But sex simply for the sake of sex...That seems pointless to me.
It's so fun, though! If it's someone who you have never met or just met, you can walk out of there guilt-free and satisfied in the morning. Sex is not just an expression of love. It's also an expression of biology. And being human.
But sex simply for the sake of sex...That seems pointless to me.
That's because you've never had sex.
Anyway, re: sex on the first date -- like others have said, it depends. If I went out with a woman that I didn't know, and she wanted to have sex on the first date, I would at least be suspicious. However, a couple of my relationships have been with women that I had been friends with for some time, and sex on the first "date" seemed only natural.
But sex simply for the sake of sex...That seems pointless to me.
That's because you've never had sex.
You're probably right. And I know sex is a natural, biological thing. But I will point out the same thing an earlier poster pointed out that was mentioned in xkcd...Sex is complicated! People are complicated! Drama is a natural thing! Sex with marriage gets rid of several complications. People no longer have to question themselves or rack their brain trying to figure out why their friends just suddenly started sleeping together. If people are married, it's a natural progression, and has less bad possibilities. Of course, there are still bad possibilities as a result of marital sex, but you can't just forgo sex completely because there's bad things about it.
You're probably right. And I know sex is a natural, biological thing. But I will point out the same thing an earlier poster pointed out that was mentioned in xkcd...Sex is complicated! People are complicated! Drama is a natural thing! Sex with marriage gets rid of several complications. People no longer have to question themselves or rack their brain trying to figure out why their friends just suddenly started sleeping together. If people are married, it's a natural progression, and has less bad possibilities. Of course, there are still bad possibilities as a result of marital sex, but you can't just forgo sex completely because there's bad things about it.
If you're a mature person, and not some high school kid, that childish drama is not a problem. Oh noes, friends started sleeping together! So what? It's a big deal for high school kids. For adults, it is what it is.
People no longer have to question themselves or rack their brain trying to figure out why their friends just suddenly started sleeping together. If people are married, it's a natural progression, and has less bad possibilities.
It sounds like you're saying that other people having sex is complicated for you. That's not anyone's problem but yours. What problems are there that necessarily arise from unmarried sex, that can't or don't from married sex?
Well, sleeping with a stranger can lead to STD problems. And there's always the possibility of pregnancy, even with birth control. Condoms break, etc.
I think my mom's advice was good. Never sleep with anyone you wouldn't give your ATM pin number to. If I am going to allow someone access to my body, I have to trust them at least that much.
However, sure, sex is fun. It's totally up to you how often and with whom you want to do it.
Well, sleeping with a stranger can lead to STD problems. And there's always the possibility of pregnancy, even with birth control. Condoms break, etc.
Right, but funfetus wanted problems that couldn't arise from married sex. If your spouse cheats, you could get an STD, and accidental pregnancies obviously happen inside of wedlock. Marriage in terms of "simplifying sex" is just a really, really binding promise that says "I'm going to try as hard as humanly possible not to fuck this one up."
I'm not personally against the idea of casual sex, but I find it difficult to get into the right mindset with someone I'm not emotionally intimate with.
I've just never wanted to have sex with someone I didn't care about. Backrubs, scritches, cuddles, and other certain activities, sure...but kissing and actual sex are sort of reserved for deeper relationships. Not because I think it should be that way...just because that's when I start to want to do them. And yeah, I know, I'm weird when it comes to kissing. It usually takes me awhile to feel natural kissing someone.
As for pre-marital sex, my personal view is that it is preferable to know that you have a healthy sexual compatibility with your partner before you sign that lifelong (supposedly) contract. In fact, you should know about your compatibility in many other ways as well. Too many people rush to get married so that they can have sex, and then they find out that they don't mesh well with their spouse. That probably accounts for a large part of the divorce rate. (Well, that and the whole "people change" phenomenon.) If marriage is really sacred, shouldn't we do whatever we can to make sure a marriage will last? I think that includes getting rid of hormonal impulsive marriages that are solely for the purpose of finally getting your rocks off.
