Think of it this way: How would you deal with a dear family member with any other sort of chemically-induced mental imbalance? I really agree with Nillia on this issue, and I think a lot of people are overstating the fact that it is beyond control. It's all about talking to each other. She may still cry and laugh at weird times, but I think if you are both frank about what you are feeling and understand that these are the effects of massive bodily changes, it may become a little easier on both of you. Teenagers go through mood swings in much the same manner, if not so dramatically. It is a term of change and adjustment of chemical levels and expecting that to not affect the brain is silly. However, it all depends on the way you cope with it, and I think awareness is the first step to coping. What I am saying is this: If the problem is chemical, there is no way to stop it, but if she recognizes it, she may be able to channel it better, identifying the emotional bursts and letting them pass. Plus, I want to console you guys on the forum and tell you that not all women have severe hormonal-behavioral problems during pregnancy. My mom, when she had me and my sister, was pretty calm and healthy, and not scary to be around. I don't know about the cravings, but while they may be a stereotype, it has been scientifically proven that cravings for specific foods in humans stems from nutritional imbalances. The body needs lots of very specific building materials when it is creating the little bunchkin, so I suppose it makes sense that she would suddenly want weird foods.
@Joe ...The fuck? I'm not even going to touch that one. That was mean.
Any attention you receive from her now will be split about 99-1 in the child's favor after the child is born. Things she quickly forgave you for in the past will not be so quickly forgiven in the future. You will not be two crazy kids in love but a family and don't expect any lazy days running around the house naked either!
Wha...? Is this based on your personal experience? If yes, you have my pity. Having a kid is not going to change who you are (regardless of gender). If it seems like your wife is turning into an overprotective, unforgiving, and commandeering supermom, then I posit that she's always been that way but was simply missing the implement to fulfill her destiny.
Anecdotal though it may be, I can testify to the fact that my wife didn't change a bit (well, except for the obvious physical changes of course), and we still have crazy lazy Weekends. What's changed is that we now have an additional goofball participating :-).
Anecdotal though it may be, I can testify to the fact that my wife didn't change a bit (well, except for the obvious physical changes of course), and we still have crazy lazy Weekends. What's changed is that we now have an additional goofball participating :-).
You're in our camp. The old men all have these old man problems that none of us seem to be on track to experience ourselves. ^_~
Anecdotal though it may be, I can testify to the fact that my wife didn't change a bit (well, except for the obvious physical changes of course), and we still have crazy lazy Weekends. What's changed is that we now have an additional goofball participating :-).
You're in our camp. The old men all have these old man problems that none of us seem to be on track to experience ourselves. ^_~
You're neve going to have kids, so how is Timo in your camp?
I could be wrong, but I think Joe might be hinting that Jason should suck it up a little. If not then hey, weird. o_o
It figures though that the first thread we have here called "pregnancy" is all about a dude complaining about his wife's hormones before anything else.
You're neve going to have kids, so how is Timo in your camp?
He's spawned and reached adulthood, yet isn't running afoul of the problems that so many of the old men predict for people like us. His babby hasn't destroyed his life or his wife, and things seem generally awesome. None of that "your wife will only care about the babby she formed BS.
You're neve going to have kids, so how is Timo in your camp?
He's spawned and reached adulthood, yet isn't running afoul of the problems that so many of the old men predict for people like us. His babby hasn't destroyed his life or his wife, and things seem generally awesome. None of that "your wife will only care about the babby she formed BS.
Yeah, I am just saying that not being married and not having kids or planning to have kids, that your "old men" belittling is about as worthwhile as the "old men's" comments on your life. To pass judgment on The Tick's family or on Timo's family seems a bit hasty (Timo even implied that there is some change in his family dynamic, even if it is minimal AND that we know very little of the specifics, based on what ScoJo says, The Tick has more children) and irrelevant since all relationships have strengths and weaknesses and that the individuals involved may have vastly different lifestyles, needs, concerns, etc. and to say that one factor makes any given relationship somehow less worthy than another is simply poppycock. To assume that The Tick's relationship with his wife was "destroyed" is also a major leap. Just because a relationship changes does not necessarily mean that relationship was destroyed. Sorry to drone on, but this constant superior attitude that seems to need to degrade some to raise up others based on minimal information and displaying outright ignorant bias is getting old.
