Whatever works for you, go for it! Thankfully my girlfriend and I have plenty of time for both our own interests and each other's, so that approach works for us.
I guess it is the words "have to" I was disagreeing with.
Your mom jokes are dangerous to use on people over 30...
Once I made a your mom joke to my boss at work, and his mom's dead. And now, I find myself always having to stop myself from making your mom jokes to him, even though I almost never make them to anyone else.
If you show her that you care more about her interests than yours, she will like you more, and probably reciprocate. Duh.
If you don't care more about her interests than your own, don't show her that you do! It is called lying.
The trick is to fake sincerity. Once you've got that down, everything else is easy.
Seriously though, you don't have to like her interests more than yours -- you just have to care about them more. That means listening to her and participating in the things she likes as a way of showing your interest and respect for her. You don't have to like shoe shopping, but if you listen to her talk about shoes and then help her pick out a couple of pairs based on what she told you, it will show you are genuinely interested in her.
And Sail, you must explain what happened here, man. We can't just have chicks mistreating you all willy-nilly. If need be, we can call Geek Militia Post 1337 out to track her down and teach her a lesson.
Faking "sincerity" is a horrible thing to do, particularly with a person one supposedly loves and trusts more than anyone in the world. A person never has to show that they "care" more about their significant other's interests, just that they care about their significant other, and would rather go to the mall (on a hiking trip, to a convention, etc.) with them than do their favorite activity without their significant other. If just being with the person isn't enough to make any activity a good time, then maybe they are approaching the relationship from the wrong perspective. Also, if a couple doesn't have many shared interests to begin with, then they both better be game to try a lot of new things and develop some shared interests.
I had a girl ask me out yesterday. She was merely a classmate of mine, and we weren't close friends, so I didn't tell her I was gay. I told her we should just be friends, and she seemed hurt. What should I do? The last thing I wanted was to cause her pain.
I had a girl ask me out yesterday. She was merely a classmate of mine, and we weren't close friends, so I didn't tell her I was gay. I told her we should just be friends, and she seemed hurt. What should I do? The last thing I wanted was to cause her pain.
Tell her your Gay... then you'll be best friends... All women are searching for that gay man they can be best friends with... well... at least that's what they tell me on TV :-p
Tell her your Gay... then you'll be best friends... All women are searching for that gay man they can be best friends with... well... at least that's what they tell me on TV :-p
Telling her that you're gay probably would have hurt her feelings a lot less than telling her you just want to be friends.
True, but my main worries are 1) will she blab and/or 2) is she homophobic? My mistake, I was being vague again.
True, but my main worries are 1) will she blab and/or 2) is she homophobic? My mistake, I was being vague again.
Oh. I didn't realize it was a secret. Actually, I had totally forgotten about your whole situation. Yeah, I don't know, man. But maybe if you tell her, then you'll have a friend that you can confide in.
The girl I am currently after is always busy and never has time for a date. We get about 30 minutes together a week as I walk her from philosophy class to her next class. She approached me first and seems genuinely interested in me, though I'm not sure why. As a result, I try to be the best I can be around her. I do nice things for her, hold doors, compliment her, I even wrote her a song for her birthday.
She says right now she wants to concentrate on studies but when summer rolls around she'll be "all mine", But I'd really like to take her out on a proper date, hell, even coffee! I talk to her for those precious few minutes a week, but there's really no way for a real conversation to develop in such a short amount of time. As a result, I don't REALLY know her. A good relationship this does not make.
On top of all this, she's the daughter of a preacher and I'm an atheist. She should have realized this by now based on how I answer questions in philosophy class, but if she hasn't how will things be if I tell her? I know it really shouldn't matter, and that I should be judged as a person, not by my spiritual beliefs (or lack thereof) but, realistically, people do care. I have a friend who's in the intramural christian organization and even he's telling me that if she doesn't ask, why tell her? She may already know and just not care.
What happened to dating?! When did it get so messed up?! Was it always like this and I just never noticed?
On top of all this, she's the daughter of a preacher and I'm an atheist. She should have realized this by now based on how I answer questions in philosophy class, but if she hasn't how will things be if I tell her? I know it really shouldn't matter, and that I should be judged as a person, not by my spiritual beliefs (or lack thereof) but, realistically, people do care. I have a friend who's in the intramural christian organization and even he's telling me that if she doesn't ask, why tell her? She may already know and just not care.
This could be one of those conversion situations. It's a possibility. Of course, the opposite is equally likely. Also, I've read in a bunch of places that religious types are way more likely to put out than atheists and such.
First, get her to go on a couple of real dates. There is no way that she can't make two or three hours for you on a weekend. Even if it is a breakfast/brunch date or a midnight picnic, she can make the time. Second, don't get into religion on the first couple of dates unless she brings it up. Some "hot button issues" are better left until you know each other better. If a person's entire personality is their religion or their politics, then it will be obvious right off the bat without discussing the matter directly. If you can have a meeting of the minds and a friendship that develops, then it is easier to overcome religious/political differences. If she is in all other ways cool, would you be interested in dating her if she is religious (keep in mind that a lot of preacher's kids can't stand religion as it was an ever present yoke in their childhood)?
Who would date people in order to try and convert them
It's very, very common. Organizations like the Campus Crusade for Christ actually instruct their members on how to go about it.
