The Gandhi pun reminds me of a famous headline after Inverness Caledonian Thistle, a not so good football team in Scotland, beat Celtic, one of the two best football teams in Scotland, in 2000.
“Super Caley Go Ballistic Celtic Are Atrociousâ€
So, there used to be this old, decrepit monk, living high atop the Himalayan mountains. He followed a strict set of beliefs that required him to eat only onions and garlic, so his breath could kill a fly at a hundred yards. Whenever he ran out of his stockpile of food, he'd always have to walk down from the high mountains to find more. His beliefs also required that he didn't wear shoes, so his feet were always horribly blistered and covered with terrible callouses. You know what the locals called him, don't you?
A super-calloused fragile mystic, vexed by halitosis.
Ok, so there was this guy, Arthur, who wanted nothing more then to become an assassin. He wanted to get into this trade so much so that he offered to kill this guy's wife for nothing more then one dollar, just to get his name out there. So later that night Arthur follows the man's wife to the supermarket and waits for her just outside the exit. The moment he sees her he pounces from the shadows and strangles her with piano wire. While doing so, a good samaritan comes over and tries to stop him, so Arthur strangles that guy as well. While doing this, a police officer sees him and Arthur is quickly arrested. As you can imagine, the police had a field day with this story.
All the headlines the next day read: "Artie Chokes Two For A Dollar At Safeway!"
A friend of mine was telling me about this bear attack his cousin was in, and let me tell you, the details were pretty grizzly. It was almost unbearable to hear the whole thing.
A friend of mine was telling me about this bear attack his cousin was in, and let me tell you, the details were pretty grizzly. It was almost unbearable to hear the whole thing.
You have my cub-plete attention though I think he's full of Pooh.
A friend of mine was telling me about this bear attack his cousin was in, and let me tell you, the details were pretty grizzly. It was almost unbearable to hear the whole thing.
So, these two chess enthusiasts were staying at a hotel overnight. They had just checked in, and were sitting in the lobby. They were bragging about their recent chess victories, when the manager walked over and asked them both to leave. The two players demanded to know why, to which the manager responded, "Because I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
A Mexican man and an Iraqi woman have identical twin boys. They want the boys to have traditional Mexican and Arabic names so they called them Juan and Hamal. After a few weeks they realize they are too poor to keep both sons, so they put Hamal up for adoption. 20 years later the mother tells the father she wants to track down their son again just to see what he looks like.
The Mexican replies "They are twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Hamal!"
Once upon a time there were a group of friars who decided to open up a flower shop. They specialized in growing extremely exotic plants. The kids of the town loved to come by and gaze at all these marvels until one day one of the man eating plants took a snap at one of the children. Needless to say the parents were up in arms over this and protested the shop demanding that they should get rid of all their dangerous plants. The friars said they would do no such thing. This struggle went on for weeks until a lone stranger named Hugh came into town, kicked the front door down, tore the man eating plant in half with his bare hands and threw the unscrupulous florists out of town.
There's a moral to this story. Hugh, and only Hugh, can help prevent unwanted florist friars.
A friend of mine was telling me about this bear attack his cousin was in, and let me tell you, the details were pretty grizzly. It was almost unbearable to hear the whole thing.
Because every bad pun thread needs an Ultros-style pun:
Hey guys! I just got back from playing football with these guys. It was a fun game, except for the fact that Rym wouldn't stay on the line of Scrym-age.
Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says: "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger.
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during the root canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication.
That one was pun in a million. But I'd give it a rest, because your'e starting to sound like one of those talking-head pun-dits. If you're not careful, they'll come after you for pun-itave damages.
That one was pun in a million. But I'd give it a rest, because your'e starting to sound like one of those talking-head pun-dits. If you're not careful, they'll come after you for pun-itave damages.
You mean I will get PUN'D? Okay, I guess I'll go watch PUNi PUNi PUNemy. :P
Comments
“Super Caley Go Ballistic Celtic Are Atrociousâ€
A super-calloused fragile mystic, vexed by halitosis.
All the headlines the next day read: "Artie Chokes Two For A Dollar At Safeway!"
*done contributing*
A Mexican man and an Iraqi woman have identical twin boys. They want the boys to have traditional Mexican and Arabic names so they called them Juan and Hamal. After a few weeks they realize they are too poor to keep both sons, so they put Hamal up for adoption. 20 years later the mother tells the father she wants to track down their son again just to see what he looks like.
The Mexican replies "They are twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Hamal!"
There's a moral to this story. Hugh, and only Hugh, can help prevent unwanted florist friars.
Hey guys! I just got back from playing football with these guys. It was a fun game, except for the fact that Rym wouldn't stay on the line of Scrym-age.
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during the root canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication.