problem. I asked about a transplant and she said it had only a 50/50 shot at working. She then told me she only goes for 90/10 odds.
    That makes no sense. There is nothing to lose! If it doesn't work, you are no worse off than when you started. It's like you have a lottery ticket with a 0% chance of winning. You trade it in for a different ticket with a 50% chance of winning.
    Well, it could be horribly expensive or otherwise very risky. What if the heart gets stapled in and she rejects it? That'd be terrible. Plus, what if the recovery process would take a precious month or two?
    Who cares about money? If I'm about to die, you can have ALL the moneys.

    As for the other concerns, consider this. Pretend there is a doctor who has the same condition. What would the doctor do?
    I think that medical bills could transfer to the next of kin, which means that if you die in horrible debt it's not just your finances ruined, but your family's. This means that your death could have more far lasting effects than simply grieving.

    As for your second question, again I'd say it depends. What would quality of life be with/without the transplant? If it goes well, are you back up to 100%? If it doesn't, will you be worse off?

    My point is that we shouldn't just leap to a conclusion based on a 2 line description of the problem posted by Tickster.
  • AprecheApreche
    Read too much Black Jack. Actually, all of it. Can't possibly read any more.
  • johndisjohndis
    Jesus that is some crazy stuff. I don't have any real advice.. I just can't even imagine. God damn
  • Linkigi(Link-ee-jee)Linkigi(Link-ee-jee)
    I think I'll go with "Don't be Newt Gingrich." For all you know, she could last much longer than the doctors predict, and at the very least you'll make her happier.
  • VigaViga
    Carpe Diem yourself, with her. She needs it just as much as she needs a heart.
  • johndisjohndis
    Actually now that I think about it, it wouldnt even make sense to leave her at this point b/c you already seem to have strong feelings for her. Youll be mourning + sad at the end, even if you don't spend the remaining time with her. I mean, i just don't think she'd be leaving your thoughts within that time frame... unless youre some kind of machine man.
  • AriaAria
    Are they all out in English now? I should really get back on reading all the Blackjacks... I still have like half left! My suggestions would be the same as things already mentioned, but worded worse.
  • CremlianCremlian
    Yea, i agree, you never know exactly how much time you have. You could die before she does. Have fun, give her a good time!
  • DiagorasDiagoras
    It's a genetic heart problem. I asked about a transplant and she said it had only a 50/50 shot at working. She then told me she only goes for 90/10 odds.
    Convince her to take that chance, and don't abandon her. She needs all the support she can get right now. I had a relative die alone. That's the worst thing a person can ever experience.

  • GregGreg
    If she only goes for 90/10 odds, how much diem can she carpe? I don't know if she should go for the treatment -- as I don't know enough about the situation -- but whatever you do, you need to take more of a risk than that.
  • George PatchesGeorge Patches
    You guys also have to factor in here that this is a heart transplant we're talking about. There's a significant risk of death just in the procedure. Then there's the risk of rejection and cost of the immuno suppressants for the rest of your life, however long that is.
  • HMTKSteveHMTKSteve
    Right now she sucks down about 12 Alieve a day for pain because she doesn't want to take the narcotics. She also sees the doc twice a week.

    Money is not an issue. She has plenty and since she was diagnosed she has given most of it away to help friends and family. She has also been alone for the last three years so that influenced her treatment decision.
  • CremlianCremlian
    Also hearts are not exactly easy to come by, maybe she feels it could go to someone younger or more in need.

    I still would encourage her to try it.
  • OmnutiaOmnutia
    It's good to see the the initial question has become a forgone conclusion and matters have moved towards making her get the help she needs.

    Go for it. Make sure to let us know when you win her over.
  • DevilUknowDevilUknow
    edited March 2012
    Don't be Newt Gingrich.
    That is really unfair.
    Post edited by DevilUknow on
  • TheWhaleSharkTheWhaleShark
    It's a genetic heart problem. I asked about a transplant and she said it had only a 50/50 shot at working. She then told me she only goes for 90/10 odds.
    That makes no sense. There is nothing to lose! If it doesn't work, you are no worse off than when you started. It's like you have a lottery ticket with a 0% chance of winning. You trade it in for a different ticket with a 50% chance of winning.
    Scott, heart transplants aren't just something you go get. Shit can just outright kill you. Even then, it could be years before you're back to where you were. Maybe you'll be better off afterwards, maybe not. And maybe they're wrong about the six months - biology is futzy.

    What you could lose is all the time you have left, or at least all of your enjoyment of what's left. It's a quality of life consideration.
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