We have repeatedly told him to just focus on being awesome and having a good time instead of worrying about impressing women.
Also, I do not remember this conversation.
We tell you this all the time, man! Just go out and do things that are fun. Stop putting yourself down for humor. Stop trying to find women - if you do activities you like, people who have similar interests will naturally be around you.
Also, you have to stop assuming it's going to instantly make you a girlfriend. It takes time to cultivate relationships and groups of friends. "I did this for a year and it didn't work so I'ma move on" isn't the route to go here. If the issue is that you need to get laid, well... there are several options for getting your rocks off that don't involve a significant other.
Anecdotally, the three relationships I've been in (one was not official, more of a tryst) have all been mostly initiated by the girl. It is true that not pursuing relationships has not given me very high numbers for my age, but it was much easier for me to focus on improving myself and making myself desirable instead of figuring out how to get a girl's number. Going this route does require you to wait for a girl who is willing to push for the relationship instead of you, but I've found that to be just fine. All three girls were (and are) absolutely crazy about me.
It is true that not pursuing relationships has not given me very high numbers for my age...
I'm 27 and have had exactly 5 serious boyfriends ever. Add the two guys I dated in high school, and I have a grand total of 7. It's not the quantity that matters. Like you said, it lets you focus on getting to know yourself, which is a good thing.
I'm 27 and have had exactly 5 serious boyfriends ever. Add the two guys I dated in high school, and I have a grand total of 7. It's not the quantity that matters. Like you said, it lets you focus on getting to know yourself, which is a good thing.
I'm the same age (by the way, I thought we were 26) and I've had 1 girlfriend ever. >_>
I'm 27 and have had exactly 5 serious boyfriends ever. Add the two guys I dated in high school, and I have a grand total of 7. It's not the quantity that matters. Like you said, it lets you focus on getting to know yourself, which is a good thing.
I'm the same age (by the way, I thought we were 26) and I've had 1 girlfriend ever. >_>
Oh right. Well uh... Closer to 27 than 26, since my birthday is November. Yeah. ;P
I'm the same age (by the way, I thought we were 26) and I've had 1 girlfriend ever. >_>
27, but otherwise QFT here. I'm not overweight, I'm told I'm not ugly, I had a good job and made good money. Conclusion: I must have some kind of horrid personality. EDIT: people do say I'm annoying as shit. I think that comes out in my posts.
I'm the same age (by the way, I thought we were 26) and I've had 1 girlfriend ever. >_>
27, but otherwise QFT here. I'm not overweight, I'm told I'm not ugly, I had a good job and made good money. Conclusion: I must have some kind of horrid personality. EDIT: people do say I'm annoying as shit. I think that comes out in my posts.
For the record, you're the coolest newbie we've had in a while. Not that the other newbies aren't cool but, unlike you, they usually have to adjust their shit a little bit to fit in.
27, but otherwise QFT here. I'm not overweight, I'm told I'm not ugly, I had a good job and made good money. Conclusion: I must have some kind of horrid personality. EDIT: people do say I'm annoying as shit. I think that comes out in my posts.
Haha, usually when people say annoying what they mean is that you talk a lot, are right a lot, and don't pull punches. I like you already.
you talk a lot, think you are right a lot, and don't pull punches
Yup, also making random noises and running around like a little kid don't help. Did I mention how much candy I eat? lol womens have no love for this guy.
Pfft, I think I'm the extreme case. I've only gone out with two people in my entire life. I attribute this to the fact that I'm usually really hard to approach, as I've been told, and I'm not afraid to tell people what I think about them. I don't mind really, I'm not scared of being alone if I have to be.
If you read back over the last four or five pages you'll get the summary story of some friends of mine signing me up for an account, and me "playing the game" as the site is pretty cleverly designed to be addictive. I sent a few messages, and received quite a few interested messages from ladies here in Berlin. Tip: a video of you juggling all around the world tends to generate interest!
