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Coffee

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  • Also why the hell are people arguing about what is and isn't poison? Every single thing on this planet is poison if you eat enough of it. Some things are more poison to certain people than to others, depending on their physiology. Some people like things other people don't like.

  • Just drink water, people.
  • Just drink water, people.

    Also poison in sufficient quantities. And did you know that every single human who has ever died was exposed to oxygen first?
  • Just drink water, people.

    Do I look like I want to get ebola? No thank you.
  • I like drinking juice with my coffee at breakfast, I'm going to get double poisoned.
    MATATAT said:

    Sometimes ignorance can be bliss.

    Closet republican?
    MATATAT said:

    I thought it was mostly on unpasteurized fruit juices that were an issue.

    Pasteurised juice tastes disgusting. I just put fruit into the juicing part of my kitchen machine and drink.
    MATATAT said:

    Just drink water, people.

    Do I look like I want to get ebola? No thank you.
    I thought America cured ebola by removing the few cases of it in the US (or letting it die out).
  • Nuri said:
    I hope that's not the sugar I get for the grocery store.
  • edited December 2014
    sK0pe said:


    Pasteurised juice tastes disgusting. I just put fruit into the juicing part of my kitchen machine and drink.

    Seriously? All you do to pasteurize it is bring it up to a specified temperature for a bit. Most juice tastes exactly the same afterwards if you chill it back down.
    Post edited by Nuri on
  • Nuri said:

    sK0pe said:


    Pasteurised juice tastes disgusting. I just put fruit into the juicing part of my kitchen machine and drink.

    Seriously? All you do to pasteurize it is bring it up to a specified temperature for a bit. Most juice tastes exactly the same afterwards if you chill it back down.
    Yeah I'd been drinking pasteurised and 'fresh' carton juice for most of my life till I started juicing at home, the other juices just taste bland now.
  • sK0pe said:

    Nuri said:

    sK0pe said:


    Pasteurised juice tastes disgusting. I just put fruit into the juicing part of my kitchen machine and drink.

    Seriously? All you do to pasteurize it is bring it up to a specified temperature for a bit. Most juice tastes exactly the same afterwards if you chill it back down.
    Yeah I'd been drinking pasteurised and 'fresh' carton juice for most of my life till I started juicing at home, the other juices just taste bland now.
    It's not the pasteurizing that is to blame.
  • Yeah. I'll bet if you pasteurized your fresh-made juice at home, it would still taste great.
  • Nuri said:

    Yeah. I'll bet if you pasteurized your fresh-made juice at home, it would still taste great.

    I guess I never thought of it that way.
  • I have an espresso maker...oh god...what have i done?
  • The Right thing, George. The Right thing.
  • I'm contemplating getting a Turkish coffee set. They seem to be available for a very reasonable price on Amazon. Churba, being our resident barista/flight attendant/paramilitary survival specialist, do you have any thoughts on that?
  • edited December 2014
    Ah, you seem to have made a mistake, that should be parrotmillitary. I was a very good bird and wore my ankle-ring with pride, before being honorably discharged and given a cracker.

    For Turkish coffee, you want a grind about the consistency of flour. Which, considering how much I know about flour - fuck all - could potentially mean any number of things, so let's go with regular flour from the supermarket. A blend of Arabica and Robusta is my favorite.

    Copper is the preferred materiel for the pot. I think it's probably just tradition, though, it doesn't seem to matter - mine is stainless and tastes just the same. Either way, try to get one that's has thicker walls, rather than thinner - if it's thinner than 1mm copper, then it's garbage, don't fucking buy it. Many are also lined with tin inside. I once brewed up in a glass one. Or should I say, attempted to brew up, because it turns out that was definitely not pyrex like I thought it was.

    My advice is get two - one that's smaller, for yourself and maybe one or two other people, and a larger one, for when you have guests. The best formula for capacity is Cup volume minus 60ml divided by two. So, for a 300ml pot, it's (300 - 60) /2 = 120ml, which comes out to four cups.

    As for making it, pretty simple. Traditionally, it was made on coals, so set your stove to a very low flame. My mate Zaf who taught me swears by an alcohol burner for his, but whatever you have to hand, I suppose. Coffee goes in first, then sugar if you wish, then water - I tend to go with one and a half teaspoons, with a half teaspoon of sugar. You can tweak that over time as you prefer. Make sure you only fill up about half-way with water - it needs some room to brew.

    Once it's on the heat, keep an eye on it, you should see the coffee start to sink after a minute or two - when this happens, lower the heat a little, and using the handle of a spoon or a wooden stirring stick(I actually use one of my metal cocktail stirrers), stir it up till it's all evenly distributed. Once that's done, take your spoon, clean it, and set it aside, because there shall be no further stirring, young man, or I'll be up you like a rat up a rafter.

