I'm trying to do the dating thing. I spent a long time either feverishly delusional about it or completely apathetic, neither of which is a good way to start. But now, after all the shit I've been through, I think I'm of the right state of mind. I started an OKC, because my current lifestyle doesn't offer itself up for socializing IRL much. What should I know about stuff and things?
What you need to know is that to really know about stuff and things in any depth, and with any meaning, is to find out about it first hand. Look to other people for guidance and advice, sure, but what you want out of a relationship is only knowable to you.
I understand that. I wasn't looking for any particularly deep advice, I was more concerned with what the customs are. How to introduce yourself, how to inquire about the other person, how to arrange a first date, that sort of stuff. The formalities that are key at the beginning.
Yeah. I'm with Rym on this one. When I first got together with Juliane, it was my first experience with dating websites, and I had no idea what the image would be in other people's minds. I'd never considered it an option for me, but was just trying out (full story waaaaay back in this very thread).
It turned out that when answering the question "how did you meet?" I just said "internet dating" and almost without exception, people started sharing their own good, or at least fun and not-negative, experiences and stories from OkCupid and other services. Some were happily married, others had had fun dates and romances, all that kind of thing.
My position is that everyone uses technology to improve their lives in almost uncountable ways. Simple things like functional plumbing all the way up to more complex things like internet banking and finance.
So if you are happy to improve your everyday life with technology, why not your dating life or love life? For many people, meeting someone is as stressful as having to fetch water from a pump down the street, or having to manual keep track of money and pay bills instead of monthly automatic transfers. Reducing stress is what technology is all about.
As for filling out your profile: ask a female friend to help you.
As for filling out your profile: ask a female friend to help you.
Hands down the best advice so far.
Turns out I also had sex with one of the female friends who helped me fill out my OkCupid profile, so the internet dating service worked before my first response.
I don't know if I still have any female friends who are both close enough to me to help me with that and not absolutely insane.
Ask someone here.
Would anyone like to volunteer?
Write up your profile first. Try not to make self-deprecating jokes/comments. Be honest about what you like and what you do. Then ask people to look it over and give you suggestions. I'll take a look for you once you've got something to start with if you send me a link.
The Law of “Fuck Yes or No” states that when you want to get involved with someone new, in whatever capacity, they must inspire you to say “Fuck Yes” in order for you to proceed with them. The Law of “Fuck Yes or No” also states that when you want to get involved with someone new, in whatever capacity, THEY must respond with a “Fuck Yes” in order for you to proceed with them.
Did you read the article? Basically it is about unequal relationships where one person is more interested in the relationship than the other. For when the over-interested person is wondering whether to continue persuing the relationship when the other person is meh.
Okay. If you're going to post a link to an article, try to say why or at least say it's worth reading. An "8 minute read" is a lot to ask of someone with no clear expectations.
Argued with my partner all last night. She was upset with the way cultures segregate within our city and make areas unwelcoming to outsiders. But all her suggested solutions were tough and heartless.
I was telling her that her ideas were not the answer. My own perspective was that kindness, art and technology would enable social justice movements to forward our society but she doubted that what I was saying was a solution at all.
We argued for about an hour and a half.
I remember Rym saying something about ability debate being the measure of a person. That's something I've always been insecure about, I struggle to say the things I mean, I know I have vast gaps in my knowledge and I see hopelessness too readily and walk away.
But last night I did not falter. I did not walk away.
I understand her perspectives better and how some of her objections are otherwise invisible to me via privilege.
She came around to my point of view and vowed to grow. She understood and helped me through my own doubts.
I then opened Steppenwolf to a random page and read aloud the perfect quote upon it which summed up and concluded our conflict.
It was a victory for the both of us. I'm feeling powerful now because a younger me would have probably messed this situation up.
