Dealing with insane parents.

Li_Akahi

Can anyone give some advice on dealing with insane parents?
Here is my situation: I got two "C's" on my final report card for the year and my mom won't let me go to Otakon (even though I have already paid.) The only possible way to get her to let me go is to change most of my habits.
Can anyone give me some advice as to how to do her insane task or to convince her to let me go?
Please help!

cosmicenema

HA HA. Parents.

You should have her listen to GeekNights. That's gotta convince her.

Li_Akahi

My mom would disagree with most views expressed on GeekNights, and having her listen would probably only make my situation worse.

Apreche

Any advice I give basically amounts to give your parents the finger in one way or another. You probably don't want to listen to me. If you ever feel the time is right to openly disobey and disrespect your parents, ask me again.

Li_Akahi

I openly disobey my mom often, usually when she says I can't play video games or use the computer. This is a much larger problem that would warrant a different approach than my normal way of getting around her stupid and overkill punishments.

Rochelle

Ok a few questions: How old are you? What grade were you in? Was this the first time getting "C's"? What subjects? Just curious.

Overall, I would just suggest writing down your points of argument on a piece of paper and asking your parents to sit down and have a discussion about this. Try conveying your points across without sounding whiny or angry. Also acknowledge the fact that you are aware that your parents are concerned about your education and that they want you to do the best you can, however it honestly isn't the end of the world for getting those grades. You did pass the class, but also say you will try to improve next year.

I don't know how your parents are, but if you come across trying to settle this problem in a mature way, they will more than likely be impressed and might let you go to Otakon after all. Also, are you sure they are very firm on not letting you go, even though you already paid? That's pretty damn lame and a waste of good money.

Also, what habits do they want you to change? You might have to end up having to give into some of these demands or come to a compromise to end up going. I know this is basically submitting to what your parents want, however, that would how I would try to solve the problem. Good luck!

Li_Akahi

To answer your first questions:
1. I am 17.
2. I am going into senior year of High School.
3. I got "C's" in the second quarter.
4. I got "C's" in Algebra II and English 11 Honors.

It's only my mom that is the problem, my dad goes to Otakon every year on Friday with me (so he's a cool parent), but the problem is that I live with my mom. The habits she wants me to change is to, more or less, only do school work during the school year and to not have any fun. I have already thought up and prepared a possible solution, but it can't be tested until school starts. My mom usually goes back on her punishments if she understands that it is stupid and I am 60% sure that she will let me go, but I need to think up a way to ask her without setting off the bomb that is her temper. I hope that my mom will realize that her punishment is stupid and I hope that I will meet many people on this forum at Otakon.

Neito

My first advice: If you can, avoid being confrontational. By this I don't mean "be a doormat". Be firm in what you feel, but don't go in with both guns blazing. By going in with the attitude that she's, say, INSANE, you're just asking to be told "fuck no".

Li_Akahi

I never say that she's insane to her face, only to my dad (which he agrees with that statement) and my friends. I really really do need to become more assertive, though.

Rochelle

Well as easy as it sounds, I wouldn't play the "Dad" card, where you have him talk to your mother about going to Otakon. I don't know what the relationship is between your parents, but that probably won't solve anything.

As I suggested before, sit down and have a discussion with your mother and ask her why she's so upset. Acknowledge your grievances and say that you will try to do better. English 11 Honors & Algebra II sound like fairly difficult classes so you might possibly argue that getting C's in those classes constitutes as "A's" in basic classes. (BTW, I really don't know how hard those classes really are. I did fairly well in high school and took advanced courses, so I could be just talking out of my ass.) When you talk about things with her tell her you are willing to come to a compromise and try to do the things she wants. She might be impressed by it. Plead your case about how important going to Otakon is, and how much you want to go. If you say this in a mature, non-confrontational way, she might decide to let you go. This might also work especially since you say you openly disobey your mother often because you are coming at her in a different way that she wouldn't expect.

Li_Akahi

I only disobey her when she isn't there and I am very good at covering my tracks, so she doesn't know about that. I do think that most of your suggestions could work.

One Sin

I suggest kissing ass until you get what you want. It'll be unpleasant, but the time constraint doesn't leave too many options. After that, once you've gotten what you want, defy her openly and resolutely (assuming you don't rely on her for anything aside from your basic needs). Eventually, it won't be worth the effort for her to fight you and she'll give up and leave you mostly alone.

