Yeah, compromise is good, that's what I'm saying. (Read above post for the discussion of "compromise" that occurred at the haus following a falling out over Brawl.) But the old men seem to be resentful. Don't compromise to the point where it really puts you out. It's that the older people seemed to be booed that they "have" to watch these things. Oh well.
No I agree with you. If there is anything that my boyfriend wants to do that will put me out, I will kindly say, "I'm not feeling up to doing that" and either suggest something else or ask for a raincheck. He understands. The same happens the other way around.
However, I will say, I remember when there was a game I know my boyfriend was extremely super excited about, I gave him a few days of leeway to play it to his heart's content. This was before we lived together, however he knew that when I came over, it was all about us hanging out and not me watching him play his game. The days we didn't see eachother, he still seemed to give some of his time to call me on the phone and talk.
Sorry 'bout the snottiness. I gots a piece of paper what says I gots to be snobby about movies. Ignore me, PLZ.
No worries. I blame the estrogen and having too many girly-girls influence me growing up. I was pretty much the only geeky/gaming girl in my group of girlfriends in high school.
It is 4 years long and completely full of win.
Hehe grats. I'm going on 2 years. I didn't really refer to you on the "@youngsters". Mostly Dkong & Myself. I know that you and Rym have been together for a while now. ^_~
P.S. This post was done ages ago, but for some reason I was having issues with blockquote. >.
(he's only punched me in the face once. Rym had to hold me back afterwards because I was immediately out for revenge.)
Wait a minute....
Gomidog, are you saying that Scott has punched a woman?
You know what. I wasn't sure if I should say this or not but I'll do it.
I think a man who hits a woman is less than a man overall. That and I would kick some ass! I'd put geeky Viga away and release ghetto bitch Viga to take care of it.
Uh, Yeah. Granted, he did warn me ahead of time that if I didn't stop shadow boxing in front of him or poking at his hair he was really gonna punch me. And I was like, nah, you wouldn't (while of course, dancing in front of him throwing jabs in the air.) And so he socked me and cut my lip and I was pissed at him for the rest of the day. I was gonna kick him really hard but Rym grabbed me before I could get a good one in. Probably for the best.
I think a man who hits a woman is less than a man overall. That and I would kick some ass! I'd put geeky Viga away and release ghetto bitch Viga to take care of it.
I'm somewhat in between. I think overall it's wrong to hit people, however there are some women, that deserve a good bitch slap. I don't see it as hitting a woman, but hitting a person that deserves to be hit.
However, if a man ever put his hands on me like that, he better have a good reason because I would bring it back on him ten-fold.
General preface: This is my opinion. I don't know what facts are true and untrue. I'm operating under assumptions and hearsay. Perhaps in reality, Scott is a saint. Make of this what you will.
Let me be very blunt about this. I have spent the last 11 years of my life combating violence against women.
If true, what Scott did is amongst the most despicable things a man can do. He needs help. I'm not joking.
You were fooling around (even if it annoyed him) and he punched you hard enough to cut your lip? That is unconscionable.
I've always known that Scott has had issues. If this allegation is true, little did I know that they run so deep.
I will not associate with anyone who does such a thing. If Scott seeks help, then I will support him. If not, then I will not associate with him. Violence against women is no laughing matter. I've always been amused at Scott's arrogance. Little did I know that it had such an ugly component.
Yeah, I'm more of the mind that the sex of the person doesn't matter, it's more about don't beat up on people. I didn't think it was like he would beat a woman, it was more that it was uncalled for and he threatens punching more than he should.
he better have a good reason because I would bring it back on him ten-fold.
Yeah, unless Rym prevents the bringing of the beat down. Besides if I really got into a true fist fight with Scott he'd probably bite me, and I'd get all bloody and stuff.
I don't disagree with you on that. The first time i moved out from my parents, it was with a boyfriend. After that, I lived on my own for about a year. It was pretty nice. It was also reassuring that I found out I was able to live on my own, financially and socially. It's nice coming home and just doing whatever with no interruptions.
However, I prefer living with someone I enjoy being with than by myself. ^_~
The punching incident I think is being a little exaggerated here. Basically Emily was hitting me, and while it was horeseplay, it hurt not insignificantly. I asked her to stop, and gave many warnings, but she persisted. I threw one not very strong punch with the intention of just showing that I was serious, I accidentally made contact to her head.
