The only times I would say that I'm truly unhappy are when I encounter a person that is in the way of my happiness in some capacity. Annoying people who can't take a hint, incredibly obese people in my way, large crowds of unmoving people, screaming rotten crotchfruit, and other such nuisances can derail my enjoyment of a particular thing. Quite often, I'm perfectly happy being alone.
I'm also disinclined to rain on someone else's parade. If you feel happy, great. I hope that what you're feeling is genuine happiness, and that you won't crash down into the throes of depression once this temporary feeling wears off, but if you do, I've got some music for you to listen to. :P
So is Pete's bitter black existence actually a lager? :P
"One thing IÂ’ve noticed throughout my whole life is that people are constantly trying to rain on my parade, to convince me that IÂ’m not actually happy. They tell me IÂ’m unfulfilled, or that IÂ’m faking it, or that itÂ’s not really happiness, or some other such bollocks. IÂ’m not sure just what to make of it, quite frankly." - Rym.
I think it is clear that there exists something in the human mind that causes it to lean towards reverse hope.
When all is lost, and there is no way out, people will build false hope. For example, when a loved one has an incurable disease, people will believe just about any nonsense that claims the disease can be cured, when there really is no hope whatsoever. This is the cause of much of the fake medicine.
But this talk of people not believing others are happy is the opposite of false hope. It's refusal to hope when there is a real possibility. When someone wants something, yet has failed to achieve it with great effort, they will give up. Then, to protect their self esteem, they will chose to believe that it is not possible. Thus, they don't have to accept that they have failed by passing blame to outside sources.
If they believe that you are happy, then they believe happiness must be possible for human beings. If they believe that, and they know that they themselves are unhappy, then they must logically accept that it is a flaw in themselves, and not a flaw in the universe, that is the fault of their unhappiness.
People just aren't capable of handling personal responsibility. And perhaps it is a cycle. They can't handle personal responsibility prevents them from accepting they are the fault of their own unhappiness. Yet, it could be that their lack of personal responsibility is the cause of their unhappiness as well.
I can't say that I am not offended at the outright insult of my character and your assumptions about my personal life.
Then my "lighten up" statement still stands. No offense was intended, your "character" was never insluted, and no general thought was even given on my part toward your personal life while I was typing. I was being extremely hypothetical, given the very brief statements I've been reading from all people here. I'm surprised that you are reacting in such a way.
Also, "Been there, done that. It passes all too quickly. " sounds very cynical when taken as your only statement on the matter. Your cautionary approach explained in your second post is very practical, but it can also come off as something that will inject negativity into Joe's good mood. I guess if the same statement had been worded a little differently, it could have seemed far more optimistic.
My general thoughts on the responses given to "I am so happy" aren't solely directed at you. Like Rym said, the majority of replies here give off the impression that people can't accept that someone else is happy.
They can't handle personal responsibility prevents them from accepting they are the fault of their own unhappiness. Yet, it could be that their lack of personal responsibility is the cause of their unhappiness as well.
I can't say that I am not offended at the outright insult of my character and your assumptions about my personal life.
Then my "lighten up" statement still stands. No offense was intended, your "character" was never insluted, and no general thought was even given on my part toward your personal life while I was typing. I was being extremely hypothetical, given the very brief statements I've been reading from all people here. I'm surprised that you are reacting in such a way. Also, "Been there, done that. It passes all too quickly. " sounds very cynical when taken as your only statement on the matter. Your cautionary approach explained in your second post is very practical, but it can also come off as something that will inject negativity into Joe's good mood. I guess if the same statement had been worded a little differently, it could have seemed far more optimistic. My general thoughts on the responses given to "I am so happy" aren't solely directed at you. Like Rym said, the majority of replies here give off the impression that people can't accept that someone else is happy.
