@Kate: I don't disagree with that statement as it is totally valid, but I personally feel there is something a little more special to concieving (I'm not saying it's better than adoption btw) your own child as you are continuing the family line that you yourself came from in the first place. But that's just me.
More special? Your own child? I was adopted by my father and I can tell you that being chosen to be loved and cared for is pretty damn special. I am my father's child, regardless of genetics. Being a parent and continuing/creating a family has little (and sometimes nothing) to do with genetics and conception. Also, for the record, my father was adopted by his father and my grandfather was adopted by both of his parents. To say that we aren't as "special" or that we aren't as valid as a family is just ignorant and insulting. I gave the last person that said I wasn't really my father's child a black eye. I am not above doing it again.
I am not saying that conceiving isn't an equally valid choice, but to say it is more special and imply that an adoptive child wouldn't be a parent's own child is insulting, untrue, and shows a fundamental lack of understanding of what it truly means to be a parent.
Yeah. I've got more than a few family members who are adopted...They're as important to me as anyone else in my family, and I'd gladly get in a fight for them or support them during a tough time, despite the fact that "the same blood doesn't run in our veins," or whatever cliche you feel like attaching to it. They're all amazing people, and I am proud to say I am related to them.
Genetics are nice, which is why some people try really hard to naturally conceive. But in the end, they don't matter much at all, which is why people adopt.
I think it's one of those situations where either choice is a valid choice. What is right for you may not be right for someone else. As I said earlier, I have tremendous respect for people that choose adoption. While neither route is more "special" than the other, there are some differences. That's why there is no single best answer.
As I also stated earlier, my biggest fear is the longterm impact of events in the child's life prior to adoption. That is something you have no control over, and a risk that must be factored into the equation. I'm way too "type-A", so I get overly nervous when control over a situation has been in somebody else's hands.
I think it's one of those situations where either choice is a valid choice. What is right for you may not be right for someone else. As I said earlier, I have tremendous respect for people that choose adoption. While neither route is more "special" than the other, there are some differences. That's why there is no single best answer.
Exactly. Neither is more valid in an objective sense. This is an incredibly personal matter and many, many factors should be considered.
Indeed...the guy who donates a sperm to a bank may be the resulting child's biological father, but he's not that child's parent. Family is family. Blood is blood. The two intertwine when you need a donor for something like a kidney transplant, but otherwise it's not terribly important.
I am courious about this. I have no doubt that a family who births all their children and one that adopts all their children would equally love their childern in the same way. I'm courious about a family that has a biological child and then chooses to adopt another child (or vis versa). With all things being equal I'm courious if there wouldn't be some sort of bias towards the biological child (unless he was an asshole). I'm not saying they would love either child less, just that given a decision that effects both of them, would they have a bias towards the biological child? I'll have to see if there is some research on this... (there is definitely a lot of fiction written about this situation).
The bias could go the other way too - in theory. If the adopted child had gone through some difficult experiences before being adopted, the parents might be a little more protective of the adopted child. That may or may not be a "bias" necessarily. It could simply be attending to the individual child's need level.
I know plenty of families with multiple biological children that clearly favor a given child. I have also seen one parent favor one child. Favoritism can be a problem regardless of adoption being a factor.
The bias could go the other way too - in theory. If the adopted child had gone through some difficult experiences before being adopted, the parents might be a little more protective of the adopted child. That may or may not be a "bias" necessarily. It could simply be attending to the individual child's need level.
I know plenty of families with multiple biological children that clearly favor a given child. I have also seen one parent favor one child. Favoritism can be a problem regardless of adoption being a factor.
Oh sure, still would be an interesting question to see if there is a tendency or not.
Words cannot even describe how much of a monster I feel like and how much I've personally lost respect for myself as a whole right now...
You know what? Maybe having a genetic child is more special to you, personally, than adopting. That's a perfectly valid feeling. I think the backlash is against the generalization that it is definitively more special than adoption. Depending on the individual, adoption or having genetic children may be more preferred. Preferring one over the other isn't wrong, and certainly doesn't make you a monster. Just avoid definitively telling other people that one is more special than the other.
Words cannot even describe how much of a monster I feel like and how much I've personally lost respect for myself as a whole right now...
You know what? Maybe having a genetic child is more special to you, personally, than adopting. That's a perfectly valid feeling. I think the backlash is against the generalization that it is definitively more special than adoption. Depending on the individual, adoption or having genetic children may be more preferred. Preferring one over the other isn't wrong, and certainly doesn't make you a monster. Just avoid definitively telling other people that one is more special than the other.
Exactly. My problem was with saying it was more special in general. If you find the idea of making life really great, than that is cool.
