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Pregnancy
Well, true believers, we're nine weeks in and the severe mood swings and emotional outbursts have started. I slept on the couch last night because she felt the bed was shrinking and it was too hot and it was just uncomfortable and she could "feel my breath" even when I was turned the other way.
Look, I know there are things afoot. She's been complaining of constant morning and evening sickness for the past two weeks, and the baby's already messing up her system (constipation, sleeping odd hours, general exhaustion, gas, bloating). There have been, of course, the legendary cravings -- nachos one day, chocolate the next, the cliche pickles even. Hell, there was one day she couldn't focus until I'd gotten her a certain type of carrots.
That's all good and fine. But I'm not prepared to handle the hormone-induced irrationality.
This morning I woke up at 7:30 to her screaming that I was a fat ass because I wasn't cleaning the cat litter or the bathroom. Then she locked herself in the bedroom and started sobbing -- about what, I'm still not sure. Then she was pacing back and forth and was upset she couldn't take a shower "because of all the chemicals." There was actually a point where she started jumping up and down and yelling like Yosemite Sam. Then she started laughing. Then she was angry again. Then she was talking to the dogs in a baby voice. Then she was angry again.
Did I mention it's my birthday?
So, I tried to be as nurturing as possible. It's clear this is the work of either A) hormones or
some vicious alien parasite that was unearthed from the Antarctic ice.
Those of you who have been through this before, give me some advice. Give me some good news. Give me some solace. Give me some timelines for when this passes/abates/gets worse. Give me something, for shit's sake.
Look, I know there are things afoot. She's been complaining of constant morning and evening sickness for the past two weeks, and the baby's already messing up her system (constipation, sleeping odd hours, general exhaustion, gas, bloating). There have been, of course, the legendary cravings -- nachos one day, chocolate the next, the cliche pickles even. Hell, there was one day she couldn't focus until I'd gotten her a certain type of carrots.
That's all good and fine. But I'm not prepared to handle the hormone-induced irrationality.
This morning I woke up at 7:30 to her screaming that I was a fat ass because I wasn't cleaning the cat litter or the bathroom. Then she locked herself in the bedroom and started sobbing -- about what, I'm still not sure. Then she was pacing back and forth and was upset she couldn't take a shower "because of all the chemicals." There was actually a point where she started jumping up and down and yelling like Yosemite Sam. Then she started laughing. Then she was angry again. Then she was talking to the dogs in a baby voice. Then she was angry again.
Did I mention it's my birthday?
So, I tried to be as nurturing as possible. It's clear this is the work of either A) hormones or
some vicious alien parasite that was unearthed from the Antarctic ice.Those of you who have been through this before, give me some advice. Give me some good news. Give me some solace. Give me some timelines for when this passes/abates/gets worse. Give me something, for shit's sake.
Comments
I have a co-worker who is about 35. We are very good friends and we constantly joke around at work, laughing at funny medical conditions involving male and female genitalia, and playing jokes on eachother. Yeah, we're immature, but it really makes the day go by faster. He was in a long term relationship and was recently married. About one month after he was married, his wife got pregnant. He was really scared because he didn't think he was ready to be a father.
I remember seeing him come in every morning during the 9 months and seeing the look on his face of frustration because going through similar things you are going through. He would basically just try to be patient and tell his wife that he loves her and can't possibly understand what she's going through, but he is there for her. He's not against her, but with her. That he loves her, and all that supportive jazz. That would normally abate her emotions.
I'll ask him how long that stuff lasts. I really hope things get better for ya.
I will leave with this. After he had his first son, he would come in to work, looking beyond tired, but he was always beyond positive and said seeing his son was worth the sleepless nights. About 3 months after his first son was born, his wife got pregnant again. When he told me that, I was like "Holy shit! Can't you keep it in your pants?"
He was a bit scared, as being the provider of the family, but he kept positive.
I know this probably doesn't help a lot, but hopefully when you see your child, all your horrible experience will be a mere memory that will fade away.
/pat on back
Edit: Oh yeah, Happy Birthday.
What I can tell you is that i is totally worth it!
HOWEVER, I do remember this: She WILL ask you to get her things to eat. She will crave a particular food for days or weeks, then suddenly not be able to stand the taste. If you bring her that food again, she will yell at you claiming you don't KNOW her anymore.
My Dad and I thought about this on a run to Subway late at night. We are pretty sure whatever she was craving was what her body needed to build a baby. Like if, in an RTS, you need some wood to build that catapult, getting water won't help. You need some trees.
