Here's the only things that's ever really worked for me: Live life as normal. Acquire female friends through happenstance. If there's something there, it will be obvious to everyone.
If you start dating someone you don't really know, no matter how much you seem to have in common, you're just rolling the dice.
If you start dating someone you don't really know, no matter how much you seem to have in common, you're just rolling the dice.
That's not always bad, though. I have very little personal experience with dating someone I don't know that well, but my friends do. I've seen long and happy relationships come out of it, and I've seen short and spiteful relationships result.
Anyways...yeah. Basically just hang out with said chick, be alone with her if possible. Eventually try to kiss her, or ask of it's ok if you can. Once it gets to that step you may as well ask her out and it wouldn't be that awkward.
Also, having stuff in common is kinda not even worth considering. My ex gf and I had a lot in common. But our personalities and attitudes and whatnot were totally different, and thus we didn't get along that great. I'm not saying that having stuff in common is a BAD thing, but if you do have stuff in common it's not necessarily a beneficial thing.
If you start dating someone you don't really know, no matter how much you seem to have in common, you're just rolling the dice.
Being in any sort of relationship is a roll of the dice. People are complicated, and it can easily take your entire life totrulyknow someone.
Dating someone you haven't spent a significant amount of time with is a much bigger roll of the dice. At that point, you don't even know if you can get along and have decent conversations after a week. Granted, not a lot is at risk besides time, so do what you're gonna do, I guess.
If you start dating someone you don't really know, no matter how much you seem to have in common, you're just rolling the dice.
Being in any sort of relationship is a roll of the dice. People are complicated, and it can easily take your entire life totrulyknow someone.
Dating someone you haven't spent a significant amount of time with is a much bigger roll of the dice. At that point, you don't even know if you can get along and have decent conversations after a week. Granted, not a lot is at risk besides time, so do what you're gonna do, I guess.
Well, you won't know unless you try. If it winds up that you're not right for each other, you go your separate ways. Simple as that.
Here are just a few random observations I'd like to throw in.
Asking out someone you don't already know is much easier, but also a lot less likely to produce something that'll last. I would say that you shouldn't go this route unless you're willing to break up with the girl if things aren't working out and not draw things out unnecessarily. Personally I've always found that last part to be a bit of a problem, so I generally don't ask strangers out.
Don't go to a movie for your first date, go somewhere you can talk. Coffee is sort of traditional for a first date, but an aquarium, the right sort of museum, or a park are all excellent choices as well.
Working up your nerve to ask can be hard, especially if you don't have any practice. What I recommend is going over in your head the best *and* the worst that could happen and everything in between. She might say no. If so you can be proud that at least you asked. Imagine a world in which you get turned down until you come to terms with it, but remember to imagine her saying yes as well.
I wouldn't worry too much about ruining your friendship with her. I'm still friends with every woman I was friends with before we started dating and if you can avoid being really stupid you can accomplish the same thing. I'll admit that there's a bit of awkwardness with the one and that I can't really ruffle her hair the way I used to before we slept together, but I can still talk to her just as easily as I ever could.
I'd like to point out that a movie in combination with a conversational situation after is the best thing if you're shy (like myself). Gives you something to talk about and, especially if it's a good movie, allows you to get some insight into the other person. Avoid talking about the movie for longer than 5 minutes, transition into talking about other movies and then go from there, transition as much as you can otherwise you may run out of things to say and left sitting there, not talking, trying to look like you're not incredibly awkward.
The best way I've found to ask a girl out is to talk to them first, don't just blurt out "Hey want to go to x with me?", as that can put the girl on the spot and cause a mental blank for her, eventually saying 'no' for no other reason than to get out of the awkward feeling. It's better to find something in common and talk about it, such as Superhero X and how cool he is and... wait, isn't his new movie out? Have you seen it yet? You want to go catch it this week sometime with me! Awesome.
Won't always work, but getting to know the girl (even a little) before asking her out is a good thing, puts both of you at ease and lessens the nervous panic that goes on in your mind the entire time you're trying to act cool and casual.
Just remember that girls can smell fear. It's true, trust me on that one, don't look it up.
The movie is good for a convo starter for the rest of the date. I do agree it's more of a second date thing.
As everyone basically said is to be cool, not creepy, yourself, get confidence or grow a pair. I want to add that it's good to find a conversation starter before you just blurt out "hey, lets go out!" Say you know she's into a certain hobby or there's something cool she has or even a complement. It will peak some interest.
Well, you won't know unless you try. If it winds up that you're not right for each other, you go your separate ways. Simple as that.