I was only responding to the portion of your post specifically directed at me. I interpreted your comments directed at me to mean that I was deeply cynical and that is an extremely negative comment about someones character. If you didn't mean it as an insult, then I will take you at your word, but I hope you can see how they could easily be interpreted as such. If caution and essentially saying "Enjoy this outlier while it lasts, but be prepared for a possible down swing so you can stop at sustainable happiness rather than dipping into depressed," is so extremely negative, then apparently no statement other than "Good for you," is permissible. As I intended it, my "Been there, done that. It passes all too quickly." means I have experienced that feeling and it passed all too quickly as it was very nice and I wish it lasted longer. How is that cynical? I am usually happy and the occasional euphoria is so nice that I wish it would last longer. I think you read too much into my statement and that yet again text can not convey body language and inflection (as I am sure can be said for your comments directed at me).
They can't handle personal responsibility prevents them from accepting they are the fault of their own unhappiness. Yet, it could be that their lack of personal responsibility is the cause of their unhappiness as well.
I have also seen people take too much personal responsibility for things that are not in their control or cannot let go of past missteps and therefore cannot be happy. They feel guilt for past actions and cannot let go of their guilt long after the transgression (whether real or imagined) has taken place. I have also seen people feel guilty for human suffering that is not their fault (that they are full while others starve, that they enjoy peace while others live in war torn countries, etc.) and rather than using that to motivate them to take action and turning that emotion into a positive force in their life, they simply allow guilt to eat away at them.
The only times I would say that I'm truly unhappy are when I encounter a person that is in the way of my happiness in some capacity. Annoying people who can't take a hint, incredibly obese people in my way, large crowds of unmoving people, screaming rotten crotchfruit, and other such nuisances can derail my enjoyment of a particular thing. Quite often, I'm perfectly happy being alone.
I'm also disinclined to rain on someone else's parade. If you feel happy, great. I hope that what you're feeling is genuine happiness, and that you won't crash down into the throes of depression once this temporary feeling wears off, but if you do, I've got some music for you to listen to. :P
So is Pete's bitter black existence actually a lager? :P
LAGER? I WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS INSULT!
I should actually know in a couple of days. :P
I like Rym's scale, but mine looks a little different:
I hate everything and want it all to burn---I hate you and want you to die---Your death would not adversely affect my life---Hungry---Not Hungry---Not Pissed Off---Drunk---Asleep
I generally float around the "Not Hungry" and "Not Pissed Off" end of the scale.
I do not understand such clear cut emotional scales. I experience several (occasionally disparate) emotions all the time. My emotions usually hover in some portion of the positive spectrum.
Seriously, you need to lighten up. Let other people present themselves as one dimensionally as they like. They don't ACTUALLY exist in a single dimension, it's just a shortcut for easy communication of a single point.
Oh, I've definitely been hungry and wanted the world to burn at the same time. Trust me, it's not fun.
I entwine logic and emotion. If I'm feeling something, I'm categorizing the feeling. Sometimes I take it too far, but most of the time, it's helpful to recognize when a particular thing is making me feel a particular way, or when I'm being irrational and thus am not in a good decision-making state.
Seriously, you need to lighten up. Let other people present themselves as one dimensionally as they like. They don't ACTUALLY exist in a single dimension, it's just a shortcut for easy communication of a single point.
Huh? I didn't think Pete meant that literally and I am fairly light to begin with (excepting my ass, that isn't so light).
The way I read it, "Been there, done that. It passes all too quickly" came off as "So what? That's not impressive. I've done it before, and it was nothing but a fleeting feeling." "Been there, done that" is often used as a way of expressing that you are not impressed with someone's statement/accomplishment, so that's why I got that cynical vibe. Forgive me for misinterpreting, but as you said, reading meaning and attitude off of text on a screen is no substitute for a real-life exchange.
I agree that Joe should be encouraged to enjoy his happiness in the present, above all else. I guess I just didn't like the way everyone was making it sound like mediocrity and/or unhappiness was the default he was certain to return to(if they weren't just plain telling him that he wasn't happy in the first place).
I do not understand such clear cut emotional scales. I experience several (occasionally disparate) emotions all the time. My emotions usually hover in some portion of the positive spectrum.
Well, it's not like I experience anger or anything on that spectrum. I often feel righteous, but that's on a different scale. I was pointing only at the scale of happiness. Very little disturbs my typical demeanor on it.
