If you want an open relationship you are asking for trouble and drama. YouDESERVEtrouble and drama.
Is this a moral judgment, i.e. "Jesus only wants you to have sex with one person, ever," or is this just an opinion regarding the actual mechanical feasibility of open relationships? Are you saying that they're wrong, or that they're analogous to trying to put a rocket on your bicycle?
Not a moral judgement at all. It's just that I seen it done horribly so many times it's like, why would you put yourself in a bad situation on purpose. Yeah, I admit my basis is on experiences, but it just seems that when someone says they want an open relationship, it's a code for "I want to sleep with a lot of folks." How about just saying fuck relationships and just fuck. It's easier to have FWBs than a rocket bike.
it just seems that when someone says they want an open relationship, it's a code for "I want to sleep with a lot of folks." How about just saying fuck relationships and just fuck.
So what if you want a relationship, and you also want to have sex with more than one person? They fulfill very different wants and needs. It's complicated to do it, but they're not opposed or exclusive. I suppose - to stretch a bad analogy to the breaking point - that you could say that a rocket bike is a fine idea as long as it's engineered to a sufficient degree to make it manageable and safe. Not easy to do, but possible, if you're willing to put in the work and risk fiery crashes in the testing stages; and while not everyone would be competent to pilot the final product, you'd nevertheless have a motherfucking rocket bike!
Fun story, let it be a word of warning: Simply put, I met a girl at Otakon, who coincidentally wound up being an incoming Freshman into GDD at RIT like I was. We both like a few common things, although our interests aren't perfectly aligned, and she's generally a cool, nice person. So of course, all of my friends become convinced she likes me and tell me to ask her out. So, I spend a few weeks trying to get to know her, figure out if there's a mutual interest. I begin to develop an attraction to her and put a lot of energy into meeting up with her and trying to do stuff. However, I detect slight hints that she's interested in someone else, who happened to be a girl because she's Bisexual. I became worried about it, but again, my friends convinced me that she clearly liked me. So, I am very close to actually legitimately asking her out, and she confesses to me directly that she does like this other girl. At this point, I realize the interest is not mutual, and after sulking for a bit, I have a conversation with her about it because I'm not interested in lies and secrets. She tells me that my assumptions were correct, she is interested in this girl (who had just gotten a boyfriend, although she was also Bi), but that she really wanted to be my friend and thought I was cool. She told me early on that she was considering whether or not she was interested, and may have flirted a bit, so my friend's intuitions weren't 100% off. Then she tells me that she knew I liked her the whole time...So, as I was shamelessly flirting with her and being overly affectionate, she knew those were my intentions, had no romantic designs upon me by that point, but just let me give her affection and responded in an affectionate way...
So, yeah, she may or may not have been a total manipulative bitch to me. Who knows. Simply put, I am now put in the friend zone, not because I waited too long, but because, well...That's all she wants from me.
Two lessons: 1. Don't listen to your friends about relationship advice, trust your own instincts. 2. Be honest about your feelings, because I feel way better about this whole situation because it occurred over a few weeks, and not a year, like my last semi-romantic debacle.
So, yeah...Gonna keep looking. Campus filled with geek girls, most of them have boyfriends...Or, I'm too intimidated to talk to them, because it's now week three and the groups have been formed, and meeting new people is instantly harder.
Or, I'm too intimidated to talk to them, because it's now week three and the groups have been formed, and meeting new people is instantly harder.
This is college. This statement is bullshit. I met a girl in chem lecture the other day because she liked my Deadmau5 background. We talked about going to Bonnaroo. I didn't know her from Adam, and now we're on a first name basis because of a Canadian House musician and his mouse-shaped blood-spatter background. Ah, Life.
Do not get hung up on high school mentalities of insular cliques. College is so much different. There are groups, but it's not hard to fall in with people. If anyone is worth knowing and their group in worth falling into, they'll accept you regardless of how you got there, who you are, or what you do or did, as long as they like you as a person. And that's how life should work.
Eh...It's hard to move past an old mentality. You're probably right, though. I just feel awkward, when I hear people talking about something I have comments on, I don't want to just jump into the conversation...And even if I do, and it's okay, I don't necessarily become friends with those people... I dunno, we'll see. It's only week three. (Yay, that rhymed.)