I went to a BBQ meetup by my alma mater's anime club a few weeks ago. It was at the park next to my house and I still knew people there so I went, but I only stayed for maybe 20 minutes because I had to be somewhere else. While I was there, I met this cute junior: a math/comp sci major who was into Ghost in the Shell. We talked over facebook for a week or so after that until I asked her out to coffee. We met on Saturday and just talked for HOURS. I walked her back to her dorm (I live really close to my old campus) and asked if she'd like to have dinner with me.
She said she'd really like that.
I'm taking her out this coming saturday. Since then, we've kept talking on facebook. She likes me, thinks I'm funny, handsome, smart, and "wonderful". She slips subtle but VERY nerdy jokes into conversation, loves EDM, has watched more silent films than I have, and wants to marathon the Mad Max movies with me because I haven't seen them. She loves disco and classic rock and makes Mass Effect jokes. Reading and video games is how she enjoys her free time. She wants to be Lydia from Beetlejuice for Halloween.
Pretty-much everyone I dated, had feelings for, or really anything like that, we just did fun things together. The same things I did with people I didn't have specific attraction toward. So it's actually very hard to say what a "first date" is or was.
I'm basically the same way. The first thing I ever did that could be considered a date was probably "hanging out in a dorm room watching/reading/listening to something" or even just chatting. I dunno. The two relationships I've had I just kind of fell into. So...Yeah.
I'll echo Rym and Axel, that's pretty much how it went every time. You hang out and do fun things together. Romantic relationships are just like friend relationships, except wetter.
Comments
OkCupid worked great for me.
It turned out that when answering the question "how did you meet?" I just said "internet dating" and almost without exception, people started sharing their own good, or at least fun and not-negative, experiences and stories from OkCupid and other services. Some were happily married, others had had fun dates and romances, all that kind of thing.
My position is that everyone uses technology to improve their lives in almost uncountable ways. Simple things like functional plumbing all the way up to more complex things like internet banking and finance.
So if you are happy to improve your everyday life with technology, why not your dating life or love life? For many people, meeting someone is as stressful as having to fetch water from a pump down the street, or having to manual keep track of money and pay bills instead of monthly automatic transfers. Reducing stress is what technology is all about.
As for filling out your profile: ask a female friend to help you.
The Law of “Fuck Yes or No” states that when you want to get involved with someone new, in whatever capacity, they must inspire you to say “Fuck Yes” in order for you to proceed with them.
The Law of “Fuck Yes or No” also states that when you want to get involved with someone new, in whatever capacity, THEY must respond with a “Fuck Yes” in order for you to proceed with them.
I was telling her that her ideas were not the answer. My own perspective was that kindness, art and technology would enable social justice movements to forward our society but she doubted that what I was saying was a solution at all.
We argued for about an hour and a half.
I remember Rym saying something about ability debate being the measure of a person. That's something I've always been insecure about, I struggle to say the things I mean, I know I have vast gaps in my knowledge and I see hopelessness too readily and walk away.
But last night I did not falter. I did not walk away.
I understand her perspectives better and how some of her objections are otherwise invisible to me via privilege.
She came around to my point of view and vowed to grow. She understood and helped me through my own doubts.
I then opened Steppenwolf to a random page and read aloud the perfect quote upon it which summed up and concluded our conflict.
It was a victory for the both of us. I'm feeling powerful now because a younger me would have probably messed this situation up.
She said she'd really like that.
I'm taking her out this coming saturday. Since then, we've kept talking on facebook. She likes me, thinks I'm funny, handsome, smart, and "wonderful". She slips subtle but VERY nerdy jokes into conversation, loves EDM, has watched more silent films than I have, and wants to marathon the Mad Max movies with me because I haven't seen them. She loves disco and classic rock and makes Mass Effect jokes. Reading and video games is how she enjoys her free time. She wants to be Lydia from Beetlejuice for Halloween.
Don't wake me up.
Remember to be kind and courteous after dinner as well
What has everyone's first date experience been like?
What's a date?
Pretty-much everyone I dated, had feelings for, or really anything like that, we just did fun things together. The same things I did with people I didn't have specific attraction toward. So it's actually very hard to say what a "first date" is or was.