BTW, just so that I am understood: I completely support anyone (including Rym) living their life in this regard as they see fit (whether they get married and/or have kids or neither). I also think Rym is an amazing guy that has chosen a path that makes him truly happy and that I can only wish as much for all others. My only objection is to him so easily and ignorantly passing judgment on those that live their lives differently or have different life experiences from him as being somehow inherently less fulfilled or happy.
My only objection is to him so easily and ignorantly passing judgment on those that live their lives differently or have different life experiences from him as being somehow inherently less fulfilled or happy.
When old men complain and tell me I'll make the same mistakes they did or have the same problems they did, I have no choice but to see it as them projecting.
Sorry to drone on, but this constant superior attitude that seems to need to degrade some to raise up others based on minimal information and displaying outright ignorant bias is getting old.
If one person seems happy, and the other person complains all the time, I think I can make a few educated guesses.
all relationships have strengths and weaknesses and that the individuals involved may have vastly different lifestyles, needs, concerns, etc. and to say that one factor makes any given relationship somehow less worthy than another is simply poppycock.
None are really less "worthy" than others. The problem lies specifically where people obviously desire one lifestyle/needs/concerns set, but due to their own decisions or the decisions of others, have a different set. I'm lucky in that I decided what I wanted a long time ago, and have been striving toward it my entire life. It's the difference between a D&D; character you level up gradually from the beginning versus one where you create it from a plan at, say, level 10. The latter, with the benefit of effective foresight, is much more optimized and generally tighter.
I've been optimizing my life to achieve my goals since a very young age. I know exactly what I want, and I seek it. Too many people wait too long or make decisions that do not get them what they really want, and thus end up unhappy (or at least occasionally displeased).
If there is ever a disparity between what you have and what you want, you should change one of the two. If you can't, you should figure out why and then how to change that. If you're happy with what you have, you've succeeded more than most people ever do. If you lie and say you're happy when you're not, you've precluded success from your list of possibilities.
Sorry to drone on, but this constant superior attitude that seems to need to degrade some to raise up others based on minimal information and displaying outright ignorant bias is getting old.
If one person seems happy, and the other person complains all the time, I think I can make a few educated guesses.
But we do not know if that is the case. A single complaint (or problem) does not necessarily equate to a bad relationship.
But we do not know if that is the case. A single complaint (or problem) does not necessarily equate to a bad relationship.
The histories of complaints on this forum from certain select members about their lives, coupled with their projections onto my own path, make a strong case.
But we do not know if that is the case. A single complaint (or problem) does not necessarily equate to a bad relationship.
The histories of complaints on this forum from certain select members about their lives, coupled with their projections onto my own path, make a strong case.
Projected on your own path, eh? This is where the problem breaks down. Have you researched marriage statistics? Are you intimately familiar with psychology particulalry as it relates to the dynamic of a marriage and how having children effects that? Are you aware of the nuances that factors like multiple children may have on the dynamic of a relationship? Have you really dissucessed these issues with the people involved or have you possibly heard only the occasional complaint or negative aspect from one partner and not necessarily their full outlook or opinion on their relationship? Do you have even the some point of reference from your own life so that you can anecdotally reflect on your personal experience so that you can compare a similar experience on a personal level?
Look, generalizations and judgments (whether positive or negative) are, for better or worse, de rigueur. I do find the constant tone of the FRC and even FRC forumites of "I am so great and everyone else that isn't very much like me sucks." is getting tiresome. I am all for the first part, but it is the second part I find distressing. To discuss issues including relationship issues - such as those in this thread - but to constantly make sweeping judgments that scream "I am so great and everyone else that isn't very much like me sucks." is just asinine and juvenile. I would go so far as to say that this attitude seems equally myopic as the "old man" perspective of "You will experience my life experience."
I am at fault for generalizing too often and I am sure that I have personal bias. I am just trying to be aware of them, correct them, and attempting to make the forum aware of their own so that we do not become myopic, biased, stereotypers that can't see the possible value in experiences that differ from our own. I am saying this to address a growing concern/pet peeve.