Fair enough. To clarify my position, for me, relationships with women that I was friends with first have lasted 3 years, a year and a half, and 5-years-and-counting, consecutively. "Relationships" with girls I just asked out have lasted less than a (awkward) month. Everyone's mileage may vary.
My advice is that you straight up ask her to go out. Put all fears aside and just ask, you never know may be she has been waiting for you to ask. But don't commit to the boyfriend/ girlfriend state until you get to know each other, for all you know she may be a complete psycho in sheep's clothing. Even if she says "no" at least you asked. I was very similar to you in high school in that women scared the crap out of me, sure I went on a few dates but they were very awkward and scary, but as I matured I realized that women are human too (or at least I've been lead to believe) and that you can't waste time dwelling on what may happen just go for it. If she says "no" chalk it up to experience and move on. And just for the record I've been married for 6 years and have 2 beautiful kids that I enjoy every day. Sorry if none of this makes sense I am very tired and need to sleep. In short just ask her. And honestly I would stay away from movies until you know her enough to pick a movie she will enjoy. Movies don't allow for enough social interaction and it is hard to learn anything from. A double date or triple date is much better for breaking the ice, and pick a breakfast place for dinner or some place you've never been before, even if it is a failure you'll still have that connection that may lead to a deeper relationship than you could ever imagine...I think I'm rambling again. Good night.
I think I win the wallflower contest in that I spent three years pining after my boyfriend before we started going out. In the case of shyness - which was the problem for both of us - the only thing that will help you is to spend time together before you ask her out, just doing things friends would do.
Sure you just ask, but how do you keep your former relationship from going sour?
That's part of the risk you take. You eventually figure it out. It takes maturity to be able to have a relationship, have it fail, but still maintain a friendship afterwards. It's not easy, but it's doable.
I'd say it's not only easy, but it's the default. If you can't remain friends with someone after getting close like that, there were major problems with your friendship/relationship long before you "broke up." Dating is just another level of friendship. I couldn't imagine being on bad terms with anyone I would have even considered "dating" after-the-fact.
That's part of the risk you take. You eventually figure it out. It takes maturity to be able to have a relationship, have it fail, but still maintain a friendship afterwards. It's not easy, but it's doable.
Very true, however it's up to you and the other person on whether or not you want to keep that relationship. Every relationship is different. You won't know what will happen until it happens. Some people don't talk to eachother anymore, some do. It's life and its many valuable lessons.
In all honesty to anyone who is looking for advice, stop thinking about this stuff so much. Just enjoy your youth, enjoy your life, enjoy hanging out with your friends. Thinking about this stuff just causes too much worry, but still keep these many suggestions in mind if you ever do happen to become involved in a relationship.
I'd say it's not only easy, but it's the default. If you can't remain friends with someone after getting close like that, there were major problems with your friendship/relationship long before you "broke up." Dating is just another level of friendship. I couldn't imagine being on bad terms with anyone I would have even considered "dating" after-the-fact.
Depends on the circumstances of the break-up. If, for example, someone was abusive...
But yes, under most circumstances, it shouldn't really be that difficult, if you're mature. For most people, part of maturing is going through relationships and having to deal with the awkward post-breakup situations.
Anyhow, like Ro said, stop thinking about it. I'm a guy who overthinks everything, to an obsessive degree, and I'll tell you that it does not help you in this scenario. You'll only cripple yourself with doubt. Just do it.
I think I win the wallflower contest in that I spent three years pining after my boyfriend before we started going out. In the case of shyness - which was the problem for both of us - the only thing that will help you is to spend time together before you ask her out, just doing things friends would do.
I wouldn't worry about people hating you for asking them out because people feel flattered being asked out. So think of it this way, whether they say yes or no, you are making this person's day.
I haven't read any of this thread, but the topic at hand is quite clear. My advice would be not to think about it too much - either you forget about her or you just go up to her and ask her out.
Relationships will happen as long as you are loud and proud.
That answers why Golgo 13 is not on a relationship. He only get the sex since he lacks the loud part. But then again who wants to be loud when you have the kind of gun that he carries :P
It was pretty much impossible for me to be a wallflower in High school. I mean, you can pretty much know the whole situation by knowing the nickname I been called since 9th grade: Uke. -_-
I remember freshman year, I was just another member of the anime club, ubershy, introverted, but a group of female geeks started pushing me out of my comfort zone, getting me into weird/embarrassing situations. At first I was more embarrassed than you could think, but then after a while I started to go along with it, by my sophomore year I was starting the hi-jinks, being random and pushing people out of their comfort zone, because even if they don't know it, that helped them in the long run.