I like the way the Norse did it; marriage was a contract, usually 7 years. After that, you could renew it or walk away scott free and continue your life. Practical, realistic, and it worked. The primary function of marriage was raising progeny, not lifelong fidelity.
I'm with Nuri on this one. I got in more than a few arguments with my Catholic religion teacher this year over the "sanctity" of sex and marriage. Fact is, marriage in terms of most christian religions came about in the Dark Ages as a way to bind men to women so they couldn't be used as brood mares and thrown out after an heir was produced. The "sanctity" of sex is just a maze of interpretation and politicking.
Exactly, it is personal. I am just interested in people's personal opinions/stances/experiences.
The reason I never had a hard and fast rule.....(sigh)... is that most of my relationships grew out of some sort of friendship I had before. So usually you know quite bit about the other person already and have sorta gauged what is going to happen with the relationship (is this just a friendly thing or a start of a relationship). So since they usually started as friends first I've gone almost a half a year to probably the second day (I think you can count that). A lot depended on the partners or my experience, the nature of the budding relationship and some other aspects :-p
Right, but funfetus wanted problems that couldn't arise from married sex. If your spouse cheats, you could get an STD, and accidental pregnancies obviously happen inside of wedlock. Marriage in terms of "simplifying sex" is just a really,reallybinding promise that says "I'm going to try as hard as humanly possible not to fuck this one up."
Judging from some of the marriages I've seen, they don't try really hard :-p
I don't date, but I will bring up the idea of waiting until marriage. I know it's highly unpopular, but I think it un-complicates things. If you are gonna have sex before marriage, don't do it on the first date. I can deal with sex before marriage if you at least love the person. Even if you don't end up marrying them, if you loved them at some point, then I understand. But sex simply for the sake of sex...That seems pointless to me.
You speak of marriage as if it is the end goal of a relationship. Not all relationships will end in marriages (even lifelong relationships). What about a legal document makes rubbing genitals more or less acceptable to you? EDIT: Also, if a relationship couldn't handle the complications of sexual activity, could it handle any other complications? I am not advocating sexual activity in romantic relationships. I just think avoiding sexual activity solely based on possible "drama", would indicate that the people in the relationship are immature/weak.
I just think avoiding sexual activity solely based on possible "drama", would indicate that the people in the relationship are immature/weak.
What? Are you saying that we should communicate with each other, discuss our issues, and work out solutions? Inconceivable! Everyone knows it is best to bottle up and ignore your problems so that they will go away!
I just think avoiding sexual activity solely based on possible "drama", would indicate that the people in the relationship are immature/weak.
What? Are you saying that we should communicate with each other, discuss our issues, and work out solutions? Inconceivable! Everyone knows it is best to bottle up and ignore your problems so that they will go away!
Yeah, dealing with your problems in a mature and responsible fashion is way too much work.
If a relationship can't handle sex, then both of the people in that relationship most likely have some intimacy problems. If both partners willing choose an asexual relationship, that's fine and dandy, but avoiding it because it might cause drama even if you both want it is just, well, immature. If you can't handle it, you need to grow up a little and then think about a relationship.
Memorable moment: going to some after-hour panels and having a bouncer stopping my date because the panel was 18+, turns out she was older than the bouncer. I guess it's not easy being small and cute.
Crappy moment: Running out of money quickly.
She was also the first girl to meet my Johnny, if you catch my drift...
That was a memorable night. =3
Any interesting story about people meeting one's Johnny/Jennies for the first time?
One of Adam's friends lost his virginity during an Otakon. This might sound kinda neat, except that he lost it while Adam was in the room attempting to sleep in a cot at the foot of the bouncing bed.
How do you feel about ordering a meal for the other person?
Typically this is a guy ordering the meal for the girl. I've heard that it's common practice in some places but it's not something I'm use to.
There are so many questions that I have to remember to ask when I order food that I would not trust anyone else to order for me. At least if I order my food and I eat something I'm not supposed to, it's my fault. Can you imagine ordering food for your date and getting her really sick? That would pretty much ruin the night.