Or, you could be a smart-ass and say that dropping down a class will get you better grades. XD But seriously, don't do that. >_<

Rochelle

. Acknowledge your grievances and say that you will try to do better..

Oops I meant to say acknowledge "her" grievances. Also, my suggestions have worked for me and my friends in the past. It's amazing how parents underestimate their children thinking they aren't so smart or could actually have a mature conversation.

HungryJoe

Can anyone give some advice on dealing with insane parents?
Here is my situation: I got two "C's" on my final report card for the year and my mom won't let me go to Otakon (even though I have already paid.) The only possible way to get her to let me go is to change most of my habits.
Can anyone give me some advice as to how to do her insane task or to convince her to let me go?
Please help!

Sorry, but you're a high school student. Your job is to go to school. You earned "C's" in Algebra II (which you should have had in Sophomore year or earlier), and English? Please. You dropped the ball in a major way. I wouldn't let you go to Otakon either.

I would be doubly against it if you and your mom agreed that your trip to Otakon would be okay if you had decent grades.

I openly disobey my mom often. . .

More reason not to let you go.

It's only my mom that is the problem, my dad goes to Otakon every year on Friday with me (so he's a cool parent), but the problem is that I live with my mom.

Playing the parents off against each other. Nice. Very mature. Listen, Daddy has the luxury of being cool because he doesn't see you very often, and it sounds like he's one of those fathers who like to buy your opinion of him. It's very easy to pick you up on the weekend, spend a lot of money on you, and let you do what you want.

Your mom has to live with you every day, she's working hard to raise you and it sounds like you're a little punk. You say you often openly disobey her? Then you have the gall to come on this board and cry that she's insane? Sorry, but you get zero sympathy from me.

Apreche

Sorry, but you're a high school student. Your job is to go to school. You earned "C's" in Algebra II (which you should have had in Sophomore year or earlier), and English? Please. You dropped the ball in a major way. I wouldn't let you go to Otakon either.

I would be doubly against it if you and your mom agreed that your trip to Otakon would be okay if you had decent grades.

Why is it that adults put so much value on grades? Grades don't mean dick. A C isn't bad, it's average. What's the meaning of an A if you expect every student to get them in every subject? Getting bad grades doesn't have a significant effect on your future, unless you just have to go to Harvard. It seems to me that the primary reason kids should care about their grades is to avoid punishments from irrational parents.

Tell me, what purpose does it serve to deprive your child of something they enjoy because they got a C? What's the logic there? Somehow if the kid doesn't get to enjoy this one-time opportunity for awesomeness, they will try harder to get good grades next time?

I just don't see the purpose of punishing or rewarding children based upon a meaningless measure of performance from a flawed educational institution.

Rym

There is one important question, and you have to answer this honestly.  Did you get Cs for lack of effort, or for lack of ability.  Don't answer us here, but answer honestly to yourself.
If the former is true, admit this to your mother.  Promise that you will actually put forth the effort to get the A that you're sure you can get.  Apologize for slacking off.  Make it clear that you -really can- get that A, you just failed to actually try/do the homework/study/whatever.  She will cave in.
If the latter is true, admit this to yourself.  You probably should be trying harder at this point, at least to get a B.  These classes are fundamental enough that you should be doing relatively well in them, and a lacking of ability in these areas now will cause you further grief later in your life.  Explain to your mother that you -have- been having trouble, and that you've been too proud to actually ask for help.  Explain to her that you really will try to get a B, and then later to get an A.  Tell her you'll set small goals and try to make them.  Tell her, and follow through at least until the con, that you'll actually study and practice.  She will cave in.
Bear in mind that my advice is of two natures.  Having the ability to truly and accurately self-assess without internal dishonesty is a rare and valuable skill.  Learn that regardless of what you do.  Second, what I have laid out is not necessarily a path to later success or better grades: it is simply a path to convince your mother go let you attend Otakon.

Li_Akahi

"Openly disobey" was probably not the greatest choice of words. I only disobey her punishments when she isn't home. I also never said that I was going to "[Play] the parents off against each other" and I never said anything about using my dad to help me get out of this particular issue.
By the way, in Howard County (where I live) Algebra II is taken in junior year unless you are exceptional at math.
Oh, and thank you Scott. I share many views with you and Rym and I have no intention and never had any intention of going to Harvard. I want to study art and have a generally cool life. I hope that if I do go to Otakon, you would permit me to draw a pirate in your pirate book.