    RIGHT now that it's cooking along nicely, you should be watching it. You'll see foam form around the outside of the pot. Or, rather, along the inside walls. If it forms on the outside, you done fucked up and you'll need some paper towels for the mess. When the ring forms, do the limbo with the heat, and put it low as it can go. The Foam ring will spread inward toward the center, then rise.
    This is your first rise, and it will start slow, and speed up. Once it's getting close to the top, take it off the heat, and definitely take it off the heat if it looks like it's starting to boil. Boiling means no foam, which means you have failed, and must start over and/or commit ritual suicide to regain your honor. Or worse, drink terrible coffee.

    Now, put about a teaspoon and a half to two teaspoons of foam in each cup, or if that's not possible, evenly distribute the foam between the cups - Turkish coffee foam is a bit like sex, it's essential that your guests should have a decent amount. Let the pot cool a little and the foam calm for a little bit, then put it back on the heat. Much like the south, it shall rise again, but unlike the south, this is intentional and a good thing. Again, once risen, take it off the heat, let it calm a bit, and then pour it slowly into the desired number of cups, either trying to create as much foam as possible in your own cup if you're drinking alone, or trying to keep it even across all cups, if you have guests.

    I should have mentioned this earlier, but you'll want demitasse cups. Or other 60ml, preferably ceramic vessels. I prefer Gawa, the cups without handles, because I've got big hands and those teeny little handles are quite awkward.

    Now, this is important - Let the cup sit for about 30 seconds to a minute before you take a sip. Otherwise you will have a mouthful of grit, which isn't what anybody wants. Serve with a glass of cold water and a Turkish delight or two. Charming, light-hearted conversation is encouraged, but not essential.

    Edit - Another favorite of mine is to have a Turkish coffee starter to light the fires, and follow it with a Moroccan breakfast and mint tea.

    Take everything here with a grain of salt, because my personal favorite method of having coffee is basically dumping a shitload of espresso on top of sweetened condensed milk, in a horrible imitation of Vietnamese coffee.
    Post edited by Churba on
  • Today is the first day in my life that I've willingly ingested a full serving of coffee (trying out a new routine/diet to see if it's BS or not). I feel kinda weird this morning.
  • Churba said:

    Ah, you seem to have made a mistake, that should be parrotmillitary. I was a very good bird and wore my ankle-ring with pride, before being honorably discharged and given a cracker.

    For Turkish coffee, you want a grind about the consistency of flour. Which, considering how much I know about flour - fuck all - could potentially mean any number of things, so let's go with regular flour from the supermarket. A blend of Arabica and Robusta is my favorite.

    Copper is the preferred materiel for the pot. I think it's probably just tradition, though, it doesn't seem to matter - mine is stainless and tastes just the same. Either way, try to get one that's has thicker walls, rather than thinner - if it's thinner than 1mm copper, then it's garbage, don't fucking buy it. Many are also lined with tin inside. I once brewed up in a glass one. Or should I say, attempted to brew up, because it turns out that was definitely not pyrex like I thought it was.

    My advice is get two - one that's smaller, for yourself and maybe one or two other people, and a larger one, for when you have guests. The best formula for capacity is Cup volume minus 60ml divided by two. So, for a 300ml pot, it's (300 - 60) /2 = 120ml, which comes out to four cups.

    As for making it, pretty simple. Traditionally, it was made on coals, so set your stove to a very low flame. My mate Zaf who taught me swears by an alcohol burner for his, but whatever you have to hand, I suppose. Coffee goes in first, then sugar if you wish, then water - I tend to go with one and a half teaspoons, with a half teaspoon of sugar. You can tweak that over time as you prefer. Make sure you only fill up about half-way with water - it needs some room to brew.

    Once it's on the heat, keep an eye on it, you should see the coffee start to sink after a minute or two - when this happens, lower the heat a little, and using the handle of a spoon or a wooden stirring stick(I actually use one of my metal cocktail stirrers), stir it up till it's all evenly distributed. Once that's done, take your spoon, clean it, and set it aside, because there shall be no further stirring, young man, or I'll be up you like a rat up a rafter.

    RIGHT now that it's cooking along nicely, you should be watching it. You'll see foam form around the outside of the pot. Or, rather, along the inside walls. If it forms on the outside, you done fucked up and you'll need some paper towels for the mess. When the ring forms, do the limbo with the heat, and put it low as it can go. The Foam ring will spread inward toward the center, then rise.
    This is your first rise, and it will start slow, and speed up. Once it's getting close to the top, take it off the heat, and definitely take it off the heat if it looks like it's starting to boil. Boiling means no foam, which means you have failed, and must start over and/or commit ritual suicide to regain your honor. Or worse, drink terrible coffee.