Once when we played anime club dodge ball at RIT, I threw a ball very hard, but released it at the wrong moment. It hit a girl in the head, who I did not know. That's pretty much the same kind of situation. It was like "oh shit! I hit someone not on purpose.
I can assure you that I am effectively pacifist. When it comes to physical violence, I don't go there. However, in rare cases where I feel my rights to person and property are threatened, even slightly, I will sometimes use a threat of violence with many warnings to attempt to diffuse the situation. This method has met with minimal success, so I think I might retire it.
I wasn't punching you that time in the park! In that case I was punching the air. It was the time in the kitchen when I was poking and punching you in the arm. Yeah, witness the "I'll punch you so hard" anecdote. I was poking him because he hates it (rights to person infringed upon) and he said he'd punch me, shaking his fist. He never did. All the threat serves to do is make me mad as hell.
However, I prefer living with someone I enjoy being with than by myself. ^_~
Of course. But I do occassionally hear comments from friends resembling Edmund's original post, and they make me a little bit more appreciative of my own living arrangements.
Geez, guys, he's a crummy roommate, he's not a wife beater. If he actually really tried to hurt me, I would have called the cops. It's SCOTT, okay? Cranky, sure. Evil, no.
Of course. But I do occassionally hear comments from friends resembling Edmund's original post, and they make me a little bit more appreciative of my own living arrangements.
Heh. While many people see it as Hungryjoe/Edmund wasting his time, I think it's amusing. He's old school. To me it shows that he loves and cares enough to actually endure those things. Not many couples do that anymore. I'm not saying it's right or wrong for everyone to endure something they don't like that the other does, however if a person can hold that much patience and understanding of the other, it shows strength in that person.
He still loves her even though she has tastes that could make others cringe or want to stab their eyes out. I'm sure/hope that Mrs. Hungryjoe sees this and appreciates it.
Geez, guys, he's a crummy roommate, he's not a wife beater. If he actually really tried to hurt me, I would have called the cops. It's SCOTT, okay? Cranky, sure. Evil, no.
If he had a moustache and goatee, would that make him Evil Scott then? ^_~
Hey now! 1. Being young = Win. Though I'm not that young. 2. I now feel justified in combating you.
Another example, my boyfriend loves TCGs. He taught me how to play a few, and for a while I was into them. However, I really don't care for them anymore, but when he has friends over and they are playing a Raid, he'll ask me to play along, and I will. I do it because I love him, and I know what I'm doing for him will make him happy. It's a small sacrifice of my time, but in the end it's worth it.
You're saying you like spending time with your boyfriend and don't care much about TCGs, this is however not the same as not liking it. Which is the case with Hungryjoe, starter of this thread. In his case his wife wants him to watch stuff with her that he dislikes, a lot from what I can tell. This should never, or very rarely at most, happen. If you are doing something it should not be worse than the enjoyment you get out of being around the person you like/love. In my eyes that might actually be harmful to the relationship.
To try and make fully clear what my position is, and to sum it up shortly I hope. Don't compromise (in relationships) if the gain for you is negative. Instead go do something you enjoy. Also, do not demand from your loved ones they should do something they do not like just to please you. Being around someone is nice indeed. Having to endure something you dislike a lot resulting in you not enjoying the experience is just stupid and a waste of time imho.
To answer your other question, yup, no love-kind of relationship here atm. I can life with myself and am not in search of a companion so~ yeah, nothing here. So to anyone reading my stuff, it's merely the stand point of an insane, single mind.
I did try again. I watched some Battlestar Galatica and Star Trek: TNG to see if my thoughts would change now that I'm older. They surely didn't.
Ditto. Space Sci-fi TV-shows are blech if you ask me. Not bad, but not great either. And I get annoyed at sound in space!
I do understand your viewpoints. Just make sure when you're in relationship, remember what you say here and stick to your guns. You might find it a bit more difficult then. Things seem to change when relationships/love gets involved.
My suggestion to Hungryjoe is that he tries to do something else along with watching it. Some sort of multi-tasking like maybe read some comics. It seems his wife just wants him to just be there, maybe not watching it, but just being there physically.
You may see it as a waste of time, others see it as a sacrifice/compromise. Sometimes those can be good things. Too much of it where it's more negative on one said and not equal is bad.