EDIT: By all means, discuss these issues and share your own personal thoughts, but do these "nanner-nanners" really contribute anything?
Look, generalizations and judgments (whether positive or negative) are, for better or worse, de rigueur. I do find the constant tone of the FRC and even FRC forumites of "I am so greatand everyone else that isn't very much like me sucks." is getting tiresome.
You're reading way too much into my statements and appear to be taking everything personally.
Other people project where they think my life will lead based on their own experiences. Those projections are often negative, and I disagree with the assessments. Many people here clearly want (or wanted) things they do not have, and assume that those things were unhaveable. It's a fairly straightforward situation.
You're taking this one step further and arguing against a straw man.
Are you intimately familiar with psychology particulalry as it relates to the dynamic of a marriage and how having children effects that?
I see that some people have children and also have very awesome and happy lives. I see that some other people have children and regret the changes this caused in their lives (even if they love the children who caused them). I see some people in relationships who are completely happy, and I see some people in relationships who regret the changes those relationships caused in their lives, even if they love the people who caused them.
My "camp" is the camp of no regrets. That's all. I couldn't care less whether or not other people live the same life that I do (except when their lives are impractical, nonviable, or dangerous in the real world). I care when I see people complain about the decisions they themselves made, or when they assume that other people are obligated to make these same decisions in an attempt to rationalize their own decisions, whether or not they view them as "mistakes."
Statistically speaking, married people are happier than singles, though people with children are no happier than childless couples.
A couple other interesting findings: Republicans are happier than Democrats. People who attend religious services are happier than those who do not. People with college degrees are happier than those without, though people with advanced degrees are less happy than those with just a BA. Women and men are equally happy, though women have a wider emotional range. People are least happy when they are commuting to work. Busy people are happier than those with too little to do. Wealthy people are happier than poor people, although only slightly.
Within the past thirty years or so, the study of happiness has become a legitimate science within the field of sociology. We can laregely thank Ruut Veenhoven, a professor in the Netherlands, for this.
One thing to keep in mind, though, is that it's not clear which is the chicken and which is the egg. Do the above things make people happy, or are people that are already happy tend to do the above? Science hasn't answered that question yet.
As with any general statistic, YMMV.
I just started reading "The Geography of Bliss" by Eric Weiner, which is where I learned the above information. I'm a sucker for travel essays, and had been wanting this book for quite some time. I'm only on the second chapter, but so far I'd recommend Weiner's book to anyone who is a fan of somewhat light-hearted travel narratives. He writes in the style of J. Maarten Troost, and with less humor than Bill Bryson (which for me is a good thing).
Do the above thingsmakepeople happy, or are people that are already happy tend todothe above? Science hasn't answered that question yet.
It hopefully someday will. The brain appears to be a state machine, beholden to the laws of physics, and our science is evolving more rapidly than our biology. We will very likely be able to pinpoint specific causal relationships in emotion and mood in our lifetimes.
I'm of the mind, personally and anecdotally only, that one's outlook and ability to find humor in any situation goes a long way toward happiness regardless of one's situation or even decisions.
I'm of the mind, personally and anecdotally only, that one's outlook and ability to find humor in any situation goes a long way toward happiness regardless of one's situation or even decisions.
To a point. You have to keep enough objectivity to make good decisions. Other than that, I agree.
Without going into details, I'm dealing with something right now that is going to test your theory. Big time. So far I've tried to adopt an outlook of humor and am staying positive, but at the end of the day, serious decisions need to be made free from humor. (And no... my family life and professional life are fine!) I will say, though, that I had a phase of anger that I believe was a good thing. It came as fast as it went, but it made me want to tackle the matter head on. Once I developed that resolve, humor and optimism were in order since the reality is that the "situation" is not going away (in the short term) whether I am happy or miserable.
@ Rym: I was only looking at what you said, similar statements you have made in the past, and statements MANY on the forum make. I am not addressing this solely at you (if you read all that I wrote, I am addressing it to the FRC and FRC forumites in general). This is but one example in a sting of examples from many people. Please do not assume I am taking things personally. I am not at all personally offended nor do I make my statments from a position of animosity. The closest I come to being "offended" is being intellectually offended by the constant nanner-nanner/ego boost comments rather than constructive comments.