Edit: Also, aforementioned girl is now looking to me for advice about the whole situation she's put herself in. *Sigh.* Whatever, I'll be a good friend.
Eh...It's hard to move past an old mentality. You're probably right, though. I just feel awkward, when I hear people talking about something I have comments on, I don't want to just jump into the conversation...And even if I do, and it's okay, I don't necessarily become friends with those people...
Watch Judd Apatow's Undeclared. It helps more than it should.
Or, I'm too intimidated to talk to them, because it's now week three and the groups have been formed, and meeting new people is instantly harder.
This is college. This statement is bullshit.
Case in point, more than half of the friends I made in college were during my senior year. This is because I fell into the trap of thinking it was too late, and by the time I realized I was wrong about that on every account, it really was too late. Only rule when meeting new people: Never stop.
it just seems that when someone says they want an open relationship, it's a code for "I want to sleep with a lot of folks." How about just saying fuck relationships and just fuck.
So what if you want a relationship, and you also want to have sex with more than one person? They fulfill very different wants and needs. It's complicated to do it, but they're not opposed or exclusive. I suppose - to stretch a bad analogy to the breaking point - that you could say that a rocket bike is a fine idea as long as it's engineered to a sufficient degree to make it manageable and safe. Not easy to do, but possible, if you're willing to put in the work and risk fiery crashes in the testing stages; and while not everyone would be competent to pilot the final product, you'd nevertheless have a motherfuckingrocket bike!
It's easier to have FWBs than a rocket bike.
Quote of the day, right there. Won't argue.What if you say get TOO attached to the rocket bike.
So, you have a open relationship between 3 individuals. That is really 3 relationships. 1 to 2, 2 to 3, 3 to 2. Expand that number of 3 to 4 and then you're dealing with 6 relationships. Expand it again and whoa. One of those people are gonna get too attached and mess up the balance. Even if you say "If the people are all cool" or "If everyone is honest", peoples feelings and bonds will get in the way of this idealization.
There's only one solution, everyone just needs to get naked together and ride each others rocket bikes.
I blame open relationships. Every time you add a new person to the equation it gets factorially more complicated. Srsly.
As someone who is currently in one, I point to Rym's post following this as absolutely true.
Open relationships are only complicated if the people involved aren't honest with both eachother and themselves.
No, they're still really complicated. Honesty is just how you keep "complicated" from turning into "raging conflagration of jealousy and hate."
If that's the case, you're either doing it wrong, or shouldn't be in an open relationship. There really isn't anything complicated about it, unless you make it that way, in which case, you're doing it wrong.
If you want an open relationship you are asking for trouble and drama. YouDESERVEtrouble and drama.
Love you too, Viga.This is just playful tounge-poking, not being nasty. I don't think you're actually being malicious about it, and I'm not concerned.
If anyone's really that interested, which I doubt, I mean, feel free to ask things, but I'll not bother y'all with the details if you're not interested.
If that's the case, you're either doing it wrong, or shouldn't be in an open relationship. There really isn't anything complicated about it, unless you make it that way, in which case, you're doing it wrong.
There was an entire ensuing discussion about rocket bikes, man. You can't just ignore rocket bikes.
Anyway, I think you're choosing to understand "complicated" in a way which suits your desire to depict your love life as awesome. It may be that, but I maintain that open relationships - like the one I'm in now and the one I was in last time I was in a serious relationship - are more complicated than not. Everybody's got to get along. That's hard enough when there are only two of you.
Eh...It's hard to move past an old mentality. You're probably right, though. I just feel awkward, when I hear people talking about something I have comments on, I don't want to just jump into the conversation...And even if I do, and it's okay, I don't necessarily become friends with those people...
The people here at RIT are so friendly. Maybe I'm just used to my old school, but I'm amazed at how easily I can just pick up a conversation with people because of overlapping interests. Just find a common thread of some sort. Talk to the guy next to you in the anime club, play a co-op game of some sort during the LAN sessions, just do something and meet like minded people. Maybe get people together on your floor for some activity. Hell, I'm quite a shy but I'm not so afraid to just start up some conversation with a stranger. The only way you'll fail is if you use RIT only as a road between classes and your dorm.