I have had to sit through many a horrible movie when my mom and her boyfriend's family have come together to watch something. I have had to sit through movies such as: Because I Said So (quite possibly the worst movie ever), Date Movie (one of the movies contending along with Because I Said So for worst movie ever), and Mr. Woodcock. My mom's boyfriend's son watches all of those terrible Disney Channel shows like Hannah Montana on the only TV that we can play the Wii on at his house. Whenever I try to change the channel to something good or to turn the Wii on while he is watching his terrible programming, he whines and starts to cry (he's 10, so his choice in TV and crying is very uncharacteristic for his age). Finally, my mom and I watch some TV shows that she tapes and I like most of them except for ER, Friday Night Lights, and 24. Whenever I find out that she is watching said shows I immediately try to go to sleep as she watches the shows in my bedroom on my TV at an absurdly loud volume. I usually end up staying awake throughout the shows and can't fall asleep for a while after they are finished.
I would suggest taking some of the advice of the fogeys in relationships. They seem to be in some good long lasting relationships. What can you say about yourself and your relationships, if there are any?
Being only 17 year old, I'm assuming you're referring to me as one of the youngsters.
Anyhow. I do have a girlfriend at the moment. We both enjoy videogames, (mostly) the same types of music, the same types of movies, and such. She doesn't hate anime, but I know she'd rather not watch it. So do I force her to watch it with me? Nope. She likes some rap music, but does she force me to listen? Nope. We do stuff we like on our own time, and when we hang out, we do stuff that we both like. Works like a charm, if you ask me.
Anyhow. I do have a girlfriend at the moment. We both enjoy videogames, (mostly) the same types of music, the same types of movies, and such. She doesn't hate anime, but I know she'd rather not watch it. So do I force her to watch it with me? Nope. She likes some rap music, but does she force me to listen? Nope. We do stuff we like on our own time, and when we hang out, we do stuff that we both like. Works like a charm, if you ask me.
Yeah. Do you two live together? Answer me then in a few years. From what we've been talking about mostly with couples either living together or married for quite sometime. That's great that you and your girlfriend do things on your own.
I'll say it again. When you're in relationship and you live with someone, things change.
I'll qualify all this by saying that my girlfriend and I recently called it off, for work-related reasons, and that I've never actually cohabitated with a significant other. However, I think I've got some good input.
It's all well and good to say that "You can do X and I can do Y and we're OK with that." That's a vital part of any relationship, and that needs to be there; you still need to be able to each be your own person. This is surprisingly easy to do when you don't live together; you each have your very own spaces that you call your own. If your SO is controlling your separate living space without actually being there, you've got some problems.
However, when you both want to move the relationship forward (cohabitate, get married, have kids, etc.), that needs to change a little bit. People focus on themselves by default. The first stages of a relationship involve figuring out how to care about someone else. The later stages, what I'm talking about now, involve figuring out what is best for the RELATIONSHIP, and not necessarily for the individuals involved. It transcends the whole "I do this for me, and do this for her" thing and goes into "I do this for us." "Us" is a very important concept at this stage. Generally, when you hit the cohabitation stage, you both need to be thinking about "us," and sometimes that means that maybe, just maybe, you'll have to do something you don't like to do. Even at this stage, you still need time for yourself, but whereas before time to yourself was the default, in the more mature relationship the time should be about "us" first, the other person second, and yourself third. This means that time to yourself is something that must be set aside specifically.
If you're not comfortable with that last idea, you probably aren't ready for that kind of relationship. If you're married, and find yourself feeling trapped, it's probable that you're not getting enough time to yourself, and you either entered into the whole thing unprepared, or it's changed since you entered into it, and you need to have a discussion with your partner. If you find yourself constantly doing things you don't want to do, you might be in a bad relationship; talk it out, and if it can't be reconciled, it's probably best to end it. Better to be separate and happy than together and miserable.
tl;dr: Living together is different than dating, and requires a somewhat different set of priorities. If you can't cope with that, don't move in together, or figure out a way to cope with it.
I get plenty of time to myself. In fact, most of my day and night is spent in my ivory tower with my computer because my wife and I work opposite schedules. But if setting aside personal time is important, setting aside time to indulge your partner's interests is equally important.
For example, I love Star Trek. Lisa hates it. However, she will not simply wall herself off and refuse to be with me when I stick the DVD in. She will share that time with me whether she likes Star Trek or not, because I do the same for her. This isn't being "trapped"; neither is it being trapped when I sit down to watch Project Runway with her. It's merely saying that I value my wife's company over my selfish prejudice.
Also, though I don't enjoy the show, that does not mean I am being forced to watch it, or that I do not enjoy the time I have with my wife while watching it. I would much rather be sat in front of Picard and Riker, but maturity means sacrificing some things in order to gain greater things.
