FRCF Flows

Ilmarinen

All right, I know a few other people on here rap/rhyme/whatever, and we need a thread. So... write up some shit, post it, read, criticize, get better. I'll start off with a verse I wrote on my lunch break (when I got/materialized the idea):
Alright, this is Front Row Flows
And now that I'm grown, I don't front no mo'
So when you're told that I'll put a bullet* in your dome
before you take what I own
Know that when I roll I keep chrome
Under the seat of my olds
[breathe]I'm leaping from zone to zone
Pretty much All alone
lost my real friends 'cause I always stay stoned
Tryin' to quit but what else do I have
This stupid insecurity makes my life a drag
If you're hearing me write
Try to see what I write
Got the Detroit fitted, cocked to the right
And my second hand forces are fallin apart
Eighty Seven Thirty Two logo over my heart
Does it sound cliche to say I sold hard?
Sold weed, Sold pills, never stolen a car
Used to be ill; sippin' that barre
Now it's fuck drugs; fuck sittin' at the bar
I'm try'n'ta do good and go back to school
And I'm ridin' leather and wood, Aint I cool man?

*Had this written hole originally, bullet seemed to flow better though

Sail

If I were theoretically to upload some beats I've made, would you guys want to try rapping over them? And possibly critique them?

Victor Frost

If I were theoretically to upload some beats I've made, would you guys want to try rapping over them? And possibly critique them?

Walker

Yes and yes.

Ilmarinen

If I were theoretically to upload some beats I've made, would you guys want to try rapping over them? And possibly critique them?

I'm down.

Churba

I suck, But I'll give it a try.

Walker

Alright, this is Front Row Flows
And now that I'm grown, I don't front no mo'
So when you're told that I'll put a bullet* in your dome
before you take what I own
Know that when I roll I keep chrome
Under the seat of my olds
[breathe]I'm leaping from zone to zone
Pretty much All alone
lost my real friends 'cause I always stay stoned
Tryin' to quit but what else do I have
This stupid insecurity makes my life a drag
If you're hearing me write
Try to see what I write
Got the Detroit fitted, cocked to the right
And my second hand forces are fallin apart
Eighty Seven Thirty Two logo over my heart
Does it sound cliche to say I sold hard?
Sold weed, Sold pills, never stolen a car
Used to be ill; sippin' that barre
Now it's fuck drugs; fuck sittin' at the bar
I'm try'n'ta do good and go back to school
And I'm ridin' leather and wood, Aint I cool man?

So it's really hard to critique lyrics without actually hearing them, but I'll give it a try. First off, some of these rhymes don't technically rhyme. Everybody does it, and it sounds good with words like "zone" and "stoned", but "have" and "drag", or "dome" and "own" can grate. But for all I know you have an accent that makes it work, and your flow makes the off-looking bars sound good. Disregard if that's the case.

Second, I'd like to see you play with your words a little more. Have fun with the language, be more emotional, stretch your vocabulary a little. Come up with similes, metaphors, double meanings and analogies. You've got something to say, but it will resonate with the listener more if you find an interesting way of saying it. That's the difference between a rough sketch and an impressionist painting of the same landscape; they depict the same thing, but one is made simply to depict, while the other is made to be beautiful and grab your attention. The best lyrics are more like the latter.

Sail

Alright, here's a beat I just made. You can download the MP3 from there. A brief outline of the structure:

-Intro
-Intro chorus (8 measures)
-Verse (16 measures)
-Chorus (8 measures)
-Verse (16 measures)
-Chorus (8 measures)
-Breakdown (16 measures)
-Ending Chorus (16 measures)

Contains samples from Blowfly's "To Fuck The Boss." Let me know what you guys think. Still a few things I'll probably tweek, but this will give you the basic idea. I purposefully left out bass drops and such in the verses so that I can easily chop them in later to fit with the vocals.

Walker

I like the percussion in my hip-hop to be a lot more substantial than that, but otherwise I'm enjoying it. I'll try writing something to this in a bit, but be warned: you're not going to get a chorus. I still suck at choruses.