Your statement was:
But we do not know if that is the case. A single complaint (or problem) does not necessarily equate to a bad relationship.
The histories of complaints on this forum from certain select members about their lives, coupled with their projections onto my own path, make a strong case.
Not only does this seem like rather pointless ego stoking at the expense of another, but it also, in the preceding context says nothing about regrets and refers more to life choices. If you meant to speak about regrets, than your point was ill communicated.
Please keep in mind that I am utilizing your statement only as an example of what many say and do on the forum.
I'm of the mind, personally and anecdotally only, that one's outlook and ability to find humor in any situation goes a long way toward happiness regardless of one's situation or even decisions.
This has been my personal experience, but as you say, that is only anecdotal. I have a tendency toward melancholy, but I will myself to be positive, active, and to laugh at life whenever possible. While this can't erase true sorrow (like the passing of a loved one), it certainly can sweeten it and allow for joy, celebration, and revelry in the here-and-now.
I will say, though, that I had a phase of anger that I believe was a good thing.
Anger can lead to bad decisions, but it can also lead to focus and determination.
I await the equally cryptic outcome. ^_~ One of my co-workers is actually in the same basic situation. He's trying earnestly to work hard on the things that matter, but to accept the outcome equally whether it's good or bad, and to not get angry or negative if things are going poorly since, as you said, the outcome doesn't change whether you're happy or not, only you change.
I await the equally cryptic outcome. ^_~ One of my co-workers is actually in the same basic situation. He's trying earnestly to work hard on the things that matter, but to accept the outcome equally whether it's good or bad, and to not get angry or negative if things are going poorly since, as you said, the outcome doesn't change whether you're happy or not, only you change.
20% of all FRC forum discussions lead to the meaning of life, or something similar.
I will say, though, that I had a phase of anger that I believe was a good thing.
Anger can lead to bad decisions, but it can also lead to focus and determination.
I await the equally cryptic outcome. ^_~ One of my co-workers is actually in the same basic situation. He's trying earnestly to work hard on the things that matter, but to accept the outcome equally whether it's good or bad, and to not get angry or negative if things are going poorly since, as you said, the outcome doesn't change whether you're happy or not, only you change.
QFT!
The chances of finding out what's really going on in the universe are so remote, the only thing to do is hang the sense of it and keep yourself occupied. Look at me, I design fjords. I'd far rather be happy than right any day.
"Republicans are happier then democrats" Ignorance is bliss.
I can see why this thread would get heated, people take life style choices VERY seriously I mean decision on this level effect your remaining years and can drastically change how your life is going to turn out. As all things are relative, one person's hell is an others heaven, so people will have strong opinions. As was stated above, it's all about how you view life, if you live life laughing your going to be a lot happier.
"Republicans are happier then democrats" Ignorance is bliss.
I think it was more acceptance is bliss. Something about Republicans accepting the world is unfair and not fretting over it as much as Democrats. If I'm remembering the article correctly that is.
Kilarney, I have heard that "religious republicans are happy" study, but think it has a lot to do with the fact that a rigid religious dogma with which to live you life takes away a great deal of uncertainty and decision making. Some people are happier when they can live their life to a template. Also, I have found, the more educated you are, the more things you have to be concerned about, or are aware of. If I lived as a wild girl in the bush and herded buffaloes all my life, I may get upset about the buffaloes, the weather, bears, or if my body hurts. Since I live in a media saturated, information centric culture, I think about about infection rates of SARS in East Asia, the lingering effects of the genocide in Somalia, and the ozone layer. I would have a lot less to be unhappy about these things if I didn't know about them.
Also, Timo, I think you are a wonderful guy. That is all.
I am awesome, but I think the people not like me just haven't decided to ramp up the awesome in their lives yet.
Kate, while some self-declared awesome people do look down on others, I must admit that judged purely on what you write in this forum, you are one of the worst offenders. Almost every third post is some kind of condemnation of someone else's attitude or statement. Seriously, you've got to lighten up a bit. You can't complain about people speaking down to others by speaking down to them.
I am awesome, but I think the people not like me just haven't decided to ramp up the awesome in their lives yet.