What and interesting thread. People are different, they think for themselves, they have their own ideas, desires, and needs. No matter how well you know someone, no matter how long you live with them, they are still their own person. The key is to keep that in mind and realize when you are being selfish. Compromise, doesn't mean give up, it means find a solution that works well for both parties. If you find that is unacceptable, you should not be in a relationship, because you will ultimately hurt the other party.
I've been married since 1995. I couldn't be happier. Not everything is sunshine a roses, but we get along very well. My wife can't stand anime, I don't like soap operas. We understand that about each other. If she is working on something else, and I put in an anime she doesn't care so much. If she is watching a soap and I pickup the DS, or go to the computer she has no problem. If you expect someone to watch what you want to watch all the time prepare to be disappointed.
Are there any shows or movies that you wouldn't watch on your own but you end up watching because a family member watches it?
The Wiggles, Higgley Town Heros, Mickey Mouse Fun House, and Handy Manny. I would like to point out that Ben 10 is quite awesome story wise even if the animation is a bit lacking.
Comments
Gomidog, are you saying that Scott has punched a woman?
However, I will say, I remember when there was a game I know my boyfriend was extremely super excited about, I gave him a few days of leeway to play it to his heart's content. This was before we lived together, however he knew that when I came over, it was all about us hanging out and not me watching him play his game. The days we didn't see eachother, he still seemed to give some of his time to call me on the phone and talk. No worries. I blame the estrogen and having too many girly-girls influence me growing up. I was pretty much the only geeky/gaming girl in my group of girlfriends in high school. Hehe grats. I'm going on 2 years. I didn't really refer to you on the "@youngsters". Mostly Dkong & Myself. I know that you and Rym have been together for a while now. ^_~
P.S. This post was done ages ago, but for some reason I was having issues with blockquote. >.
I think a man who hits a woman is less than a man overall. That and I would kick some ass! I'd put geeky Viga away and release ghetto bitch Viga to take care of it.
However, if a man ever put his hands on me like that, he better have a good reason because I would bring it back on him ten-fold.
This is my opinion. I don't know what facts are true and untrue. I'm operating under assumptions and hearsay. Perhaps in reality, Scott is a saint. Make of this what you will.
Let me be very blunt about this. I have spent the last 11 years of my life combating violence against women.
If true, what Scott did is amongst the most despicable things a man can do. He needs help. I'm not joking.
You were fooling around (even if it annoyed him) and he punched you hard enough to cut your lip? That is unconscionable.
I've always known that Scott has had issues. If this allegation is true, little did I know that they run so deep.
I will not associate with anyone who does such a thing. If Scott seeks help, then I will support him. If not, then I will not associate with him. Violence against women is no laughing matter. I've always been amused at Scott's arrogance. Little did I know that it had such an ugly component.
Goodbye forum.
However, I prefer living with someone I enjoy being with than by myself. ^_~
Once when we played anime club dodge ball at RIT, I threw a ball very hard, but released it at the wrong moment. It hit a girl in the head, who I did not know. That's pretty much the same kind of situation. It was like "oh shit! I hit someone not on purpose.
I can assure you that I am effectively pacifist. When it comes to physical violence, I don't go there. However, in rare cases where I feel my rights to person and property are threatened, even slightly, I will sometimes use a threat of violence with many warnings to attempt to diffuse the situation. This method has met with minimal success, so I think I might retire it.
Nothing. Scott already told her twice. Of course. But I do occassionally hear comments from friends resembling Edmund's original post, and they make me a little bit more appreciative of my own living arrangements.
He still loves her even though she has tastes that could make others cringe or want to stab their eyes out. I'm sure/hope that Mrs. Hungryjoe sees this and appreciates it. If he had a moustache and goatee, would that make him Evil Scott then? ^_~
To try and make fully clear what my position is, and to sum it up shortly I hope. Don't compromise (in relationships) if the gain for you is negative. Instead go do something you enjoy. Also, do not demand from your loved ones they should do something they do not like just to please you. Being around someone is nice indeed. Having to endure something you dislike a lot resulting in you not enjoying the experience is just stupid and a waste of time imho.
To answer your other question, yup, no love-kind of relationship here atm. I can life with myself and am not in search of a companion so~ yeah, nothing here. So to anyone reading my stuff, it's merely the stand point of an insane, single mind. Ditto. Space Sci-fi TV-shows are blech if you ask me. Not bad, but not great either. And I get annoyed at sound in space!