Sail

I like the percussion in my hip-hop to be a lot more substantial than that,

This is what I need help and critique with. I don't know how to make things that are conducive to being rapped over. I can easily add to the percussion on this, you just need to give me an idea of what to do.

Also, you should go ahead and try to write a chorus. I'm using this as a learning opportunity, no reason you shouldn't too. Besides, this something I slapped together in a matter of hours, it's not like you're not going to be ruining something precious by writing a bad chorus.

Walker

Good percussion is important, especially with a track like this where the rest of the instruments don't provide much of a groove to flow over. At the very least you need something with some depth to it; when I make a beat I usually take my drum sample, copy it twice, tune one up, tune another down, and then layer them all together. As for the rhythm itself, this might just be personal preference, but if you've got the snare pulsing on two and four, I prefer to leave those hits on their own. I'll add sixteenth and grace notes all over the place, and even leave the snare off of two or four now and then, but when it's there I don't want any other snare hits too close to it. Just doesn't sound right with the way I like to rap.

Also, you should go ahead and try to write a chorus. I'm using this as a learning opportunity, no reason you shouldn't too. Besides, this something I slapped together in a matter of hours, it's not like you're not going to be ruining something precious by writing a bad chorus.

Yeah, I thought the same thing after I posted that. I'll go for it.

Sail

Ok, so I'm gonna try to bring the percussion up higher in the mix, open up beats two and four a bit more, and probably add another layer of percussion or a more percussive synth sound.

[Edit] Actually, a slap bass line might do the trick. I will experiment.

Walker

Please do. I've already got half of a pretty dope verse for this beat.

Sail

I doubled the percussion so that it's deeper like you suggested. I'm leaving the extra snare sounds in the chorus-y parts because I think they sound good there, but I emptied out beats 2 and 4 for you on the verses. Slap bass is sounding really bad mixed over the synth, so that isn't going to work. Gonna think about what else I can do for the extra percussive layer. Preferably something that isn't a synth or my drum machine so that there's a bit more variety.

Walker

ccMixter is your friend.

Sail

ccMixteris your friend.

The BPM search isn't working =/

Walker

The BPM search isn't working =/

I never search by BPM. In fact, almost every sample I use is chopped up, sped up, slowed down and distorted to the point where the original BPM has no relevance. It's more work, but I like to do something more with my samples.

Sail

I'd rather make my own thing, then.

Walker

I'd rather make my own thing, then.

That works too. You probably have access to instruments, talent, software, and recording equipment that I don't. Samples are the only way for me to get something that sounds like a real instrument. :P

This is an example of what I'm talking about (ignore the rapping and the weird distortion; it's a rough take). I couldn't have made something that sounds like that without samples.

Sail

See, it's not that I'm adverse to using a sample like that, it's that it's so much more difficult to add a sample after the fact when you didn't build the beat along with it. If I had started out with a sample it would have been fine, but finding something at this stage that will fit in well? Nearly impossible.

That guitar sample sounds great, by the way.

Walker

That guitar sample sounds great, by the way.

Why thank ya.

Here's the verse I wrote for Sail's beat, just in case somebody wants to jump on the second one with something thematically appropriate.

Defiance of the monumental, defiance of depravity
Hover on the instrumental in defiance of gravity

In defiance of alliences of tyrants creating silence
When the science drops, I'm hardly ever in compliance with the mindless

Begnign supine whiners assigned to minor roles
Remove their spines for use as jacket liner and tent poles

Fuck two I've got ten balls! fuck you when my pen falls!
Descend suspended chandaliers and then bust through walls

With a thrust! combust spontainious,
Nonplussed 'cause I'm the crazyiest disgust 'cause of the laziest

Lust monkeys writing junky
Rusty raps, how did we get so crunkly?

[Yo Walker, how'd you get so funky?]
I busted my nuts for months into years had the guts

To adjust my mistrust of myself and my fears
It's unjust to blow up in front of superior peers

I'm going to bed. Chorus tomorrow.

Omnutia

Maybe I'll post some of my lymcerics.

