Like shit. Basically her primary reasons for breaking up with me are "Something happened and I'm not interested in you anymore." This went on for a while and got worse and worse with her not being able to figure out why she wasn't interested anymore, just that she wasn't. Now she's dating some other guy. It's like, I would get it if our relationship just wasn't working. But it was working. Just one day, she up and stopped. And she says no change in what I did would've stopped it. That's what hurts. She just stops and moves on to someone new. She does it all the time. She did it when she started dating me. I should've seen it coming. It just hurts.
I'm super sorry to hear about all of that, Axel. I know how much it hurts, and I know how confusing it all seems right now. The unfortunate truth is that she probably knows exactly what went wrong, and she will probably never tell you. She's probably afraid that it will hurt you, or it'll make her look like a bad person, or any number of things. We people are all too scared and weak to do the right thing sometimes -- especially when we're young and inexperienced. I know that doesn't make it hurt any less, but maybe it makes it a little less confusing, and easier to move on.
She says she does get bored of things and move on really easily, and that she doesn't know why, but I just think that's bullshit. I...Don't know how much I believe that. But whatever.
She says she does get bored of things and move on really easily, and that she doesn't know why, but I just think that's bullshit. I...Don't know how much I believe that. But whatever.
Look at it this way: You dodged a bullet. I can't imagine trying to be in a relationship with someone so fickle.
My aunt passed away around 4:00 this morning. We had just gone to visit her yesterday, and she was on a morphine drip, wasn't getting any fluids or nutrition, couldn't open her eyes, and her hands were already turning blue. As hard as the visit was, I'm really glad I got to see her before she died. Her family (her, her husband, and my two cousins) was the only part of my mom's extended family that really treated me like they sincerely cared about me.
My motivation to do the work I need to get done today is at the floor. I don't want to think about how to do Dijsktra's algorithm, and I certainly don't want to be graded on it.
Look at it this way: You dodged a bullet. I can't imagine trying to be in a relationship with someone so fickle.
You can say fickle, but when I read Axel's couple of posts it sounds very reminiscent of how I acted well into my twenties. I'd date people for a couple weeks, quit it for ephemeral reasons like boredom, and move on to the next. I don't presume to know Axel or his girlfriend, but my behavior was coming from a severe discomfort with intimacy, and I had no fucking clue that was the case. When people asked me 'why' my reasons were always like 'i don't know, just is' where now, looking back on it, the reason was 'shit got too real.'
I don't know what you'd do with this information. I imagine going to someone and saying YOU MIGHT HAVE INTIMACY PROBLEMS THE ITNERNET SAID SO is probably a super weird thing to do, but I will say that, looking back on it, I was not very happy with my love life, and with the way I treated people, and I really had no clue that anything was wrong. So maybe the most productive way to broach this topic is to say somethin' like "Even if you never tell me, please really think on why we broke up." Or something else that sounds actually cool and understanding and not like some shit I wrote on the internet at work.
If someone had grabbed me by the ears and told me to be more self-reflective at, say, nineteen, I might've been a happier person with regards to dating and sex.
Then again, if that'd happened I might not be a kickass rock star driving rocket cars and banging ladies.
Thing is, the problem wasn't our intimacy. Like, we got really intimate and she was cool with that. One thing she said is that she stopped thinking at one point that I was a person she could tell everything, because at one point someone we mutually disliked was having a computer problem I could fix, and she didn't want me to fix it. I wanted to help, because I knew our dislike of that person wouldn't matter in the long run. We got into an argument about it, but she misinterpreted why I got upset, which was because she was telling me that I wasn't allowed to help this person, and I was simply frightened that her anger at someone else would cause her to be angry at me for being who I felt I needed to be, and it wound up becoming a religious thing, that I was raised to be more accepting and forgiving at times, and she was raised to look out only for herself at all times. She wound up thinking she couldn't confide things in me, and then she fell away. And of course, much to my complete lack of surprise, the problems we had with this person are completely gone now. She let our relationship die out because she disliked this person, and now they're okay with each other. However, when I've asked her about this, she said that if things weren't that way, she still thinks she would've broken with me. So I've tried to not think about that.