But it's worth it, considering that after a few years you can get an awesome kid like my brother.
I wish I had a video of my 4-year-old cousin shredding on the drums.
Don't take anything she does personally and understand that it is even worse for her. Listen when she talks and pay attention. Even if she is saying some crazy shit about how she can hear the cat breathing in the other room and it is keeping her awake at night.
On a personal note, I get hormonally crazy once a month (like many women). While this is only a fraction of what your wife is likely going through, I have found a trick that seems to help. When I start going insane, I acknowledge that it is the hormones hijacking my brain and it becomes easier to control it. For instance, if I am getting angry/sobbing/maniacally laughing, etc. I say to Adam "I am being irrational. Ignore me for a minute while I get it out of my system and I will be right with you."
@ Timo: JEEEBUS! That baby is cuter and cuter in every new picture you post. You should cash in on those good looks and get him into baby modeling!
However, you should make sure she doesn't swing into dangerous irrationality. Be as calm and reasonable as possible when she's being irrational, but don't expect her behavior to change. She is harboring a macro-parasite, after all.
*Any* psychologist or psychiatrist will rightfully advise that the first step in mastering a chemical imbalance is to recognize that the irrational thoughts are merely a result of that chemical imbalance. Knowing that the feelings are the result of a chemical imbalance puts them in perspective as irrational, and it is then easier for the rational mind to take over and master them.
It is certainly hard to live with somebody having chemical-induced emotional outbursts-- I have a lot of first-hand experience with that with close friends and family members. However, you need to imagine what it is like to be in her shoes. She's not used to dealing with those hormones. Her sadness, anger, and frustration might be doubled by the fact that she's confused by and ashamed of the severity of her emotions. Dealing with all that is scary and very, very frustrating!
My advise is not to take too much advise. What works for some people may not work for you and your wife. Besides, would she appreciate you enumerating her problems on the internet, and then using advise you got from geeknights forumites you don't know?
When she seems more stable, sit down and talk with her honestly but with empathy, and work out together how you want to approach the next 7 months as a couple. Watch that your language isn't too accusatory, but do be honest about the problems. Don't just talk about the negatives, so she'll stay with you....talk about some of the positives, like how you're happy to be having a baby with her. Be sure to give her room to express her thoughts and feelings, and brainstorm ideas together on how each of you can best manage and prevent various recurring situations and incidents.
If she won't agree to an abortion, do you have any stairs in your house?
Also Nilla, I think you're being a bit cold by calling what Jason is doing "enummerating her problems to the Internet". Many of us, including Jason, have been around this forum for the past 3-4 years. Many of us have talked to him outside of the forum on AIM and Skype as well. Jason is seeking the advice of a group of friends that he trusts the opinion of, not bitching at some faceless entity.
You can't change her mood swings, and her reactions to them during pregnancy will often be completely involuntary. The sex hormones govern behavior in humans, and pregnancy royally fucks with your hormone balance.
You can try to address the issues with her calmly and rationally, but it probably won't change anything, and that's really nobody's fault. Well, OK, I guess you could blame the both of you for getting pregnant in the first place, but that's sort of a moot point. Jason's wife is going to be behaving outside of her own control because that's what pregnancy does.
Don't "run away" from it. Stay strong, and help your wife to weather this. It's harder on her. Your discomfort here is less important than hers. Yes, it's still important, and you should remember to tend to your own sanity as well, but remember that everything you do, you're doing for both her and your unborn child.
Best of luck!
Abort now and if you both still want a kid afterwards, adopt one from China or someplace.
I just...consider even trying to explain that. "Yeah, we were pregnant, but my wife started being a huge bitch, so we had the baby aborted."
Any attention you receive from her now will be split about 99-1 in the child's favor after the child is born. Things she quickly forgave you for in the past will not be so quickly forgiven in the future. You will not be two crazy kids in love but a family and don't expect any lazy days running around the house naked either!
Just try and be supportive even when she is being crazy. Don't tell your friends about how crazy she is in any sort of detail, you don't want those stories coming back to her in the future. Yeah, it may seem like fun to tell the guys at work all about how your wife wakes up in the middle of the night to go and stand in the bathroom with the lights out but you need to keep those things private.
When she is acting rational you can talk to her but don't offer her any advice or attempt to "fix" her. Just listen and show some empathy, that is all she wants. She has to do the heavy lifting on this one so the least you can do is be supportive.