Oh, I've definitely been hungryandwanted the world to burn at the same time. Trust me, it's not fun.
Perhaps a 2D graph instead of a 1D scale would be more appropriate.
Not Hungry---
I hate everything and want it all to burn---I hate you and want you to die---Your death would not adversely affect my life---Not Pissed Off---Drunk---Asleep
I do not understand such clear cut emotional scales. I experience several (occasionally disparate) emotions all the time. My emotions usually hover in some portion of the positive spectrum.
Well, it's not like I experience anger or anything on that spectrum. I often feel righteous, but that's on a different scale. I was pointing only at the scale of happiness. Very little disturbs my typical demeanor on it.
You experience a feeling of righteousness? Perish the thought! ^_~ I didn't mean more subtle or complex feelings (that everyone obviously feels). To put it in simplistic terms I can be both "happy" and "sad" at the same moment (and too often am both at once).
EDIT: Here is a question for the forumites: Is allowing the emotional states/well-being of others to affect your personal emotional state a strength or a weakness?
Here is a question for the forumites: Is allowing the emotional states/well-being of others to affect your personal emotional state a strength or a weakness?
I think that's dependent on the circumstances. For example, if someone is looking to you to cheer them up when theyÂ’re feeling depressed, and you let their depression affect you to the point where youÂ’re both in need of cheering up, it seems like a weakness.
But on the other hand, if you let their depression affect you to the point where you can develop empathy for them, you can better understand the way that they feel, care for them, and make a good effort to help them.
I think that strength can come from letting yourself be affected by othersÂ’ emotions, but there has to be a certain amount of distance there. You should still try to stay in control of how you feel, especially where negative emotions are concerned.
As far as positive emotions go, I can't really see anything wrong with letting others happiness make you happy.
Yes, if you couldn't figure it out, my scale is a joke. Mostly. :P
Is allowing the emotional states/well-being of others to affect your personal emotional state a strength or a weakness?
It depends on the person, the extent to which it affects you, and the utility that this ability grants you.
Feeling someone else's pain, for example, is an excellent way to understand them and to provide them emotional support. If their suffering affects you to such a degree that you yourself are emotionally destabilized, however, then that's not so good. For example, my mother and sister are exceptionally good at getting each other very upset, to the point of crying and yelling at each other over decidedly trivial matters (things that they admit are trivial). They can also get me upset, because I understand what it is that's upsetting them, but I don't allow it to overwhelm me. This allows me to remain calm in a hectic situation, and provide perspective and a calming influence to the more irrational members of my family.
So, it depends on the extent. If you cry hysterically when someone else cries, that's probably not the best thing. Actually, people who are relentless empathizers sometimes bother me immensely; while we as humans do share countless common experiences, and the recognition of this fact allows us to help each other in emotional distressed times, there are times when you really can't understand what someone else is going through, and trying to help them despite an inability to do so is often more of a hindrance than a help. I once had someone try to compare their loss of an old beloved dog to my untimely loss of my father; I understand the sentiment, but that really isn't very helpful, and is more bothersome than anything else.
It also bothers me when someone gets more upset than me about something that affects me primarily. If I'm not upset about it, and it really only affects me, you shouldn't be getting more upset than me.
I had a friend who was euphoric like this. It turned out she was being dosed (I caught her boyfriend in the act of drugging her water bottle). Needless to say, she dumped his ass.
Not to rain on your parade, by the way. Just put these feelings to good use, and you should be alright.
Mornin' all. @Funfetus: If you, or anyone else, is having problems with depression, feel free to ask about it.
I will help, too, if I may. I've been dealing with depression for almost a year now, and I've found some really interesting things to help keep myself happy, which have worked quite well, in my case.
FUCK THE WORLD, FUCK HUMANITY, FUCK THIS GOD-DAMNED PIECE OF SHIT, JUST DIE ALREADY (aka, The Vacuum Cleaner) - Completely and utterly serene (aka, The Broom).