HungryJoe

Why is it that adults put so much value on grades? Grades don't mean dick. A C isn't bad, it's average. What's the meaning of an A if you expect every student to get them in every subject? Getting bad grades doesn't have a significant effect on your future, unless you justhaveto go to Harvard. It seems to me that the primary reason kids should care about their grades is to avoid punishments from irrational parents.

As I said, the kid's job is to go to school and make decent grades. He doesn't have to pay room and board, he doesn't have to pay taxes, all he has to do is get decent grades in school. A "C" in Algebra II and English say to me that he's either stupid or he was too lazy to do the required work. I'll grant you that getting an "A" in either subject might not have a significant effect on his future, but his work ethic will. Even if you put all that aside, it's important to his mom and he knows it's important to his mom. Since he's not doing anything else useful with his time, he should get decent grades if for no other reason than he's very grateful to his mom for feeding him, clothing him, and keeping a roof over his punk head.

Also, that statement that he often openly disobeys his mom makes me lots less tolerant of him making a bad grade. If he had said something like, "I really tried. I just couldn't make the grades, but I've been very good in every other aspect of my life.", I'd be much more inclined to overlook a couple of bad grades.

Tell me, what purpose does it serve to deprive your child of something they enjoy because they got a C? What's the logic there? Somehow if the kid doesn't get to enjoy this one-time opportunity for awesomeness, they will try harder to get good grades next time?

I'll bet money that, at some point, his mom said something like, "I'll let you go to Otakon if you make decent grades this year/quarter/whatever." It just sounds an awful lot like that was the case based on his earlier whining. He sounds like a lot of kids I've dealt with who've said, "Mommy's being mean because she wouldn't let me do X", and I've found out from Mom that she put some kind of conditions on X that the kid didn't live up to.

Li_Akahi

I did get C's for lack of effort, and I told her so. That unfortunately didn't help. I had suggested solutions to her that can't be implemented until the coming school year.

Rym

I did get C's for lack of effort, and I told her so.
Prove it, then.  Tell her to test you.

Li_Akahi

He sounds like a lot of kids I've dealt with who've said, "Mommy's being mean because she wouldn't let me do X", and I've found out from Mom that she put some kind of conditions on X that the kid didn't live up to.
he doesn't have to pay taxes, all he has to do is get decent grades in school

My mom never mentioned Otakon at all during the year. My ability to go to Otakon was only reliant upon me getting a ride to Baltimore, not grades. She never put any conditions on it.

I do have to pay taxes, I have a job. I am also the vice president of my school's anime club and film club, I have karate class twice a week, plus chores. I have a lot of jobs to do.

HMTKSteve

I'm a parent and I would not let you go to Otakon either! Openly disobeying your mother? There is another strike against you.

Ever have your dad put you over his knee and say, "this is going to hurt me a lot more than it hurts you"? Do you understand that statement or laugh it off?

It is easy to get good grades in school, all you have to do is apply yourself. It sounds like you chose not to apply yourself. I'm willing to bet that this is not about grades at all but about your being lazy and wanting to play video games rather than do honest work.

Tell us, what chores do you have around the house? Do you take out the garbage without being told too? How about the dishes? when you drink the last of the O.J. do you put the container back in the fridge rather than throw it away and make a note that your mom needs to buy more at the store?

Joe is right, dad is probably only the "fun" parent because he is not stuck dealing with your shit all week long. You're only reaping what you sow.

Apreche

It just really grates on my nerves whenever anyone is forced to live according to the will of someone else. People, even children, should be allowed to live according to their own will, and be responsible for their own actions. If the grades really are important, and they are his job, then he should be getting them for himself, not for his mom. If he wants better grades for himself, he will work for them. If he doesn't, then he won't. If there are consequences, he will suffer them on his own.

It is important for parents to emphasize the importance of education to their children and to teach them many things as they grow up. However, this lazy parenting style of further reducing freedom when children do not meet the demands of the parents seems asinine. If my kid got bad grades I'd be doing some summer school action, not Otakon denying action.

Li_Akahi

The funny thing about Algebra II was that I got perfect scores on most of the tests and quizzes. I also handed in most of my work. The problem was the work that wasn't handed in. She also knows relatively little about Algebra II so she really can't test me.

MrRoboto

Why is it that adults put so much value on grades? Grades don't mean dick. A C isn't bad, it's average. What's the meaning of an A if you expect every student to get them in every subject? Getting bad grades doesn't have a significant effect on your future, unless you justhaveto go to Harvard. It seems to me that the primary reason kids should care about their grades is to avoid punishments from irrational parents.