Kate, while some self-declared awesome people do look down on others, I must admit that judged purely on what you write in this forum, you are one of the worst offenders. Almost every third post is some kind of condemnation of someone else's attitude or statement. Seriously, you've got to lighten up a bit. You can't complain about people speaking down to others by speaking down to them.
But you've now eliminated nearly the entire internet!
Kate might have some strong opinions, and she's more vocal than most, but you'll find that unlike a lot of others she tries quite hard to be polite. You must also note that in conversation with the FRC everything is fair game (or so it seems to me).
I am awesome, but I think the people not like me just haven't decided to ramp up the awesome in their lives yet.
Kate, while some self-declared awesome people do look down on others, I must admit that judged purely on what you write in this forum, you are one of the worst offenders. Almost every third post is some kind of condemnation of someone else's attitude or statement. Seriously, you've got to lighten up a bit. You can't complain about people speaking down to others by speaking down to them.
I am one of the worst offenders? Really? Hm, okay, I will take that into consideration and review my comments. If pointing out that some, if not many, in the forum take on a smug tone makes me look smug, then I can see your point. I didn't feel I was speaking down to/patronizing/demeaning anyone - just pointing out an observed behavior and an increasingly aggravating (to me at least) tone. As I said, I know I have generalized and made biased comments in the past and that I have and continue to work on it. As for lightening up, I am light. I just try to fully articulate my point. Am I opinionated and passionate? Yes, no question; however, I am perfectly capable of discussing my opinions calmly, rationally and I make a point of saying something positive and/or am mindful of any possible hypocrisy and personal faults. If you can read the statements that I wrote in this thread and still see me as being so unreasonably and constantly negative, then so be it. If, however, you re-read all my comments in this thread and can see my full-throated support of statements that I agree with, my desire to actually be of help to someone in trouble, my support those that make different life choices, my ability to point out my own failings in regard to the very thing I criticize, and that I, at worst, complain that statements of a certain nature are tiresome and that their sum total sends a rather concerning message, then maybe you can see that I am not such a negative person after all. I have faults enough, and maybe one of them is not understanding how people interpret my comments and/or poor communication of my ideas, but I re-read my comments in the thread and I do not see anything that is particularly damning or deserving of your statement. Either way, c'est la vie.
UPDATE: I have found a path to victory. Sunday I discovered that feeding her tiny little snacks every 45 minutes or so kept the swings in check and softened her tone toward me significantly. The most difficult part of this is the morning. I have to make sure I wake up before she does and lay out some foods. Mostly, she craves citrus. Her attitude Sunday was amazing.
Second, thank you, Kate for the link. It did not get lost in the shuffle.
Third, to those whinging that this "dude" is complaining about his wife and airing her business to strangers, I will kindly ask you to cool your jets. I've been on this forum four years now, and consider most of you my friends. I was really needing to turn to friends when I had no context for dealing with a problem, and I maintained my wife's anonymity out of respect. I don't think there was any grounds for criticism there, unless you're a dick. You're not a dick, are you?
Fourth, it's important to remember that the happiness studies are about people self-identifying as being happy. That doesn't necessarily mean they are happy. Perhaps it means they are simply less honest. There are many other ways we could de-bifurcate the study results. I think there may be some false correlation drawn from the data, just like any other non-scientific "study" (by which the authors meant "survey").
Comments
I don't know about the cravings, but while they may be a stereotype, it has been scientifically proven that cravings for specific foods in humans stems from nutritional imbalances. The body needs lots of very specific building materials when it is creating the little bunchkin, so I suppose it makes sense that she would suddenly want weird foods.
@Joe ...The fuck? I'm not even going to touch that one. That was mean.
Anecdotal though it may be, I can testify to the fact that my wife didn't change a bit (well, except for the obvious physical changes of course), and we still have crazy lazy Weekends. What's changed is that we now have an additional goofball participating :-).
It figures though that the first thread we have here called "pregnancy" is all about a dude complaining about his wife's hormones before anything else.
Sorry to drone on, but this constant superior attitude that seems to need to degrade some to raise up others based on minimal information and displaying outright ignorant bias is getting old.
