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Dating

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  • In my case the young women who contacted me first were the most chaotic and ultimately unhealthy relationships. I'm just saying that this isn't necessarily any kind of bellwether.

    My daughter, who is undoubtedly younger than you, has been without a relationship for about 2 years now and is just focusing on making herself a better person. It's been working out well for her although she's young so has a ways to go. A comfortable relationship can be validating but a bad one can wreck you. It's better to be careful and sure than to have a relationship for the sake of one.
  • Ok so this is all pretty after-school-special and I'm kind of embarassed to even post but here goes.

    I've had a crush on a girl in one of my classes all semester. I joined her group for a project and now we're all going out to a bar tonight. So I figure this is probably my chance to ask her out. I'm nervous and not really sure how I should go about it. Especially with everyone else there. Suggestions?
  • Are you noticing signs of attraction?
  • I don't know.
  • So have you noticed she likes to small talk you? Does she interact with you more than other people? Do you have any interactions outside of class? What's the rest of the group like? Do you even know if she's single?
  • I would not recommend it. Asking out someone who you have to do work with in school is only slightly less awkward than doing so in a company (as it is more temporary).

    What I would recommend is trying to get to know everyone in the group, don't single her out. More often than not, it is better to show attractive qualities and then ask when you can sense a mutual attraction.
  • What do you even mean by "asking her out?"

    Just hang out with her. Talk. Chat. All that biz.
  • Cremlian said:

    So have you noticed she likes to small talk you? Does she interact with you more than other people? Do you have any interactions outside of class? What's the rest of the group like? Do you even know if she's single?

    She's shown interest in some of the stuff I've talked about. This will be our first interaction outside class. Rest of the group is cool. I'm pretty sure she's single.
  • So hang out, socialize, and become friends.

    Nothing's ever been weirder to me than asking someone out on a date before you're already friends.
  • Yea, unless you are getting overt signs and she hangs around at the bar with you after people leave. I would be more in the information finding mode.
  • Seconding what everyone else said. Just have a good time tonight. Don't focus only on her, but talk to her and get to know her. Ask her questions, bring up non-school things, build a rapport. If there's an immediate spark, then you'll both know and you'll both pursue it. But more than likely, even if you're already sure you're interested, you have to give the situation time.
  • Take her on a boat, you know, because of the implications.
  • MATATAT said:

    Take her on a boat, you know, because of the implications.

    I'm not quite sure what you mean, something to do with that song? Also, it's kind of funny because we live on Vancouver Island (have to take a boat to go anywhere).
  • Rym said:

    So hang out, socialize, and become friends.

    Nothing's ever been weirder to me than asking someone out on a date before you're already friends.

    Regardless of how weird this may seem, this is how most courting begins in our culture.
  • Courting in our culture also has a 50% divorce rate.

    So...
  • edited March 2016

    Rym said:

    So hang out, socialize, and become friends.

    Nothing's ever been weirder to me than asking someone out on a date before you're already friends.

    Regardless of how weird this may seem, this is how most courting begins in our culture.
    Yeah, I made that mistake with my ex. DEFINITELY should have gotten to know her as a friend first.
    Post edited by Victor Frost on
  • Rym said:

    So hang out, socialize, and become friends.

    Nothing's ever been weirder to me than asking someone out on a date before you're already friends.

    Regardless of how weird this may seem, this is how most courting begins in our culture.
    Yeah, I made that mistake with my ex. DEFINITELY should have gotten to know her as a friend first.
    But that's how Chris and I started out, and we're going strong at over 3 years. Just saying what's normal isn't always wrong.
  • However, George you both knew you wanted to go on a date, without knowing a bit more about her it's hard, if you are trying to maximize your chances to make that move without more information. That's the great part about online dating. It takes away the "do you want to go on a date" because people on the site are interested in dating someone (maybe not you) but there is an interest in dating.
  • I dated a classmate who was in my department also my roommate and it worked real well for a few years.

    But that doesn't mean date all the classmates. More like there need not be hard and fast rules on what people to engage in relationships with. Past results are not indicators of future performance.

    If it's happenin, it's happening. It there's a way to make it work it will and if it's not so good, there will always be ways of coping with the aftermath.
  • SWATrous said:

    I dated a classmate who was in my department also my roommate and it worked real well for a few years.

    But that doesn't mean date all the classmates. More like there need not be hard and fast rules on what people to engage in relationships with. Past results are not indicators of future performance.

    If it's happenin, it's happening. It there's a way to make it work then maybe it will be worth it. and if it's not so good, there will always be ways of coping with the aftermath.

  • SWATrous said:

    More like there need not be hard and fast rules on what people to engage in relationships with. Past results are not indicators of future performance.

    This. My earliest relationships were dictated by what I thought relationships were supposed to be like (and that I was supposed to have them). They did not go well. The process of repeated dating should help you understand yourself, what you want, how to communicate, and how to empathize. It's even better if you've already started working on those things.
  • Are there any dating advice videos or whatever from people that aren't scummy pickup artists?
  • Pegu said:

    Are there any dating advice videos or whatever from people that aren't scummy pickup artists?

    Aladdin is a pretty good one.
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  • Yeah be yourself and all that but I have no idea about flirting.
  • I was going to say something but then I remembered I'm the least qualified person here so I'm gonna shut up.
  • Flirting only works if you already know you're both interested in something more. If you're trying to move faster than getting to know each other, it's not going to be a goodtime.
  • I've been repeatedly told that "myself" is way too much. :/
  • 90% of flirting is just being friends and acting the way friends act with eachother.
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