You walk up to the girl. You smile and make casual conversation. If it goes well, you ask her if she would like to go to dinner with you. While I was at a restaurant last year with a co-worker, a man just came up to me and asked if I would like his number. Had I been single, I would have definitely taken it. Even though I had to decline, it was really, really nice to have a guys ask me. I've always been the one to ask out the people I dated. It was a really nice novelty to have someone ask me out for once. Girls like it.
Comments
Live life as normal. Acquire female friends through happenstance. If there's something there, it will be obvious to everyone.
If you start dating someone you don't really know, no matter how much you seem to have in common, you're just rolling the dice.
I have very little personal experience with dating someone I don't know that well, but my friends do. I've seen long and happy relationships come out of it, and I've seen short and spiteful relationships result.
Anyways...yeah. Basically just hang out with said chick, be alone with her if possible. Eventually try to kiss her, or ask of it's ok if you can. Once it gets to that step you may as well ask her out and it wouldn't be that awkward.
Also, having stuff in common is kinda not even worth considering. My ex gf and I had a lot in common. But our personalities and attitudes and whatnot were totally different, and thus we didn't get along that great. I'm not saying that having stuff in common is a BAD thing, but if you do have stuff in common it's not necessarily a beneficial thing.
Just leap on in. Give it a shot.
Asking out someone you don't already know is much easier, but also a lot less likely to produce something that'll last. I would say that you shouldn't go this route unless you're willing to break up with the girl if things aren't working out and not draw things out unnecessarily. Personally I've always found that last part to be a bit of a problem, so I generally don't ask strangers out.
Don't go to a movie for your first date, go somewhere you can talk. Coffee is sort of traditional for a first date, but an aquarium, the right sort of museum, or a park are all excellent choices as well.
Working up your nerve to ask can be hard, especially if you don't have any practice. What I recommend is going over in your head the best *and* the worst that could happen and everything in between. She might say no. If so you can be proud that at least you asked. Imagine a world in which you get turned down until you come to terms with it, but remember to imagine her saying yes as well.
I wouldn't worry too much about ruining your friendship with her. I'm still friends with every woman I was friends with before we started dating and if you can avoid being really stupid you can accomplish the same thing. I'll admit that there's a bit of awkwardness with the one and that I can't really ruffle her hair the way I used to before we slept together, but I can still talk to her just as easily as I ever could.
The best way I've found to ask a girl out is to talk to them first, don't just blurt out "Hey want to go to x with me?", as that can put the girl on the spot and cause a mental blank for her, eventually saying 'no' for no other reason than to get out of the awkward feeling. It's better to find something in common and talk about it, such as Superhero X and how cool he is and... wait, isn't his new movie out? Have you seen it yet? You want to go catch it this week sometime with me! Awesome.
Won't always work, but getting to know the girl (even a little) before asking her out is a good thing, puts both of you at ease and lessens the nervous panic that goes on in your mind the entire time you're trying to act cool and casual.
Just remember that girls can smell fear. It's true, trust me on that one, don't look it up.
As everyone basically said is to be cool, not creepy, yourself, get confidence or grow a pair. I want to add that it's good to find a conversation starter before you just blurt out "hey, lets go out!" Say you know she's into a certain hobby or there's something cool she has or even a complement. It will peak some interest.
Sorry if none of this makes sense I am very tired and need to sleep. In short just ask her.
And honestly I would stay away from movies until you know her enough to pick a movie she will enjoy. Movies don't allow for enough social interaction and it is hard to learn anything from. A double date or triple date is much better for breaking the ice, and pick a breakfast place for dinner or some place you've never been before, even if it is a failure you'll still have that connection that may lead to a deeper relationship than you could ever imagine...I think I'm rambling again. Good night.
In all honesty to anyone who is looking for advice, stop thinking about this stuff so much. Just enjoy your youth, enjoy your life, enjoy hanging out with your friends. Thinking about this stuff just causes too much worry, but still keep these many suggestions in mind if you ever do happen to become involved in a relationship.
But yes, under most circumstances, it shouldn't really be that difficult, if you're mature. For most people, part of maturing is going through relationships and having to deal with the awkward post-breakup situations.
Anyhow, like Ro said, stop thinking about it. I'm a guy who overthinks everything, to an obsessive degree, and I'll tell you that it does not help you in this scenario. You'll only cripple yourself with doubt. Just do it.
But then again who wants to be loud when you have the kind of gun that he carries :P
I remember freshman year, I was just another member of the anime club, ubershy, introverted, but a group of female geeks started pushing me out of my comfort zone, getting me into weird/embarrassing situations. At first I was more embarrassed than you could think, but then after a while I started to go along with it, by my sophomore year I was starting the hi-jinks, being random and pushing people out of their comfort zone, because even if they don't know it, that helped them in the long run.