BTW, just so that I am understood: I completely support anyone (including Rym) living their life in this regard as they see fit (whether they get married and/or have kids or neither). I also think Rym is an amazing guy that has chosen a path that makes him truly happy and that I can only wish as much for all others. My only objection is to him so easily and ignorantly passing judgment on those that live their lives differently or have different life experiences from him as being somehow inherently less fulfilled or happy.
I've been optimizing my life to achieve my goals since a very young age. I know exactly what I want, and I seek it. Too many people wait too long or make decisions that do not get them what they really want, and thus end up unhappy (or at least occasionally displeased).
If there is ever a disparity between what you have and what you want, you should change one of the two. If you can't, you should figure out why and then how to change that. If you're happy with what you have, you've succeeded more than most people ever do. If you lie and say you're happy when you're not, you've precluded success from your list of possibilities.
Look, generalizations and judgments (whether positive or negative) are, for better or worse, de rigueur. I do find the constant tone of the FRC and even FRC forumites of "I am so great and everyone else that isn't very much like me sucks." is getting tiresome. I am all for the first part, but it is the second part I find distressing.
To discuss issues including relationship issues - such as those in this thread - but to constantly make sweeping judgments that scream "I am so great and everyone else that isn't very much like me sucks." is just asinine and juvenile.
I would go so far as to say that this attitude seems equally myopic as the "old man" perspective of "You will experience my life experience."
I am at fault for generalizing too often and I am sure that I have personal bias. I am just trying to be aware of them, correct them, and attempting to make the forum aware of their own so that we do not become myopic, biased, stereotypers that can't see the possible value in experiences that differ from our own. I am saying this to address a growing concern/pet peeve.
EDIT: By all means, discuss these issues and share your own personal thoughts, but do these "nanner-nanners" really contribute anything?
EDIT 2: @ Jason: This page has some decent information regarding mood swings, how to cope, and how to identify when they become so severe that they require further action.
Other people project where they think my life will lead based on their own experiences. Those projections are often negative, and I disagree with the assessments. Many people here clearly want (or wanted) things they do not have, and assume that those things were unhaveable. It's a fairly straightforward situation.
You're taking this one step further and arguing against a straw man.
I see that some people have children and also have very awesome and happy lives. I see that some other people have children and regret the changes this caused in their lives (even if they love the children who caused them). I see some people in relationships who are completely happy, and I see some people in relationships who regret the changes those relationships caused in their lives, even if they love the people who caused them.
My "camp" is the camp of no regrets. That's all. I couldn't care less whether or not other people live the same life that I do (except when their lives are impractical, nonviable, or dangerous in the real world). I care when I see people complain about the decisions they themselves made, or when they assume that other people are obligated to make these same decisions in an attempt to rationalize their own decisions, whether or not they view them as "mistakes."
A couple other interesting findings:
Republicans are happier than Democrats.
People who attend religious services are happier than those who do not.
People with college degrees are happier than those without, though people with advanced degrees are less happy than those with just a BA.
Women and men are equally happy, though women have a wider emotional range.
People are least happy when they are commuting to work.
Busy people are happier than those with too little to do.
Wealthy people are happier than poor people, although only slightly.
Within the past thirty years or so, the study of happiness has become a legitimate science within the field of sociology. We can laregely thank Ruut Veenhoven, a professor in the Netherlands, for this.
One thing to keep in mind, though, is that it's not clear which is the chicken and which is the egg. Do the above things make people happy, or are people that are already happy tend to do the above? Science hasn't answered that question yet.
As with any general statistic, YMMV.
I just started reading "The Geography of Bliss" by Eric Weiner, which is where I learned the above information. I'm a sucker for travel essays, and had been wanting this book for quite some time. I'm only on the second chapter, but so far I'd recommend Weiner's book to anyone who is a fan of somewhat light-hearted travel narratives. He writes in the style of J. Maarten Troost, and with less humor than Bill Bryson (which for me is a good thing).
I'm of the mind, personally and anecdotally only, that one's outlook and ability to find humor in any situation goes a long way toward happiness regardless of one's situation or even decisions.