    Now, put about a teaspoon and a half to two teaspoons of foam in each cup, or if that's not possible, evenly distribute the foam between the cups - Turkish coffee foam is a bit like sex, it's essential that your guests should have a decent amount. Let the pot cool a little and the foam calm for a little bit, then put it back on the heat. Much like the south, it shall rise again, but unlike the south, this is intentional and a good thing. Again, once risen, take it off the heat, let it calm a bit, and then pour it slowly into the desired number of cups, either trying to create as much foam as possible in your own cup if you're drinking alone, or trying to keep it even across all cups, if you have guests.

    I should have mentioned this earlier, but you'll want demitasse cups. Or other 60ml, preferably ceramic vessels. I prefer Gawa, the cups without handles, because I've got big hands and those teeny little handles are quite awkward.

    Now, this is important - Let the cup sit for about 30 seconds to a minute before you take a sip. Otherwise you will have a mouthful of grit, which isn't what anybody wants. Serve with a glass of cold water and a Turkish delight or two. Charming, light-hearted conversation is encouraged, but not essential.

    Edit - Another favorite of mine is to have a Turkish coffee starter to light the fires, and follow it with a Moroccan breakfast and mint tea.

    Take everything here with a grain of salt, because my personal favorite method of having coffee is basically dumping a shitload of espresso on top of sweetened condensed milk, in a horrible imitation of Vietnamese coffee.

    I didn't know about the two-rise thing. Interesting. Makes much sense.

    When you pour into the foam, do you pour down the side of the cup so as to not disturb the foam layer? Or do you pour into the middle to incorporate that? I presume you want the foam to remain intact.

  • edited December 2014

    When you pour into the foam, do you pour down the side of the cup so as to not disturb the foam layer? Or do you pour into the middle to incorporate that? I presume you want the foam to remain intact.

    Personally, I prefer a center pour(Sort of - I start at the side, and move to the middle), but some people swear by the side pour. I don't really know if it makes much a difference - I certainly seem to get a decent amount of foam with the center pour, about equal with the amount from the side pour.

    Edit - I usually manage to have it looking much like this.

    Post edited by Churba on
  • Churba said:

    Ah, you seem to have made a mistake, that should be parrotmillitary. I was a very good bird and wore my ankle-ring with pride, before being honorably discharged and given a cracker.

    Have I told you lately that I love you?

    Also: Pete, I think you should consider where the hell all that coffee stuff is going to live. Because it's not in our kitchen. There is no more room there.
  • Ibrik (or cezve) seems to be the only important thing (massive hint for if Pete or Nuri are your Secret Santa targets).

    I need to find a Phin filter and buy condensed milk.
  • sK0pe said:

    (massive hint for if Pete or Nuri are your Secret Santa targets).

    Nice thought, but neither of us signed up. We just got weddinged and still have stuff to put away/install.

    And I was serious about the kitchen space. We just worked out a sequence of events that has to happen as a prerequisite to the acquisition of new coffee toys.

  • Now that's something I've not tried before. I'll have to give it a go.
  • edited January 2015
    I'll make that Norwegian Egg Coffee tomorrow morning.
    Post edited by sK0pe on
  • That video reminded me that I need to try learning motion tracking.
  • Here's something of some small interest - Starbucks is going to put Flat Whites on US menus starting January 6th.

    I don't care much about starbucks(Though they serve coffee in a size that agrees with me) but I'm interested to see how the Flat White goes in the US. I wonder if it'll get popular enough that Americans will start claiming it was invented in the US.
  • On trial of the Norwegian Egg Coffee.

    Really interesting way of making coffee (and a super crusty looking egg).

    I can't see anyone having difficulty with messing it up. I couldn't detect any egg smell when I had the final product.

    Serves at the right temperature, I used a large size grind, it was all picked up by the egg.
    Churba said:

    Here's something of some small interest - Starbucks is going to put Flat Whites on US menus starting January 6th.

    I don't care much about starbucks(Though they serve coffee in a size that agrees with me) but I'm interested to see how the Flat White goes in the US. I wonder if it'll get popular enough that Americans will start claiming it was invented in the US.

    Everyone knows that flat whites, lamingtons and pavlova are US inventions.
  • Churba said:

    Here's something of some small interest - Starbucks is going to put Flat Whites on US menus starting January 6th.

    I don't care much about starbucks(Though they serve coffee in a size that agrees with me) but I'm interested to see how the Flat White goes in the US. I wonder if it'll get popular enough that Americans will start claiming it was invented in the US.

    They claim to serve it in most coffee shops over here but half the time its an Americano with hot milk on the side. I also spent much of christmas day trying to explain to my family the difference between a flat white and a latte, I had to draw diagrams at the end of it.

    Also since working in a coffee shop I am now more inclined to dislike any coffee snob that comes in. Half the time it is to show what they know and the rest of the time to flirt with our barristers. If anything they are worse then normal customers as they try to tell us how to do our job and invariably get it wrong or are thinking of the wrong thing.
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