EDIT: On a semi-related tangent, I run into a lot of people that ask me about my "real" father. This is really insulting. I give most people in the forum credit for being more thoughtful than to ever ask an adopted child about their biological parents by referring to them as the "real" parents. I just needed to vent about it.
If you find the idea of making life really great, than that is cool.
Though it is certainly not "magic". To quote the late great Bill Hicks, childbirth is "no more a miracle than eating food and a turd coming out of your butt. "
I need a woman strong enough to carry my seed. The future of the world depends on my heir.
Be your mate whale or shark? Think carefully before answering.
Definitely pertinent.
Superman's power is derived from the rays of the yellow sun. Niven's observations would only come to pass if Lois Lane got a tan after having sex with him.
On a semi-related tangent, I run into a lot of people that ask me about my "real" father. This is really insulting.
My father also adopted me, and I've never met or had any real information (other than a name) about my biological father. Lisa did not really understand why I have a distinct lack of disinterest in his identity. There was some friction when we married because she wanted information on my biological background: Am I genetically prone to cancer? Are there congenital defects in my biological father's bloodline? Should we be concerned about a high probability our children will have autism, mental retardation, cystic fibrosis, anemia, heart disease, etc.?
On a semi-related tangent, I run into a lot of people that ask me about my "real" father.
I would not assume that they are intending to insult you. They probably just aren't smart enough to use the word "biological". You are jumping to conclusions when you assume that they are making a judgment about either your biological father or adoptive father. It may be crass, but that doesn't mean it's intended to be an insult.
There was some friction when we married because she wanted information on my biological background: Am I genetically prone to cancer? Are there congenital defects in my biological father's bloodline? Should we be concerned about a high probability our children will have autism, mental retardation, cystic fibrosis, anemia, heart disease, etc.?
The bias could go the other way too - in theory. If the adopted child had gone through some difficult experiences before being adopted, the parents might be a little more protective of the adopted child. That may or may not be a "bias" necessarily. It could simply be attending to the individual child's need level.
On a semi-related tangent, I run into a lot of people that ask me about my "real" father.
I would not assume that they are intending to insult you. They probably just aren't smart enough to use the word "biological". You are jumping to conclusions when you assume that they are making a judgment about either your biological father or adoptive father. It may be crass, but that doesn't mean it's intended to be an insult.
Oh, I am not assuming that they intended to insult, I am saying it is thoughtless of them to phrase it that way.
The bias could go the other way too - in theory. If the adopted child had gone through some difficult experiences before being adopted, the parents might be a little more protective of the adopted child. That may or may not be a "bias" necessarily. It could simply be attending to the individual child's need level.
Just watch Dexter.
I've seen it all. Did you hear the Michael Hall has/had cancer? Apparently he was being treated for it during some of the filming.
I am female. I do not wish to marry or have children, and it has always been so.
That is all
That's fine and lovely too. What do you want to do instead? You can concentrate on wonderful work and travel all around without worrying about little kids or spouse! What will you do with all your unencumbered time?
Comments
I was adopted by my father and I can tell you that being chosen to be loved and cared for is pretty damn special. I am my father's child, regardless of genetics. Being a parent and continuing/creating a family has little (and sometimes nothing) to do with genetics and conception.
Also, for the record, my father was adopted by his father and my grandfather was adopted by both of his parents. To say that we aren't as "special" or that we aren't as valid as a family is just ignorant and insulting. I gave the last person that said I wasn't really my father's child a black eye. I am not above doing it again.
I am not saying that conceiving isn't an equally valid choice, but to say it is more special and imply that an adoptive child wouldn't be a parent's own child is insulting, untrue, and shows a fundamental lack of understanding of what it truly means to be a parent.
Genetics are nice, which is why some people try really hard to naturally conceive. But in the end, they don't matter much at all, which is why people adopt.
As I also stated earlier, my biggest fear is the longterm impact of events in the child's life prior to adoption. That is something you have no control over, and a risk that must be factored into the equation. I'm way too "type-A", so I get overly nervous when control over a situation has been in somebody else's hands.
I know plenty of families with multiple biological children that clearly favor a given child. I have also seen one parent favor one child. Favoritism can be a problem regardless of adoption being a factor.
People on this forum=Overreacting/Screaming their opinion loudly. We're all pretty much used to it by now.
EDIT: On a semi-related tangent, I run into a lot of people that ask me about my "real" father. This is really insulting. I give most people in the forum credit for being more thoughtful than to ever ask an adopted child about their biological parents by referring to them as the "real" parents. I just needed to vent about it.
That is all
I can only imagine how poor Dex would have turned out if they'd put something strange or disturbing in his past.
Did you hear the Michael Hall has/had cancer? Apparently he was being treated for it during some of the filming.