As I said, the kid's job is to go to school and make decent grades. He doesn't have to pay room and board, he doesn't have to pay taxes, all he has to do is get decent grades in school. A "C" in Algebra II and English say to me that he's either stupid or he was too lazy to do the required work. I'll grant you that getting an "A" in either subject might not have a significant effect on his future, but his work ethic will. Even if you put all that aside, it's important to his mom and he knows it's important to his mom. Since he's not doing anything else useful with his time, he should get decent grades if for no other reason than he's very grateful to his mom for feeding him, clothing him, and keeping a roof over his punk head.

No, its not his JOB, and the kid doesn't owe it to you, it's the parents obligation to provide education, food and roof, from the second they decided to have a kid, and go all "Oh, but there are kids doing worse! they don't have food to eat" yeah, there are kids doing better to, argument goes both ways. Now, a reasonable kid would be thankful, and try to do well in school, but not to please the parent, so he can brag about how he got all A's, but to help decide what they want to do with their lives, so they know beforehand "I don't like math, I don't like Science" and if they don't do good in those subjects, at least they pass the subject and acquire some general knowledge that might be useful in the future, but as a parent you must look at what he excels and try to work on that, so that he may be the best at what he loves.

Apreche

She also knows relatively little about Algebra II so she really can't test me.

Yeah, that's the direction I would take with my assholish ways. I'd be like "Who are you to tell me I got bad grades in Algebra II? You would probably couldn't get a C if you tried. Who are you to tell me I'm no good when I'm smarter than you are?"

Li_Akahi

The chores I have to do are:
1. Take out the trash and collect the trash from all of the trash cans in the house.
2. Take out recyclables.
3. Clean my rabbit's cage.
4. Keep the areas of the house I frequent clear of clutter.
5. Sort laundry.
6. Help make dinner.
7. Clean dishes.

One final note, I don't drink orange juice and if I finish the milk, I walk to the grocery store and buy an new gallon.

Li_Akahi

"I don't like math, I don't like Science" and if they don't do good in those subjects, at least they pass the subject and acquire some general knowledge that might be useful in the future, but as a parent you must look at what he excels and try to work on that, so that he may be the best at what he loves.

I excel in the subjects I enjoy. I got "A's" in Art III Honors all four quarters and on both exams. I got very high "B's" or "A's" in both my Ancient and Medieval History class and my Modern World History class. I whole heartedly agree with what you said.

HungryJoe

"Openly disobey" was probably not the greatest choice of words. I only disobey her punishments when she isn't home.

So she can't trust you to behave and/or comply with her rules when she's not around? Even more reason not to let you go.

By the way, in Howard County (where I live) Algebra II is taken in junior year unless you are exceptional at math.

Look, kid; I used to teach high school algebra. I've taught at three different schools and I even substituted sometimes. I'm way familiar with the requirements for high school algebra. Also, I tutor high school kids in math on the side when I have extra time. I simply don't believe your statement. I'm certain that most kids in your school take Algebra II when they're sophomores, maybe even when they're freshmen. If you can prove me wrong by showing me the course requirements, I'll apologize.

I did get C's for lack of effort, and I told her so.

There you go. As far as I'm concerned, case closed.

If the grades really are important, and they are his job, then he should be getting them for himself, not for his mom. If he wants better grades for himself, he will work for them. If he doesn't, then he won't. If there are consequences, he will suffer them on his own.

There are consequences. He's not going to Otakon.

I do have to pay taxes, I have a job. I am also the vice president of my school's anime club and film club, I have karate class twice a week, plus chores. I have a lot of jobs to do.

The chores I have to do are:
1. Take out the trash and collect the trash from all of the trash cans in the house.
2. Take out recyclables.
3. Clean my rabbit's cage.
4. Keep the areas of the house I frequent clear of clutter.
5. Sort laundry.
6. Help make dinner.
7. Clean dishes.

Cry me a river. You're a child. All that other stuff is a distraction. Your duty right now is to get an education. Aside from that, you should try your best to please your parents until you can live on your own.

HMTKSteve

There are consequences. He's not going to Otakon.

hungryjoe FTW!

Apreche

There are consequences. He's not going to Otakon.

hungryjoe FTW!

Those aren't consequences. Denying someone the right to travel because they got bad grades is no different than if I hit you because I don't like the way you look. A consequence of bad grades is fewer options in future education and career choices. What's the point of adding extra and artificial consequences on top of that?