I am a scientist, and I believe that all theories should be supported by ample data. Your theory sounds intriguing; however, in order to adopt it, I need to know about the experiments you have conducted to build it. To that end, how many relationships have you had total? Of those, how many started as friendships? How many did not? What is your ratio of successful:failed relationships?
TL;DR I NEED EMPIRICAL DATA TO QUANTIFY YOUR THEORY OF LOVE!
I realize I don't have much backing for this. Again, why I pointed out that is simply what "I think." This isn't meant to be a real theory, just my opinion based on things I've seen, but not experienced or can really use as evidence.
And I'm not trying to say anyone not following this is in the wrong. Just that it's my own personal beliefs based on my observations.
Also, Luke, I didn't say that friendship would necessarily keep you together, just that it could.
Just that it's my own personal beliefs based on my observations.
Joking aside, once you actually get into meaningful relationships, trying to guide yourself by beliefs based on observations goes out the window. By definition, observation is totally useless when it comes to personal feelings, needs and emotions.
The ONLY thing that you should use to guide your dating and relationship choices are your own experiences. Anything else is non-applicable, and the only way you learn what you are happy with is by comparing current situations, happiness levels, stress levels, etc to past situations. And even then, you should be aware of how you have changed since previous experiences.
That is why, when you got together with your first girlfriend, it was hard to take your "problems" seriously. I think you should throw yourself into first relationships, if you want to, and get your heart broken, etc. It'll feel like the best and worst thing in the world at the time! The real importance of a first relationship is so you know if the following dates and relationships are better or worse or different.
My advice is different from others. I'm not saying what will or won't work in a relationship, what is good or bad, if friends first is best, or immediate relationships, or if sex on the first date is cool, or waiting a long time before having sex is better. I'm saying have experiences, and work out what suits YOU best. That's the only way you can know, as observations are useless.
Hey, you'd think that going on observation, as long as you found someone who was enough like you, you could do the same as them and be just as happy. Well, here's a control-group-type experiment for you: I have an identical twin brother! He got married aged 19, and was still a virgin when he said his vows. And he is still super-happy 11 years later. So, back in 2003 I followed his advice about a relationship of mine, and it lead to The Night of Nightmares with the woman I now call My Psycho Ex-Girlfriend. It was FUCKED UP! I'm not wanting to put the blame where it doesn't belong, but part of the reason that entire fucked up situation existed was because I tried to take other people's experiences as a guide to my own actions and decisions.
Bad idea!
What I should have done is followed my own instincts based on my own experiences. I could have saved a lot of stress, and a lot of broken glass.
I understand and agree. I was wrong to say that relationships should begin with friendship, what I meant was really that I think I will start my relationships off with friendship, simply because I want to ensure that I don't wind up in a situation that I'm in now, where I spent my entire friendship with my ex pursuing her (since almost the very beginning) and therefore it hurts now to lose that. Right now, we don't have much of a friendship, and it's entirely on me.
Anyways, your advice is good, and I appreciate it. I do have a bad tendency to react negatively to people on these forums, and for that I apologize. It's just a lot of you put me on the defensive really quickly...
Anyways, your advice is good, and I appreciate it. I do have a bad tendency to react negatively to people on these forums, and for that I apologize. It's just a lot of you put me on the defensive really quickly...
I was trolling. You said something that is exactly opposite of my current dating situation, and I just wanted to pick up on that to give a "Luke's Relationship Update".
Anyways, your advice is good, and I appreciate it. I do have a bad tendency to react negatively to people on these forums, and for that I apologize. It's just a lot of you put me on the defensive really quickly...
I was trolling. You said something that is exactly opposite of my current dating situation, and I just wanted to pick up on that to give a "Luke's Relationship Update".
I am a scientist, and I believe that all theories should be supported by ample data. Your theory sounds intriguing; however, in order to adopt it, I need to know about the experiments you have conducted to build it. To that end, how many relationships have you had total? Of those, how many started as friendships? How many did not? What is your ratio of successful:failed relationships?
TL;DR I NEED EMPIRICAL DATA TO QUANTIFY YOUR THEORY OF LOVE!
WHAT IS THIS THING YOU HEU-MANS CALL LOVE? THERE IS NO DATA! I MUST CALCULATE! *Beep* *Boop*CAPSLOCK IS CRUSE CONTROL FOR COOL!
I am a scientist, and I believe that all theories should be supported by ample data. Your theory sounds intriguing; however, in order to adopt it, I need to know about the experiments you have conducted to build it. To that end, how many relationships have you had total? Of those, how many started as friendships? How many did not? What is your ratio of successful:failed relationships?
TL;DR I NEED EMPIRICAL DATA TO QUANTIFY YOUR THEORY OF LOVE!
WHAT IS THIS THING YOU HEU-MANS CALL LOVE? THERE IS NO DATA! I MUST CALCULATE! *Beep* *Boop*CAPSLOCK IS CRUSE CONTROL FOR COOL!
Long distance relationships are haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaard. That is all.
This is very true. One of my friends recommends making sure you have some conditions set for it definitely becoming a close-distance relationship, whether that be a date or just something that you can reliably expect to happen.