I do understand your viewpoints. Just make sure when you're in relationship, remember what you say here and stick to your guns. You might find it a bit more difficult then. Things seem to change when relationships/love gets involved.
My suggestion to Hungryjoe is that he tries to do something else along with watching it. Some sort of multi-tasking like maybe read some comics. It seems his wife just wants him to just be there, maybe not watching it, but just being there physically.
You may see it as a waste of time, others see it as a sacrifice/compromise. Sometimes those can be good things. Too much of it where it's more negative on one said and not equal is bad.
My mom's boyfriend's son watches all of those terrible Disney Channel shows like Hannah Montana on the only TV that we can play the Wii on at his house. Whenever I try to change the channel to something good or to turn the Wii on while he is watching his terrible programming, he whines and starts to cry (he's 10, so his choice in TV and crying is very uncharacteristic for his age).
Finally, my mom and I watch some TV shows that she tapes and I like most of them except for ER, Friday Night Lights, and 24. Whenever I find out that she is watching said shows I immediately try to go to sleep as she watches the shows in my bedroom on my TV at an absurdly loud volume. I usually end up staying awake throughout the shows and can't fall asleep for a while after they are finished.
Anyhow. I do have a girlfriend at the moment. We both enjoy videogames, (mostly) the same types of music, the same types of movies, and such. She doesn't hate anime, but I know she'd rather not watch it. So do I force her to watch it with me? Nope. She likes some rap music, but does she force me to listen? Nope.
We do stuff we like on our own time, and when we hang out, we do stuff that we both like. Works like a charm, if you ask me.
I'll say it again. When you're in relationship and you live with someone, things change.
It's all well and good to say that "You can do X and I can do Y and we're OK with that." That's a vital part of any relationship, and that needs to be there; you still need to be able to each be your own person. This is surprisingly easy to do when you don't live together; you each have your very own spaces that you call your own. If your SO is controlling your separate living space without actually being there, you've got some problems.
However, when you both want to move the relationship forward (cohabitate, get married, have kids, etc.), that needs to change a little bit. People focus on themselves by default. The first stages of a relationship involve figuring out how to care about someone else. The later stages, what I'm talking about now, involve figuring out what is best for the RELATIONSHIP, and not necessarily for the individuals involved. It transcends the whole "I do this for me, and do this for her" thing and goes into "I do this for us." "Us" is a very important concept at this stage. Generally, when you hit the cohabitation stage, you both need to be thinking about "us," and sometimes that means that maybe, just maybe, you'll have to do something you don't like to do. Even at this stage, you still need time for yourself, but whereas before time to yourself was the default, in the more mature relationship the time should be about "us" first, the other person second, and yourself third. This means that time to yourself is something that must be set aside specifically.
If you're not comfortable with that last idea, you probably aren't ready for that kind of relationship. If you're married, and find yourself feeling trapped, it's probable that you're not getting enough time to yourself, and you either entered into the whole thing unprepared, or it's changed since you entered into it, and you need to have a discussion with your partner. If you find yourself constantly doing things you don't want to do, you might be in a bad relationship; talk it out, and if it can't be reconciled, it's probably best to end it. Better to be separate and happy than together and miserable.
tl;dr: Living together is different than dating, and requires a somewhat different set of priorities. If you can't cope with that, don't move in together, or figure out a way to cope with it.
For example, I love Star Trek. Lisa hates it. However, she will not simply wall herself off and refuse to be with me when I stick the DVD in. She will share that time with me whether she likes Star Trek or not, because I do the same for her. This isn't being "trapped"; neither is it being trapped when I sit down to watch Project Runway with her. It's merely saying that I value my wife's company over my selfish prejudice.
Also, though I don't enjoy the show, that does not mean I am being forced to watch it, or that I do not enjoy the time I have with my wife while watching it. I would much rather be sat in front of Picard and Riker, but maturity means sacrificing some things in order to gain greater things.
I've been married since 1995. I couldn't be happier. Not everything is sunshine a roses, but we get along very well. My wife can't stand anime, I don't like soap operas. We understand that about each other. If she is working on something else, and I put in an anime she doesn't care so much. If she is watching a soap and I pickup the DS, or go to the computer she has no problem. If you expect someone to watch what you want to watch all the time prepare to be disappointed. The Wiggles, Higgley Town Heros, Mickey Mouse Fun House, and Handy Manny. I would like to point out that Ben 10 is quite awesome story wise even if the animation is a bit lacking.