Anyway, I think you're choosing to understand "complicated" in a way which suits your desire to depict your love life as awesome. It may be that, but I maintain that open relationships - like the one I'm in now and the one I was in last time I was in a serious relationship - are more complicated than not. Everybody's got to get along. That's hard enough when there are only two of you.
No, I simply speak as is true. I didn't say it's awesome, or that it's perfect, or without it's problems. It's really fucking hard at times, honestly, but that's no different to a two-person relationship. I'm not even saying it's better or worse, just that it's not that complicated.
Maybe we're doing something differently, here? I don't know. It's entirely likely. I simply don't think that if it's significantly more complicated than a two-person relationship, and that if it is, then there is something wrong - but that could simply be a perspective tinted by the way my partner and I go about things, as is your perspective tinted by your own ways. Maybe it's something as simple as the way the the pair of us think, compared to the way the pair of you think, independent of the type of relationship dynamic anyone has. Just for a start - We'd rather just sit down, and calmly talk something out, taking the path of the most benefit to everyone, or what is the most mutually agreeable, rather than having a drama, and the dynamic of the relationship is that we are each other's primary partner, and while there are other sexual partners, we are emotionally monogamous, if that makes sense. Anyone who doesn't accept or understand that proceeds no further with us.
It's kinda hard to explain, admittedly, without going into a boring amount of detail, but simply - we have very little complication, and a very low level of internal drama. I don't know why your own relationship is so complicated.
So, yeah...Gonna keep looking. Campus filled with geek girls, most of them have boyfriends...Or, I'm too intimidated to talk to them, because it's now week three and the groups have been formed, and meeting new people is instantly harder.
Your story was hilarious! (from an observer's perspective) Give it a couple of years or weeks and you will laugh at it too :P The thing to remember is that you don't have to "look". It comes with time, just enjoy the time you have in college and make the best of it
I can already kind of laugh at the story myself. Not completely, but I imagine in a few months it'll be really funny to me to see how silly the whole thing was. Also, as they say, karma is a bitch, and the girl is basically having a very similar (though arguably worse) situation with the girl she was interested in, so, yeah...I feel bad for her, and I'm helping her out and stuff, but...She sorta brought this on herself.
I feel in over my fucking head. I need to ask this girl to dinner. She is in 2 bands. She tours with them. Actively. She is crazy awesome. I am a premed improv comic who gets pumped at the notion of English Jodorowski comics and wants a goddamn PhD so I can write organisms from scratch.
Just do it. Don't be a wuss. WWCBD? (What would Courage Burrage Do?)
Just because you think you both are very different, I'm sure you will have some similarities. Plus more stuff to learn about her and converse about and vice versa.
I feel in over my fucking head. I need to ask this girl to dinner. She is in 2 bands. She tours with them. Actively. She is crazy awesome. I am a premed improv comic who gets pumped at the notion of English Jodorowski/ comics and wants a goddamn PhD so I can write organisms from scratch.
Just because you think you very different, I'm sure you will have some similarities. Plus more stuff to learn about her and converse about and vice versa.
I sure as fuck hope so. I just feel completely uncreative next to someone like her.
Don't be nervous. You gotta be doing something right if she agreed to dinner, right!?
Considering she mentioned that she just got out of a relationship a few weeks ago but stated that she was "not turning me down" and "open to meeting new people," yeah, I suppose that for once I might be.
Don't demean yourself! You're a premed improv comic who gets pumped at the notion of English Jodorowski/ comics and wants a goddamn PhD so you can write organisms from scratch. In what way are you not as awesome as her?
Comments
Simply put, I met a girl at Otakon, who coincidentally wound up being an incoming Freshman into GDD at RIT like I was. We both like a few common things, although our interests aren't perfectly aligned, and she's generally a cool, nice person. So of course, all of my friends become convinced she likes me and tell me to ask her out. So, I spend a few weeks trying to get to know her, figure out if there's a mutual interest. I begin to develop an attraction to her and put a lot of energy into meeting up with her and trying to do stuff. However, I detect slight hints that she's interested in someone else, who happened to be a girl because she's Bisexual. I became worried about it, but again, my friends convinced me that she clearly liked me.
