I think I've been on the internet too long. Please tell me I'm not the only one who thinks that the Siberian Federal District looks like a polit-geographic Cock and Balls (though kinda short).
I think I've been on the internet too long. Please tell me I'm not the only one who thinks that the Siberian Federal District looks like a polit-geographic Cock and Balls (though kinda short).
I think I've been on the internet too long. Please tell me I'm not the only one who thinks that the Siberian Federal District looks like a polit-geographic Cock and Balls (though kinda short).
I see it.
Looks more like one of the old Quake/Doom guns to me.
For the past few days I've been dealing with a lot of hurt feelings, anger, and devastation. My parents are getting divorced and it is eating me up from the inside. It's not a complete surprise, but it is still painful.
I don't know how I'm going to deal with the fact that my parents are no longer together. I don't foresee them being the kind of people who will remain friends after this process is over either, but at the same time they don't hate each other; which is a relief.
If anybody here has had to deal with this at some point in their lives, can you please tell me how you dealt with this, how you eventually overcame these feelings, and maybe how can I hopefully get to the point of acceptance?
That sucks dude. I'm sorry you are going through it.
My parents got divorced when I was 5. I don't remember a lot of bad feelings... mostly just the relief that they stopped fighting and being mad all the time, and both of them were much happier living separately. (Of course, my mom took my brother and I to therapy, so maybe that helped. I just remember that our therapist had a dollhouse and a sand table, and there were sugar cubes in the waiting room.) They lived within 40 miles of each other and had joint custody, so I suppose that made it easier. They both got remarried to pretty awesome people, and my family got bigger.
Maybe you could try stepping into each of their shoes and feeling what it would be like to be in that kind of relationship. The kind where you both know it needs to end for the good of both of you. It's not anyone else's fault. You both need it to be happy. And ultimately, the good things in your life will still be there after you break up.
Also, it's okay to be upset and in pain over this. It's a big change. A stable part of your world is giving way. You're going to be in turmoil for awhile, and you shouldn't try to hold it back. Just deal with it as it comes. You have to acknowledge your feelings or you won't be able to move on. If you're a person who has to talk about something ten or fifteen times (like me) then find ten or fifteen friends you can talk to about how you are feeling over the next couple of weeks. Some times people just need to say words, even if there is nothing the friend can do to help fix the situation. Just tell them you need to spit out words and let them listen to you.
The up side of you being an adult is that it will be far easier for you to maintain whatever kind of contact you want with both parents than it is for a kid. Just remember that you aren't losing them. They're both still there.
I was around nine/ten when my parents divorced. I think I was pretty lucky in that they stayed as good friends afterwards and didn't pull each other apart in the settlement. The big thing that I took away from it is that they still loved me, hell they loved me more now that they weren't so stressed and unhappy. Its a knock on effect, I mean it doesn't happen over night but you notice that they are happier which in turn rubs off on you.
I think you are lucky Geo in that they don't hate each other. Other friends of mine had been stuck in the middle of verbal slanging matches that have lasted a decade and has screwed them up. Sure they might not be besties but they still love you and any hatchlings that you have, the fact that they aren't together doesn't factor in really.
As for expectancy, well that can take ages or not at all. I mean Im 23 and I still wonder how different my life would have been if they had stayed together. I never felt anger at them but I did wonder if my siblings and I were the cause. It is very important to talk to them and tell them how you feel and whats going on in your head. It might seem dumb now but it stops resentment growing. If it gets crappy just remember that they still love you. Its not a case that they hate you and want you out of their lives, they still love you. But they can't be together any more. Its not the end of the world, though it does feel like it, and it not unusual these things just happen. They are people at the end of it, just like you and I (well they haven't seen the Cages Christmas adventure but that is a horror that we share) and sometime people change.
Don't take it as the end of the world but learn from it. I know I got some great advice from my mother on the problems of getting married young, she was 20, and of the perils of "sticking together for the kids". Even my 19th century English gent of a father taught me the sacrifices you have to make for your family. If/when you are married (can't remember sorry) and having problems then they can help you.
Also word of advice, if you stay with your mum don't try and become the man of the house or let anyone put you in that position. It ruins your relation with siblings, changes you and screws with your head to no end. Be you. Of your down talk to your rents. Talk to your siblings. But don't play the blame game.
My parents have been seperated (not legally divorced, but not living together) for... Probably around 15 years now. They handle it better than some couples handle being married; they never really fight, they never having screaming matches, or denigrate the other in front of us (other than the usual "Oh, why is dad always so late..." level stuff), and they both take an active hand in our lives. They just realized they weren't right for each other.
The one experience I have with divorce is that my best friend's parents got divorced when he was ~8. It was really weird because everyone was totally chill about it. His mom came out as a lesbian and his dad was (as far as any of us could tell) just like "well, okay then, you should go do that." The legal proceedings were completely laid back with them pretty much agreeing on everything or having reasonable differences that were sorted out without much fighting. She actually had more trouble from her mom (friend's grandma) than her ex-husband.
This did lead to an amusing "Heather Has Three Mommies" situation (one biological, and two step).
My parents separated when I was 17ish. They already had very apparent issues, for the previous 7 years or so, and were just staying together as long as they could for us kids. The stress in the house from just that were way worse than dealing with them separately.