Without going into details, I'm dealing with something right now that is going to test your theory. Big time. So far I've tried to adopt an outlook of humor and am staying positive, but at the end of the day, serious decisions need to be made free from humor. (And no... my family life and professional life are fine!) I will say, though, that I had a phase of anger that I believe was a good thing. It came as fast as it went, but it made me want to tackle the matter head on. Once I developed that resolve, humor and optimism were in order since the reality is that the "situation" is not going away (in the short term) whether I am happy or miserable.
How is that for being cryptic?
Please do not assume I am taking things personally. I am not at all personally offended nor do I make my statments from a position of animosity. The closest I come to being "offended" is being intellectually offended by the constant nanner-nanner/ego boost comments rather than constructive comments.
Your statement was: Not only does this seem like rather pointless ego stoking at the expense of another, but it also, in the preceding context says nothing about regrets and refers more to life choices. If you meant to speak about regrets, than your point was ill communicated.
Please keep in mind that I am utilizing your statement only as an example of what many say and do on the forum.
@Kilarny: Citation?
EDIT: This has been my personal experience, but as you say, that is only anecdotal.
I have a tendency toward melancholy, but I will myself to be positive, active, and to laugh at life whenever possible. While this can't erase true sorrow (like the passing of a loved one), it certainly can sweeten it and allow for joy, celebration, and revelry in the here-and-now.
I await the equally cryptic outcome. ^_~ One of my co-workers is actually in the same basic situation. He's trying earnestly to work hard on the things that matter, but to accept the outcome equally whether it's good or bad, and to not get angry or negative if things are going poorly since, as you said, the outcome doesn't change whether you're happy or not, only you change.
@ Jason: This page has some decent information regarding mood swings, how to cope, and how to identify when they become so severe that they require further action.
I can see why this thread would get heated, people take life style choices VERY seriously I mean decision on this level effect your remaining years and can drastically change how your life is going to turn out. As all things are relative, one person's hell is an others heaven, so people will have strong opinions. As was stated above, it's all about how you view life, if you live life laughing your going to be a lot happier.
Also, Timo, I think you are a wonderful guy. That is all.
Kate, while some self-declared awesome people do look down on others, I must admit that judged purely on what you write in this forum, you are one of the worst offenders. Almost every third post is some kind of condemnation of someone else's attitude or statement. Seriously, you've got to lighten up a bit. You can't complain about people speaking down to others by speaking down to them.
If pointing out that some, if not many, in the forum take on a smug tone makes me look smug, then I can see your point. I didn't feel I was speaking down to/patronizing/demeaning anyone - just pointing out an observed behavior and an increasingly aggravating (to me at least) tone. As I said, I know I have generalized and made biased comments in the past and that I have and continue to work on it.
As for lightening up, I am light. I just try to fully articulate my point. Am I opinionated and passionate? Yes, no question; however, I am perfectly capable of discussing my opinions calmly, rationally and I make a point of saying something positive and/or am mindful of any possible hypocrisy and personal faults.
If you can read the statements that I wrote in this thread and still see me as being so unreasonably and constantly negative, then so be it. If, however, you re-read all my comments in this thread and can see my full-throated support of statements that I agree with, my desire to actually be of help to someone in trouble, my support those that make different life choices, my ability to point out my own failings in regard to the very thing I criticize, and that I, at worst, complain that statements of a certain nature are tiresome and that their sum total sends a rather concerning message, then maybe you can see that I am not such a negative person after all.
I have faults enough, and maybe one of them is not understanding how people interpret my comments and/or poor communication of my ideas, but I re-read my comments in the thread and I do not see anything that is particularly damning or deserving of your statement.
Either way, c'est la vie.
Second, thank you, Kate for the link. It did not get lost in the shuffle.
Third, to those whinging that this "dude" is complaining about his wife and airing her business to strangers, I will kindly ask you to cool your jets. I've been on this forum four years now, and consider most of you my friends. I was really needing to turn to friends when I had no context for dealing with a problem, and I maintained my wife's anonymity out of respect. I don't think there was any grounds for criticism there, unless you're a dick. You're not a dick, are you?
Fourth, it's important to remember that the happiness studies are about people self-identifying as being happy. That doesn't necessarily mean they are happy. Perhaps it means they are simply less honest. There are many other ways we could de-bifurcate the study results. I think there may be some false correlation drawn from the data, just like any other non-scientific "study" (by which the authors meant "survey").