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Someone is Harassing my Mom
I wasn't sure what else to call it.
Basically a man my mother used to date has been harassing her online for a long time. He's signed her up for all kinds of shit, sexually harassed her, pretended to be her, etc. He has also stalked her from his car, vandalized her husband's car, and the like. He has done all of this because he thought she would be too dumb to fight back or wouldn't win if she tried.
Well, he was right. After months back and forth in court the legal system has failed us. All emails traced back to this man's IP address were on an account in his wife's name, so you know, it could have been anyone sending them. All other forms of harassment are her word against his, nobody can prove anything, so my mother is losing her order of protection. He really wanted that order of protection back, because he -really- wanted his guns back. Well he has them back, and he has the freedom to wreak havoc on my mother's life again, and a whole lot of good another order of protection is going to do us.
Now, this poor weary millionaire is going to take his very well-paid attorney and sue my mother for $10,000. That's maybe slightly less than half of what she makes in a year.
I am feeling completely helpless and I am wishing I had a way to ruin this man. I wish this story could go viral and the internet would take him down the same way it's taken down people who have offended gamers or people of other specific interests. He works for Hewlett Packard and has broken the law, AND been taken to court for it. He should be fired.
I want advice from anyone. A lot of you are very tech-savvy, and a few of you are lawyers. Maybe a few people here know more about what to do than my mother does, or I do. This is one of the worst situations my family has ever been in. My mother is afraid that he's going to harass her until she is ruined, and she's even fearful for her life. I'm really scared and I don't know where to turn.
Basically a man my mother used to date has been harassing her online for a long time. He's signed her up for all kinds of shit, sexually harassed her, pretended to be her, etc. He has also stalked her from his car, vandalized her husband's car, and the like. He has done all of this because he thought she would be too dumb to fight back or wouldn't win if she tried.
Well, he was right. After months back and forth in court the legal system has failed us. All emails traced back to this man's IP address were on an account in his wife's name, so you know, it could have been anyone sending them. All other forms of harassment are her word against his, nobody can prove anything, so my mother is losing her order of protection. He really wanted that order of protection back, because he -really- wanted his guns back. Well he has them back, and he has the freedom to wreak havoc on my mother's life again, and a whole lot of good another order of protection is going to do us.
Now, this poor weary millionaire is going to take his very well-paid attorney and sue my mother for $10,000. That's maybe slightly less than half of what she makes in a year.
I am feeling completely helpless and I am wishing I had a way to ruin this man. I wish this story could go viral and the internet would take him down the same way it's taken down people who have offended gamers or people of other specific interests. He works for Hewlett Packard and has broken the law, AND been taken to court for it. He should be fired.
I want advice from anyone. A lot of you are very tech-savvy, and a few of you are lawyers. Maybe a few people here know more about what to do than my mother does, or I do. This is one of the worst situations my family has ever been in. My mother is afraid that he's going to harass her until she is ruined, and she's even fearful for her life. I'm really scared and I don't know where to turn.
Comments
Now make no mistake, I do not advocate the murder of any person, but if you catch him around the house follow the proverb "Shoot first ask questions later." As a cop friend told me, all you have to say is that you were in fear for your life. I don't know what laws your state has on the matter though. Some say you have to give "fair warning" and allow the suspect to retreat, others allow you to shoot with no warning. Study up of course. Also bear in mind that if it comes to it, be sure you kill his ass because otherwise the wife can sue you and she'll probably win.
Also, maybe a taser until guns are available.
Also, be wary of the Flip camera thing because recording someone, even a stalker, can be illegal.
Add to that that some states take stalking far more serious than others, which it sounds like you are in a state that does not take it serious enough, and it is hard to recommend anything. All I can recommend right now is that your mom should get a taser if she can before a gun is available and if not then get pepper spray. Personally I recommend the Mace brand double or triple action pepper spray as they combine pepper spray with a lachrymatory agent (the chemical in tear gas) which should guarantee the job gets done (there are other brands that do it too probably so look around but that is the only one I am familiar with). The triple action adds a UV dye that helps marks the person it is used on so they can be identified easier.