I think the fact that they waited so long to separate, is what lead to the sour feelings that are now currently present between my father and my sister and mother. Even the past 15 years haven't done anything to clear that up. It's only stressful to me because I keep in contact with everyone.
It seriously would have been better if it had ended way earlier. Such is life.
Parents divorced the day after my 11th birthday. It did a lot more damage to my younger brothers than me. Geo, as you are already an adult, just be there in whatever capacity is appropriate for both of them.
I want to thank you all who have given me advice on how to deal with this, it has helped me a great deal and has given me a lot of insight on how to I should personally deal with this. I am very grateful to know caring and intelligent people who care about me this much. Again, thank you so much.
I could buy Google Glass right now, but at that price ($2000) it's not worth it. Also I need to pay rent and go to PAX and maintain my quality of life and stuff.
I can't stop my video subscription with Funimation, that part of the website just doesn't want to work, and no one is responding to my emails. I think I'm going to have to start badgering their twitter account to get something done about this nonsense.
My bank (Chase) just told Amazon to go fuck themselves, apparently. They disputed all the charges Amazon has made for things I ordered from the last two months, and don't seem to have a record of these transactions at all now. :-/
EDIT: Apparently the catalyst was that Verizon charged me for my phone bill. Which I autopay every month. For the same amount. Which is apparently suspicious behavior to Chase's fraud department.
Comments
I don't know how I'm going to deal with the fact that my parents are no longer together. I don't foresee them being the kind of people who will remain friends after this process is over either, but at the same time they don't hate each other; which is a relief.
If anybody here has had to deal with this at some point in their lives, can you please tell me how you dealt with this, how you eventually overcame these feelings, and maybe how can I hopefully get to the point of acceptance?
My parents got divorced when I was 5. I don't remember a lot of bad feelings... mostly just the relief that they stopped fighting and being mad all the time, and both of them were much happier living separately. (Of course, my mom took my brother and I to therapy, so maybe that helped. I just remember that our therapist had a dollhouse and a sand table, and there were sugar cubes in the waiting room.) They lived within 40 miles of each other and had joint custody, so I suppose that made it easier. They both got remarried to pretty awesome people, and my family got bigger.
Maybe you could try stepping into each of their shoes and feeling what it would be like to be in that kind of relationship. The kind where you both know it needs to end for the good of both of you. It's not anyone else's fault. You both need it to be happy. And ultimately, the good things in your life will still be there after you break up.
Also, it's okay to be upset and in pain over this. It's a big change. A stable part of your world is giving way. You're going to be in turmoil for awhile, and you shouldn't try to hold it back. Just deal with it as it comes. You have to acknowledge your feelings or you won't be able to move on. If you're a person who has to talk about something ten or fifteen times (like me) then find ten or fifteen friends you can talk to about how you are feeling over the next couple of weeks. Some times people just need to say words, even if there is nothing the friend can do to help fix the situation. Just tell them you need to spit out words and let them listen to you.
The up side of you being an adult is that it will be far easier for you to maintain whatever kind of contact you want with both parents than it is for a kid. Just remember that you aren't losing them. They're both still there.
I think you are lucky Geo in that they don't hate each other. Other friends of mine had been stuck in the middle of verbal slanging matches that have lasted a decade and has screwed them up. Sure they might not be besties but they still love you and any hatchlings that you have, the fact that they aren't together doesn't factor in really.
As for expectancy, well that can take ages or not at all. I mean Im 23 and I still wonder how different my life would have been if they had stayed together. I never felt anger at them but I did wonder if my siblings and I were the cause. It is very important to talk to them and tell them how you feel and whats going on in your head. It might seem dumb now but it stops resentment growing. If it gets crappy just remember that they still love you. Its not a case that they hate you and want you out of their lives, they still love you. But they can't be together any more. Its not the end of the world, though it does feel like it, and it not unusual these things just happen. They are people at the end of it, just like you and I (well they haven't seen the Cages Christmas adventure but that is a horror that we share) and sometime people change.
Don't take it as the end of the world but learn from it. I know I got some great advice from my mother on the problems of getting married young, she was 20, and of the perils of "sticking together for the kids". Even my 19th century English gent of a father taught me the sacrifices you have to make for your family. If/when you are married (can't remember sorry) and having problems then they can help you.
Also word of advice, if you stay with your mum don't try and become the man of the house or let anyone put you in that position. It ruins your relation with siblings, changes you and screws with your head to no end. Be you. Of your down talk to your rents. Talk to your siblings. But don't play the blame game.
They were much happier and better off separated, and it worked out for the best for everyone involved.
Just talk to them both like normal and don't dwell on it.
Other than that, basically Nuri's last line.
This did lead to an amusing "Heather Has Three Mommies" situation (one biological, and two step).
I think the fact that they waited so long to separate, is what lead to the sour feelings that are now currently present between my father and my sister and mother. Even the past 15 years haven't done anything to clear that up. It's only stressful to me because I keep in contact with everyone.
It seriously would have been better if it had ended way earlier. Such is life.
It's addressed to my grandmother.
She's been dead for 13 years.
EDIT: Apparently the catalyst was that Verizon charged me for my phone bill. Which I autopay every month. For the same amount. Which is apparently suspicious behavior to Chase's fraud department.