I remember at one point, a group of them showed up to an Anime Club dance party we were running, paid entrance, and started flirting with anyone who looked lonely. They were methodical in the way they handled their victims, and we watched them literally move from person to person, like they were following a script. A girl would approach some fanboy in the corner, start some generic chit-chat, ask him to dance, and then proceed to hang all over him on the floor. After a few minutes of this, she'd suggest that they slip out for some fresh air. Then, alone, she'd ask if they'd found Jesus, and explain that she really liked them, but couldn't be with someone who wasn't also saved.
Who would date people in order to try and convert them
It's very, very common. Organizations like the Campus Crusade for Christ actually instruct their members on how to go about it.
I remember at one point, a group of them showed up to an Anime Club dance party we were running, paid entrance, and started flirting with anyone who looked lonely. They weremethodicalin the way they handled their victims, and we watched them literally move from person to person, like they were following a script. A girl would approach some fanboy in the corner, start some generic chit-chat, ask him to dance, and then proceed to hang all over him on the floor. After a few minutes of this, she'd suggest that they slip out for some fresh air. Then, alone, she'd ask if they'd found Jesus, and explain that she really liked them, but couldn't be with someone who wasn't also saved.
It was, in a word disgusting.
Yea, they came to the dance and I was working the door, ended up debating two guys for 3 hours. They should have known what they were getting involved in.
First, get her to go on a couple of real dates. There is no way that she can't make two or three hours for you on a weekend. Even if it is a breakfast/brunch date or a midnight picnic, she can make the time.
Well, I'm gonna wait until after Easter, that way she wont be too busy. She doing a lot of things at the church right now (I'm told), so I'll wait until things cool down.
Second, don't get into religion on the first couple of dates unless she brings it up. Some "hot button issues" are better left until you know each other better. If a person's entire personality is their religion or their politics, then it will be obvious right off the bat without discussing the matter directly. If you can have a meeting of the minds and a friendship that develops, then it is easier to overcome religious/political differences. If she is in all other ways cool, would you be interested in dating her if she is religious (keep in mind that a lot of preacher's kids can't stand religion as it was an ever present yoke in their childhood)?
I don't have a problem dating religious people. I'm not the kind of person who is going to be all "OMGz You believe in god, You're stuuupid!" Everyone has their right to a choice. At the same time, I'm not going to bring it up unless (like you said) she brings it up first.
Who would date people in order to try and convert them
It's very, very common. Organizations like the Campus Crusade for Christ actually instruct their members on how to go about it. I remember at one point, a group of them showed up to an Anime Club dance party we were running, paid entrance, and started flirting with anyone who looked lonely. They weremethodicalin the way they handled their victims, and we watched them literally move from person to person, like they were following a script. A girl would approach some fanboy in the corner, start some generic chit-chat, ask him to dance, and then proceed to hang all over him on the floor. After a few minutes of this, she'd suggest that they slip out for some fresh air. Then, alone, she'd ask if they'd found Jesus, and explain that she really liked them, but couldn't be with someone who wasn't also saved. It was, in a word disgusting.
Yea, they came to the dance and I was working the door, ended up debating two guys for 3 hours. They should have known what they were getting involved in.
That's Disgusting! Taking advantage of emotionally vulnerable geeks! That's not right.
Comments
I'm just saying.
I guess it is the words "have to" I was disagreeing with.
Shit.
A person never has to show that they "care" more about their significant other's interests, just that they care about their significant other, and would rather go to the mall (on a hiking trip, to a convention, etc.) with them than do their favorite activity without their significant other. If just being with the person isn't enough to make any activity a good time, then maybe they are approaching the relationship from the wrong perspective.
Also, if a couple doesn't have many shared interests to begin with, then they both better be game to try a lot of new things and develop some shared interests.
She says right now she wants to concentrate on studies but when summer rolls around she'll be "all mine", But I'd really like to take her out on a proper date, hell, even coffee! I talk to her for those precious few minutes a week, but there's really no way for a real conversation to develop in such a short amount of time. As a result, I don't REALLY know her. A good relationship this does not make.
On top of all this, she's the daughter of a preacher and I'm an atheist. She should have realized this by now based on how I answer questions in philosophy class, but if she hasn't how will things be if I tell her? I know it really shouldn't matter, and that I should be judged as a person, not by my spiritual beliefs (or lack thereof) but, realistically, people do care. I have a friend who's in the intramural christian organization and even he's telling me that if she doesn't ask, why tell her? She may already know and just not care.
What happened to dating?! When did it get so messed up?! Was it always like this and I just never noticed?
Second, don't get into religion on the first couple of dates unless she brings it up. Some "hot button issues" are better left until you know each other better. If a person's entire personality is their religion or their politics, then it will be obvious right off the bat without discussing the matter directly. If you can have a meeting of the minds and a friendship that develops, then it is easier to overcome religious/political differences. If she is in all other ways cool, would you be interested in dating her if she is religious (keep in mind that a lot of preacher's kids can't stand religion as it was an ever present yoke in their childhood)?
I remember at one point, a group of them showed up to an Anime Club dance party we were running, paid entrance, and started flirting with anyone who looked lonely. They were methodical in the way they handled their victims, and we watched them literally move from person to person, like they were following a script. A girl would approach some fanboy in the corner, start some generic chit-chat, ask him to dance, and then proceed to hang all over him on the floor. After a few minutes of this, she'd suggest that they slip out for some fresh air. Then, alone, she'd ask if they'd found Jesus, and explain that she really liked them, but couldn't be with someone who wasn't also saved.
It was, in a word disgusting.