I didn't intend to go on any dates though, as I already had a few girls I was seeing, and otherwise my time in Berlin is pretty limited due to travels and hanging out with friends. But one girl on OkCupid was slightly more forward than the others, and said she'd like to meet up. So we made a date, spent the next four days hanging out, and now, about 3.5 weeks later we are a couple. These are early days, as we're still getting to know each other, but I can see this relationship lasting for some time.
Back in 1999 until 2003 I chatted in a chatroom with university friends, and met up with a number of people through that website. Most were girls, and I must admit I slept with a few of them, but never thought to find a relationship online. I'm not opposed to online dating websites, I just never thought I'd bother using such a service. I don't have any problems finding interested ladies who I also find interesting in "real life", so OkCupid wasn't a case of needing it but trying it.
So this weekend, at the Berlin Juggling Convention, I introduced my new girlfriend to many friends, and a number of them asked where we'd met. I was totally upfront about meeting via a dating website, and they all seemed totally fine with that. I guess there isn't a stigma if your friends know that it isn't a case of such a dating website being a last resort.
Finally, it was a lot of fun going through the messages and ratings and questions and all that stuff on OkCupid with my new girlfriend. Quite telling: I got about 24 visitors to my profile per week, and she got over 80. I think this has more to do with the male-female user ratio than anything, but it's still amusing.
I considered putting this in the Boo-Yah thread, but it works just as well here.
So I celebrated my birthday yesterday, first with a nice dinner with the family and some extended family, and then I went to one of the local bars to have some drinks with my friends in the area.
On my way to the bar, I get a text from my girlfriend, asking me how dinner was and if I got any cool presents. We just chat back and forth for a good 30 minutes while I'm at the bar, drinking with a couple friends who'd shown up early. Then she tells me to guess what she's doing right then. I honestly had no idea and just threw out a few joking answers. Then she says, "Let me give you a hint..."
Attached to the message is a picture of the outside of the bar.
So yeah, my girlfriend managed to completely surprise me by driving for three hours after she got off work to spend the rest of the weekend with me.
Making up my mind to break up with my girlfriend has been really tough these past few days, but her constant flakiness and lack of getting back to me are making it easier. Now I just have to find a way to see her in person (which is way more difficult than it should be) so I can actaully do it.
If enough time passes before I am able to see her, I guess I'll have no choice but to do it electronically, but if there is any way to do it in person, I would really prefer it that way.
She might want to break up with you, so she's being a shitty girlfriend. That means she wants to hold on to the right to complain about it, though. Which is bitchy.
Anyway, dating is impossible for me right now. Fucking closet door.
Even if that is the case (which I doubt), it would be unconnected to my criticisms. She has been doing this to everyone. Just disappearing from contact for weeks at a time the suddenly reappearing apologetically. The frequency and length hadn't bothered me much because she was just so fantastic in every other way but lately I've lost my patience for it. Especially with the number of my friends who have been advising me to end it.
If you are on the fence about breaking up someone due to a personality flaw (which I consider flakiness to be), then I say always err on the side of breaking up, and don't sit around waiting on this decision. Nothing is worse than the hindsight of realizing you stayed in a relationship too long.
Even if that is the case (which I doubt), it would be unconnected to my criticisms. She has been doing this to everyone. Just disappearing from contact for weeks at a time the suddenly reappearing apologetically. The frequency and length hadn't bothered me much because she was just so fantastic in every other way but lately I've lost my patience for it. Especially with the number of my friends who have been advising me to end it.
If she's been doing this to everyone, then there's a possibility that she has something going on with her that she's trying to solve and she's trying to keep people out of it. I'd get more information if I were you, just on the basis of being a good friend before anything else.
I'd get more information if I were you, just on the basis of being a good friend before anything else
We scheduled a phone to discuss why she had missed the most recent time we planned to meet. She didn't show up. This really exemplifies the epitome of my problem with her.
Nothing is worse than the hindsight of realizing you stayed in a relationship too long.
Having just gone on a three month trip abroad and not partaken in any of the local women because of my relationship, I'm guessing it may have already been too long
Even if that is the case (which I doubt), it would be unconnected to my criticisms. She has been doing this to everyone. Just disappearing from contact for weeks at a time the suddenly reappearing apologetically. The frequency and length hadn't bothered me much because she was just so fantastic in every other way but lately I've lost my patience for it. Especially with the number of my friends who have been advising me to end it.