All in all, Dave, yeah, I've tried to tell her that she should figure out went wrong for herself, not even just for me. But she's gone on record as saying that she's okay living her life never finding a longtime partner, which is fine. Except she goes into relationships not telling people that's her intention, and she goes from person she likes to person she likes really, really quickly. Her actions don't fit her philosophy, but it seems her philosophy might just be "try as many relationships as possible so I can always have things in my life be new and exciting." She's admitted she just values newness a lot, but that just made it hurt more.
I hate thinking about all this. All signs say that she's just fickle, but the happy months of our relationship didn't imply that. While I am glad to know that I'm out of a relationship where she could've dropped me at any point, I still miss the happy moments that made me feel good and worthwhile. I realize I need to begin to find worth in myself in order to start making relationships work in the long term, but I'd also just like to be happy every once in a while.
My stomach is not large enough to contain all this delicious pho I have for lunch. Now the noodles will get a bit too soggy later on and won't be as delicious if I choose to eat more.
My stomach is not large enough to contain all this delicious pho I have for lunch. Now the noodles will get a bit too soggy later on and won't be as delicious if I choose to eat more.
Sadness! You could get some bahn mi to dip in the broth with the delicious-1 noodles.
Thing is, the problem wasn't our intimacy. Like, we got really intimate and she was cool with that.
What's your definition of intimacy? I think Dave means intimate as in being able to totally open up to another human being (which, I'd argue, is the true nature of intimacy), rather than just physical stuff, which seems to be how you think about it. If she thinks she can't confide in another person, then she definitely has intimacy issues.
It's a headless ubuntu server, no KDE installed as far as I know. The internet is also decidedly uninformed as to what this process is, but I am not alone.
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It's like, I would get it if our relationship just wasn't working. But it was working. Just one day, she up and stopped. And she says no change in what I did would've stopped it. That's what hurts. She just stops and moves on to someone new. She does it all the time. She did it when she started dating me. I should've seen it coming.
It just hurts.
http://www.thinkatheist.com/profiles/blogs/bill-nye-bood-in-texas-for
I don't know what you'd do with this information. I imagine going to someone and saying YOU MIGHT HAVE INTIMACY PROBLEMS THE ITNERNET SAID SO is probably a super weird thing to do, but I will say that, looking back on it, I was not very happy with my love life, and with the way I treated people, and I really had no clue that anything was wrong. So maybe the most productive way to broach this topic is to say somethin' like "Even if you never tell me, please really think on why we broke up." Or something else that sounds actually cool and understanding and not like some shit I wrote on the internet at work.
If someone had grabbed me by the ears and told me to be more self-reflective at, say, nineteen, I might've been a happier person with regards to dating and sex.
Then again, if that'd happened I might not be a kickass rock star driving rocket cars and banging ladies.
One thing she said is that she stopped thinking at one point that I was a person she could tell everything, because at one point someone we mutually disliked was having a computer problem I could fix, and she didn't want me to fix it. I wanted to help, because I knew our dislike of that person wouldn't matter in the long run. We got into an argument about it, but she misinterpreted why I got upset, which was because she was telling me that I wasn't allowed to help this person, and I was simply frightened that her anger at someone else would cause her to be angry at me for being who I felt I needed to be, and it wound up becoming a religious thing, that I was raised to be more accepting and forgiving at times, and she was raised to look out only for herself at all times. She wound up thinking she couldn't confide things in me, and then she fell away.
And of course, much to my complete lack of surprise, the problems we had with this person are completely gone now. She let our relationship die out because she disliked this person, and now they're okay with each other.
However, when I've asked her about this, she said that if things weren't that way, she still thinks she would've broken with me. So I've tried to not think about that.
All in all, Dave, yeah, I've tried to tell her that she should figure out went wrong for herself, not even just for me. But she's gone on record as saying that she's okay living her life never finding a longtime partner, which is fine. Except she goes into relationships not telling people that's her intention, and she goes from person she likes to person she likes really, really quickly. Her actions don't fit her philosophy, but it seems her philosophy might just be "try as many relationships as possible so I can always have things in my life be new and exciting." She's admitted she just values newness a lot, but that just made it hurt more.
I hate thinking about all this. All signs say that she's just fickle, but the happy months of our relationship didn't imply that. While I am glad to know that I'm out of a relationship where she could've dropped me at any point, I still miss the happy moments that made me feel good and worthwhile. I realize I need to begin to find worth in myself in order to start making relationships work in the long term, but I'd also just like to be happy every once in a while.