I float between those two states. The former was the result of me having a very bad morning and deciding I should vacuum my apartment. I hate vacuum cleaners, they're noisy and they suck. So I raged for a total of 60 or so seconds whilst vacuuming. 3 minutes later I laughed my ass off at the sillyness, and the rest of the day was great. The other end is me just leaning on my swiffer broom, staring outside at the sunlight of the setting sun falling upon a tall tree full of leafs as a calm summer breeze flows in through my open windows and in my face.
But seriously, there's a genocide going on in Darfur, and a nationwide famine in North Korea. To even come close to the truth, this thread title should be more like, "Most is well in my corner of the world." Just saying.
Well, I certainly didn't crash. I had some peaceful sleep filled with rainbows and narwhals, and I floated down gently back to normalcy. I'm met with rekindled faith of humanity, and general well-being. If anything, it feels like all my emotions have been wiped clean and I've returned to the neutral state of happiness.
I may not be euphoric, but my gait shall be one of happiness. This is kickass, it should happen more often.
I still haven't read that thread of political emails though.
Erm.. maybe you shouldn't read it. Maybe you should avoid the internet all-together.
That is one brittle and flimsy happiness if you have to ignore massive portions of reality to maintain it. I doubt that his default and consistant happiness is that weak.
Comments
When all is lost, and there is no way out, people will build false hope. For example, when a loved one has an incurable disease, people will believe just about any nonsense that claims the disease can be cured, when there really is no hope whatsoever. This is the cause of much of the fake medicine.
But this talk of people not believing others are happy is the opposite of false hope. It's refusal to hope when there is a real possibility. When someone wants something, yet has failed to achieve it with great effort, they will give up. Then, to protect their self esteem, they will chose to believe that it is not possible. Thus, they don't have to accept that they have failed by passing blame to outside sources.
If they believe that you are happy, then they believe happiness must be possible for human beings. If they believe that, and they know that they themselves are unhappy, then they must logically accept that it is a flaw in themselves, and not a flaw in the universe, that is the fault of their unhappiness.
People just aren't capable of handling personal responsibility. And perhaps it is a cycle. They can't handle personal responsibility prevents them from accepting they are the fault of their own unhappiness. Yet, it could be that their lack of personal responsibility is the cause of their unhappiness as well.
Also, "Been there, done that. It passes all too quickly. " sounds very cynical when taken as your only statement on the matter. Your cautionary approach explained in your second post is very practical, but it can also come off as something that will inject negativity into Joe's good mood. I guess if the same statement had been worded a little differently, it could have seemed far more optimistic.
My general thoughts on the responses given to "I am so happy" aren't solely directed at you. Like Rym said, the majority of replies here give off the impression that people can't accept that someone else is happy.
If caution and essentially saying "Enjoy this outlier while it lasts, but be prepared for a possible down swing so you can stop at sustainable happiness rather than dipping into depressed," is so extremely negative, then apparently no statement other than "Good for you," is permissible.
As I intended it, my "Been there, done that. It passes all too quickly." means I have experienced that feeling and it passed all too quickly as it was very nice and I wish it lasted longer. How is that cynical? I am usually happy and the occasional euphoria is so nice that I wish it would last longer. I think you read too much into my statement and that yet again text can not convey body language and inflection (as I am sure can be said for your comments directed at me). I have also seen people take too much personal responsibility for things that are not in their control or cannot let go of past missteps and therefore cannot be happy. They feel guilt for past actions and cannot let go of their guilt long after the transgression (whether real or imagined) has taken place. I have also seen people feel guilty for human suffering that is not their fault (that they are full while others starve, that they enjoy peace while others live in war torn countries, etc.) and rather than using that to motivate them to take action and turning that emotion into a positive force in their life, they simply allow guilt to eat away at them.
I should actually know in a couple of days. :P
I like Rym's scale, but mine looks a little different:
I hate everything and want it all to burn---I hate you and want you to die---Your death would not adversely affect my life---Hungry---Not Hungry---Not Pissed Off---Drunk---Asleep
I generally float around the "Not Hungry" and "Not Pissed Off" end of the scale.