Check the gun laws in you state. Even if you cannot get a hand gun quickly a lot of states are open carry for rifles and shotguns so that could be an option for home while waiting for a concealed weapons permit or even if you feel threatened but have to go out. Just remember to unload a rifle or shotgun when you put it in a vehicle for safety reasons on top of the fact that some states have laws against loaded firearms in a vehicle.
I want to add that regardless of what some individuals consider murder you need to do what you have to in order to protect yourself and your family. If someone were to break into my house and threaten the lives of my wife or children then either by gun, knife, or my hands their life would be over. That is not me being cold just being real. If you or your mother do not feel up to that then the only real option you have left, from the sound of how nothing else is working, is to get the hell out of dodge. Leaving may not be the easiest option personally or financially but if that is all your mom can do in order to be safe then that needs to be done.
Forumite #1: Carry a gun.
Forumite #2: Shoot the mofo!
Forumite #3: Here's how to shoot the mofo and get away with it.
Regardless, mine and Canine's advice are solid. Check your gun laws, know the laws on engaging in self-defense, and know how to handle a gun if it comes down to it.
Edit @Timeo: What kind of tech advice can we give? There's no evidence concrete enough for a court to convict him. Unless you want to DDOS HP (which is just as illegal as the advice some people THINK I'm giving.) there's not much tech advice to be given besides documenting every conversation and/or blocking his methods of contacting her.
PPS: I'm not seriously advocating killing him, just saying that you should be prepared to do so considering he's stalking your mother and stalkers have a nasty habit of killing the people they stalk.
As far as the interwebs go, I hear Anonymous likes to do it's own brand of vigilante justice.
Also, changing e-mails, putting credit cards in lock-down mode, and installing security devices and cameras in strategic areas like in her car or in her home (assuming she's not in an apartment) could also be useful.
If she decides to go the gun/tazer/stungun route, she should also train herself heavily in those tools.
Please don't assume this is the only step I've taken, it's just what I happened to do at 1 in the morning after an incredibly stressful evening.
Also I'm in the state of New York.
http://www.safehorizon.org/index.php
EDIT: Another one
http://www.ncvc.org/ncvc/main.aspx?dbName=Home
Hotlines. Call all of them.
I see Scott and Great Teacher Macross's advice as the best two pieces of advice here yet.
Let them tell you if your mother should start carrying a gun or whatever. All you're going to get here are opinions based on incomplete knowledge of the facts. They'll know the laws in your state the best, and the resources you can use to fight this dick.
Building a throwaway on Reddit and posting this is a good idea too. Try to use generic names, the post will probably get taken down if you use too many specifics, but you might get some halfway decent advice on there.
Scott is 150% correct though. Reaching out to us is a step, but you really need to find a non profit that can help out.
For example:
http://www.legal-aid.org/en/home.aspx
Also, note that in most states the Bar association requires lawyers to take a couple of cases pro bono, per year. So they might be able to hook you up with a better lawyer for cheaps or free.
Also, totally change all the emails, change the phone numbers, etc. Any personal accounts that have been compromised by him, leave behind and change. If possible, close them down, so he can't use them to sign up for stuff. It's a bother, it's inconvenient, but I think she will start to feel better once he cannot use her personal data to harass her. I know her physical address cannot be changed as easily, but do the best you can.
Thank you for the links, Scott. I found the first one while googling before work this morning, and I'll go to the second one as well.
I've been encouraging her to move, and I know she's planned to anyway. I am also still pushing for her to change her name once all of the court stuff is over.
Could someone please elaborate on the Reddit thing?
I think this whole situation has taken away at least 90% of what remained of my faith in our legal system. My family has been harassed and victimized by this person and by others multiple times, and the police or courts have either placed the blame on them ("don't you think your son shouldn't have been wearing an offensive t-shirt if he didn't want to be forced into a van by a group of strangers?") or done absolutely nothing to help. Hooray for Innocent-Till-Proven, but sucks for you if you're the victim.
That's the highest concentration allowed under federal law.