Ilmarinen

So it's really hard to critique lyrics without actually hearing them, but I'll give it a try. First off, some of these rhymes don'ttechnicallyrhyme. Everybody does it, and it sounds good with words like "zone" and "stoned", but "have" and "drag", or "dome" and "own" can grate. But for all I know you have an accent that makes it work, and your flow makes the off-looking bars sound good. Disregard if that's the case.

Second, I'd like to see you play with your words a little more. Have fun with the language, be more emotional, stretch your vocabulary a little. Come up with similes, metaphors, double meanings and analogies. You've got something to say, but it will resonate with the listener more if you find an interesting way of saying it. That's the difference between a rough sketch and an impressionist painting of the same landscape; they depict the same thing, but one is made simply to depict, while the other is made to be beautiful and grab your attention. The best lyrics are more like the latter.

Yeah, there's not any really good wordplay and I should have tightened up and added more multis. I freestyled the first half (over this) before I wrote it (although it changed a little because I didn't remember all of the exact words I had used originally), wrote the second half (line to line, pretty quickly) without listening to a beat, then went back, tightened it up (without a beat again), then tried it out until I liked the flow. Strangely, I think the second part ("If you're hearing me right" onward) has a better flow to it. Vocabulary is definitely a weak point for me when I'm rapping, probably because I don't exercise it enough in day to day life unless I'm writing. I'll spit it into my phone (friend accidentally fucked up my mic, really sucks) and post it up later.

Ilmarinen

Here's that recorded.

Alright, here's a beat I just made.You can download the MP3 from there. A brief outline of the structure:

-Intro
-Intro chorus (8 measures)
-Verse (16 measures)
-Chorus (8 measures)
-Verse (16 measures)
-Chorus (8 measures)
-Breakdown (16 measures)
-Ending Chorus (16 measures)

Contains samples from Blowfly's "To Fuck The Boss." Let me know what you guys think. Still a few things I'll probably tweek, but this will give you the basic idea. I purposefully left out bass drops and such in the verses so that I can easily chop them in later to fit with the vocals.

I really like listening to it, not sure how to approach it from a rapping perspective. You might try adding one or two well placed claps.

Vhdblood

Alright, here's a beat I just made.You can download the MP3 from there.

I decided to give it a shot. I'm terrible at rapping, but I thought someone might enjoy it. I only did one verse and one chorus. I might do more later.

Enjoy! http://tindeck.com/listen/kunh

Walker

I decided to give it a shot. I'm terrible at rapping, but I thought someone might enjoy it. I only did one verse and one chorus. I might do more later.

Enjoy!http://tindeck.com/listen/kunh

That was actually really fun. Bad rapping is usually hard for me to listen to, but you made it work. :P

Churba

Bad rapping is usually hard for me to listen to

And yet, we are still friends.

Sail

Ahaha, I enjoyed that.

Vhdblood

That was actually really fun. Bad rapping is usually hard for me to listen to, but you made it work. :P

Ahaha, I enjoyed that.

Thanks! Maybe I should finish it? I can probably get more clever and spend a bit longer on it, but it's kinda silly and not terribly pleasurable to the ear-canals.

Nine Boomer

Man, I'm pretty awesome at rapping. I should try this if I get a chance.

Walker

Thanks! Maybe I should finish it? I can probably get more clever and spend a bit longer on it, but it's kinda silly and not terribly pleasurable to the ear-canals.

If you actually want to get good at this, that is the place to start. If you don't, think about it, because I think you could become a half-decent rapper pretty handily. My shit sounded twice as bad when I first started rapping.

Bad rapping is usually hard for me to listen to

And yet, we are still friends.

The fact that you don't rap very often might be part of that...

(But seriously, I'm going to send you a beat soon. You still have the part of Australian Don Quixote to play.)

Here'sthat recorded.

It's not too bad, but you need to work on your delivery a bit. Right now it sounds like you're trying to hard to make the words fit the flow, you know? When I realized that I had that problem, I examined the cadence of my favorite rappers and imitated it. I still don't sound great, but I sound way less awkward.

Man, I'm pretty awesome at rapping. I should try this if I get a chance.

I don't know if I'm excited or terrified.