I had a relationship that went long-distance after we had already been together for about 8 months, but we had no projected end-date for being long distance. It took me possibly the hardest five months of my life before I decided to break up. That said, I'm a 19-year old kid and kind of an idiot. Long story short: don't keep high school relationships when you go to college, it probably won't work out.
As for my current status: Rochester is fucking lonely and I want the summer to end already.
I am excited for my trip to the UK because Champaign is nigh-devoid of interesting girls who aren't taken, and I find women with English/Irish/Scottish accents EXTREMELY attractive.
Just booked my hotel for my visit to see my girlfriend over the 4th of July weekend. (She lives with her parents for the time being, so you can imagine why this was necessary)
This is going to be our first real time together where no one else is involved. So excited!
Anyone ever do Online dating before? I started an OKCupid account. It's let me meet quite a few people in my area who I have a lot in common with and have never seen before. I don't wanna date any of them, but it's a good tool to find people with similar interests. Anyone else do anything like this?
I'm also on OKCupid (as are a number of other members here), but it has produced little in the way of results. Some interesting conversations online, but none in person.
2 years and 800+ questions later on OKCupid, and I recently gave up. I met two girls during that time; they were nice enough but not really my type. Turns out "my type" might not exist as I've been single for 5 years and counting.
I fucking love that site though, and would highly recommend it. It makes dating all about math(s)! Wooo math(s).
Woo maths indeed. One of the longest conversations I've had with a girl on that site effectively started with "Hey, we're a 99% match, so I thought I'd say hi."
"Hey, we're a 99% match, so I thought I'd say hi."
I used to try that and got 0 response. Nicely done.
Btw I think those matches are one way (it's literally like "matches your algorithm"). I found that while my own match filtering might yield a 90+% match with someone, her match filtering to my questions might only give 80-90% or something. I think the friend level carries some indication of mutual interest (two-way), but I'm not sure.
Only time I got responses was with well crafted messages that showed I read the person's profile and that I had mutual interest. The "It's all about You" approach to getting a female's attention. Apologies if it sounds as though I've become embittered (I have).
Comments
And I'm not trying to say anyone not following this is in the wrong. Just that it's my own personal beliefs based on my observations.
Also, Luke, I didn't say that friendship would necessarily keep you together, just that it could.
The ONLY thing that you should use to guide your dating and relationship choices are your own experiences. Anything else is non-applicable, and the only way you learn what you are happy with is by comparing current situations, happiness levels, stress levels, etc to past situations. And even then, you should be aware of how you have changed since previous experiences.
That is why, when you got together with your first girlfriend, it was hard to take your "problems" seriously. I think you should throw yourself into first relationships, if you want to, and get your heart broken, etc. It'll feel like the best and worst thing in the world at the time! The real importance of a first relationship is so you know if the following dates and relationships are better or worse or different.
My advice is different from others. I'm not saying what will or won't work in a relationship, what is good or bad, if friends first is best, or immediate relationships, or if sex on the first date is cool, or waiting a long time before having sex is better. I'm saying have experiences, and work out what suits YOU best. That's the only way you can know, as observations are useless.
Hey, you'd think that going on observation, as long as you found someone who was enough like you, you could do the same as them and be just as happy. Well, here's a control-group-type experiment for you: I have an identical twin brother! He got married aged 19, and was still a virgin when he said his vows. And he is still super-happy 11 years later. So, back in 2003 I followed his advice about a relationship of mine, and it lead to The Night of Nightmares with the woman I now call My Psycho Ex-Girlfriend. It was FUCKED UP! I'm not wanting to put the blame where it doesn't belong, but part of the reason that entire fucked up situation existed was because I tried to take other people's experiences as a guide to my own actions and decisions.
Bad idea!
What I should have done is followed my own instincts based on my own experiences. I could have saved a lot of stress, and a lot of broken glass.
Anyways, your advice is good, and I appreciate it. I do have a bad tendency to react negatively to people on these forums, and for that I apologize. It's just a lot of you put me on the defensive really quickly...
I had a relationship that went long-distance after we had already been together for about 8 months, but we had no projected end-date for being long distance. It took me possibly the hardest five months of my life before I decided to break up. That said, I'm a 19-year old kid and kind of an idiot. Long story short: don't keep high school relationships when you go to college, it probably won't work out.
As for my current status: Rochester is fucking lonely and I want the summer to end already.
This is going to be our first real time together where no one else is involved. So excited!
I started an OKCupid account. It's let me meet quite a few people in my area who I have a lot in common with and have never seen before. I don't wanna date any of them, but it's a good tool to find people with similar interests.
Anyone else do anything like this?
I fucking love that site though, and would highly recommend it. It makes dating all about math(s)! Wooo math(s).
Btw I think those matches are one way (it's literally like "matches your algorithm"). I found that while my own match filtering might yield a 90+% match with someone, her match filtering to my questions might only give 80-90% or something. I think the friend level carries some indication of mutual interest (two-way), but I'm not sure.
Only time I got responses was with well crafted messages that showed I read the person's profile and that I had mutual interest. The "It's all about You" approach to getting a female's attention. Apologies if it sounds as though I've become embittered (I have).