Typically this is a guy ordering the meal for the girl. I've heard that it's common practice in some places but it's not something I'm use to.
No way! Who does that? Of course, if you are a known foodie and want to recommend a dish, I may take your advice. Any time a boy takes away my ability to make decisions, even if it is just what I am eating for dinner, I bristle.
Any time a boyperson takes away my ability to make decisions, even if it is just what I am eating for dinner, I bristle.
Unless they are preparing the meal for me themselves, no one should make that decision. If someone knew a restaurant very well and offered to order for me, I may take them up on it. If someone started to order for me without asking, I would stop them abruptly and order for myself.
Comments
Anyway, re: sex on the first date -- like others have said, it depends. If I went out with a woman that I didn't know, and she wanted to have sex on the first date, I would at least be suspicious. However, a couple of my relationships have been with women that I had been friends with for some time, and sex on the first "date" seemed only natural.
And I know sex is a natural, biological thing. But I will point out the same thing an earlier poster pointed out that was mentioned in xkcd...Sex is complicated! People are complicated! Drama is a natural thing!
Sex with marriage gets rid of several complications. People no longer have to question themselves or rack their brain trying to figure out why their friends just suddenly started sleeping together. If people are married, it's a natural progression, and has less bad possibilities. Of course, there are still bad possibilities as a result of marital sex, but you can't just forgo sex completely because there's bad things about it.
What problems are there that necessarily arise from unmarried sex, that can't or don't from married sex?
I think my mom's advice was good. Never sleep with anyone you wouldn't give your ATM pin number to. If I am going to allow someone access to my body, I have to trust them at least that much.
However, sure, sex is fun. It's totally up to you how often and with whom you want to do it.
I've just never wanted to have sex with someone I didn't care about. Backrubs, scritches, cuddles, and other certain activities, sure...but kissing and actual sex are sort of reserved for deeper relationships. Not because I think it should be that way...just because that's when I start to want to do them. And yeah, I know, I'm weird when it comes to kissing. It usually takes me awhile to feel natural kissing someone.
As for pre-marital sex, my personal view is that it is preferable to know that you have a healthy sexual compatibility with your partner before you sign that lifelong (supposedly) contract. In fact, you should know about your compatibility in many other ways as well. Too many people rush to get married so that they can have sex, and then they find out that they don't mesh well with their spouse. That probably accounts for a large part of the divorce rate. (Well, that and the whole "people change" phenomenon.) If marriage is really sacred, shouldn't we do whatever we can to make sure a marriage will last? I think that includes getting rid of hormonal impulsive marriages that are solely for the purpose of finally getting your rocks off.
I like the way the Norse did it; marriage was a contract, usually 7 years. After that, you could renew it or walk away scott free and continue your life. Practical, realistic, and it worked. The primary function of marriage was raising progeny, not lifelong fidelity.
EDIT: Also, if a relationship couldn't handle the complications of sexual activity, could it handle any other complications? I am not advocating sexual activity in romantic relationships. I just think avoiding sexual activity solely based on possible "drama", would indicate that the people in the relationship are immature/weak.
If a relationship can't handle sex, then both of the people in that relationship most likely have some intimacy problems. If both partners willing choose an asexual relationship, that's fine and dandy, but avoiding it because it might cause drama even if you both want it is just, well, immature. If you can't handle it, you need to grow up a little and then think about a relationship.
Memorable moment: going to some after-hour panels and having a bouncer stopping my date because the panel was 18+, turns out she was older than the bouncer. I guess it's not easy being small and cute.
Crappy moment: Running out of money quickly.
She was also the first girl to meet my Johnny, if you catch my drift...
That was a memorable night. =3
Any interesting story about people meeting one's Johnny/Jennies for the first time?
Each "meeting" for the first time can be described with one adjective each: Scary, Hilarious, Thin, Fat, Scary, Minuscule, Moderate, Awesome, Fitting.
How do you feel about ordering a meal for the other person?
Typically this is a guy ordering the meal for the girl. I've heard that it's common practice in some places but it's not something I'm use to.