I entwine logic and emotion. If I'm feeling something, I'm categorizing the feeling. Sometimes I take it too far, but most of the time, it's helpful to recognize when a particular thing is making me feel a particular way, or when I'm being irrational and thus am not in a good decision-making state.
I agree that Joe should be encouraged to enjoy his happiness in the present, above all else. I guess I just didn't like the way everyone was making it sound like mediocrity and/or unhappiness was the default he was certain to return to(if they weren't just plain telling him that he wasn't happy in the first place).
Not Hungry---
I hate everything and want it all to burn---I hate you and want you to die---Your death would not adversely affect my life---Not Pissed Off---Drunk---Asleep
Hungry---
I didn't mean more subtle or complex feelings (that everyone obviously feels). To put it in simplistic terms I can be both "happy" and "sad" at the same moment (and too often am both at once).
EDIT: Here is a question for the forumites:
Is allowing the emotional states/well-being of others to affect your personal emotional state a strength or a weakness?
But on the other hand, if you let their depression affect you to the point where you can develop empathy for them, you can better understand the way that they feel, care for them, and make a good effort to help them.
I think that strength can come from letting yourself be affected by othersÂ’ emotions, but there has to be a certain amount of distance there. You should still try to stay in control of how you feel, especially where negative emotions are concerned.
As far as positive emotions go, I can't really see anything wrong with letting others happiness make you happy.
Feeling someone else's pain, for example, is an excellent way to understand them and to provide them emotional support. If their suffering affects you to such a degree that you yourself are emotionally destabilized, however, then that's not so good. For example, my mother and sister are exceptionally good at getting each other very upset, to the point of crying and yelling at each other over decidedly trivial matters (things that they admit are trivial). They can also get me upset, because I understand what it is that's upsetting them, but I don't allow it to overwhelm me. This allows me to remain calm in a hectic situation, and provide perspective and a calming influence to the more irrational members of my family.
So, it depends on the extent. If you cry hysterically when someone else cries, that's probably not the best thing. Actually, people who are relentless empathizers sometimes bother me immensely; while we as humans do share countless common experiences, and the recognition of this fact allows us to help each other in emotional distressed times, there are times when you really can't understand what someone else is going through, and trying to help them despite an inability to do so is often more of a hindrance than a help. I once had someone try to compare their loss of an old beloved dog to my untimely loss of my father; I understand the sentiment, but that really isn't very helpful, and is more bothersome than anything else.
It also bothers me when someone gets more upset than me about something that affects me primarily. If I'm not upset about it, and it really only affects me, you shouldn't be getting more upset than me.
Not to rain on your parade, by the way. Just put these feelings to good use, and you should be alright.
@Funfetus: If you, or anyone else, is having problems with depression, feel free to ask about it.
FUCK THE WORLD, FUCK HUMANITY, FUCK THIS GOD-DAMNED PIECE OF SHIT, JUST DIE ALREADY (aka, The Vacuum Cleaner) - Completely and utterly serene (aka, The Broom).
I float between those two states. The former was the result of me having a very bad morning and deciding I should vacuum my apartment. I hate vacuum cleaners, they're noisy and they suck. So I raged for a total of 60 or so seconds whilst vacuuming. 3 minutes later I laughed my ass off at the sillyness, and the rest of the day was great. The other end is me just leaning on my swiffer broom, staring outside at the sunlight of the setting sun falling upon a tall tree full of leafs as a calm summer breeze flows in through my open windows and in my face.
Yeah, I'm a human.
EDIT:Wasn't it around 17:00 when you posted that?
But seriously, there's a genocide going on in Darfur, and a nationwide famine in North Korea. To even come close to the truth, this thread title should be more like, "Most is well in my corner of the world." Just saying.
Well, I certainly didn't crash. I had some peaceful sleep filled with rainbows and narwhals, and I floated down gently back to normalcy. I'm met with rekindled faith of humanity, and general well-being. If anything, it feels like all my emotions have been wiped clean and I've returned to the neutral state of happiness.
I may not be euphoric, but my gait shall be one of happiness. This is kickass, it should happen more often.
I still haven't read that thread of political emails though.