So, I am very close to actually legitimately asking her out, and she confesses to me directly that she does like this other girl. At this point, I realize the interest is not mutual, and after sulking for a bit, I have a conversation with her about it because I'm not interested in lies and secrets. She tells me that my assumptions were correct, she is interested in this girl (who had just gotten a boyfriend, although she was also Bi), but that she really wanted to be my friend and thought I was cool. She told me early on that she was considering whether or not she was interested, and may have flirted a bit, so my friend's intuitions weren't 100% off. Then she tells me that she knew I liked her the whole time...So, as I was shamelessly flirting with her and being overly affectionate, she knew those were my intentions, had no romantic designs upon me by that point, but just let me give her affection and responded in an affectionate way...
So, yeah, she may or may not have been a total manipulative bitch to me. Who knows. Simply put, I am now put in the friend zone, not because I waited too long, but because, well...That's all she wants from me.
Two lessons:
1. Don't listen to your friends about relationship advice, trust your own instincts.
2. Be honest about your feelings, because I feel way better about this whole situation because it occurred over a few weeks, and not a year, like my last semi-romantic debacle.
So, yeah...Gonna keep looking. Campus filled with geek girls, most of them have boyfriends...Or, I'm too intimidated to talk to them, because it's now week three and the groups have been formed, and meeting new people is instantly harder.
Do not get hung up on high school mentalities of insular cliques. College is so much different. There are groups, but it's not hard to fall in with people. If anyone is worth knowing and their group in worth falling into, they'll accept you regardless of how you got there, who you are, or what you do or did, as long as they like you as a person. And that's how life should work.
I dunno, we'll see. It's only week three. (Yay, that rhymed.)
Edit: Also, aforementioned girl is now looking to me for advice about the whole situation she's put herself in. *Sigh.*
Whatever, I'll be a good friend.
So, you have a open relationship between 3 individuals. That is really 3 relationships. 1 to 2, 2 to 3, 3 to 2. Expand that number of 3 to 4 and then you're dealing with 6 relationships. Expand it again and whoa. One of those people are gonna get too attached and mess up the balance. Even if you say "If the people are all cool" or "If everyone is honest", peoples feelings and bonds will get in the way of this idealization.
There's only one solution, everyone just needs to get naked together and ride each others rocket bikes.
If anyone's really that interested, which I doubt, I mean, feel free to ask things, but I'll not bother y'all with the details if you're not interested.
Anyway, I think you're choosing to understand "complicated" in a way which suits your desire to depict your love life as awesome. It may be that, but I maintain that open relationships - like the one I'm in now and the one I was in last time I was in a serious relationship - are more complicated than not. Everybody's got to get along. That's hard enough when there are only two of you.
Maybe we're doing something differently, here? I don't know. It's entirely likely. I simply don't think that if it's significantly more complicated than a two-person relationship, and that if it is, then there is something wrong - but that could simply be a perspective tinted by the way my partner and I go about things, as is your perspective tinted by your own ways. Maybe it's something as simple as the way the the pair of us think, compared to the way the pair of you think, independent of the type of relationship dynamic anyone has.
Just for a start - We'd rather just sit down, and calmly talk something out, taking the path of the most benefit to everyone, or what is the most mutually agreeable, rather than having a drama, and the dynamic of the relationship is that we are each other's primary partner, and while there are other sexual partners, we are emotionally monogamous, if that makes sense. Anyone who doesn't accept or understand that proceeds no further with us.
It's kinda hard to explain, admittedly, without going into a boring amount of detail, but simply - we have very little complication, and a very low level of internal drama. I don't know why your own relationship is so complicated.
Give it a couple of years or weeks and you will laugh at it too :P
The thing to remember is that you don't have to "look". It comes with time, just enjoy the time you have in college and make the best of it
We are from entirely different worlds.
Just because you think you both are very different, I'm sure you will have some similarities. Plus more stuff to learn about her and converse about and vice versa.
EDIT: I had no idea Ro was going to post that.
You have a good taste in comics, its art, and also in music. If you're an improv comic, you're quit-witted and funny. That's something.