If she's been doing this to everyone, then there's a possibility that she has something going on with her that she's trying to solve and she's trying to keep people out of it. I'd get more information if I were you, just on the basis of being a good friend before anything else.
Would you really want to be with someone who cannot effectively communicate their issues? I'm sure this isn't the last stressful situation she will ever enter in life. Help her out of this, work with her to solve her issues (you don't have to be a dick), but you don't need to keep yourself tied to her if you don't want to spend your whole life waiting for the next flake-out.
I plan to do so as soon as possible. Unfortunitely, my being a gentleman makes me feel like it is necessary to do it in person, and I can't even begin to guess when I'll next be able to see her. I guess I'll just have to drive up to Connecticut one weekend and hope that she is home.
I plan to do so as soon as possible. Unfortunitely, my being a gentleman makes me feel like it is necessary to do it in person, and I can't even begin to guess when I'll next be able to see her. I guess I'll just have to drive up to Connecticut one weekend and hope that she is home.
That one is your call. You're justified to do it over the phone, given the circumstances (less would be downright dickish), but it's up to you.
Comments
Also, you have to stop assuming it's going to instantly make you a girlfriend. It takes time to cultivate relationships and groups of friends. "I did this for a year and it didn't work so I'ma move on" isn't the route to go here. If the issue is that you need to get laid, well... there are several options for getting your rocks off that don't involve a significant other.
EDIT: And like most things in life, quality matters more than quantity.
If you read back over the last four or five pages you'll get the summary story of some friends of mine signing me up for an account, and me "playing the game" as the site is pretty cleverly designed to be addictive. I sent a few messages, and received quite a few interested messages from ladies here in Berlin. Tip: a video of you juggling all around the world tends to generate interest!
I didn't intend to go on any dates though, as I already had a few girls I was seeing, and otherwise my time in Berlin is pretty limited due to travels and hanging out with friends. But one girl on OkCupid was slightly more forward than the others, and said she'd like to meet up. So we made a date, spent the next four days hanging out, and now, about 3.5 weeks later we are a couple. These are early days, as we're still getting to know each other, but I can see this relationship lasting for some time.
Back in 1999 until 2003 I chatted in a chatroom with university friends, and met up with a number of people through that website. Most were girls, and I must admit I slept with a few of them, but never thought to find a relationship online. I'm not opposed to online dating websites, I just never thought I'd bother using such a service. I don't have any problems finding interested ladies who I also find interesting in "real life", so OkCupid wasn't a case of needing it but trying it.
So this weekend, at the Berlin Juggling Convention, I introduced my new girlfriend to many friends, and a number of them asked where we'd met. I was totally upfront about meeting via a dating website, and they all seemed totally fine with that. I guess there isn't a stigma if your friends know that it isn't a case of such a dating website being a last resort.
Finally, it was a lot of fun going through the messages and ratings and questions and all that stuff on OkCupid with my new girlfriend. Quite telling: I got about 24 visitors to my profile per week, and she got over 80. I think this has more to do with the male-female user ratio than anything, but it's still amusing.
So I celebrated my birthday yesterday, first with a nice dinner with the family and some extended family, and then I went to one of the local bars to have some drinks with my friends in the area.
On my way to the bar, I get a text from my girlfriend, asking me how dinner was and if I got any cool presents. We just chat back and forth for a good 30 minutes while I'm at the bar, drinking with a couple friends who'd shown up early. Then she tells me to guess what she's doing right then. I honestly had no idea and just threw out a few joking answers. Then she says, "Let me give you a hint..."
Attached to the message is a picture of the outside of the bar.
So yeah, my girlfriend managed to completely surprise me by driving for three hours after she got off work to spend the rest of the weekend with me.
My girlfriend is beyond awesome
Which is bitchy.
Anyway, dating is impossible for me right now. Fucking closet door.